In 2015, Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, presented his findings that women initiate two-thirds of all divorces – a staggering 69% to be exact – at the Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association. In “Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples,” Professor Rosenfeld discovered that there was a difference between married and unmarried heterosexual couples when it came to who initiated the breakup: in cohabitating relationships, women instigated the breakup approximately 56% of the time. This still begs the following question: “Why do women initiate divorce more than men?”
In my experience as a Women’s Empowerment Coach, I help women navigate the emotional turmoil of divorce. This would make me a pretty “pro-divorce person.” I myself divorced once. Usually, when a woman comes to me, they have already decided to divorce. But there are times that I wonder if that divorce was necessary, or was it just easier?
Last week, during my field research, I met a woman (OK, it was my makeup lady at Ulta) who 
immediately started to describe her marital woes to me upon my telling her of my vocation. When she told her husband she wanted a divorce, he suddenly started to do all the things she wanted him to do all along. But in her words, “It was too little too late.” I then posed a question to her to try to get her to think harder about it: “What would happen if, instead of it being too late, you went all in? A last-ditch effort maybe, but without any strings, expectations – just pure love for your husband and your child.” She was quiet and even seemed a little annoyed.
I said, “I bet when he walks into the room he doesn’t have to say or do anything and you are already annoyed, just by him breathing.” This stirred a laugh, and she told me I nailed it. Resentment seeped into their marriage like the black plague, impossible to cure but much easier to escape. In a marriage, resentment can grow with every annoying comment, every roll of the eyes, and with every failure to connect. Resentment is a marriage killer.
Women Crave Connection, but They Don’t Know How to Ask for it
Women seek closeness and vulnerability in a marriage where, under the veil of marriage, it is safe to be real and raw with our chosen one, or soul mate. When she reaches out for that connected feeling and is met with the “wrong” response, she lays a brick down. Then one day, the wall is too high to penetrate it.
In its simplest form, deep down, women crave connection with their partners – but many women have the erroneous belief that if their husbands really loved them, they would instinctively know what their wives wanted, so a man needs to be a proficient mind-reader to know how to satisfy their wife’s need for connection. And what makes someone feel loved and valued varies hugely from person to person. For example, a dozen red roses every Friday may symbolize love and deep connection to one woman; to another, flowers mean nothing, but feeding and entertaining the kids so she can enjoy a long, peaceful bath means everything.
This is where the communication breakdown often occurs: women not saying what it is they want (“If he truly loved me, he’d already know what I want!”), and men not “getting it” (“I can’t do anything right as far as she’s concerned, so I might as well stop trying!”) So resentment festers and the walls go up.
The internal process for a woman usually starts with her wondering why she is so unhappy. She works on herself by reading self-help books. Maybe she seeks counseling, starts exercising, or does some form of self-development. At some point, she feels a little better, but something is still off. She may feel lonely, so she looks closer at the marriage.
Looking at the marriage under a microscope reveals a multitude of infractions. He doesn’t help around the house. He doesn’t do his share to take care of the kids. He doesn’t buy her gifts. He doesn’t spend time with her. He doesn’t listen. He doesn’t connect with her at all. As a matter of fact, the marriage just feels empty to her as she investigates all of its faults.
Women have affairs too. Even though a husband’s infidelity is a women’s #1 reason for divorcing, she, too, is very capable. But while infidelity is listed as the reason for divorce, what exactly was the reason for the infidelity? When I dig into that question with my female clients, they all have a similar version of “I felt so lonely.” Many times, the office romance is what made them realize this fact.
Whether or not there is infidelity, there is usually a point the woman reaches out to her husband to help “fix” things. Usually, the husband hears this and turns the blame back on the wife, or he somehow resists the criticism. After all, he thinks everything is just fine. Rarely does he hear it as the cry for help that it really is?
Why Do Women Initiate Divorce More Than Men? Men Think Everything’s Fine – Women Think the Ship is Sinking Fast
When fixing the marriage is met with resistance or even denial, the wife starts to think that a divorce is the only way to go. If he is not willing to work on it, then what else is she to do? This is the pivotal point where the word “divorce” is initiated into conversations.
Making the decision to divorce is never easy. By the time a woman says the words “I want a divorce,” she has most likely mourned the marriage and moved on, making it too late for reconciliation. This may leave her husband pretty blind-sided.
Even though the husband may feel a lot of grief, he still inflicts shame and blame, adding fuel to her fire. They both only see the faults that their spouse brings to the table, and refuse to look in the mirror.
If only he held her and asked her what she needed. If only he helped her a little more around the house and with the kids. If only he heard her complaints and took them seriously and made some changes. If only he did something nice for her to show his love for her. If only he held her without initiating sex. And if only then… he pleased her first.
Unfortunately, the last-ditch effort made by the husband often comes off as a little schizophrenic – or like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One moment he is buying her a meaningful gift, and the next moment he is furious and blaming her. The couple may even go to counseling, only the madness continues because he is unable to look within for the changes needed. The marriage is unraveling fast now. Then and only then, she can no longer handle the anger, and the separation begins.
But what about the makeup lady whose husband really made the real effort? If only she could set aside the blackness in her heart that resentment built, scale that brick wall between them. If he could find a way to connect with her.
If only…
This is exactly my experience, however in my situation my husband lost many hours at work, expected me to make up the financial loss!! He still can’t get it together financially, my divorce will be final 3 years on the 13th.
Why did he lose hours at work? Was it downsizing, layoffs ? …is that his fault ?
Marriage vows say for richer or poorer, you chose him and now you want to abandon him ? Lets face it the economy sucks… but conrgats on giving up.
I loved my husband. For almost 10 years, I was the only one who worked and made income while he “built a business” that never happened. On top of that, I did all the cleaning, cooking, and raising of our children (baby feedings, baths, hair, getting ready for school, bedtime reading, etc). I learned to endure with that and believed in God for a change in the future. That furtive never came. He started losing his mind. He became self destructive. Then he started hitting me. That’s when I knew I had to leave. I’ve filed for divorce. It’s sad, and I feel like he’s destroyed our family, but I cannot allow our children and myself to be in a volatile, violence environment any longer.
Well Child of God, yours is the exception. Your husband didn’t hold up his end of the marriage contract..
That’s if what she is saying is true. I find it interesting that he starting hitting her after 10 years. How long was he doing that, and if he was doing that from the beginning, why did she lay with him and marry. What did you do to him, how do we know you were not the one hitting him. Sorry, but there is always 2 side to the story.
Are you kidding, Stephen?
ALWAYS two sides to the story?
My friend, even if it WAS true that the wife hit her husband as well as, or in return for, the husband hitting her, HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE HIT HER IN THE FIRST PLACE!
1. It isn’t a fair fight. He is probably bigger and stronger than she is.
2. Two wrongs don’t make a right. They only make vengeance (revenge).
3. The law does not recognize spousal abuse as A justification for revenge. A condition of true self defense exists only when reasonable efforts first have been made to escape from the presence of the abuser without the use of physical violence.
4. Children should never be subjected to an atmosphere of domestic abuse.
Better rethink your response on this one.
Physical violence is never caused by the actions of the victim. There are all kinds of ways to handle frustration and anger even if you have “lost your mind.” Violence is not one of those. It is ALWAYS the wrong choice and is never acceptable under ANY circumstances.
What part of the story about how she was the one working full time and paying the bills do you not understand? Can you read? Are you even literate?
It’s never ok for violence. I’m sorry that happened to you..
Exactly!!! These broads will leave you high and dry during your most arduous time. They are very selfish and vindictive.
Bull.
She was working full time and paying the bills, not “leaving (the hubs) high and dry.”
And it sounds like YOU are the one being selfish and vindictive.
Funny how when men are selfish and vindictive, they are praised– even elected president!
But when women do the same, they are chastised.
I don’t see any honor in a great percentage of women today. Why don’t you say your vows the way you really think ” I will stay with you as long as things are good for me but if not I’m gone”
At least that would be honest
I agree. Too many people don’t understand the word vow. What they are really saying is “I’ll stay with you until you no longer make ME happy. After that, I’ll find someone else and start that feeling over.” For better or for worse is only half right.
The wedding vows say NOTHING about happiness. Wedding Vows are about duty.
I have to disagree with 90% of this narrative. It’s simple, Women initiate divorce because its easy, and because they have been coddled and believed the fairy tale of happily ever after, and all the butterflies and birds signing as Mom and Disney created. They were never really prepared for what is involved in marriage. Older couples who weathered the storms of marriage understand the true downside of marriage i.e. financial woes, personality conflicts, illness, family issues, and yes infidelity. For example I challenge you to ask Christian Women, if they spoke to God, and told God they were leaving their Husband after taking the better or worse oath because of all these reasons and God said “okay my child, I understand but hear me, if you leave I will NEVER put another man before you” let’s see how many Women leave. The divorce rate would be at 3%. Feminist groups and Women empowerment teams are at the helm in my opinion for Women believing they don’t need a man.
I am a Christian woman who like the article described has major resentment, a wall up & it has been definitely too little to mend. My thoughts are so far on the dark side that I’m praying for forgiveness & strength not to engage. This man does nothing to make my life easier. He’s rude, piggish & vile. Burps, farts, stinks up the bathroom like something died & leaves the door open or says, “okay you can use it now”- knowing I can’t breathe in there. We haven’t had sex for many many years bcuz he disgust me. After we got married, church/God was no longer important. Everything that the woman “Child of God” said about doing everything with being overwhelmed & doing/having nothing for herself; I am her twin. The hatred is so intense that I feel like I may snap. He’s such a Narcissist & I feel like he enjoys treating me like an unworthy slave all the while telling me so. Sometimes I think there’s not enough God in the world to keep me with him. Now I’m just waiting on his demise. What a thing to look forward to?
Women don’t need men. Sounds like you need to get used to that fact.
When women marry and continue to work outside the home it is up to the couple to share the burden at home. Most men do not do their share of housework or looking after the kids and women no longer put up with this unequal burden. If they are doing all the work at home as well as working in a job they might as well get rid of a burden and divorce
Disclosure: not Christian.
However, I thought about your deal. If I were to divorce my abusive, controlling, emotionally neglectful husband, and as a consequence, I would never have another man “put before me”, I would happily take that deal. I am perfectly capable of generating my own income, and all the struggles I’ve faced while married were only made worse by that husband’s critical, blaming, falsely accusing presence. My house would be cleaner, my life calmer (he has rage issues, explodes over every little thing, more drama than men claim women are). I’m capable of my own yardwork, and am pretty handy around the house and with my car. I cannot think of a single reason I would miss having a man in my life. I do everything for myself that a man might be able to contribute, and could definitely live without the downsides of having one around. So, rather than a consequence, I ask God, “Do you mean it? Do you really promise that if I divorce this man, I’ll never have to deal with another one?”. I see it as a suspicious deal, too good to be true!!! What’s the catch?? Do I get cancer, or die getting run over by a car next week or something? Plague of locusts? God is portrayed as male usually as well, so any “deal” he offers is going to be met with skepticism by me as well.
Aren’t you a choice one!
My sincere sympathies go to your wife.
The cartoon husband you are for her is Bart Simpson, professional smarta** and miniature d.b.
Studies now show a direct correlation between a woman’s premarital sexual past and her ability to bond to her husband in marriage. Plain and simple virgin brides bond to their husbands in ways that non-virgin women can’t.
Modern day women are making decisions to destroy their homes that result in known significant negative impacts on their children. It’s not a logical decision but a decision based in selfishness.
This is also reflected by most women agreeing with the choice to be able to slaughter their own unborn child. Logic of course is out the window. Most of these wives that divorce their husbands end up lonely, used and full of regret.
All studies agree that divorce is horrible for the children so why would a woman do this on purpose?
It’s because selfishness by nature is all about an individual’s desire to have what they “believe” is happiness at the “expense” of all those around them. This is why the percentage for a successful remarriage is hovering around 25%.
Selfishness is the driving force and nothing else.
yadda yadda yadda. This author just proves most of the MGTOW movement’s points… all I read above was rationalizations about why it is ok to break your wedding vows. This is why men no longer want to get married. They see women treating the process as an option. The pragmatic solution is simply to just never give women the ring in the first place because the odds are so bad, especially if the women is college educated…
That’s been my experience with men. Did you know that men are twice as likely to leave a spouse who becomes terminally ill or disabled to the point of needing taken care of (instead of caretaking) than women are? Talk about running away when the going gets tough!
Wow, theres better for worse. Women in general dont havw loyalty or the backbone to tough it out. They’ll always find an excuse.
Funny how much people especially men, project blame onto everyone else especially women..petrified of even a glimpse of female empowerment or feminism and you b**** whine and scream about how tough men have it…no wonder they call women emotional and complicated..anger is an emotion last i checked..
Try dealing with a narcissistic female. Everything is the man’s fault. It’s all about her. Nothing you do for is right. The man is always wrong. Yea, men just don’t bother bickering in women’s pettiness and it just comes across as women’s strength. We just have learned to not give a s*** anymore, let you rag on and on but just ignore your constant b******* and whining.
You handled a narcissist the right way. Ignore them. Th problem is it will never change. In their mind, they are right and have no reason to change. You can stay living that way until she pushes you to insanity and divorces you (usually nasty). Or, you can get out while you still have your mind. Make a clean break, completely disappear. You are their “source “and they will continue using you until they find another “source”. This is true for both narcissistic men and women.
Exactly where men fail the hardest. Your feelings are real, valid, and need care, right? So are a woman’s. Dismissing her as just “b*tching and whining” is not how you would want you feelings treated, and neither do women. That double standard is one of the most unattractive things men do.
Angela is right, men project blame anger and every other possible negative trait in this world, best thing to do is not get into the situation, NO RING, NO MARRIAGE, NO COHABITATION, no problems, remember is 10^1000 always men’s fault, we made civilization too too easy and have now made ourselves obsolete and that is 100% our fault for not having strategic planning and prescience to look 15 moves ahead, I will definitely agree with that.
go girl preach.
Can we all just step back and appreciate the absolute cancer that is the comments section of this article! 😂
Women dont realise men are not against women at all and do not feel threatened by them….its actually women bitching against men…accept men and women ARE NATURALLY DIFFERENT
Angela, “female empowerment” is mostly a gift men give you. It’s a cute delusion we tolerate in most women (and granted: a reality in a few.)
Women are not capable of running the world. Not as it is anyway. There are certainly capable women who could run *A* world, but not this world. There just aren’t enough of them. God knows YOU aren’t one.
Men do almost all the science. Sixty years into cramming women into research at the expense of men, NINETY SIX PERCENT OF PRIMARY PATENT APPLICANTS ARE MEN. Good for the 14% secondary applicants, and great for the 6% of badass women, but science grinds to a halt without men.
Pretty much the same applies to engineering. There are very few female engineers (at least in the West,) and most of them are “environmental’ i.e. they do regulatory compliance with a clipboard. “Female empowerment” is a joke Angela.
Men do pretty much ALL the truly tough jobs. Pretty much ALL the dying in wars & policing, on the tough frontiers that supply civilization. Almost all industrial farms are run by men. Pretty much all buildings are built by men. Pretty much all the tough maintenance of civilization: M E N. Your cute little car, fueled by men. The electronics we’re all on: 96% men. Make a joke by saying otherwise. Lousy joke, but hey, you tried.
Your philosophy is a joke. Your absolute lack of objectivity is a joke. Your UTTER lack of gratitude is a joke. Your lack of shame is a joke. Your entitlement is a joke. Your unearned sense of independence is a joke. Your unearned sense of “strength”: a joke. You’re shameful lack of self-awareness: such a joke. But your toxic femininity is the biggest joke of all. You would destroy that which permits you to exist.
Most men tolerate all nonsense this in you. We don’t have ovary envy. Most men like you because you’re a woman & nothing more. But *I* don’t. SOMEONE had to tell you the truth once in your life. Testosterone is a *performance enhancing drug* from the womb on. “Patriarchy theory” is a PROJECTION of your testes envy.
You don’t even SEE the Invisible Ralph Ellison men on the other end of that bell curve, the LD, the 70 IQ, the homeless, disabled vets, mental misfits… because you are a TOTAL SOLIPSIST WHERE MEN ARE CONCERNED. Men are objects to you. Useful/not useful. Visible/invisible. It’s a universal condition in (current-day) feminists. It’s a prerequisite.
You cannot name ONE female privilege. Not even lifeboats.
You hate me. But you love me. Because deep in your genome, you know EVERY SINGLE THING I JUST SAID IS TRUE.
Hahahahhhahah I dont hate you in even the slightest bit…you projecting dosent bother me one bit..I’m not a toddler having a tantrum..ME ME ME MEN MEN MEN…so tough and strong yet so easily provoked by a lowly lil female that wasnt even directing anything at me..I dont need to you see my point and or agree with me because I dont care enough for your myopic, child like, misogynistic bordering narcissism irrational logic, that clearly lacks any critical thinking outside of the conformationally biased education you have clearly ascribed too..believing that the only reason females or any human for that matter have what they have or anything at all, is because someone gave it to them…not all of us are angry that other people dont share in our egos or buy in to our beliefs..fact of the matter is men have 1000s of years of education ahead of females, spare me your 60 years of feminism red herring. 1000s of more years with which to pen history not only through a masculine perspective, but through a masculine view of the future, painted through distorted egoism of Male entitlement, and percieved superiority..I see a whole bunch of desperate womb envy, fueled by fire of a severe mother injury..a lil self reflection may do your soul, and the rest of us well…
HughMBehavior —. Who filled out those patent applications for all those men? Their wives?!?!
HughMBehavior you are a true Richard Cranium
Hugh is right. Instead of being appreciative all we here from Angela is women this women that. Men are bad and womb envious. Be appreciative that you are enjoying all the modern conveniences due to men otherwise you’d be too busy working in the kitchen and looking after the children to really have time to type these in your computers and mobiles because there aren’t any. No tv, no cars, no internet, no phones, no washing machines let alone dish washers, no piped water supply, no electricity, no modern sanitary, no comfortable homes, no travelling except on horses or by foot, no modern medical care etc. Be appreciative. We suffer together and enjoy together. Stop one sided criticism.
Hugh is clearly angry because his wife clearly left him at some point for being a misogynistic loser.
You do realise some if the mist successful countries are run by women, and these women brought those countries back from depression (caused by the men that ran them previously)
Men have years of education because they would not let women into the workforce this was due to an ignorant man claiming “women daydream too much”therefore not being capable.
The truth is Hugh that with vibrators women don’t need men like you anymore.
Turns out we can open our own damn jars, run countries better than men, and sort ourselves when we want it.
Men didn’t give women freedom, at 10 women to every 1 male, you don’t stand a chance.
Men may be physically stronger, their bodies are built that way, but most of you would have starved to death if the women didn’t cook for you.
And I’m sure you have heard of the tribes where the females run the show- you know the ones that use men for sex to strengthen their tribe, and put those men to work for them (a bit of role reversal for you)
At the end of the day a relationship is give and take. You get out what you put in. Hubby is alot more brawn, I’m am more brain. We work well together, aware of each other’s strengths and weakness – building each other up, not tearing down.
