Rising up after divorce means facing a change in lifestyle change; and instead of it being a step-down, it becomes upsizing to a new, purposeful life you would love living.
This is a true story. This is one of my ways of embracing a new beginning…
I am selling my home in Rhode Island. I kiss the dark, rich wood goodbye, along with the inviting fireplace. I purge the shelves and shelves of books except for those cherished ones. I pack away the” shrines” all over the walls dedicated to my children’s accolades from high school and college.
Downsizing after divorce.
Downsizing is a necessity and not a choice after my divorce. The memories made in this house will not be forgotten, and just like other major chapters of my life, it’s time to create a new one.
I sell or give everything away.
I give all the good material things to my children. It’s hard to begin sorting it all out, but once I get going, I am on a roll. The more I get rid of, the lighter and freer I feel. By the way, I lived in my home for 30 years until everything fell apart.
I also decided that I’m going to leave the area. I have a Jeep at the time and take with me only what I can fit in it.
I am starting a new life and have decided I no longer care or need all the “stuff” I have accumulated over the years. I feel bold and different. At the time, I thought that if I get rid of the “outside stuff,” some of the load I carried within me would be less. Of course, it isn’t true, but I do feel lighter.
I stop a few times while making my way to Florida. When I open the back door of the Jeep, some of my clothes or other things come tumbling out. I don’t think I could have stuffed one more thing in it without putting my vision for driving in danger.
When I get to Florida, I stay and buy a condo.
Once in the condo, I’m only going to get rid of the orange 90-inch sink in one bathroom. It’s no lie as I measured it. There are mirrors along one wall; and seriously, the whole wall is covered in the dining area.
Who wants to watch themselves eating? Also, there is the gaudiest chandelier I’ve ever seen. It is huge in a small space.
I wonder, “What they were thinking?”
I find two great guys who are going to help me with the renovations. It’s supposed to be just getting rid of those several things. In the end, step by step, I replace the old, outdated stuff with the new according to my vision. Actually, it is analogous to how I am piecing together how I envision my new, different life—one step at a time.
I think to myself, “What if I could create this new space exactly how I would love it to be as my sanctuary, instead of settling for what it is now?”
When I see how beautiful the new stone sink in the bathroom is, I realize the rest of the fixtures don’t blend They have to go, too.
This is a new day.
Those fixtures serve their purpose in the 80’s but this is a different time in the present . So, step by step, I create a new bathroom that centers around that new sink. I start to think, “This is sort of how I recover and heal from the inside after divorce. I start with my core of being of who I am now. I begin to make new choices building from that.”
I pick out new toilets. The new ones are more modern and not made for the kindergarten set. It is a fun adventure picking new tiles and a wonderful glass shield instead of the plastic door for the shower. (You remember the old plastic doors of the shower that would stick and then vibrate when opened.)
I pick whatever I want within reason, of course. Just like I can make new and different choices. I make decisions that will make me feel true to myself as I move forward in life.
When I first buy the condo, my plan is not to redo the whole place. Little by little, it feels good to bring in change. It’s just like how I want my life to be, I want to get rid of the clutter, chaos, and drama that I have been holding onto.
Just like the condo, I realize I can transform my inner world so that my outer world bears better results. I also realize that I can’t be free if I continue to nurse, curse, and rehearse my old story.
I have a new attitude.
My new beginning starts with a different attitude, perspective, and mindset. I realize that when I start the day with a good attitude, in spite of what challenges experienced in my life, I am able to deal with my problems from an intelligent perspective that allows for better solutions.
Having a good attitude means coming from a place of respect and worthiness for myself. When I want to change my results, I have to come from a place of deserving them. Inside, I have to believe it and not just think I deserve better
I think, “The way this condo is before I get there belongs to another person and their past life.”
I make new choices for my condo, and I do the same with my life. We don’t forget the past but it is a new day.
We can make it however we choose. We can choose to have a good attitude. We can look at our problems from a different perspective so that we can lift the weight that may be holding us back from creating a new, purposeful life that we deserve.