Save the nagging for when it really matters, and like I say (with a smile) to hubby “if you done it the first time I asked, I wouldn’t be nagging you”
Men have more to offer than simply opening jars, and women have more to offer than sex. There’s good and bad in everything, you just have to find the right one.
Things change, people grow, who would want to stay when they could become so much more? Why would anyone take divorce so personally? If you really love someone you set them free, not shackle them. Toxic masculinity, like toxic femininity, is rooted in entitlement, not freedom. It’s reprehensible to think that one person has a right to make another unfulfilled or unhappy. Marriage is a choice. It can always be changed. Divorce is empowerment. Women make choices, as men do, to exit situations that are no longer fulfilling. Slavery is abolished. We are in a world of possibility, there is no longer an onus to remain shackled. Free yourselves, men, and become more of the good people you would like instead of pulling people closer on a leash. Oh, and blame your parents for your shitty, entitled attitudes. Turn the tables, flip the switch, become masculine and feminine, empowered in yourself. Marriage is better for men, they can be mothered. Women have so much more complexity, it is natural to fear and keep chained what you don’t understand, you poor obsolete creatures steeped in misogyny.
Why would you want to stay married to a woman who hates you, anyway? Why would you keep a songbird in a cage?
Change is opportunity. Marriage is teamwork. When a team member doesn’t want to be in the team, it becomes slavery.
Look inward. Stop blame. Be accountable. Learn and move on. Get a divorce. Be happy.
Well, a lot of what you said is true. But it’s not true that female empowerment is something men give them, and acting like women don’t have some do fair control over men is also, verrrry untrue.
If women didn’t hold any power over men, we wouldn’t seek them out.
It’s also untrue, when women say we don’t need men! Because they also seek us out and the world will not continue with out us.
You need to both calm down, take a step back and be aware that what you say here is most honestly something you wouldn’t say in real life. Going all warpath in a comment section doesn’t make you a badass.
@angela “…petrified of even a glimpse of female empowerment or feminism..” Nah. Feminist use words they don’t know the meaning of. Divorce isn’t empowerment.
1. Marriage always happens first. Marriage is the choice, divorce is a lack of accountability to that choice.
2. A woman making the choice to marry is empowering. Divorce is when a woman no longer wishes to be accountable to that choice.
3. Blaming men when women file for divorce isn’t empowering either because it means they don’t own the ability to live up to their choices.
When men chose partners by their looks over ther intelligence then most often they end-up with a good looking but dumb partner that will ruin their lifes.
Not really, Kofybean.
Men often deliberately conceal the most unflattering elements of their personalities and natures while dating and throughout courtship and living together.
And both males and females learn to value personal traits unrelated to character and relationship skills, contributing to each’s inability to pick a person who has hat it takes to be a good spouse.
patent attorney’s (also mostly men) filled out the patent application.
Correct. Anger is an emotion, and actually the weakest one. It’s a secondary emotion that arises when the primary emotion behind it (hurt, shame, fear, failure, etc) is too vulnerable for the person experiencing it to express, so they show anger instead. It’s actually a really emotionally immature and unintelligent way to handle things. And men definitely ARE drama in this way, and hypocrites about it. I’m sure you’ve heard the kind of comments they make about “unstable” women during their periods. Fun fact about that: when a woman is on her period, her hormones change. They become very close to what men’s hormones are as a baseline. Men see women as at their most volatile, unpredictable, and unstable, when our hormones, emotions and reactions are the most like their own on a regular basis. Women on their periods, is what men are like ALL. THE. TIME!!
Anger is anything but showing a weakness.
Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.
Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.
Why would you not make it up? Why does the man have to pay the larger portion all the time?
Because we have the kids to worry about idiot!!!!!
it’s more than a wall..they make you into a monster…they have to…it justifies very thing they do ..my theory is they do it because they can…entitlement and reward
found that when tough times hit spouse becomes far less thrilled about it all and strives to find a ways out instead of looking at the promise and riding it out..pretty sad particularly when i see my two exes out and about and they are still miserable years later. no change in thought or habits.
Both the article and your comment resonate with me.
With so many women having a career today since many of the women are making a Six Figure Income which many of the women now are very independent and Don’t need a man anymore to survive. But this has caused many Divorces since most women now want the Best of all and won’t settle for Less since it is all about them unfortunately.
Perhaps they shouldn’t have married in the first place then.
In other words they want everything and not happy with anything! Like a drug addict or super black hole!! Very thin line between wanting everything and pure GREED!!
My marriage broke after 20 years. I took more than my share of responsibility through those years. I am left raising our children alone now. I have seen this pattern repeatedly; IMO, large number of women miss-understand women empowerment. They find the daily responsibilities of parenting and marriage as being a burden they do not want or need to carry. Time will tell where this thinking will take family values and society. I believe this narcissistic attitude will inflict tremendous unhappiness and grief into our society.
For the sake of our children, I hope I am wrong…
Yes . Today’s women can’t compare to yesterday’s
woman – they were challenged and got it done – too much expose on me me me today . They r not strong like back in the day .. Pay attention woman : and do your job to strengthen your marriage not weaken it !
No one makes you a monster. Your choices, your actions or even reactions are what make you a monster. It’s extremely childish and selfish to put all the blame on your spouse. Don’t get me wrong if your spouse does something hurtful then that’s not okay but hurting them in return is also not okay. The problem with today is adults are acting like children. Unwilling to compromise but overly willing to quit. If a child got on a baseball team and enjoy it for a while but one day decided it wasn’t everything they wanted would you as a parent let them leave the team hanging? I know I wouldn’t! I’d tell them exactly what my Mom told me in a similar situation… “You choose to be on this team and you’re going to stay with this team until the end!” I asked her why I had to stay on the team and her responds taught me an amazing life lesson. She said, “Because when you make a choice you have a responsibility to that choice, you don’t run a way. You pull yourself up by the boot straps and you follow through! One day you’ll look back and thank me for this.” Wow was she right. When things got hard in my marriage initially I did what I always tried to do, run. But while I was running a way I remembered, I made a choice to marry my Husband and I have a responsibility to him now. Marriage is not one sided, it causes two live’s to become one. Being selfish in marriage will cause critical damage. Sadly a lot of women only seeing their Husband’s selfishness but never their own. This is extremely confusing and hurtful to men but many men will never talk about it. Ladies stop believing the lies you tell yourself, yes he does feel and yes you are hurting him. If you’re not willing to look at both sided of the story then you are very self and foolish!
VERY WELL SAID!!! My wife is currently filing for divorce in similar fashion for the reasons stated in this article. However, your comment is right on point. The last 3 years I attempted to become the man she wanted. I quit my career to be home more for her and the kids, I went to therapy and still it wasn’t enough. We both admit to our faults, however, when things got challenging, I fought for our marriage. This was my wife’s third time threatening divorce, but followed through with it. I truly believe she wants the strength of a man, but only one that always agrees with her. I got tired of playing her game. I told her as hard as it has been, I will always fight for us until death do us part. The problem I saw in the beginning was that she made those same vows 3 times before. Apparently, leaving is easier than facing your own demons.
This made me laugh. No woman will appreciate a husband who purposely quits his job and stays home. No matter the reason. No wonder why she filed for divorce. My husband wants same thing to quit his job and stay home do nothing. And tells me every day to go find a job. If I find a job, I’ll find a man, and he’ll be out my life.
Its time for women to get to work and stop taking selfies of themselves. Giddy up ladies.
So Amy, your husbands only worth to you is his income? That makes you a gold digging *****.
Well Amy, your attitudes are exactly why more and more men are just opting out of being with a woman, and certainly out of marriage. Sure, we’re equal, but if the man quits his job and stays home it is a catastrophic blow to the relationship and the woman loses all respect for the man. Not only that, but you have explicitly stated you would be with a new man. The hypocrisy of your attitudes and implied behavior is evident to all. Imagine, just imagine for a minute that the situation were reversed, and the man’s reaction to the woman quitting her job and staying home was that he lost all respect for her and immediately began looking for a new woman. What an unsupported SOB he would be labeled. Clearly, you want selective equality. You are the kind of woman that gives feminism a bad name – selective equality on demand.
Sounds like you’re just a bad person and bad partner, Amy. Enjoy your time with your cats, you self righteous cunt.
You sound like a real catch Amy.
Yeah and you are the reason as of why men beat the crap out of your fucking dumb mouthy ass fucking dumb feminist fucking cunt. You stupid bitches have all the power in court and get everything you fucking want. Even when your stupid cheating asses are straying from the marriage behind your husbands back, you still get awarded everything by the fucking judge. No wonder why there are men out there killing their fucking ex wives. But if a nan fucks up and fucks another chick, WOW OH WOW now we gonna pay for this and that, pay alimony, child support, no shared custody and you gonna lose that because you were unfaithful in the marriage says the stupid corrupted judge. This fucking feminsm is emasculating the man’s race and men are no longer allowed to be and remain men . You cannot discipline your children without the consent of your fucking wife as she feels the fucking need to run the show and wear the fucking pants in the household. No wonder our kids or our stupid society has gotten weak.
I have always had a job and make more than 90% of Americans. She calls me poor and she would rather be dead than remain with me in the life I can afford by her standards. This she does on a regular basis. Her father made no more than I.
I do my best to make her happy and be what she tells me to be. Including a list of rules so long I can hardly remember but which she claims are all “common sense”.
If I fail to follow any of them or any unlisted rule she says falls under the same category she usually becomes enraged and sometimes violence.
But she tells the root of the problem is my parents who call maybe a few times a year and we visit for Christmas maybe once are too poor, needy and fat. And because of that I was poorly raised and causing all the problems.
Saying she is horrified of becoming like them if she continues to associate with them and me.
Claims she had endless suites and I had only a few by comparison is proof that I am the problem with the relationship.
I am committed to my vovs and contenue to try and bend over backwards to make myself into whatever she asks of me. While all I ask of her is that she just follows the law and reframe from violence. She has made a little progress on that but refuses to get any consoling. Saying I’m the problem and no other man ever made her so that.
Most women value you only for your money. Dont be shocked if the moment you lose your income they stop respecting you. Women look at men as how can the man serve them, seldom do i see women ACTUALLY loving a man like they love themselves. Guarantee if a woman has a husband who quit his job and she was irritated by the decision, if he won the lottery that next day shed be the wife of his dreams in a heart beat. Same goes to those women who build “brick walls” out of disappointment. What a joke marriage has become. Its best for the two sexes to just go their seperate paths and be happy by themselves.
@Chris Yeah, it is just far too risky to get married anymore. I yearn to be with a loving dame, for I desire generational wealth to pass on my net worth. But, too bad I could never find a trustworthy woman who wouldn’t drag me down. I can’t even just make it one-sided, and get kids for me because God made it under the covenant of marriage to have kids. That’s the best environment for healthy kids. Not even women care about that when they bail for themselves. In a sense, I am kind of glad that women do most of the divorcing because it shows how little delayed gratification they have. The backbone of success. No more simping for women from me. Not risking my life for anyone who isn’t family. Family. Family is what really gives life the most significant joy, but pain is much more memorable, impactful than happiness. All the more reason to not risk my neck, which makes me sort of sad. Have a good day, reader.
Ever notice that 90% of the time, its the husbands fault ??? I can think of several wives who either is or has been unfaithful while the husband is out trying to support her and children. Then when they get caught, the husband caused it !! I have heard that many times and all the women takes her side !! Ladies please tell it like it REALLY is!! Only one woman has ever admitted to me that women sleep around as much or mabey more than men, but it seems like everyone blames the husband. One woman that I knew (I worked with her husband) would bring men into her home after her husband left for work !! They did not have children at home so she took different men into their bed on a regular basis. When she was discovered, it was all his fault ! Ladies, please own up to the truth !!!
Nowadays many women are really into other women now which certainly has a lot to do with it as well. And i know other men that had their wives leave them for another woman, especially when they had children.
Why wait until things get challenging to “fight for your marriage”. You should be fighting for your marriage from day 1 and there lies the problem.
Using resentment as an excuse, the woman depicts the man as a monster . . . to herself, to her friends, and to him. She OBJECTIFIES him as a monster after OBJECTIFYING him as a think he couldn’t achieve (usually, a success object). She becomes irritated and starts picking on small slights and oversights, NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES. Then, she uses her resentment and negative feedback loop about his monstrosity to excuse her hypergamy (trading up). If she can, she’ll leave the kids with “the monster” to pursue her new dates, forgetting all about his monstrosity. Because she uses resentment and the law to get her way, and all she wanted to do the whole time was sleep with another guy and collect his money.
Bingo!
Amen! And truth shall set you free!!!
Hey Josh…your post resonated with me. I’m a hopeless romantic, educated and readily communicate and listen to and soak up from those that communicate with me. I’m also a people pleaser which at times made me ignore my own needs. Three years ago during a 30 day R&R after a 6 month split due to her year-long deployment I noticed immediately during our reunification embrace at the airport (I put myself last cause the kids we put first…more on that later) that something wasn’t right…she was holding back. During the next couple of weeks as the household adjusted to her being back in the house it became more clear something was amiss. Behavior changes like picking up smoking after quitting for 10 years. Her phone never left her side and she was constantly on it, excuses (plausible as they may have been for the first week and a half) to not be intimate…was outside normal for us (before she deployed anyways), needing to go to the store and wanting to walk when it’s dark and below freeezing, and either criticism or the accusation I was being critical if her if I asked a question trying to understand the why or reason (specific example: she asked me if I could open another bottle of wine for her and I replied, “babe I see that your feeling good right now and I don’t think you need another bottle…she didn’t let me finish my response of why don’t you wait an hour or two before having more. Instead I got the why are you being over critical, and got up to open her 3rd bottle). Knowing down deep what might be going on but also with the major behavior changes and lack of warmth toward me I didn’t want to ask the question unless I knew for a fact. Plus the kids were often around and that is something kids don’t need to hear especially if they are on the cusp of understanding relationship dynamics. I tried to ease into it once and I got the “I’ve been back a couple of weeks and your smothering me…” so I backed off but it still added weight to the feeling and past experience with other women both dating and previous marriage that seemed to ring true…and it sounds horrible to say…but it has been my experience and what I have seen in friends who have experienced it…and that is the majority of women won’t jump ship until they have a place to land. So I did something I’m not proud of and I’m not condoning or justifying or excusing. I will say, at the time I felt cornered in that I felt I didn’t have another option and didn’t want to risk loosing someone I loved in her current unfounded hostile state over an accusation of an affair while she was deployed. I had seen it before with a friend where his wife had a one night stand and felt guilty but projected it on her husband until others who knew about the affair let him know… (they worked it out) anyways I felt I needed confirmation before I could open up a conversation and confront it and I was running out of time before she flew back to finish the last 6 months of her deployment. So I dug out one if her old phones and after charging it used it with wifi to see if I could access her email without a password. It was a Hail Mary chance because the phone had been upgraded to her current phone 8 months prior. But in wifi mode the email app allowed me in as she had set it to remember her info and the email server must have recognized the device. And it allowed me to also link to an IM app associated with the email. In a nutshell my gut was right and my fears were realized. I can’t describe the emotional Rollercoaster. Suffice it to say I now had the confirmation to confront and I used her phone to take screen shots of everything I found saved it to that phone…not to use against her but to protect myself being active duty I know guys that have been hung out to dry during a divorce. But I still hadn’t given up. I withdrew even more as I dealt with the feelings of knowing the truth plus some of the details…especially sort of how the relationship started and progressed I saw a path and pattern. I saw a predator in the other guy…I saw the grooming..the charm and with her deployed and more or less alone but able to do whatever she wanted I saw the resistance at first in what I read but then like a light switch between email and the IM traffic. From resistance but not objecting to the attention to being all in after I guess was the first sexual encounter. Because the traffic picked up and the spouse bashing began (yes he was married with 2 kids as well). Anyways with confirmation yet withdrawing I had to wait until I could confront when the kids went around or be privy to or interrupt something sure to be an emotional discussion and clearing of the Air. Unfortunately that didn’t happen until Christmas eve because we just got back from a holiday dinner at some close mutual friends house she wasn’t drunk. After the kids were in bed and asleep we went down to the bedroom to wrap Santa’s presents. Upon getting everything out to wrap she immediately asked if I could put something on the TV. I replied that actually I kinda wanted to talk about something while we wrapped. I still remember vividly she sort of stiffened…and said OKAY…I started with the fact that she would be leaving before the new year and we haven’t really been able to really talk without the kids around…and I wanted to ask her questions that I had that were bothering me. I was still calm as I stated that since she was back she had been unduly cold toward me to which she kinda relaxed a bit and I could swear a micro expression of satisfaction flash in her face. I paused and as she wrapped and glanced up to see if I was going to continue I looked her in the eye and asked if she was having an affair. I could visibly see her stiffen and put on the emotionless armour she had obviously been preparing for. And replied yes…as I struggled to keep the emotional gene in the bottle I nodded broke eye contact to fumble with trying to multi task when my thoughts, questions, and emotions was trying to make sense of it all. I looked up at her standing with her emotional armour on cold and ready to fight. I asked her if she loved him. And she said yes. I felt my knees begin to tremble under the burden of knowing the enviable …as if loosing someone close to you and watching it happen. I then used his name by asking her if he loves you. She said yes but it was different. A micro expression of fear. With all my remain strength to keep the emotional gene contained a bit longer I asked her if she loved me. She said not anymore…which was different than the one word answers before. But with that I began to weep but still under control…but I knew clearly as I’m sure she dI’d to I was about to be crushed under the tidal wave if emotion that obviously had been building since I first knew something was up and probably was consciously or unconsciously planned in someway by her…to make getting out easier. But before the tidal wave engulf me I asked the million dollar question. Do You Want A Divorce? Her reply was again a one word response. I nodded and put my shoes on and thru tears of betrayal, grief and love I said I hope you understand babe. But would you mind wrapping the kids presents for me…I simply can’t at the moment and started out the door. It was snowing hard but before I got to the truck she opened the door and asked where I was going but for the first time a bit of concern was present. I shrugged…I’ll be back before morning but I can’t stay here at the moment. Needless to say I had a mask on for christmas and the following days. I took her to the Airport to send her off. A few weeks went by and I went thru every emotional response possible. She still would Skype and possibly a little more but it was more for the kids. I tried to find out more and found a therapist that would be willing to do a 3 way Skype session which was hard because she was in a foreign country and even though she is a U.S. citizen many specialist shy away from over boarder stuff. I pleaded until I asked the why. the emotional armour came up again and her battle face went on. Basically blamed ing me for everything wrong. From how much she drinks to her weight gain. She said our entire marriage was a sham citing everything she could back to the day we were married. We’re she said I was so nervous on a day I should have been excited, to when our daughter was born and while she was in labor I took a nap in the chair next to her. You name it I was the reason behind it. I simply said Okay gotcha. Nodded and said. Well babe…yet another reason why I fell in love with you. You’re absolutely amazing. Your power and strength is one of the qualities in you I find attractive. But you know that…as the emotions again threatened to spill out again. I said thru a quivering voice that she proved her mettle one again. You know …Putting up with the world’s worst Piece of $hlt…the guy who must have put the D in D-Bag. I said before disconnecting. Goodnight love…and sorry I was so worthless. I knew that wasn’t the case cause after she let out all her reasons why I knew she was justifying her actions. I knew that no matter anything I said contrary to her rhetoric and reason in her mind was a brick on the wall and if I was neutral also was a brick. But agreement with her was neutral. Now I know it’s called “negative glasses override” NGO. Instead of rise colored glasses where the person you love can do no wrong NGOS are the opposite where the wearer can only see nothing right…and will actually rewrite memories in their mind. All the good times will now have contain fault. This is getting long so I’ll try to wrap it up. I went to a lawyer cause with her overseas I could mitigate some of the losses most men get. I found out the proof I had doesn’t matter unless a custody battle would ensue that regardless the state is a no-fault state and so 50 50 split of everything. So I paid and had preliminary papers dropped started. And I needed an outlet because being accused of being basically the biggest piece of shit in the planet I decided to make a video slideshow movie put to music of all the so-called bad times. We take a lot of pictures so tons of material. I did one for each of the kids and one for my wife. But I also did one of us and set it to maroon five “payphone” clean version. Perfect. It made me bawl in a happy sad way. Then after watching it about a dozen times, for the first time I became angry…angry at her for this BS. Later when she tried to Skype in I hit ignore she tried several more times. She then typed in “are you hitting the reject button?” I said yes. She asked why…but now I was beyond angry…I can only describe it as content justifiable righteous furry. I said because I’m busy on the computer. She asked if I could take a break so she could talk to our daughter. I said no but added that she has already Skyped with her a few times this week. She is playing in her room and I think she will be okay missing a few days of skyping. And then added that I may just see how long it takes before our daughter asks to Skype. She replied are you withholding our daughter? I said no…not at all. I’m just really pissed off and I’m working on the computer. She said okay shall try later. In the meantime I typed up in word that I really wasn’t withholding our daughter…the last thing i ever would do. I then said I had a few things for her. One was a picture slideshow movie. the other was divorce paperwork soon that I had the lawyer draw them up (she didn’t know I was going to do them) and that we would need to go over something. Than I said, Don’t worry, you’ll be divorced in time to go marry ol dude, but I used his first middle and last name. Than I asked, that reminds me has he got divorced yet? I mean does she know about you? But I used his wife’s name. And will his kids call you mom? But used his kids name. Than I went off but tried very hard to not use “you” statements but rather “I” statements. I want you to be happy sweetheart. I’m sorry this is happening. Forgive me but I’m really angry at you. The divorce paperwork is being drafted and I was instructed I should limit contact with you. But before I start limiting I need to get something off my chest. Hopefully it helps. Then I listed as much as I could. If I were you I would talk to someone my alcohol use. I would seek medical attention. The high sugar content of wine when consumed in excess leads to weight gain. It also interferes with quality sleep because your body is processing it. So interferes with quality sleep. Inadequate sleep also leads to reduced metabolism which can lead to weight gain and depression. If I were you I would seek expert advise and about depression. Depression can have a positive feedback with addiction and alcohol. I know if I was depressed about my weight I might drink to forget and try to numb the pain of depression. If I were you I would seek professional therapy on relationships and listed names that she had told me about during our marriage. If I were you I would be thinking about and planning the logistics and expense of moving the kids around. I would be trying to figure out how our kids will be introduced into their new family and nd how that will affect them. I would try and figure out how I’m going this bemoaning manage having 2 more kids in the house. Where I’m going to live etc.? If I were you I would want to know what yo say when the military finds out about aduty with proof. I finished with, that I still loved her very much and that I’m going to miss waking up to her crazy bed head and breath as it was something I did love and joked about before. I told her that I should limit conversation as instructed until the divorce is final but she could Skype every few days and I would set our daughter up. I sent it to her email and waited 1 day when she tried to Skype I rejected it and sent the video to her email then typed in Skype. Sorry, took her to sitter. Sent you an email. I’m going out dancing to buffalos. Wish it was you I was going with. I should be back tomorrow. Then I actually did go out and had actually blast. Was DD but ended up crashing at my friends house. Picked up daughter and came home and started computer up. A bunch of emails. But Skype was in startup so as soon as my computer was up. She was trying to Skype in. I called for our daughter and told her that I was going to go and shower so as soon as her and mommy were done to close the lid of the computer. I popped in the camera field and waved and said hi but instead of using a pet name I used her name. Then I walked out of the frame. After taking a shower I came up to find the lid still up and my wife’s dorm room in the camera field. I cut the feed and went back to see what all my email notifications were she had watched the video confirmation email, read my If I were you email, and responded.
I opened and read thinking it was going to be a shot across the now type or return fire type though mine was out of anger it wasn’t malice and was intended for her to hopefully take the NGOs off for a second. What I got was the opposite. It was a you’re exactly right. And that she was going to the base clinic when they opened that she hadn’t been sleeping the last 3 days. And she really needed to talk to me. And as if on cue she tried to Skype in. Not exactly sure what’s going on I waited before connecting. She was there obviously been crying, vulnerable…I said hey hey I’m supposed to limit contact…but what’s wrong. Basically, she reiterate what was in the her email back. I was right and she was selfish. And if it wasn’t to late, and she didn’t already destroy any chance at fixing what she had done if I could find it in my heart to forgive her and let her try. At this point I had gone thru the emotional cycle and was in the I’m okay with it I’ll be fine stage. Though inside I was ecstatic but had to be cautious and protect my heart if it was a false start. After all she was over there for 5 more months at this point. I told her I appreciated the guts it took to tell me this. I said it was too late I already have the ball rolling, I’ve already stopped my pay going into the joint account I’ve canceled bills that come out of that account and reopened them to come from mine. I’ve already got the boxes to start packing her stuff. I told her I was pricing storage units to move them to that I would cover toll she got back. She broke down and said said it really is too late then. I said…babe isn’t this what you wanted. She didn’t answer but I guess it was rhetorical and didn’t need answer. She asked if I told the kids. I said no. I said I sent him a box of his toys…and was going to slowly send them. (He went to his father’s after she flew out). At that point I said okay sweetheart. It kills me to see you hurting like this. I do love you but I need to love and protect myself. Not trying to make you feel bad but you kinda did the Irish river dance on my heart. So I’m going to be cautious. If you’re serious about giving it another go I will have my lawyer hold the paperwork. I will keep what I packed of yours packed and in the garage…but not pack anymore. I need assurance that you have severed your relationship with ol’ boy…she quipped in no problem. I said babe…no. “I” need assurances that the relationship is severed…if you want me to forgive you and trust you by extending more trust by taking your word for it at this point would be foolish of me. I continued that I could forgive and forget but trust was destroyed and so must be worked hard for to earn back…but not to hold over her head…but I really did want it to work but had to make sure it is for real. She said she didn’t understand what I meant by “I” need assurances. I said, well hun if I told you that assurance could be thwarted…and that she was lucky I hadn’t done it anyways. So an even longer story short. She did end up going and seeking help…but not for drinking. However she did dry out because of help. I did what I said and took the screen shots I took as proof to my commander and behind closed doors explained the situation and that I had proof if required but would prefer not to unless I had to in order to shield her. He said it’s odd but he said he would need the name of the dude. I rattled it off including his email address and duty phone number as well as his supervisors name. I ended up having to write it down for him. He asked how I had all this info. I said holding up an old phone with a smashed screen. All I needed is a last name. Everything else can be found online if you’re savvy enough. And I had motivation to protect myself. So he made phone calls to the deployed location. And the next day I was called back I’m to be given a No Contact Order for the dude as standard procedure. And a verbal confirmation that all parties involved would get one. Right on I said and was dismissed. I waited until she told me that she was surprised to be greeted at her door by her supervisor to escort her commander’s office. And then stand as in front of him with her supervisor and shirt witness him ask her a few questions than read aloud the Order and have all parties sign it before being dismissed. Only to know that ol’ boys commander will do the same. She was rather upset with me. I asked her why was she upset. She said she wanted to work at fixing the damage. And I agreed but needed assurances. Now I have it. And know he can’t try thru any means to communicate with you…or you to him. Obviously you cared enough for him to be willing ruin what you had here so you jumped the fence thinking the grass was greener. Then tried your hardest to justify the greener grass by spraying round-up everywhere. Then after a few email from me some Skype exchanges…you expect me to take you back with zero ground rules or milestones marked? Than I asked her what was the exact reason that got her upset enough to not sleep and want to find out if it wasn’t to late. She said the email. She said it was very clear. And that for the first time she saw that I was truly angry with her. Then the video with happy pics and great time pared to a song that contradicts the pic as it pertained to what she had said about our marriage being a sham. I then continued with yep…the grass isn’t greener. But until you’re back here in the states you’re going to have to step on the walking path before you can earn back the trust to enjoy the grass again.
She did. It was awkward picking her up at the airport. But we eased back into it…and I think we are both better for it. And believe it or not I got back from a deployment only to hi five with her for a few weeks before she went off on a deployment. Every deployment seems harder and harder to deal with the separation. But soon I’ll be retired and the frequency will drop. Once she was back we hit some couple counseling but therapist said we together were good after a few visit. She got help…and dealt with some demons and self esteem worth self worth issues. After the couples therapy I never once brought up, thru in her face or held over her head what she did. I’m fact she would bring it up sometimes and I would assure her it was in the past leave it there learn from the experience. Now I can’t speak for her but I will say I didn’t fully recover all the love and in love feelings I had before nor have I fully recovered all the trust. A seed of doubt has been planted by her along with all the other seeds others thru my life have planted. I probably won’t tell her that I don’t fully trust her and probably never will. But that seed hasn’t germinated…and I’ve had no reason to suspect it’s been watered.
All I can say is that you did the most beautiful thing. You saw her faults and dug deep to forgive and forget, but to work on trust. Going through divorce stinks, especially when the other party won’t stay sober. Much grace to you and your wife and may you be together till death do you part.
Ditto Lynn!! Well done sire. Your grace and courage are admirable. Face down your mighty ego-driven fear and practice the kind of unconditional love and acceptance that God created us to be. I admire your strength.
you’re a naïve fool
Good Lord! Use paragraphs!!!
I really wish you young people would use punctuation and divide such an impressive, long piece of text into paragraphs. Makes it so much easier to read.
Other than that, you have my empathy. Sorry you had to live through such a horrible, dehumanizing experience. And i have to say, you’re a bigger person than i am. I firmly believe if you forgive a woman’s infidelity, she will never be able to subconsiously respect you, so there really is no point to forgive.
I hope it turned out allright for you though. I’m wishing you strength and wisdom, brother.
Yep. She made me into a monster. Ssdd like this article. Turns out she was screwing her boss all that time. She was the one who left I was the one who filed. After this experience I do not believe the above. I have been married to my second wife for a very long time. Yes, the same crappy me who was not enough. I tend to think it is more about the awful character of the woman who does the leaving then her poor ex. I have yet to find a single exmple when the woman who left did not monkey branch (female form of cheating)
A few things. Firstly, the same study you cite in the beginning of your article also states outright that the #1 reason women initiate divorce is from different forms of “spousal neglect”. So basically the point of your article is already answered using statistics there, but you go on to postulate your own made up reason which is cheating. Statistically, cheating is not a very significant factor in most divorces. Here lies the main issue in my view. Culturally women are fed nonsense about romance and soul mates from the time they are babies and they grow up with unrealistic expectations. College educated women also get hit with new wave feminism which is extremely prejudiced against men. Feminism now days doesn’t mean equal like it’s supposed to, it means better and has turned itself into what it once decried, a sexist cultural institution. Also, as you said, women often don’t want to tell their husbands how they actually feel or what they want, most of the time they don’t even know themselves. Then they stab the person they supposedly love in the back by blindsiding them with no prior discussion. It is my contention that men have a larger capacity for loving women than women do for loving men. Women are much quicker to get rid of someone they love or loved whereas men rarely do and when they do they still usually love the woman. It makes sense biologically speaking. Men have intense love for women and mild love for children, women have mild love for men, but intense love for children. So, once the woman has children, and especially if she makes good money and is empowered, the man is useless. That’s when you start hearing stupid shit like we never spend time together. Really their wombs are just craving a stronger man to make more and better children. And no, that’s not sexist, it is biologically accurate. Funny how it always seems to happen right before menopause. It’s almost like the womb knows it’s the last chance to get better children.
While this comment is definitely sounds like it comes from a place of hurt there is definitely truth here. The sad part is I did all the things they say to do….I spent countless hours taking care of kids, cleaning and fixing the house. I would listen to my wife vent about her troubles every day…even often on my lunch. I worked two jobs because I was shifting from being a DV counselor to teaching. I picked or bought fresh flowers for my wife weekly. Left her love notes. Made sure she was always satisfied during intimate times. Gave non sexual contact as well.
But no matter what I gave it wasn’t enough and her attention was always going elsewhere. One minute she showed me intense love and the next it was like I was her man servant. After a while I got tired of being criticized and I started expressing my feelings. It is something I can do rather well but to no avail. She rarely could tell me what she truly wanted or how she really felt. When I would try to hold her and ask her what she needed or what I could do the answer was always “it’s not my job to train you”. Eventually things deteriorated more and more until she gave up, moved out, and eventually divorced.
This skips a tonof steps that involved couples counseling that she ended up quitting and I finished, individual counseling, and ally of time in prayer. I’m far from perfect and the thing that upset me the most about our relationship ship was how I let it deteriorate my sense of self worth. I became highly reactionary and started yelling from time to time in arguments. Arguments that usually involved me being yelled at and called names, among other things. By the end of it she was painting me out to be an uncontrollable abuser. This was her excuse to ultimately change her original commitment to the marriage and “beliefs”. Even after the divorce and she says she has “falllen out of love” with me I have to chosen to remain committed to my vow and to the love I have for her.
I know there is something going on deep inside her that has her ally twisted in knots and reacting the way she has these last couple years. I’m almost confident it has to do with the abuse she suffered as a child from her parents, especially her father.
If you met my ex wife then you think she is the most positive, sweet, and caring person you have ever met. What I have experienced from her is so contrary to what everyone else experiences it is mind boggling.
She is well educated, works in early childhood education, and is a professed Christian. But the entire experience I’ve gone through simply amazes me. I am still working through and healing from everything as the divorce finalized a month ago.
We just found out the gender of our baby girl as she is almost 5 months pregnant.
Between family support, her job, and all the people telling her she can do it on her own there was really no need to save the marriage for anything other than the sake of saving the relationship. Unfortunately, up until this point that wasn’t enough for her. If I started to go into the amount of the things I tried to do to save our marriage it would be disheartening. I ultimately learned the hard way first hand what it really means when they say it takes two for a marriage to work.
I know in her heart of hearts this result is not what she wanted and I think she is so indoctrinated by the female empowerment message along with her own personal hurts and struggles that she just couldn’t bring herself to make the decisions necessary to really get what she wanted. In the end she took the easy path and filed for divorce.
I’ve learned a lot over the past few years…a lot about myself…a lot about God….and a lot about what it means to be a husband. This may sound crazy but for me the divorce is part of the hard times or dark times. I have chosen to not give up on my wife even when she has given up herself. I pray that wveehthing will work out one day and I’m doing the best I can to live the life I have and work within the realm of things that I can control.
I am human. The fond feelings of affection towards my wife have been clouded by pain, sorrow, abandonment, and so on, but I’ve learned enough to know that the absence of those feelings is not the absence of love for my wife. I was able to hug her recently for the first time in quite a while after learning the gender of our child and while in the scheme of the things the hug itself ultimately meant very little, what I felt in that moment was very real. There is no place in the world that feels like home as much as having my wife in my arms and me being in hers.
I don’t know what the future holds or how things will work out but what I do know for now is that my attention is on healing my heart, clearing out any bitterness or resentment I hold, and doing everything I can to be a father to my daughter to be.
Beautifully written Josh. You are so… open hearted, although I think anon you are responding to hit the nail-on-the-head with his biological assessment of the female sex. You are a Lover; an affectionate man that has given his life for the sake of Love. You cherish the one you Love ~ but I myself am finding solace in the fact that “You Love what you think Love should be”. The actual problem is these women are below us. Let me explain further (if I can) by saying that YOU are the person you Love, the ideal, the sacredness, the permanence, dependability, intimacy, its… you. You are the prize. These divorced women ~ blah. They have shown us who they really are: spoiled, frivolous, undependable, unpredictable, and, in a nutshell, liars. I think they misinterpret the saying ‘when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”. Biologically, they are unaware (how many of us are?) of the push to ‘get that DNA out’. And you aren’t abusive; anger and yelling are natural ‘responses’ to something that bothers ANY organism. Didja beat er? I am not seeing it with your dialog. She ‘tried to paint you as an abuser’; betcha 99% of men (ie. millions/billions) heard that one. Truth is her little fascination with you is done; don’t fall for it ever again.
One important lesson I have learned is ‘do not let your own virtue trap you’. Maybe people are more like bears than we think ~ that we are meant to be alone no matter what, and that the Greek warned all men when they mentioned the songs of the sirens that would crash their ships.
I sincerely really Hope your life gets better and that you make loads a ca$h and iggy the bitches to the discard pile.
It’s not uncommon for men to get painted as abusers and for women to get painted as crazy. My ex had a whole string of crazy ex-girlfriends. I was too young and naive to see the common denominator.
Is so sad. I don’t know who but one or both or you stopped looking towards Jesus. I almost ended my marriage because I stopped looking at Jesus. I pray that both of you would look up to Jesus. Just say that To your wife next time you see her. You could even show her this message. Our enemy is real highly entilligent and is savoring what has happen in your marriage. Be strong my brother in Christ for this world is nothing compare to eternity.
Look to Jeshua but remember the jezebel spirit is a legion of demons and the modern term is narcissist and they will not change no matter how much you pray for them
Hello Josh, clearly you did everything you knew to do in your marriage. Have you read the book Love Languages by Gary Smalley? It may offer some help to understanding what makes your “operating system” as well as what makes another person feel loved. If your ex is open to it, ask her what was missing for her in your marriage. Be careful not to come up with reasons how you did everything right, but listen and explain back to her what she is saying. In other words, you are going to truly understand her. It may help you moving forward, either with her or someone else.
Hey Josh. Thanks for sharing your story. I too am going through a separation and potential divorce. My wife of 19 years developed a crush on someone at work after staying at home for eighteen years. When I found out about it I was hurt and sought out counseling and started spending money on dinners out and flowers, etc. None of this really helped too much as her job was temporary and she wouldn’t be around the man she had a crush on. As her job was coming to an end she became more angry and belligerent towards me. In June she filed a dvp against me and had me removed from my house and children for a week. The dv was denied by the judge, thank God, but then she immediately filed for divorce. She is asking for everything and claiming falsely that I have been an abusive controlling husband all these years with anger issues. I mean, we have had our arguments over the years but nothing that warrants this.
I have moved out and could go home but am afraid too because of how unstable she is. She has started listening to this crazy Korean pop music and forces our daughters to go on late night walks with her around the neighborhood. She doesn’t want me having visitation with our kids and is using them as pawns against me. I have been able to talk with her a little bit but it seems that her mind is made up. I have been doing a lot of praying for our marriage to be saved just like you. I still love her dearly and think about all of the good times we have shard together. I am holding out hope for reconciliation If her heart changes. The Lord can work miracles. I will say a prayer for you. Don’t give up and hang tough. Realize that you have been abandoned and have been called to peace. Maybe her heart will change and she will come back but if not realize that maybe there is someone else for you to start over with.
Josh as i go through the same thing after 40 years of marriage the tactics all sound the same. You become an abuser nothing was ever good, And yes women being abused very young has a lot to do with later in life behaviour. It changes and affects them in ways they don’t understand. I don’t see much hope for our marriage. But I hope the best for yours.
No, No! Men can’t get off that easy. Men put hobbies before wife & children. Women love men very deeply. But, need a very deep intimate connection & not always sexual.
Liar. Woman are the worst and men are stupid for trusting them.
Marrriage shouldn’t be about what a person does what you want. I thought it wae till death do us part through sickness and in health, bad and good rich or poor, what happen to that???? Tells me either someone didnt love someone in the first place or someone heart grew cold. It has to be both sides working and no selfishness involved just cause everything isnt going the way u like it its ok just like single mothers will do whater for their child no matter what that child does the one thing they dont do is let them go thats Real love. When u can go through the bad the sickness and still be and active in your marriage thats love when parents can do that to their kids why they cant do that same thing for their spouse??? Selfishness is always involved whoever decides to go get that divorce is usually the person that is selfish and the one that quits.
I think your last sentence isn’t true.. sometime the one initiate the divorce because they have to other options and they are hurt. Sometime, love scars cuts deep.. and it is the only option when the other won’t willing to compromise. Well.. at least it is in my situation
I suppose you can’t compromise very well. My experience with female “compromise” is do what I want.
You thought wrong jonque. The woman falls in love with what the man can do for them. If she fell in love with the fact that you were the breadwinner or a good provider than if you stop doing that she won’t love you as much.
Joe, Women now a days don’t just fall in love with a breadwinner. They fall in love with a breadwinner, but once married, he has to do the house work as well, even if he has to work 50/60 hours a week, and she is unemployed. If he he fails to meet these conditions, then he is a bad husband, and she will continuously remind him that she is looking out for a husband that will meet these criteria.
Feminism.
Well since many women are Cheating more than ever these days which would certainly explain it as well. Been there and done that unfortunately.
While this comment is definitely sounds like it comes from a place of hurt there is definitely truth here. The sad part is I did all the things they say to do….I spent countless hours taking care of kids, cleaning and fixing the house. I would listen to my wife vent about her troubles every day…even often on my lunch. I worked two jobs because I was shifting from being a DV counselor to teaching. I picked or bought fresh flowers for my wife weekly. Left her love notes. Made sure she was always satisfied during intimate times. Gave non sexual contact as well.
But no matter what I gave it wasn’t enough and her attention was always going elsewhere. One minute she showed me intense love and the next it was like I was her man servant. After a while I got tired of being criticized and I started expressing my feelings. It is something I can do rather well but to no avail. She rarely could tell me what she truly wanted or how she really felt. When I would try to hold her and ask her what she needed or what I could do the answer was always “it’s not my job to train you”. Eventually things deteriorated more and more until she gave up, moved out, and eventually divorced.
This skips a tonof steps that involved couples counseling that she ended up quitting and I finished, individual counseling, and ally of time in prayer. I’m far from perfect and the thing that upset me the most about our relationship ship was how I let it deteriorate my sense of self worth. I became highly reactionary and started yelling from time to time in arguments. Arguments that usually involved me being yelled at and called names, among other things. By the end of it she was painting me out to be an uncontrollable abuser. This was her excuse to ultimately change her original commitment to the marriage and “beliefs”. Even after the divorce and she says she has “falllen out of love” with me I have to chosen to remain committed to my vow and to the love I have for her.
I know there is something going on deep inside her that has her ally twisted in knots and reacting the way she has these last couple years. I’m almost confident it has to do with the abuse she suffered as a child from her parents, especially her father.
If you met my ex wife then you think she is the most positive, sweet, and caring person you have ever met. What I have experienced from her is so contrary to what everyone else experiences it is mind boggling.
She is well educated, works in early childhood education, and is a professed Christian. But the entire experience I’ve gone through simply amazes me. I am still working through and healing from everything as the divorce finalized a month ago.
We just found out the gender of our baby girl as she is almost 5 months pregnant.
Between family support, her job, and all the people telling her she can do it on her own there was really no need to save the marriage for anything other than the sake of saving the relationship. Unfortunately, up until this point that wasn’t enough for her. If I started to go into the amount of the things I tried to do to save our marriage it would be disheartening. I ultimately learned the hard way first hand what it really means when they say it takes two for a marriage to work.
I know in her heart of hearts this result is not what she wanted and I think she is so indoctrinated by the female empowerment message along with her own personal hurts and struggles that she just couldn’t bring herself to make the decisions necessary to really get what she wanted. In the end she took the easy path and filed for divorce.
I’ve learned a lot over the past few years…a lot about myself…a lot about God….and a lot about what it means to be a husband. This may sound crazy but for me the divorce is part of the hard times or dark times. I have chosen to not give up on my wife even when she has given up herself. I pray that wveehthing will work out one day and I’m doing the best I can to live the life I have and work within the realm of things that I can control.
I am human. The fond feelings of affection towards my wife have been clouded by pain, sorrow, abandonment, and so on, but I’ve learned enough to know that the absence of those feelings is not the absence of love for my wife. I was able to hug her recently for the first time in quite a while after learning the gender of our child and while in the scheme of the things the hug itself ultimately meant very little, what I felt in that moment was very real. There is no place in the world that feels like home as much as having my wife in my arms and me being in hers.
I don’t know what the future holds or how things will work out but what I do know for now is that my attention is on healing my heart, clearing out any bitterness or resentment I hold, and doing everything I can to be a father to my daughter to be.
I don’t usually make comments on websites but as someone from the other side I understand what’s happening.
Josh you said so yourself that your wife had a past history of abuse from her father. Was he abusive toward his wife also?
I would say I had a similar experience as a child. Abusive dad who made life miserable for me and mom. As a kid I ran away from home a few times. As a result of trying to prove myself I’m a high achiever with a high IQ. But a crappy emotional IQ to boot. I had many relationships before I met my husband and always made a point of leaving the relationship. It’s almost like I’m trying to prove a point to myself that I could leave. Something that I wished many times my mom did. I always tended to date men with very high patience tolerance and slow to anger.
With my husband, for a long time whenever the going got tough or arguments come up I would always think about leaving or want to leave. it wasn’t until later that almost like someone with PTSD I’m so terrified of staying that I can’t seem to deal with any sort of unpleasantness/confrontations. I think sometimes I can even test the patience of a saint. When he yells back (finally) I justify that as a reason to bolt because in my mind he’s unfit to be a husband and a father, just like my dad. I worry that my children would be ‘abused’ even though that’s never going to happen based on anyone with a rational mind.
I have a very successful career and none of my co-workers would suspect my (almost) psychotic history. We are so good at masking our inner pain that we become manipulative just to keep that mask on.
Ultimately, your wife in her unwise state of anger told other people about what’s ‘happening’ and now is too embarrassed to back down. I do think she loves you. Ultimately the best option is to find a good counselor, someone who understand people with PTSD, and see if you can go to marriage counseling. Separately at first then together. To her mind the way you prove to be a good father is to be there and if she provokes a fight (on purpose) then the best option is to walk away rather than confront. If you yell then to her mind you’ve just proved her right in so many ways.
Wish you the best of luck
Most of the women unfortunately are the biggest cheats today.
I don’t care about fidelity. My husband could have sex with 100 other women and I won’t care as long as he tells me first, I get the same freedom, and I get a chance to join in on the action with him and whomever he might play with. What I care about is being controlled, especially with money. I make 2/3 of our money but my husband is terribly controlling and throws childish temper tantrums whenever things go wrong. My friends and family have noticed the way he acts and how I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve put on about 80 pounds in the four years we’ve been married due to the stress. Last year he bought a 4000 dollar TV that we didn’t need, yet, he doesn’t want me to go on a choir trip and says we can’t afford it. I used to have such anxiety over my purchases and he would ask me how much I spent at the store for groceries. He would watch every penny I spent. The first two years of our marriage were total hell. Not sure how I survived it. Things started to change for the better one summer the week we left for a trip when I got piss ass drunk one night, vomited everywhere (I don’t remember this), called my best friend and told her I wanted to kill myself (I don’t remember this), and my husband had to clean it up. My best friend talked to my husband and told him how his bull dogging me about money was causing me problems and that this is what it was doing to me. I think part of the problem is that my husband likes control, order, and routine (he has undiagnosed Aspergers). I have Aspergers too, with a formal diagnosis, but I got my diagnosis at 18 and I’m 33 now. I have spent my entire adult life working on myself, learning how to show empathy, learning how to understand other’s emotions, learning how to understand my own, and how to function. I have lived with the idea that I’m the one who needs to change and so I’m used to adapting myself to situations. I have learned how to try new foods (my husband is extremely picky, only eating about 5 foods). I have intentionally exposed myself to new experiences, such as living in a different area of the country for a little while. I have even learned 3 different trades (Carpentry, Masonry, and Computer Networking with a CCNA cert, currently trying for my CCNP). I try to make friends. My husband doesn’t really do any of this on his own, and will only try new things at my suggestion. I’m going to have a talk with him in the next couple of days about seeing a counselor plus a psychiatrist and getting over his control issues with money. I’m fine being the breadwinner, but, I’m not fine with the non-breadwinner telling me how I can and can’t spend money, especially if non-breadwinner doesn’t hold himself to the same standards. I’m also going to try to convince him to get a formal diagnosis of Aspergers and to get on anti-anxiety meds. My therapist can do clinical diagnoses and has said she will either do one on my husband or direct us to other resources. I think him having a formal diagnosis will really open his eyes to some things and will help him to manage himself better. I love my husband and the longer I’m with him the more I love him. However, I do not believe in staying in a marriage that is hazardous to one’s health, and I believe that if things don’t change I will end up having a heart attack or stroke before I’m 40. My dad died of a heart attack and I don’t want to suffer the same fate.
Heh. I make ALL the money in my household, spend next to none of it, my wife cheated on me and then nearly killed herself, ending in the ER multiple times, after I told her to leave. I found out how horrible her life was after I saw a divorce lawyer and she had spent $200,000 dollars in ONE year! I took pity on her, but she doesn’t understand what it means when on person gives to another. Now I’m trapped. I can’t leave her, I don’t love her, but I care for her, and don’t want her to live in misery.
Meanwhile, she gets half. She has done nothing for 10 years but drink, or take opioids, while I work my *ss off.
Thank you Ronald Reagan.
Bre, You’re a total idiot.
Most women are the biggest cheaters these days unfortunately which they’re certainly the real cause for most divorces as well.
VERY few women would agree, 99% of women always blame everything on the men !! Some women can be the most sneaking animal alive. They carefully plan meetings with other men in other towns (motels). I have a friend who manages a motel and he said that at any one time there are at least two couples who rent rooms during the day and says that it is obvious that they are just hookups. Yes men cheat but JUST as many wives cheat also !!
Forget about me for a while, let’s talk about me. Me,Me,Me,Me………
Women are evil
so are men – look at isis, rapes, assaults and corporate greed
Correction: women are more likely to betray you in a relationship than men. That betray comes from their resentment. And, in my Bible, resentment is what the devil does best.
Amen to that. If God is not the center of the relationship then resentment, selfishness and pride sets in and takes over. At that point there is no reasoning or working things out.
Amen. If God is not the center of the marriage then resentment and selfishness and pride set in and it takes over. And yes the devil does come to separate, kill and destroy separate. The evil one is a pro.
All due to women. ISIS is about controlling women from the feminist influence of western civilization. Corporate greed stems from men wanting more in order to provide and boast to women. Rape happens when my men can’t find willing sexual partners, never the woman’s fault, just an explanation, and so fourth. The devil uses women unbeknowestlly to push men to do evil, just like in the garden because women are insatiable.
Good insight. The devil has used women to do horrible things in history.
Agreed… and I am one. Never married, though. I told this to a recent male acquaintance who was being dragged through hell by his wife since she told him a year ago that she was looking for guys online; and then told him, her four children (2 are his) and her parents that she had been planning this divorce for 5 years! EVIL.
I told him my own story of a woman who was training me in my new employment to take over part of her job. This was an analyst position which I was told would take 2 years to fully learn and be able to do. My boss and my trainer begged me during the interviews to commit to 2 years, which I did. Four months after I started, my boss called me to his office. When I got there, he, my trainer and the HR director were waiting for me. He told me I had 2 weeks to improve; however, I didn’t know I was failing. Now 4 months later (a month after my dying mother passed away), I’m being told to shape up ASAP. I knew this was meeting was just protocol and she had her mind made up, so I resigned to safe myself the embarrassment and termination. EVIL.
I had been with the company for 2 years as a temp and was just hired on full time with an outstanding salary and full benefits. I was single and 48. That was 22 months ago. I had one 14-month job since that time, which was a 25% cut in pay and no benefits other than PTO. I got laid off 3 months ago due to the failing business. Still looking for work. It seems companies don’t want to hire a 50-yr-old with a scetchy resume.
Most of this has nothing to do with divorce but is related to selfish women. I agree that many women are very selfish… I have met dozens of them in 30 years of employment.
Nice woman… When I was a younger man in my 30’s I had a very close female friend in her mid 60’s who disliked almost all women. She warned me to never believe much that women told me and to not trust them. She trusted men much more because she said that she has told men things and it never comes back to her. She said that mostly, men were not into gossip and they could be trusted to keep their mouth shut rather than spread lies like most women do. I have seen many photos of her as a young woman and as she got older and she was a very beautiful woman. She claimed that that was much of the problem because other womens husbands were always coming onto her which caused other wives to spread lies which got back to her husband. Her marriage was destroyed by womens gossip. I must admit this woman is still very attractive and her and I are in a relationship ( I am not married ) . After 15 years we still see each other and have se and we can talk about anything openly. She is OK with me being with other women but she will always be there for me when I need her. I have always knowen her as a sweet and loving lady. I cherish the time I have had with her.
Agreed… and I am one. Never married, though. I told this to a recent male acquaintance who was being dragged through hell by his wife since she told him a year ago that she was looking for guys online; and then told him, her four children (2 are his) and her parents that she had been planning this divorce for 5 years! EVIL.
I told him my own story of a woman who was training me in my new employment to take over part of her job. This was an analyst position which I was told would take 2 years to fully learn and be able to do. My boss and my trainer begged me during the interviews to commit to 2 years, which I did. Four months after I started, my boss called me to his office. When I got there, he, my trainer and the HR director were waiting for me. He told me I had 2 weeks to improve; however, I didn’t know I was failing. Now 4 months later (a month after my dying mother passed away), I’m being told to shape up ASAP. I knew this was meeting was just protocol and she had her mind made up, so I resigned to safe myself the embarrassment and termination. EVIL.
I had been with the company for 2 years as a temp and was just hired on full time with an outstanding salary and full benefits. I was single and 48. That was 22 months ago. I had one 14-month job since that time, which was a 25% cut in pay and no benefits other than PTO. I got laid off 3 months ago due to the failing business. Still looking for work. It seems companies don’t want to hire a 50-yr-old with a scetchy resume.
Most of this has nothing to do with divorce but is related to selfish women. I agree that many women are very selfish… I have met dozens of them in 30 years of employment.
In the end, this article still blames the man. WTF?
That’s what I said!!!!!!!!!
This blogger is targeting a certain audience- women!
Almighty God will put all this debates in place sooner or later.
Women initiate divorce because our judeo-masonic social engineers have created the no-fault divorce, feminism and a financial free ride in the form of alimony and child support. Lets not forget the ****ing counsellors and therapists telling everyone to get a divorce. Do a mandatory pre-nup and never visit a counsellor and the divorce rates will plummet.
100% accurate!
To me this article is pointless and extremely pro woman. All this article did was to reconfirm the ok that women divorce men for any reason and take what ever they want and feel justified. Most women want men to be traditional by being solely financially responsible for the family and then come home to do half of the women work at home. While women do not want to be traditional by having men do half there work at home but will not contribute half to the family finances by getting a job. Women if you want men to do half your work at home then you should do half of men’s traditional work by contributing financially half of the family income. That is truly an equal relationship.
It’s funny how marriages are like jobs and careers now. Their is no comiitment from either side. I have been married for 5 years now. My wife recently asked for a separation and wants me to leave. WTF we have 3 year old and a mother that has no family but her daughter and a father who has divorced 2 or 3 times. I take half the blame and yes I have said really bad things to her because of own insecurities. We have no sex life and to be honest the sex hasn’t really been there anyway. I genuinely like my wife and always tried to make sure she did well at work because that’s where we met. Things broke down when I was layer off these are my issues that I shut her out from and she did reach out and try help but I wasn’t ready shitty is that is. I would like to try and salvage but she is the one who wants to not try. I can go on and on but I just don’t understand that she just wants to completely quit. Yes I have to change and make my commitment but what for better or worse we have a lifetime to work it out. Sorry for the rant but women need to understand men are biologically different from them and if they want a perfect fairy tale marriage go to Hollywood see how that works out
“Even though the husband may feel a lot of grief, he still inflicts shame and blame, adding fuel to her fire. They both only see the faults that their spouse brings to the table, and refuse to look in the mirror.
If only he held her and asked her what she needed. If only he helped her a little more around the house and with the kids. If only he heard her complaints and took them seriously and made some changes. If only he did something nice for her to show his love for her. If only he held her without initiating sex. And if only then… he pleased her first. ”
This all such BS. Men are not poor, unfortunate souls who can’t please their big, mean, uncommunicative wives.
Just stop it.
Why does a marriage’s success fall solely on the man to anticipate the needs of his wife? Is that really how little we care about men’s needs as a society? A marriage is a union in which it is only necessary to fit the emotional needs of the woman?
It does feel like to a woman a man exist to exclusively serve her and be whatever she needs.
That most men don’t see the problem until it’s too late In her eye means in no uncertain terms she is demanding more of him than he of her.
Girls are drama queens growing up is it not unreasonable to believe they never actually get over that as adults?
Little Girls have trouble forgiving anyone of any offence real or imaged is it not unreasonable to assume women have the same problem creating their list which inevitably lead to walls they can’t scale?
But they say men need to somehow do better? I get the violence and abuse argument.
But women are throwing away men who are just giving them money and a place to live asking nonthing more of them because they can’t stand to hear them breath..
I think too many women are poorly adapted to the freedom to make choices and acting illresponsible like little drama queen girls.
For years, in counseling couples, I have used the brick in the wall analogy. This is the first time I have read of someone else using the same comparison. I would like to add that one of the challenges is to remove the brick or bricks before the wall is built. How do you do that? Then there is a conflict, disagreement, argument or whatever and one or both sides becomes angry with the other a brick is placed in the wall. To remove it I suggest the following. Let’s say the husband felt like his wife had been ‘nagging’ him about getting something done and he exploded at her for her “constant nagging.” Now he reasons he was justified and she feels like she did nothing wrong. If nothing more is said after a period of time they will go on with life but the brick is still there. On the other hand, if he goes to his wife and says, “The way I reacted to you and spoke yesterday (last week or whenever) was disrespectful and wrong. Will you forgive me?” Then, based on her response, the brick can be removed. It can also open the door for more meaningful dialogue about the whole nagging problem. A final note: Saying I’m sorry is good but when you add, “Will you forgive me?” it requires a response and opens a door.
This is all very interesting because I was searching on the internet why people hate women so much and hate women so much for wanting to divorce from their husbands. And all I can find is more proof of why Society dislikes women so much dislikes women for getting jobs just like when is for trying to keep a marriage together even when their husbands don’t love them. I went to counseling with my husband because of the abuse he was giving our child and he still didn’t think she was doing anything wrong and didn’t take any advice from the counselor. He never worked never tried to work said he was sick all he has is a thyroid problem. Whenever I asked him to find a part-time job or find something that he likes to do to take care of himself he refused to do anything. A journal for over 10 years of the criticism I was constantly getting my life around him was walking on eggshells it was miserable I cried all the time I wanted to kill myself all the time and that’s not the person I am, but I can tell from everyone’s comments to this article that no matter what a woman goes through we’re better off shooting ourselves in the head than trying to stay married or get a divorce.
I even went to his parents and ask them for help about his depression they wouldn’t listen to me and he wouldn’t listen to me and my friends and co-workers who saw what I was going through describe it as mental abuse and everytime I try to talk to him about it he would just tell me how crazy I am and I’m the one with the problem. Why the society not want a woman to be happy why.
More statistics. 80% of women only find 20% of men attractive. This is because women are the genetic gatekeepers of the human race. Women want an unequal pairing. They want a man more attractive/ better genes than they have for procreation. However, this is not probable as most end up equally paired. From an evolutionary standpoint, the woman feels an ever-present need to improve. Leading to divorce in 70% of western marriages.
You know everybody complains about their partner but, guess what, you choose that person. Why did you choose that person to marry? You had to know who they were prior to marriage.
Women initiate the divorce 69 to 90%? I’d suggest reading about the curse on Adam and Eve, but i am guessing the 10 to 30% that don’t file may read and practice what the Bible says. We all have flaws and problems. Instead of looking at what is wrong with your spouse or marriage, be content with what you have and focus on the good. Pretty unfair to the spouse and children when one decides the marriage is over and it’s too late. Look in the mirror and see at least half of the blame. It takes work, it’s much easier to throw in the towel. How do you find the women in the 10% category? Blind sided
Bricks …
Walls …
Whatever… fact is every “mature” woman is the oldest teenager in the room, and like teenagers.. beyond selfless reasoning.
This is why as a man, I won’t ever get married. I suppose sometimes men but statistically mostly women always look for an excuse to leave the marriage. they become so tolerant of that love drug, until they can’t get enough it to satisfy their cravings. Then they look for their next host suck dry.
Agreed……. women offer absolutely nothing in a marriage besides unrealistic expectations, sex withholding, mood swings, finacial demands, crows feet, stretch marks, and saggy breast with a out of wack libido in their cougar years. Then they default on the vows and agree to financially extort their children’s father, which is called rape by the way. It’s best to stay single or date them from 18-27 like a car rental. They don’t even cook anymore or remain faithful sexually. And this is just the basics!! Men only ask women for food, sex, and respect. I hate to say ladies, but you have played a great role in destroying society and the family nucleus by having bad selection processes for husbands and trying to change them and then canceling them and removing them from the home. All while asking where have all the good men gone. It’s funny, women don’t even like women. That says it all.
It’s simple… women initiate divorces because divorcing is financially favorable for women. If women were the ones FAR more likely to be paying child support, alimony, add-on expenses and the bulk of the education expenses, you can bet your ass that they wouldn’t be the ones initiating the bulk of divorces.
Financial setbacks are by far the most common issue causing divorce. Where most men view a setback by the women as a bump they need to get through together, women view a setback on the part of the man as a dealbreaker on the financial “deal” they made in marriage. I’ve seen it so many times..
I can summarize the problem with every relationship in one word, and no, you don’t have to spend $30 on a book, or $300 on a weekend seminar, or $3,000 on months of counseling….are you ready?? Then here it is: selfishness. There it is, plain and simple. The problem in every relationship is selfishness, i.e. focusing more on your needs and yourself, than your partners needs and your partner. Reread this article through a selfishness lens. In other words, read what people in the article are saying, and ask yourself: is that being spoken from a place of selfishness or selflessness? Here’s my question in all of this: if women initiate twice as many divorces as men, are they twice as selfish men???
so again, you are basically just mentioning money. In an age where women have an equal (if not easier, in many cases) road to financial success, men are still judged primarily on their financial merits.
When you agreed to marry him, you should have known him well enough to realize that he’s lazy, at which point you still uttered the words, for richer or poorer…the fact that a stranger on the internet points this out and you reply with doubling down on him not making enough money/providing and then accusing said person of ignorantly prying gives most of us some very valuable insight into what was ‘expected’ in this marriage. You still never mentioned why his hours were cut.
just to clarify, when you say ‘losing’ 65,000$ dollars a year, do you mean that your husband lost his job, and therefore you no longer had access to said salary?
Dina, life is tough for some people, especially when they are providing for a family, you should know this considering you have been doing the same. Your original comment comes across as very simple: your husband didn’t provide enough money for you, so you left. And you seem to be so justified in saying ‘he expected me to make up the loss’…this is how families work Dina, they cover for each other when hards times hit, and the fact that you seem to be put off by him having to rely on you financially for a time shows just how unwilling you are to make any type of sacrifice. If a husband left his wife because she lost her job, or fell upon hard times, it would be seen by most as some kind of tragedy (and by the courts as somewhat criminal – considering he would likely have to finance her post-divorce lifestyle with his own salary)
That was a perfect summary
It’s always the guys fault…..sheessh
hmmm….maybe one day when I actually meet a woman who takes ANY responsibility for a broken marriage or relationship, some of your opinions would have merit. Feminism ruined modern women and they are now useless to men. Its only going to get worse and this is coming form an optimist. Good Luck
This is what’s happening in my marriage with my wife. She has some form of OCD and she makes mountains out of mole hills. She has been a positive influence on me, but I just seem to keep making her mad, and she has threatened divorce numerous times. We have a 5 month old now, love him so much and just want the family life to work, but I fear for his mental health later on, as myself I feel mentally exhausted in this marriage. Her idea is not one were we work together, but one were we both still live our own lives and do the majority of things separately. She has told me not to visit her parents who live next door or her brother who’s next door as well. I’m almost numb in this marriage now and could almost care less if she came home with papers for divorce. She has medication, but doesn’t like to take it regularly like she is supposed to. It seems since our son was born that things have gone to the extreme. She stays over at her friends with our son, sometimes all night, says she fell asleep and all. I’m trying to get her to go to counseling together, but I messed up the other night and said something I showing have, even though it was the truth, and she just said she was done with this all and was going to get papers. I have put up with a lot of selfish behavior from her, and other things I have tried to get over, but somehow it always seems like it is my fault after the arguments. I feel deceived and manipulated at times. Really do not know what to do at all other than to go to counseling without her.
The main reason college educated women file 90% of divorces is in a divorce they receive compensation. They get the children, They get the house, they get child support and alimony, why should they have to work to save the marriage. They have it all figured out. Now they can get a new lover and bring them into the house that she and her ex husband have paid for. Pretty smart Huh?
From all the women’s experience, how long from the time a woman says she wants a divorce until she actually gets the papers? Is it months or years?
This is the EXACT story of my life… down to the word “schizophrenic” used to describe his efforts to fix things. We are currently divorcing and he has publicly “inflicted shame and blame” on me. Thank you for this blog to help me realize how common my story must be.
First things first, don’t get married unless you spent 5 or more years with a person and like them for sure knowing what you will get consistently. I mean 5 years of living with them. Second, impliment the prenup method with a lawyer. The prenup elimimates any non loving reasons of getting married and allows for only love in the relationship. Take care of each other, and know each other. 5 years before marriage builds the connection that deepens the life of the relationship which leads to marriage and prenup of benefit to both parties. A prenup doesn’t mean the wife gets nothing, its litterly the financial agreement before the relationship starts so if the relationship ends allows for both party to know how things will end from the beginning. If children are involved before marriage, please think about the child, it will need 2 people to love and support it working together, stay on birth control or morning afterpill, because if that partner is not the one, your child will be effected badly oh so badly. I want everyone to be happy and love together. We need unity not individuality, thats how great systems are created. I love everyone of you.
Yes, “Dad” I agree that women are evil… and I am one. Never married, though. I told this to a recent male acquaintance who was being dragged through hell by his wife since she told him a year ago that she was looking for guys online; and then told him, her four children (2 are his) and her parents that she had been planning this divorce for 5 years! EVIL.
I told him my own story of a woman who was training me in my new employment to take over part of her job. This was an analyst position which I was told would take 2 years to fully learn and be able to do. My boss and my trainer begged me during the interviews to commit to 2 years, which I did. Four months after I started, my boss called me to his office. When I got there, he, my trainer and the HR director were waiting for me. He told me I had 2 weeks to improve; however, I didn’t know I was failing. Now 4 months later (a month after my dying mother passed away), I’m being told to shape up ASAP. I knew this was meeting was just protocol and she had her mind made up, so I resigned to safe myself the embarrassment and termination. EVIL.
I had been with the company for 2 years as a temp and was just hired on full time with an outstanding salary and full benefits. I was single and 48. That was 22 months ago. I had one 14-month job since that time, which was a 25% cut in pay and no benefits other than PTO. I got laid off 3 months ago due to the failing business. Still looking for work. It seems companies don’t want to hire a 50-yr-old with a scetchy resume.
Most of this has nothing to do with divorce but is related to selfish women. I agree that many women are very selfish… I have met dozens of them in 30 years of employment.
I read about how women initiate the highest percentage of divorces and seem to tend to blame their men for all of the faults they see in their men. The blame is always leveled squarely on the men. I felt my ex-wife had no interest in real communication when it was clear there were issues we needed to discuss, and when I attempted to reach out to her to talk she always accused me of being “dramatic”. When it got to the point where she said it was too late, it was she that didn’t want to talk about it. When I married I believed in our wedding vows. Considering my wife quit on me/us less than two years into the relationship, I think I have some right to lay our failed marriage on her, to and to very wary going forward if I am to get myself into a marriage again. If you have no intention of following through on your wedding vows, you are being dishonest and unfair to the person you are marrying.
I think far fewer marriages would end in divorce if they had to remain single for a few years afterward. My wife and I divorced and were separated for almost 7 years, reconciled and remarried. Neither of us “dated”.
Second marriages are often a repeat of the failed first marriage because the problem(s) that created the desire for separation/divorce were never resolved.
Read the other comments and ask yourself if these could have been prevented?
Second, lower your expectations. In my opinion the expectations have been grossly distorted. It is a vow, a contract, a dicision. From that perspective love can grow, which is less likely to be the case if the only reason you got married is that life was awesome before you tied the knot… aka. love.
Statistics shows that both sexes initiate break ups of long term relationships equally, 50/50, yet women initiate 70% of divorces. It appears this actually proves that the single reason this is happening is, nope, you did NOT guess it right. It is NOT spousal neglect on part of a man. It THAT was the reason, women would initiate exactly 70% of break ups as well, would they not. Why the difference legal ties vs no legal ties? Answer: the legal system of family law favors the woman. In most cases courts award women long term alimony, primary caregiver status, and child support. Also, to prove this point further, some states, primarily in the South, tend to have a more discriminatory divorce courts than in other states, primarily in the North – and -Surprise!!!! More percentage of men tend to initiate divorce in such states where property and children time are divided more fairly!
Conclusion? Women initiating more divorces has everything to do with female hypergamy and monkey branching
to a more successful male, especially if temporary unemployment hits them, and the preferential treatment female sex is getting in biased divorce courts. It has nothing to do with spousal neglect, although this appears to be reason #1 women tent to leave men.
Very one sided article written most likely to justify the high rate of female-initiated divorce and mask the real reasons they ask for it
Most women nowadays are sleeping around with different men all the time unfortunately since they just can’t commit anymore to only one man, especially since most women like to party now and get real wasted as well.
I’m going through some of what was described here, but not all. I gave connection…probably too much. I did the dumb stuff…messy…impatience. I was very sweet and supportive, but we were not communicating effectively or honestly. That’s two sided…not one.
We’ve entered therapy during major issues before, but we didn’t do it consistently. This I regret. I thought we’d get through everything, and when we couldn’t, we’d get a tune up. I took for granted that she’d always want to.
Here we are. If she’s not 100% done, she’s much closer to it than me. If it’s going to work we’re both going to have to dig deep…I want to try. Not sure she does. Neither is delusional enough to feel innocent…but she’s apparently unhappy enough not to try harder.
It hurts. It sucks. I don’t know if we’d find a way to heal things with therapy…but I feel like we owe it to ourselves to try. I wish we’d gotten here before so much damage was done.
“But what about the makeup lady whose husband really made the real effort? If only she could set aside the blackness in her heart that resentment built, scale that brick wall between them. If he could find a way to connect with her.”
The lady at Ulta made the right decision. A person worthy of your time, isn’t the type of person who only cleans up their act when their marriage is under threat. That’s why it’s too little, too late. The action needs to be authentic. Otherwise, the other person is going to revert to their lacksadaisical ways, stringing her along and wasting more of her time. It’s not her job to “set aside the blackness in her heart.” She’s just fine with the blackness. And his effort at the end was not real. It was superficial. For all those reasons, why in the world is she tasked to carry the emotional workload of making a failing relationship work? Her husband didn’t for years, after all, but he gets a free pass? That’s not equitable. His passivity is no excuse, and her aggressive action to leave does not make her the bearer of the blame for it not working out. There are costs when a spouse fails to act well in a relationship, man or woman. There is a misconception that the person who leaves, is the person who failed. Not leaving is also a failure.
There’s a difference between being in love with the idea of marriage, and being in love with the person you’re with; and if the only thing holding two people together is the idea of marriage, it’s not worth staying married for.
Only a vicious bully threatens someone to get what they want from him. Psycho.
Entitled women have made a God of their feelings. No vow, oath or entreaty can budge them out of their narcissistic decision and the big divorce pay-out. If the marriage vows were traditional ones, there is no wiggle-room. The couple’s “feelings” are not grounds for divorce. George Carlin once mocked a woman who whined, “I’m just not getting all my needs met!” His reply? “DROP SOME OF YOUR NEEDS!!”
This post sounds all too familiar to the situation that I am going through. My husband is a good man and is a providing for our family. I appreciate him very much and generally try to do whatever it is that I can to honor him and to provide him with what he needs from me. However, of late, I am starting to find resentment towards him. I try to be reasonable and appreciative of all of his hard efforts to provide for us. At, the same time, me and our two daughters have needs too that need to be met. My patience is just exhausted. The home seems to become messier when he is around. Dinner is made, most times he’s not here to eat it…fine. But when he comes home, he asks me for a plate, while I’m trying to get the girls situated…fine. The babies need my attention, and my husband asks ‘can you do this…can you do that.’ All the meanwhile, he can’t rock our baby while she’s crying. He can’t change her diaper. He can’t put our two year old in the tub. I am a super woman, but FFS, already!!!! His long hours lead him to coming home and zoning out on the tv while our 2 year old begs for his attention. Our 1 year old knows his face but hardly knows him enough to be comfortable around him. So when she cries he yells “babe, she needs you!” He doesn’t even try. He hands her over to me like a broken toy! I have to remind him to kiss the children or to even say “hi” to them. My husband never asks about my day or how I am doing. But, my husband is quick to ask me for assistance when his back, neck, shoulder, or feet are in pain. Oh… I forgot to mention…..SEX! I try to be reasonable and will take care of him. When I’m sick, it bothers me when he asks things of me. It’s like, “did you just forget that I told you I was vomiting all day?!” He never asks me how I am feeling. Another thing that frustrates me is that when he has an emotional meltdown, he seeks comfort in hanging out with one of the guys. I have resentment towards him in this situation because, I don’t get a break ever. I haven’t had a break from the children since their birth. He tells me that I need to find a babysitter so me and him can go out every once and awhile, but that does not fix the problem. I’d rather him spend time with our daughters. At this point, I no longer care about spending time with him, I just desperately need him to be with our girls more. Another thing that bothers me is that I believe in Jesus Christ and I am a woman of prayer. I’m not an overly religious person, but when I asked him to pray with me over our marriage, he was just doing it out of irritation. Both myself and my husband come from broken homes. It is complex and unfortunate at the best description and I don’t want to split up our family. It’s not good for anyone in the situation. I do feel extremely lonely. I’m hoping the when the girls start school, perhaps I can find a friend or two. It saddens me that I am available to my husband for whatever he needs, especially his sexual needs when he’s not available to know anything about my day. I can’t get into the sex when my mind isn’t there. I took my vows seriously so, I don’t see myself in a situation to file for divorce…. but damn!!!!!!!! It really makes me question why we ever got married in the first place when there is no emotional connection, no chemistry, and nothing but space and time between us. Hopefully my prayers will work….
If the laws were reformed nationwide to allow fathers to seek parental rights over children outside of marriage (i.e. the courts saw fathering as good for children, which right now they generally do not), then no man should ever get married. NOT EVER.
If you are a decent, hard-working guy committed to an egalitarian marriage, odds are still very high she will leave you just because she has unrealistic expectations and gets bored and decides the grass is greener. The courts will punish you and reward her, and then some journalist will use your struggles to paint fathers as incompetent and disinterested in children.
Yes, the problem with this “unraveling” is that normally the woman never leaves to be on her own. She monkey branches to a higher quality male, usually someone older and more established than her husband. This piece totally omits this fact, as well as the women who do the divorcing. They are unwilling to work on the marriage because they already have a new partner, they have new shiny feelings for, with whom they ridicule the soon to be ex husband.
Women leave ONLY because they fail to commit. They are “committed” until they find someone better. Then they need to gpfind justification for this disgusting behavior, such as those written above in this piece,
Well with most women sleeping around all the time as well as partying and getting real wasted with their girlfriends which that would certainly explain it.
With most women being very unfaithful these days what do you expect since most women are the biggest cheaters of them all as well. Enough said.
Well most women nowadays are sleeping around a lot since they just Can’t stay with just one guy anymore.
There can always be reasons why people Divorce. One thing is true, if a couple can’t remain friends in a union, love will fall apart..
Why is this, and every article like it, always showing divorce as the man’s fault?
It’s sad how we raise our boys to become emotionally crippled men. We tell them not to cry, not to talk about their feelings, to focus on external situations and use anger to resolve conflict. Then, when they are in a relationship (particularly with a woman), his ability to reflect on and express his feelings (to an extent) is vital to the marriage. Why do we raise boys to disconnect and girls to connect? It’s so sad.
As a woman who is leaving her husband for these reasons and more, I know that self-reflection is key. Is someone can self-reflect and has the desire to improve, in ANY area of their life, this is very telling to how they will be in a relationship.
Wait, what? You’re leaving him because of what society has turned him into? I used to reflect on and express my feelings in my marriage and that wasn’t perceived as masculine. I was cheated on, abandoned, now I’m divorced. NOW, I don’t bother expressing my feelings and I disconnect. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. Basically, women say I divorced him because (insert excuse) and you’re done. No fault divorce. Nobody gets hurt, right? I used to agree with feminism. Now I don’t even care what happens to women. I feel bad that my girlfriend has to tolerate what my ex turned me into and what society has chosen to burden me with. Please allow society to give you credit for divorcing your husband. At least women have the power to damage men further. I hope that soon men will just decide to give up on marriage and relationships completely
Interesting you’ve made yourself out to be the victim in your own life… I choose to be an ACTIVE agent in my life and make decisions that reflect the life that I want, not the life that I feel “burdened with”. I, too, feel bad for your future girlfriend but I feel even worse for you…because you are a prisoner in your own mind. In the famous words of Bob Marley, “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.” You can CHOOSE to see the world in whatever way you want and you can CHOOSE to be happy or not.
I don’t think men are all programed to talk about feelings or really anything that is not connected to the task of keeping people secure with food on the table.
I think you asking too much of a man if you expect that and would be better off with anther woman.
Your husband is for providing and protecting you not managing your feelings and happyness. That is an entirely different set of skills even professionals have trouble with.
Simply put, men don’t listen and women think the grass is always greener on the other side
If only…
I’ve read hundreds of articles at this point. Seems like a lot of men aren’t doing their part in the relationship. At least this is how most of them are portrayed. I’m the husband who put in the real effort and did my part. I was cheated on and then blamed for it. Now I’m divorced. I used to believe that women needed good men out there to be in their lives. It turns out that they take them for granted and damage them. There are good women and good men out there in as many numbers as there are bad women and bad men out there. Sadly, my ex claims to have ‘crossed oceans’ for me and did everything to try to make the relationship work. I think women do this to evade responsibility and maintain a positive image at the expense of any man they’ve damaged. I’ll never trust a divorced woman because of this. I don’t believe the stories women tell me anymore about the bad relationships they’ve had. I’m grateful to have met a woman who has been good to me the past two years and has given me some faith that there are still good women out there but I’m still guarded. The moment she shows any red flags, I’m prepared to walk out and never look back.
At no point did I read in this article how a wife is to never stop unconditionally respecting her husband and praying for the improvement of their marriage which was commanded unto her by the Lord Jesus Christ, the inventor of marriage, the savior of her eternal soul, and the main one she made a covenant with when she got married.
I guess I am not the usual type of woman. My husband is the one who tosses around the divorce coin at every situation. Situation that he initiates by picking faults where I see none exist. And he does it not just with me but with my kids too. I don’t get upset with myself being on the receiving end but I do get angry when he lashes out at the kids. I always think his anger is unfounded but I am not sure if I am correct in my assumptions. Hence I hesitate to act. I feel that I must act because of the kids but I am not sure what would do the greater damage to them, my seeking a divorce or simply falling in line.
I noticed the majority of the responses are from men. Did you see yourself in the article?
Yes, I think about divorce almost weekly, sometimes daily. I haven’t left as I love God and my husband and don’t want to hurt him. Though, I’m sure its acceptable that with in the 1st year of marriage, I realized he is very inconsiderate of me. Everyone else…Johnny on the spot. I work just as many hours as he does, our income is pretty even, I pay all the bills, manage the entire household up to and including keeping up with his medical and other appointments.
That being said, I have a physical disability which has gotten much worse since we married 3 years ago today. It takes a (literal) act of God for him to actually do anything when we get home from work. Wait…that’s not right. He comes home and sits on his ass while my 2nd job starts.
I have to beg him to bathe the dogs (that he wanted) as that’s the only thing I can’t do or hire out.
The only way the lawn was taken care of (before I hired a service) was when we received code violations from the city. We can afford to have someone take care of the many things I can’t do and he doesn’t get around to, but nah…he’ll get to it.
My balance is horrible and although I would probably break something if I fell, he won’t wipe up things he spill or drop on the floor.
I have to hold the wall and wipe up the carp he drop and hear him say “I was going to do that”. Typically, this happens days after he dropped or spilled something.
He ridicules me and acts like a child when I have to go behind him and lock doors, turn off lights, etc. Even when I say I’m not comfortable, it doesn’t matter.
Oh, and yelling at me for the most inane crap? Yep, that too. As I was raised by a single alcoholic and gambling father, I promised that I would not deal with that when I left home at the age of 16. Who knew what awaited me. A life of hell. Taking pain medication for the many (real) physical issue using a walker as the back pain and bad balance from a long term illness has taken its toll. Taking an antidepressant and anti anxiety pill just to deal with being married to an adult child.
So yeah…gonna try to hang in there as death comes to all of us and the sooner, the better. Reckon you guys won’t stone me for that cause I’ll already be dead. And yes, sometimes it’s too little too late and no, he won’t be blindsided if I decide to leave.
Y’all have a blast.
ones you’ve gotten married I don’t think theirs any reason for divorce all you need is patient and understanding…..wealth is nothing compared to love my brethens
I stayed for 27 years and for about 25 of those years his family lived with us in our home.As endured 1000s of physical assaults by this monster in the course of the marriage.I tried to leave him when my children were young but he threatened to take them back to his country and I would never see them again so I stayed.I tried to heal and change this wretched misogynist excuse for a man and keep the family together I was on anti depressants and so were my kids…My kids even encouraged the divorce as did my ex’s own sister and brother as they all witnessed how he abused me. He also assaulted his kids. When I finally did file for divorce when my son was 17 he followed through and kidknapped him and brainwashed him against me, I have not seen my son for 3 years and my ex will not let me near my now 20 year old son…..
If only the author says….If only I never married him in the first place! If only he didnt abuse me in every possible way that he could….
So author you see, some of us are just lucky that we made it out alive…..
There really is no sense to trying to fix a marriage once the wife places blame. As a husband I tried everything to hold my marriage together. We went to 5 counselors after my wife’s first affair. The reason we went to so many is because she wanted a counselor to agree with her that she was always right.
Divorce never benefits the man. Therefore it is the woman that usually files for divorce. I lost roughly 2/3rds of all assets. Forced sale of the home 1/2 pension along with alimony & child support for 8 years that subtracted 50% of my take home pay.
As bad as my divorce was my marriage was worse. She bankrupted the family with her reckless spending & her impromptu travels. I never knew where she was, what she was doing or whom she was with. If I asked her how her day was she would scream at me accusing me of spying on her. Marriage is a no win situation for men and a golden parachute for women.
Radman.. KUDOS to you ! I 100% agree with you that woman do benefit for divorce and the reason they file first. Woman are vicious and take all the can from their husbands. Money they didn’t earn as in pensions and retirement accts. Alimony is a joke and should be abolished in certain situations. You should have divorced her the first time she cheated. Once a cheater always a cheater.. JS
Shirley, Thank you for being honest ! men and women both are equally responsible for divorce. Its nice to hear a woman admit that some women are as underhanded as anyone. Those women should be glad they don’t live in some of the Mideast countries where women found guilty of that type of behavior receive lashes from a whip administered by another woman appointed by the court. Saudia Arabia served that punishment only a few months ago to a woman adultery. She was taken into a room and secured nearly nude and was whipped until she was bleeding !! Check it out on the internet.
This article is written to favour selfish women and make them feel better about their decision re: divorce. It’s not instructive or educational.
A more balanced view if you actually want to fix anything is that it takes 2 hands to clap. Unfortunately, this article only highlights the issues that arise from the point of view of a dysfunctional woman who shouldn’t have gotten married.
Some women, due to lack of relationship experience (usually they also have few friends and are seldom close with anyone), tend to conjure some unrealistic fantasy about how a relationship should be, how they should feel whilst in the relationship, how everything is about them being happy and living a happily ever after sort of life… which are only found in romance novels/movies and story books.
Then because of their dysfunctional thinking, nobody wants to be in a relationship with them. Eventually, they find a guy whom they believe they can shape into their ‘dream’ guy. Unfortunately, said guy isn’t ideal (hence him even getting into a relationship with these women), and she becomes upset that her dream isn’t fulfilled. She does some self improvement, feels more confident, and wonders why she’s even in a relationship with this “loser”. Then she leaves him.
Problem is, because her expectations of a relationship is unrealistic, it only results in a repeat of the situation til she’s too old and her ‘dream’ no longer applies to her.
If you’re looking for reasons to divorce, you WILL find it. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. It’s not because of a lack of trying.
It’s because nobody is God.
It’s why you don’t have generalist specialist doctors/lawyers/engineers. You either specialise or generalise, you can’t do both. And even at the very top where some individuals approach these ideals (together with the looks, wealth, family background), many women don’t realise that they are unworthy of these guys (are you a 10/10 young model? do you have a good family background? do you have am immaculate resume?). If you’re not a princess, why would a prince be with you? Because of story books?
Even then there are princes above princes, kings above kings, you’re never be happy with what you get.
If you want a relationship to work, you have to know how it works in the real world, not in fairy tales and scripted dialogues.
Look for reasons a relationship would work instead of reasons for divorce. But of course, find a good guy first. Not a perfect guy. A good guy.
“If you’re looking for reasons to divorce, you WILL find it” +1
Women simply aren’t designed for marriage. They chose it when they can’t depend on their own labor or are conflicted between labor and childrearing. Our modern society has basically empowered women via a pro-female legal system and robust social policies aimed at supporting single mothers. Male Infidelity used to be a way out for women, but porn and busy lives have made it easier for men to remain faithful, so women have to find fragile reasons to divorce. Thousands of men aren’t coming home and sitting on their asses all day. Men often fix things around the house, cut the grass, fix the cars, cook, and many other things that never get accounted for. Women complain about everything. It’s irrational. Trade-offs are not real concepts to women. Once the excitement of the wedding and the reality of fleeting love sets in, women file those papers.
When the last time a woman did anything nice for a man? Women think they “deserve” presents, men attention, compliments, etc… but what do they do for men? They use men. Sex is the ONLY REASON MEN TALK TO WOMEN. Take the sex away and what do you have? A selfish me me me everything about me woman. Women just arent worth the effort at all anymore. Femanism killed chivalry. Why if a woman are so equal, do they still think men should pay for everything? Sound more like they want to be paid, merly for their company. Where I grew up… thats a *****.
It’s easier to move on..
In every one of those stories it is a two way street. I am honest with my wife about expectations as a stay at home mother with kids in school. When I wasn’t I was doing a lot of the work even though she was off 4-6 hours a day and I had been working since I woke up.
In every one of those cases, saying “I will leave you” or “I will find another lover” in a very plain manner without anger or as a punishment is very sobering to the relationship. When I talk about things like “hey, I can’t be your boss. You need to manage your alone time better. You can’t stay home if you aren’t actually partaking in duties. If you need a boss, go back to work and we can hire a cleaning crew. ” The other “I cannot live in a sexless marriage, if it is medical reasons, I will never stray, but if you just decide to stop having sex with me for any reason for a length of time I will find passion elsewhere”. (before we were married).
I won’t leave though, until I know we can’t work it out. It isn’t good when I feel like I need to play “boss”. I love her as a friend though, so even if we parted I’d happily give her all the assets for her and the kids to live well and just keep some retirement so I don’t have to start that over.
Things are complicated. People have too big of ego’s. You shouldn’t be scared to say how you feel to your partner. Get over that as soon as possible, if you can’t you don’t deserve a relationship. It’s part of the package.
That is why the real good old fashioned ladies years ago were the best of all which most of them were at that time compared to today.
I used to think it was because women were more selfish these days but now (being a woman who recently returned to work following several years as a stay at home mom), I believe it’s because MEN are the selfish ones and they often don’t tend to listen until it’s too late and the marriage is irreparable. Now that I’m earning as much as my husband, it’s harder to justify why I should also be the one doing all of the housework, all of the cooking, and driving the kids to and from school and camps. In our typical day, we both wake up at 5am but he’s home at 1:30 and I’m home at 5. Ahhh, but wait: once I get home, he orders me around, makes sure I spend a couple of hours cooking and cleaning, and then—while he’s watching movies—I’m bathing our youngest son and putting him to bed. Then, I’m nearly sleep-deprived because my husband snores and refuses to get help for it because it doesn’t bother HIM so why should he care? Seriously, people. Wake up. Women initiate divorce more often because men are the problem.
Come’on thats your experience, not all men. Your generalizing. I agree, in your case, he should be doing more. But plenty of men contribute way more to the marriage and women instigate divorce. We shouldn’t generalize
Oh please. Seems like “the problem” is more like too many women are spoiled rotten and never satisfied.
@Mario Rodgers American women have it so good, they don’t even know how appreciate it. Send them all to Muslim countries, if all the “karens” want them here so badly. Then they will realize American men are true princes.
In your case it sounds like the man is the problem;
However, this an an exception to the rule these days. Get a divorce, but don’t start cheating on him first or have you already?
Note that the whole emphasis of this article is on the woman’s needs. There is no mention of the man’s needs nor of the woman’s responsibility. This is the problem with the mindset today, that marriage exists to fulfill the woman, who doesn’t even really know what she wants anyway, but the man is supposed to figure it out. And of course the article assumes the man is neglectful, clueless, yada, yada. That goes without saying, right?
The problem isn’t that the woman is unhappy–that rather is simply a symptom of her selfishness. The male equivalent would be a man who expects his wife to be a Playboy bunny sex machine for him who switches between blond, brunette, redhead, long-legged, voluptuous and petite to fulfill his need for a sexual smorgasbord, and then divorces her because she can’t do that. No one would sympathize with a man who did that. But somehow the woman get sympathy for her self-centeredness.
Women want this closeness. Okay. So why don’t act like someone their husbands would want to get close to, instead this childish me-me-me and crabby emotional sabotage when the man doesn’t give her what she wants, that she still cannot define nor express to him, but still expect him to figure out, because if he really loved me he would figure it out? Let me say, if you think that if a man loves you he will figure out what you want without you telling him, that is nothing more that total immature self-absorption.
I say if you leave a marriage because you are unhappy in your marriage, apart from serious abuse, then just own it and admit you couldn’t hack it and were selfish. It’s doesn’t cut the mustard to bail on your vows because you were “unhappy” and then blame the other party. Just own it. Admit it. You’ll feel better about yourself and save yourself some money on therapy.
“If only he held her and asked her what she needed. If only he helped her a little more around the house and with the kids. If only he heard her complaints and took them seriously and made some changes. If only he did something nice for her to show his love for her. If only he held her without initiating sex. And if only then… he pleased her first.”
It’s always the man’s fault. My suggestion is to not marry. Both of you have a responsibility to communicate and give the other what they need. None of this mind reading horse shit.
I’m not going to woman bash. Men, you can find 10000 videos on youtube about female nature and hypergamy. If you marry today you are taking a huge risk. Women want security…if your a successful man let her know that she gets security as long as she is in the relationship. if she wants out she doesn’t get security…hence don’t marry.
Nice attempt to summarize a the flow of events from a female perspective, I do question the generalization from the perspective of a male who has been down the road of divorce.
Following the death of my ex-wife’s parents, the onset of menopause (hormonal transitioning), the failure of the ex’s doctoral defense on 4 occasions (departmental politics largely to blame), the best the ex could do is pin her unhappiness on her spouse. Projection sucks. Easier to divorce a spouse, pin the blame on the ex and distract from one’s own developmental challenges. A cottage industry of divorce attorneys and therapists who cater to validate and reinforce and antagonize (specifically the legal side of the equation)… reinforces the divorce option. Its analogous to North Korea looking to China for validation in its response to the US.
I cannot generalize my own former relationship dissolution dynamics to others- maybe there are thousands of different stories out there. I do know that expressions of a need to connect by the female partner did not happen in my situation. My ex changed jobs/ vocational functions every 2 years or so. I supported her move from MPLS to Atlanta (for two years- ” if you love me, you will support me in this…”). I supported her in her music endeavors (hobby), parenting, cooking, house keeping, was successful in my own vocation, communicated feelings and listened. No amount of doing was going to alter the course of an adult trying to cope with a crushing sense of mortality, (changes in physiology, appearance and awareness that the clock was ticking). When a relationship is scapegoated for a partners unhappiness – there is no recourse.
The only practical solution I see is the development of a test (analogous to the keto strips for diabetes)- in this case to detect attachment patterns and the potential ability to adjust to life’s challenges in a potential spouse.
How on earth do you fail your doctoral defense 4 times?! Maybe once, and they give you a second chance, but usually, such a grad student gets kicked out. I’ve seen it happen to classmates. And how was all that your fault? Were you waking her at 3am every morning in a perma-PMS rage screaming at her, threatenign to set her on fire? (from the Johhny Depp/Amber Herd Saga)
You mention there needs to be a test so you can screen against problem mates like her.
In your comment, you indicate several warning signs: 1. failing her disertatio defnse 4 times. 2. Blaming said failing on you. 3. Not being able to stick with a job. Who does this any more? IN these times, it’s the jobs that don’t stick with us. The gig economy. Every contract is short term.
Also, why did you give this woman a child?!
She’s got some deep seated problems, and there’s a good chance they’re genetic. Something your children can look forward to in 20 years. Just hope they don’t look you in the eye and ask you if you knew. Plus, in that environment, they will be scarred for life. Life is unfair. REality sucks. Do’nt drag children into the mess.
IMO women are just too damn hard to please. I have met all the conditions and MORE that you say men / husbands should do to contribute to the relationship. I have always given more than I have taken, and helped women in my life more than they ever helped me. I am also a published writer of stories, songs, and poetry. I have been in corporate sales and self employed- so communication is key to me. I have always been open to share my feelings, talk about problems , say I love you everyday etc.
So I do not agree with your assumptions. Women have too high of expectations – they expect more from their partner than they are willing to give of themselves. The women in my life have been unappreciative and self absorbed and always play the blame game and could never admit their shortcomings, Women account for 90% of divorce lawsuits – what does that say about women’s lack of commitment? IMO they act like a bunch of spoiled brats who think their sexual attributes are plated in gold !
IMO, female creatures today don’t know what love is. They’ve been brainwashed by some HOlywood/Harlequin Romance fairy tale instead. ONce they can’t feel the tingles any more, the start resenting you, and it will end in violence or divorce.
Spouses must also cope with each other’s imperfections during their life long ongoing relationship. Ultimatums lack patience and understanding. That’s what divorce courts do , issue ultimatums that intimidate and threaten..”.If you don’t do this , this will happen “. Mostly remember your life long commitment your marriage vow . Get rid of the divorce threat , the divorce happy crowd . Where are your Marriage happy friends and family? Mostly spend time with your spouse and your children, don’t be a crowd pleaser.
I think associating with people who have initiated divorce is a major source of the problem because they undermine the need to learn tolerance and resolve issues rather than simply abandon vows as they had.
Try that again…my comment disappeared . Many Colleges are so liberal that Students aren’t learning how to preserve Marriage and Family, Students are learning how to earn higher wages keeping motivated. Women receive better benefits such as maternity leave, working at home, flexibility to adjust their schedules to attend to family needs . Productivity is still the main objective placing career first over family, while family leave is still difficult to attain. Employers offer a variety of opportunities to find a more suitable employment. Balancing career and family will always be the ultimate challenge to enjoy a happy life. Work for the single parent can become isolating while the goal focuses on earnings vs. job satisfaction & happiness.
I just read there, all is men’s fault, another one xD
Articles like these or assisting to woman empowerment coaching courses are the things making divorce rates going up, but don’t worry, soon there would be no divorces as men will not marry, zero reasons to do so.
Have fun with the cats.
A man should never, ever get married. This is the most idiotic, suicidal contract he could enter. We need to teach our boys to be safe.
Let’s remember the original question here: “Why do women initiate divorce more than men?”
The answer is very simple.
The reason wives divorce in the high numbers that they do today is because women face no negative consequences for filing for divorce.
In fact, the opposite is true.
Wives in the west are very aware of the state-sanctioned, positive, legal and financial incentives to file for divorce whenever she would decide she is sufficiently unhappy with her husband, with little to no negative legal or financial after effects for her.
These incentives include access to half of her spouse’s assets, high certainty of court-ordered majority child custody award (95%+ of all divorces), high certainty of court-ordered child support award (95%+) of all divorces, and high certainty in many states (US) of court-ordered spousal support (alimony), and which in some states the husband will have to pay until his ex-wife remarries or dies.
Marriage is not about love. It really never was. Except in Disney films preaching the false religion of “the one true love”.
For women marriage was and still is an insurance policy.
For men marriage is a long-term legal and financial liability, with underwhelming returns including attitude, ingratitude and sexlessness.
Marriage used to be a mutually beneficial contractual arrangement for exchange.
The husband offered his wife long-term provisioning, resources($), protection, security, social status (i.e. no longer an old maid), sexual monogamy, genetic heirs and above all – agreement to undertake immense level of both legal and financial accountability to his wife and any children he would have.
In exchange the husband received social status and respect, legal authority over his wife and children (he was also legally accountable and responsible for them), and the direction of the family.
The wife offers the husband access to unlimited sex, pleasant feminine companionship, genetic heirs, and also her sexual monogamy (to afford her husband surety of his paternity).
This has all been destroyed by feminism, no fault divorce, and the for-profit state family court system.
What I find really amusing is how the author never even acknowledges the incentives impact on human behavior (high propensity for wives to divorce), and never considers what would happen in a world where husbands faced the identical legal and financial incentives and consequences of divorce as women do today. Such a world would be terrifying for women because they would actually have to bear some semblance of commensurate responsibility and accountability within their marital arrangement or agreement. They would have to fulfill their part of the contract.
Marriage is over.
Women are not incentivized to marry. She wants degrees, a career, a credit card for online shopping, and lots of different men to have sex with. She eventually wants children, but doesn’t want a father for those children to tie her down. So she has the state to be her husband and long-term provider and protector.
Women are only incentivized to divorce.
Men are no longer incentivized to marry. The least venerated, most ridiculed and now openly derided positions in modern western society are none other than husband and father.
Men today also know that most husbands are trapped in sexless marriage. They also know that most women are not even interested in marriage until age 28, 29 or 30 – well past her peak fertility (age 23) and well after she has had a sex with rosters of different men, and after she has racked up tends of thousands of dollars in student loan debt, auto loan debt and credit card debt online shopping for handbags and shoes.
If you want to see women divorce men less frequently, then you would have to make their authority and rights commensurate with responsibility and accountability.
Right now in a contractual marriage wives are bestowed with all of the legal and financial rights, privileges and authority in marriage, while husbands are saddled with the all of the legal and financial responsibility and accountability.
Women are the DEVIL’s minions
blah blah blah, i’ll answer your question for you since you seem to just be going in circles: Men are always disproportionately blamed for divorce. If a man is unhappy in a marriage and seeks divorce, he is always demonized. he is told all sorts of crazy things like “a real man never leaves his wife”, “how can you abandon your kids?”, “you are so evil, you probably just want a younger woman”. Men want to stay married because men have pride. When a woman divorces her husband, she is hailed as courageous and all sorts of congressional medals come her way… men on the other hand are labelled as quitters, runners e.t.c. Thats why 90% of divorces are filed by women… and as you will notice, men usually move on pretty fast after divorce even though they never filed it in the first place, that’s because they were also yearning for it all along but just never had the b***.
Trust me i know what i’m talking about
I seek to understand the “divorce consultants” communication- if as a group many members of a gender have unexpressed needs for connection/ or communication that are not met, and are not capable of either taking ownership of those feelings (say in individual therapy), and processing that,
or sharing what they need ( say in a conversation that starts with “I need…”), then (and with the explicit support of girlfriends, therapists, and consultants… who have their own bag of discontentment to project), the only solution is to select the DIVORCE INDUSTRY (which is as bad as the military-industrial complex in self propagation). How do the commercial interests of divorce attorneys, therapists etc change the dynamics of a wounded gender? How does the need of fellow girlfriends (to either see another female in the same morass or project their own stuff on someone else) reinforce a sense of a relationship not living up to an uncommunicated expectation?
Is this a problem of unrealistic expectations? Poorly communicated needs? A system that commercially exploits the very human collision of expectation and communication inadequacy?
What role do normal developmental stages of development and the awareness of ones mortality
play in the divorce process? Do humans ever project responsibility for their unhappiness regarding new wrinkles, hormonal transitioning, missed promotions, unmet career expectations on their spouses? There is quite a bit more to this dynamic (and industry) than has been discussed up to this point.
Remember Felix. She was never yours to begin with. It just was your turn.
Women need to start respecting God and respecting their vows of marriage.
So much is made of this statistic, that more women than men initiate divorce. The implication being that the women are empowered and bold and their men are all having nervous breakdowns in the corner begging the women to stay. Implying that the men don’t want divorce. As Mark Twain said, there are “lies, damn lies, and statistics”.
I am happily divorced – for 10 years- and in my case:
– I brought up that our problems were serious
– I initiated the talk that we had to admit that it just wasn’t working – that we needed to pursue divorce
– I was the one who researched and found the company to help us through the paperwork of the process
– I arranged for the mediation hour on the sticky points
– I drafted the outline of the Marital Separation Agreement
– I drove the entire process, and yet when it came time to fill out the paperwork she was – on paper – the one who divorced me. They asked us who’s name to fill in and I said “I don’t care” and her name went on the form.
So there you have it, on paper a total misrepresentation of who decided they wanted the divorce and drove the process – and an nullification of all your follow-on assumptions.
Careful what conclusions you draw about whose name appears in that box on the form.
You’d see the statistics change for who initiates divorce more if women didn’t clean up in divorce. Mostly they only stand to gain significantly from it, and men, well they get robbed of everything they’ve worked for, along with most everything they love.
I see it coming …
And like a wave that’ originated somewhere in the mids of the Ocean , it’s by now, already too late…her inclination towards separation and divorce it’s getting closing to shore …I’ve been watching the forecast , i ve been aware … and That’s the best we men can do , letting things be.
Exactly my experience as well. With my wife’s refusal of many invitations to go to counseling to learn how to communicate with each other, I sought couseling on my own to keep my head straight and maintain sanity. A Clinical Neuropsychologist friend of mine who has spent time with us as a couple, has said that my wife is a pathological narcissist, and that my best strategy is an exit strategy. My counselor agrees. It takes two to tango, right? It’s not always a singular person to point the finger at, and not always the husband…
It is just too very bad that God doesn’t punish these type of very pathetic loser women since it is very unfortunate that the great majority of women nowadays are certainly the worst cheaters of all, and they have already broken up good marriages too since i have been there myself.
‘Counseling is for stupid people’, she says
‘Your concerns are pathetic’, she says
Constantly has her face buried in some device, building image
In bed 9-10hrs per night on a work night, 11hrs on the weekend
My work+commute time is 12.5-13hrs per day, her work+commute time is 8.5
And yes, of course, complains that I don’t do enough of the housework (of which I contribute maybe 20% + 100% maint./repair, and then 100% of anything that occurs outside the house or leads outside. I mentioned this once, when forced to ‘keep score’, and received the comment: ‘we don’t live outside’)
She contributes financially to… the phone bill… only. A whopping $120 per month
This is singularly my fault
This is apparently pretty much always the husbands’ fault
I get it now
Thanks so much for the enlightenment
Two aliens live on planet Zog (No little Zogs). Each in their own cave, doing their own cooking day-in-day-out, wondering around a supermarket every single week loosing the will to live, frustrating but occasional DIY, mowing the grass outside in summer, cleaning the toilet, ironing, fixing the widget just once when it breaks. (Equals you could say).
The two aliens meet and … woohoo… they decide to live in the same cave. It’s always the same alien signs up to a lifetime of the more mind numbingly uninteresting, loose the will to live daily repetitive tasks above… for two, while the other one gets to never do those things ever again…
I never can compute why getting someone to agree (not outloud, but as part of an implicit contract) to cooking all my meals for the rest of my life is a good idea…. sure, I’d love to have someone take care of all that mind numbing stuff like cleaning the toilet, but …
….it’s got failure built in….
What stumps me is that so few folks see this… it’s so sad.
Here’s my story. He’s the one leaving me. He had two children from a previous marriage and we then had two children together. About two years after the birth of our second child he started having an affair with his co-worker. It went on for seven years. I thought that I was the one doing something wrong. Then when HIS youngest flew the nest he came out with everything. He had never tried to tell me anything was wrong. He just started the affair and let me suffer through all those years. He just announced he wanted a divorce. He already had everything lined up. Our children are only 9 and 12 years old and the youngest has a handicap.
How does a man read a woman’s brain? If men could just do this then we would know that a casual conversation is really a warning that she’s met with a lawyer.
Its 2019 men just do not get married to ANY woman and that pretty much solves the problem! And do not worry about being lonely just get your money right and women will be around! It is difficult to accept but society has changed american woman to the point they are no longer marriage material! Marriage is not for men it is for women so just stop marrying these women and they will eventually stop wanting marriage as well and then maybe things will go back to how they were. But as long as woman have no incentive to stay married and are rewarded for divorcing you are a fool if you marry one.
You lady….are a b****.
For the record, nothing happens in a vacuum, men feel the same way. My ex lived and still lives in a bubble, and {she thought that] I was the entire problem. That’s totally unfair and bullsh*t — in a couple, each person reacts to the other party. She wouldn’t talk about anything meaningful in any way — she called me the chick in the relationship hahaha which is funny, and even I agree. She said she told me all the time what she needed and wanted, but what I remember was her just demanding everything with no give and take or honest adult discussion. She was and is totally incapable of honesty on any level and that is a deadly to any marriage.
I readily accept my of part of the responsibility, but she has never said she was sorry or apologized for anything on her own, and has never admitted any wrongdoing in anything, marriage-wise or any other thing in life.
It was always breathtaking to me see her dodge and misdirect any kind of responsibility or faults, and exasperating to be told that no, the earth is flat, black is white, and up is down. Totally bizarre.
Anyway, that nightmare is some other sucker’s problem now — poor bast*rd. hahaha
Family court needs an overhaul. The courts haven’t adjusted to how the women of today are employed just as much as men are. And I am in no way speaking of the women who need child support. It is more or less the ex-wives who are afforded money for never having done anything with their lives other than get married. California is notorious for such asinine rewards. I don’t by the “I got accustomed to a certain lifestyle” routine—they walk in with nothing and should walk out with the same.
Furthermore, divorce lawyers—not all—need to stop telling wives to make up abuse and infidelity stories in order to win in the court system. It’s simply disgusting. And it is also a disgrace to those women who have actually been abused or cheated on.
…first time mine left was 4years into the marriage when r son was 3 for a dirtbag who ended up at one point tried choking the life out of her …y did she leave…she said she needed time “to think about things”…funny thing was she spent most of her time thinking about things at the bars with her friends…so we did get back together,went to counseling everything was good only to now nearly 15 years later the same dirtbag friends as before pushed her to a “new friend” who the closest thing he’s ever had to a relationship had been a farm animal…now she’s head over heels for this guy but he mooches everything he can off her…everybody but her sees it because of the “attention “ he gives her…filed for divorce but she won’t sign papers/dragging it out…sorry to any ladies reading this but I honestly hope he ####s the #ell out of her now,gets what she deserves by WANTING to be with dirtbags…guys aren’t the problem..the women r nowadays..no wonder so many of us now would rather stay single..a lot of women r nut jobs….just sayin
That’s why more and more men(and women) refuse to marry anymore. Statistically speaking its a failing institution. My solution is just let women marry their college degrees. It’s the object of success that they’ve been seeking their whole life so why not let them marry that piece of paper that says they know how to follow directions and copy from a whiteboard well.
It’s either that or women need to start picking their spouses themselves, given how they’re all empowered and independent now. The culture needs to shift to where it’s not only normal, but its expected that women pursue their dream man, court him, take him on dates, buy him drinks, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, buy him gifts and flowers, open doors for him, take him to the movies and give him backrubs, pick him up from work and take him to a fancy restaurant for stake&wine dinner which you pay for. All of this wonderful investment into the relationship can culminate in the woman getting on her knees and proposing with a diamond ring or a bj and then its happily ever after. Skin in the game. Then when the woman wants to separate 10yrs down the road she can consider all the investment and sunk cost and be completely satisfied knowing that it was all done of her own free will and personal independent CHOICE. No one else to blame. No one else to shift fault to. Prob solved.
To paraphrase: “women don’t know what they want, men need to read their minds.”
Women are children and neither should vote. Repeal the 19th Amendment.
Women want all the rights without the responsibility. Now that we have given you voting and the ability to work for money (but only air conditioned cushy jobs mind you) you now want to have your cake and eat mine. God forbid a man wants to get out of the rat race on women’s dime, like women have been doing to men forever. At least we humored you all this time, where as women cant do it even 1 generation. Independent and strong?!? Femininity so fragile. What is it? Independent or oppressed? Women: this is why marriage is over; in 1 generation the mask is off and you played your hand. The meal ticket is over.
Women’s liberation was a mistake.
You said it.
I love how the article has all these deep complex emotional reasons that seem to make sense, but then the women in the comments are just like “I dumped him because he wasn’t making me enough money!”
I found the article to be very interesting. As women we do feel the need to talk things out, but men do not. It seems as though its almost painful for men to talk it out and females to not discus the issues. However I completely can understand how we can be so different. The female brain is the default brain, when a fetus is developed at seven weeks into the pregnancy, if it is going to be a boy, the brain is flooded with testosterone to deliberately destroy certain parts of the brain to make the male brain. Why God gave the superior brain to women I have no clue. My husband and I have celebrated 22 years, I am the only money maker, hold two bachelors degree’s, mother of three kids and I have thought of divorce through different periods. We all have our ups and downs and some time it feels like life would be so much easier with out having to deal with the our persons crap. Never felt lonely.
I am also in a similar situation with my wife as the man in the article. I was in the military for 10 years, and for the last 3.5 years my job required me to work 6 days a week with 12-18+ hour days not including field training. We have 3 children, own a home, have brand new vehicles. Life was good. We lived at the beach and my wife did not have to work the whole time we were married(10 years). Her dream job was to be a stay at home mother so she could spend as much time raising the children. We were both High School sweethearts so in total were were together for about 14 years. Infidelity was never once an issue. Towards the end of my career I noticed we would argue a lot more than usual (mainly about money being spent by me while at work) which I will admit was excessive. It was time for me to re-enlist so naturally she supported me bc she knew I loved what I did for a living and it provided our family with a great life. But… It really started to bother me how much we were fighting especially when we used to be best friends and I could just tell that she was lonely. So without even consulting her I declined my re-enlistment and later that day when I got home I told the news to my wife. She didn’t believe me at all, so once I told her that I could finally tell that she looked lonely and I wanted to be a better husband to her and regain that friendship that we once had and to be a better father that could participate/contribute more she finally believed me. We both LOVED where we lived, very small resort town about 2 miles away from the Ocean, living in a house that we has just purchased not even 9 months prior to departing the military. I also told her that I know she is very close to her family and she misses being close to them so I am willing to move back home since she gave up her family to relocate and live with me down south once we were married. While still on active duty I landed a great job back home and have been very successful since I started (1.5 years ago) my spouse still does not have to work. When we got home we decided to live with family until our home down south sold and while living with her family (about 3 more adults and a new born and there two dogs) I was never able to transition from the military that I absolutely loved and never had privacy at all. I fell into a deep depression, lost about 36 pounds within a couple months, was having about 3-4 anxiety attacks a day. Her family seeing me in a bad mood all the time made them start pulling away bc I felt completely disconnected from the world. I decided to change that! I started therapy and got on medicine and also got us into marriage counseling. This has been happening for about 4 months now… I have done everything in my power to change as a husband and father and have even gotten compliments from others on the real changes I have made… Now she tells me through text she wants a divorce. So now I am a grown man who was told by a Dr that I might have had a mental break down in my early 30s, who has 3 kids and is living in my parents spare room like I am in high school… I do completely take responsibility for a majority of the arguments but being that depressed about how much my life has changes I felt like I completely had no control of the words that were coming out of my mouth, let alone my emotions… I was not the same person I was 2 years prior to that AT ALL. I used to be the happy go lucky guy with no anger problems at all, the guy that all my friends came to when they needed help or advice and now here I am completely depressed and having extreme axiety and isolating myself from friends and family especially my wife and kids. After finally realizing I needed help and stopped being in denial I started counseling sessions for a couple months through work, then moved on the a private office to continue counseling… I started working at night to take a management position which was a great opportunity but sleeping during the day with 3 of my own kids running around, 3 adults slamming doors and blaring the TV all day and a newborn plus two dogs barking I developed insomnia and would be awake for days at a time while continuing to excel at work and work around 20-25 hours of overtime a paycheck. My wife would tell me that I didn’t care about my family bc I became so distant and was always so tired that I never even had the desire to help with the kids or do things around the house. I also take the blame for that. Not denying it at all, but…. in what she wasn’t realizing was about bad of a spot I was in with Depression, Anxiety and Isnomia, while still transitioning from a military life style to a civilian lifestyle while living with her siblings and parents…. It was a complete change of life and I felt that everyone was having the time of their lives accept me and I was the one who decided to make the change in the first place on my families behalf…. But what really hurt was when the counseling and medicine finally started to work and I could feel myself getting back to my old self, regaining and having the best relationship with all 3 of my kids she tells me she wasnts a divorce through a text message on a Friday night and by Sunday morning I was moved out and living with my parents. I was not hostile when she told me the news, infact my very first response back to her was me asking “if she was ok?” I still continue to work (including more overtime) to support her and our kids and even offered to buy her a new car and to payoff or take over all the debt we collect while being married bc once the divorced was finalized I just wanted her to focus on making enough money to pay her new bills and to focus on our kids 100%…. I never even got a thank you infact we got into an argument later that morning. I am extremely hurt and now with living in two different homes I have to sacrifice my time to get sleep just for me to see my children. I help out as much as I can with random stops at the store on my way home so she doesn’t have to run out and I take the kids on my “off” weekends when she wants to go out with friends (which is turning into a 2-4 times a month thing) but I do it to help her and it also allows me to see my kids. Now she goes back and forth with saying she wants to work things out, and a couple days later she will apologize for sending the wrong vibe and remind me that she has no feelings for me at all… I have no changed our banking accounts or anything just to prove to her that I will always make it my #1 priority to take care of her(until we are divorced) and our children…. but somehow I am the one that is all alone. I don’t think this is normal or fair at all… any thoughts?
Yes, I have a thought. Stop making her your #1 priority. You have to be your #1 priority. It’s a big part of why she wants a divorce and she may not be consciously aware of it. She can’t be your purpose. Keep healing, find, and stay on YOUR new purpose! Your old purpose went away when you didn’t reup. This caused problems for you internally and externally. Get a new one! Who do you want to be and how do you want to impact the world now, soldier? In fact, if you do, she may just come back.
I cared more for her than myself also when I divorced and left her with assets. Big mistake I made and i regret for the rest of my life. Believe me, she already is seeing someone and has already everything worked out to suck the last drop of blood out of you. She will go on a smear campaign and will not a single moment consider what you have been doing for her and the kids. Once she has been able to take every asset away from you – especially using you as an enabeler for your own doom – you’ll learn that she suddenly has a relationship (while she has been sleeping with that guy in your bed while you were risking your life overseas since years). They will spend their life together living in your assets and you will pay alimony to that ‘new couple’. You”ll be slaundered and ridiculed.
The hardest you’ll have to confront is that she never loved you. There is a good reason why you where depressed after you gave everything up for her and the kids. It can be partly PTSD from your field ssignments, but most probably it is because your uncouncious mind registered the betrayal and the false and cheated relation. We men are so strong in congitive dissonance.
I have one advice for you. Think of yourself. Forget that women who didn’t give a fuck when you needed it the most and try to have as much proof as possible for her misbehavior of which neglect while you were seriously ill (depression).
Do whatever you can to keep your assets, don”t even let her a single dish. Strip her from all access to your accounts and salary. And for heavens sake don’t pity her so no alimony. She already humiliated you without any feelings into living as secondary school pupil at your parents house, while you ghave her a luxurious life and villa.
She is trash. She doesn’t care for you. Be agressive to her and strip her and esêcially be good for you and the kids.
I wish you the best of courage it’ll take time and since you are a man, you are on your own.
Take your time before getting into a new relationship because you are now vulnerable to meet an even trashier woman.
Once you are back yourself you”ll find the zoman that deserves you.
Give her a cat. She will need it after 5 years with the new guy.
Can anyone direct me to the source of the 90% statistic detailed in the headline please?
Why does every woman on the comments have to blame everything on the man? I agree that physical violence is not right but neither is antagonizing q man to where he loses his mind. Men have always been used for money and several of the comments on here reflect it very well. If a woman makes less money, it’s not a big deal but as soon as the man loses work hours or the business doenst take off all hell breaks lose.
Please first consider how one-sided this article is. It implicitly validates what the woman feels from inside, and the other part of the marriage, the husband, appears only on the periphery. We don’t get to hear his side here.
Nevertheless, most of what this author is saying about the woman’s perspective is quite well observed and valid. It is a fact that plays out.
But it isn’t the entire truth.
It would help the author to more clarity if she were to sharpen the terms and concepts here. I went through every paragraph and sentence with a fine comb, and I find very important amounts of ambiguity, which, if clarified, could actually rub the author in the wrong way and help her to rise up to a higher truth. Take this key example:
>>> [1] Looking at the marriage under a microscope reveals a multitude of infractions. He doesn’t help around the house. He doesn’t do his share to take care of the kids. He doesn’t buy her gifts. He doesn’t spend time with her. He doesn’t listen. He doesn’t connect with her at all. As a matter of fact, the marriage just feels empty to her as she investigates all of its faults.
[2] Women have affairs too. Even though a husbands infidelity is women’s #1 reason for divorcing, she, too, is very capable. But while infidelity is listed as the reason for divorce, [3] what exactly was the reason for the infidelity? <<>> Women react strongly to husbands having affairs, and infidelity is listed as #1 reason to divorce, what exactly was the reason for the infidelity? <<<
Women who divorce never give her own infidelity as the reason, that is fact. So it must be HIS infidelity the author is talking about here. And then the question isn't misplaced to ask: "what was the reason for HIS infidelity?"
Perhaps this rub sparks a bit of shocking insight. I think the author is just at the threshold to realizing that more clearly, and that way her career might move up from being a "divorce coach" to a "marriage coach", wouldn't that be a nice upgrade for the author? I pray it for her!
Everything about the dynamic of the woman here is so well observed, that I would like to suggest that she try to also disambiguate whether the roles here are really sex roles, and what of those roles are sex related and how much is simply due to the polarity between the INITIATOR of the break up or divorce, versus the RESPONDENT, that surprised and hapless respondent. All that denial and shaming and blaming reaction, as the spurty attempts to make good, are observable from most respondents, no matter whether they are the husband or the wife. Also, that guilt avoidance and annoyance of the initiator are observed in women and men too.
Notably then, this article fails to answer its own introductory question. Why then, if a good chunk of these dynamics are valid no matter whether the initiator is the woman or the man, why then are women twice as likely to initiate?
Might it be that the answer to this question is found in where this article skirts and muddles the real issue? That infidelity? Once infidelity creeps in, the initiator has a beacon in the stormy ocean that beckons her or him to a new shore. This is EXTREMELY destructive to the sinking marriage ship. But it is an existential problem which has almost no solution when it has become manifest in a troubled marriage. It makes a HUGE difference if the partner is simply unhappy vs. has their eyes on a beckoning beacon on a new shore.
And the answer, then, for why women initiate 2:1 may lie in the different chances of having such beckoning beacons in one's lives. There are surveys showing that most women have a plan be man in the wings. And that man may be the beacon or simply an illusion that there is a better shore just waiting for her to get to. And unfortunately there are many many men who roam in their little "rescue boats" in the stormy sees of marriages trying to snap up a woman who is ready to jump ship. THIS is man's biggest problem: other men who do not have respect for their fellow man and are all too happy to snap up a wife.
Marriage wrecking women exist, and most concerned wives know this (though women in general keep this a secret from men, because they are harboring a conflict of interest in their sex-loyalty.) But I would say that the 2:1 ratio is mirroring the fact that there are fewer marriage-wrecking women out on the prowl and more marriage-wrecking men. This alone may be the answer which to clearly see might be a solution to prevent many a sinking ship in the rough seas of marriage!
Oh yes, I can do blame too. I can say that women are less loyal than men. The numbers do support that. But I think it is more therapeutic if we shift the blame over to the marriage wrecking other man or woman. And I think this could be the solution to the struggling field of marital counseling. NOBODY has solved the problem how to fix a breaking marriage. As exactly the dynamic that the author so aptly describes is at play. But the analysis hasn't gone quite deep enough. It needs to break through two levels of gender politics: first though feminism, and then through anti-feminism, to find a lack of morality at the heart of the problem.
It sounds like I'm just wagging my finger with the big M-word. But that's a mistake.
What is missing with a couple that's falling apart is a common goal. As the respondent chases the initiator and the initiator is running away from the chase and toward the (even just imagined) beacon on the other shore, what if both could identify a common enemy? What if the initiator would REALISTICALLY SEE THE TRUTH that the beckoning marriage wrecker out there is probably a very bad choice of partner (him/her)self. It is just a fact that most people will not stay with their marriage wrecker, and it becomes clear soon after the chase has ended. Most don't become happy with that person. Because that person is a bad person. This is a hard message to get through when the ears and brain is blocked by starry eyed infatuation of the initiator. But if one could just abstract this and be a little more blunt and direct, tearing down some misleading gender political bullshit, it might be possible to get the couple to become complicit with each other in the attempt to rescue the sinking ship.
There are many other factors involved though, and my approach will only shed a light on them. And they will hold much more explanations about the odd 2:1 ratio…
My husband and I have been married 35 years.I do not love him,an he hates me to.I think for about 25 years,we stayed together because of religion an money. I have not slept with him in 2 years.I have someone I see but divorce is not an optional sad sad. I love my friend but can’t afford a divorce.. Batgirl
So why did you say yes 35 years ago
I found the justification in this article sickening. It was a long written “excuse” for woman who commit infidelity or file for divorce. Meanwhile, the man loses half of everything, lucky to earn full custody of children and punished when the woman leaves. Woman are empowered to file for divorce exceedingly more than men, which is why they file 70 to 90 percent of the time. Its no win for the husband, he loses half if she cheats, he loses half if he cheats . . . and then some.
Or maybe the truth is men are more loyal to the woman? More inclined to want to protect her and his children? How many woman reflect on why the “wall” was put up in the first place . . . god forbid they could have any fault in that. Instead, its easier to destroy him and move on to the next “monster.”
The modern feminist female today is the most self entitled, deluded and toxic liability there is. Scientists should genetically engineer an appropriately loyal woman and let these creatures all just die off.
I gave my promise. I gave my all. I stayed faithful. I had her back. When I wasn’t working I watched the kids. She said I had it easy. When I worked she gave out about having the kids all the time. She later acknowledged that she had a role in ruining our marriage. Too late. I couldn’t please a woman who constantly told me what I failure I was. Hello boy toy. Fortunately I’m out of that now. Fellas, just be happy with the everlasting sandwich. The age of happy marriages is gone.
They’re all the same.
They’re all the same.
I’m a Prof. Musician and have been for 40 years. Eleven years ago, my wife of 20 years filed for legal separation. I had a gig in China for 2 weeks, and she just said “If you do that gig in China I’m leaving and taking the kids” So, I got my passport and Visa in order and went and played the gig. Suddenly after 20 years of never messing around on her, never drinking on a gig or anywhere else trying to do the right thing…and she wanted out, and I could sense it three years before she left…Naturally the judge being a woman gave her custody of the kids, gave me the responsibility for child support, and that was it….I’ve asked her ten times to reconcile the marriage, she said NO ten times…American women are full of themselves, greedy, materialistic, never happy and that’s a fact…
Such garbage. The biological imperatives are clear. Women need men to stick around and raise the kids. Men need a wife that will not cheat on them. That’s the whole purpose of marriage, which is anti evolutionary, since frankly, it robs women of their ability to manipulate the genetics of men (incidentally, men are what women made them: every difference due to female selectivity, including during the agricultural era in which only 1 in 17 men procreated, but nearly all women did).
I’m so tired of this male bashing stuff. Women are highly emotional, neurotic humans. These differences between men are due to female selectivity. Chimps, who do not have female selectivity, are entirely the same as their male counterparts with the exception of reproductive organs. They have the same personalities, same physical structure, etc. If you want an example of what female selectivity can do, look to the birds of paradise.
What has happened is the balance has been mucked with by secular concerns that assume men and women are the same. It’s not true. Uh. I talked to this woman in TX, who became pregnant by a “Bad Boy,” he’s in jail, and she is doing the job of men and women. Is that what you all wanted?
Disgusting for the kids.
If you really want to liberate women, encourage polygamy. Then more “high quality” men will impregnate women, and drive evolution. Unfortunately, due to the state largess, it seems the only result is women getting titillated by the “Bad Boys,” and then take the resources of everyone else in society to raise their children.
Grow up and see the truth, and stop complaining, for goodness sakes. Women made men what they are. At one time women provided the primary day to day moral compass, nurturing, and care for their girl and boy children. What more POWER is their than raising the next generation? What more POWER is there than determining the genetic future of the entire human race? But, there you have it. Women, as manipulated by smarter, powerful men, pushing down the primary function of women and making them think they are happy, due to their greater agreeability, and willingness to go along without complaining, has made women into slaves of men.
Well, at least that’s what women wanted, since that is what they created.
If women are so good and blameless, why do they marry bad men? I mean, I hear the stories, and I laugh because they all sound the same. The paradox of women marrying something bad while claiming to be good conveniently skips over any possible chance she might have contributed to any dynamic. It’s always his fault. Never about her pressure for money and status. Never about her inability to respect his emotional honesty. Never about her demands to fill her emotional abyss with his attention. Never about her unending need for validation. Never about his pain. Never about the threats, the arguments, the physical violence SHE did. Never about her addictions. Never about her secrets, her cheating. Oh no. When a woman gets divorced, she was a halo carrying, spotless kitchen cleaning, emotionally balanced angel.
No one wants to admit that these women never wanted commitment to begin with. They just wanted validation, and when the man commits, she feels validated, but that doesn’t last long, now does it? She wants more. She needs more time, more money, more gifts, she needs him to have more status, she needs more attention. Men aren’t living breathing creatures to women, they are a resource to drain and a means to achieve the one thing they wanted all along… more validation… until the only choice the man has is to lose himself or lose his wife. Because out of all these stories, the one thing you will NEVER hear a divorced woman be happy about, is her ex husband having the audacity to love himself. You will never hear a divorced woman, or a woman going through a divorce talk about her husband like he’s a human being. You can replace his name with the word “hammer” or “lawnmower” and her story would be just the same: just a tool that no longer works.
So what if women file for divorce 90% of the time? Its only a mystery because no woman wants to have an honest conversation on why they wanted to get married in the first place. No woman wants to have an honest conversation about accountability for the life that they chose. In the end, its easier just to say she was a victim of a bad man. Although, preserving the lie that men are always at fault guarantees that women’s problems will never be fixed.
Women are filled with so many unrealistic expectations of romance from tv shows like the bachelor, romance novels, romance movies, romantic comedies, etc that no man can live up to the standards. I think this is the biggest overlooked factor of divorce. No movie is going to go over how a marriage takes work when it’s better to have an idealized romance that is impossible for normal guys to achieve. Guys are mostly simple but women are so complicated they can’t figure it out most times. Looking back my wifes whole attitude changed when she got into more romance shows by herself. There were other issues but our lives are pretty good.
What reason does a woman have to stay in a relationship when she can divorce a man, take his money and find another to pay the bills?
Wow. I didn’t read all of these comments, but quite a few. It appears there are a lot of embittered, confused and hurting people out there. The overarching trend here is that men are bad and women are bad. Of course, everyone has her/his flaws, but I don’t think one gender is more evil than the other. What it sounds like to me is that each person wants to blame the other for her/his pain and for the failure of the marriage. I’m sure there have been some very attentive and loving husbands whose wives have, for no defensible reason, divorced their husbands and taken them for a ride. I’m more than equally sure that there are some amazing women whose husbands have taken them for granted, given them 70% of what should be a shared responsibility, have been controlling and emotionally absent or abusive. But, my experience is that partners don’t communicate very well, that there are always issues that will never be fully resolved, and that one or both partners are by nature selfish and want marriage to “make me happy!” as though it is their spouses’ responsibility to make them happy.
30 years ago, I got divorced. I initiated it and felt that I was 99% in the right. I felt taken advantage of and could defend my position quite well. As the years progressed, I begin to see more of my contribution to the decay of our relationship.I’ve apologized to my partner some years later for being so judgmental, for not putting her needs in front of mine enough, for not always sharing the load, for not understanding that she had some demons that she needed to exorcise and I was of little help. She accepted my apology and, no, we are not BFFs but we’ve since then been able to co-parent, be present at graduations, marriages, certain holiday, etc. without being terribly uncomfortable. She never remarried. Was an imperfect but loving mother. Dealt with her emotional health issues and has been a self-sustaining person with friends, hobbies, and enjoys her life. I probably left her with a distaste for marriage.
I got married a couple years after my divorce. My second wife was exceedingly different than my first. We were generally very supportive of one another, but we both still had scars from childhood and our first marriages. We shared a common faith ultimately, sought wisdom from counselors and clergy when we struggled, loved each other deeply for the most part (despite our flaws), occasionally hated each other, but we found ways to make it work. And “work” being the key word, because we both had to compromise, sometimes just suck it up, learn to take responsibility and say “I’m sorry” more times than either of us could count. She died of cancer in 2018. And, I pretty much dedicated my life during her courageous fight to live and was 100% in it for her last 6 months (quit my job and was her 24/7 caretaker for those months). I don’t regret one minute of that time and, after she passed, felt that I had truly done my very best to care for her – which is what I’d promised to do 28 years before. I finished well. Not perfectly, but well.
So, I still bear some shame and self-disappointment for the failure of my first marriage. But, while I still grieve the loss of my second wife, I bear no shame or regrets. I can now more honestly look at myself and see that I’ve grown through both my failure and my success. Point: pay most attention to what kind of man or woman you are. Put your spouse/partner first without giving up on your own passions, needs and wants. Quit blaming and shaming. Be a loving considerate engaged partner and your odds of a successful relationship with turn your view of the world upside down.
She can give him a chance to change his heart. Maybe give him a warning days in advance.
There’s good in everyone, even the most ruthless terrorist dictators.
Why do women assume men can read minds? My mother told me she left the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the floor and my father stepped over for three weeks. I’m thinking, ” why didn’t you just ask him to vacuum the den?” I think women come to marriage with far more expectations than men. I’ve never married; probably never will.
Women are looking for resources and for the man to be a good wife. Especially American empowered women. They are NOT worth it at all.
What they do is vain and what they think about is even worse. Society is a women’s corruption.
Way to go ladies. Try getting out of the sex business. I dare you.
No-fault divorce laws give her an easy out. Look at the spike in divorces once NFD became law. Then there’s what happened to the change in the Dutch alimony limits and the spike in divorce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaTanxWCkcg
Women know they can use the silver bullet defense at any moment, the “he was abusive your honor!” routine. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSEe–yGkq4. The Duluth Model is always in a woman’s back pocket ready to strike at any moment. There is no presumption of innocence for Men when she claims abuse.
Then there’s the income stream of child support. Wehunt vs. Ledbetter & Blessing vs. Freestone both admit child support really only exists to keep women off welfare. The State realizes it needs to shift the Female Financial Burden onto Men wherever and Whenever possible. Oh, and then there’s alimony payments for all those strong and independent women out there.
Women will most likely get their student loan debt shifted to their ex-husband in the divorce.
Women have a lot to gain financially through the marriage contract. Men have a lot to lose.
Truth is, Men are waking up to the rigged game and going MGTOW.
Laws need to change. Mew get screwed 99% of the time.
Wow I tend to agree with the ladies in these comments, man sounds like little wyinning bitches…men did that men did this, you are a pretty shitty man if you need to go and tell everyone that you are a man. you aren’t happy about the “empowered feminist” bitches than fuck them literally just fuck them, no relationship god forbid don’t marry those sycophantic bitches.
And to the author who blame man for the fact that those brainwashed women divorcing man because of man, look at the statistics of devorce between gay and lesbians couples, gay couples hold up lesbian devorce rates are crazy high….blame man?
With most of these type of women that are very brainless, worthless, and clueless altogether, what do you expect. This why most of these women are real total losers anyway to begin with, and will just grow very old all alone with a bunch of cats when their time comes. Have a lot of fun with your cats ladies.
I have read all of the comments here and find most to be similar to the others. I learned in 2010 from a friend that my wife said she was divorcing me when the youngest of two turned 18. I didn’t believe it at all. took it as just “talk”, until the 18th birthday rolled around. She snuck into town and filed exactly on the 18th birthday. When she called to tell me that she filed, I asked her what her reason for the divorce was. In her words she said, “Fuck I don’t remember I have to go read what I wrote in the filing”.
Naturally I was completely confused as to what was happening. When I asked for clarification, I was met with silence. There was no infidelity on either part. As one of my kids said when he started college, “Mom just out grew us”. I guess he may be right.
I supported her leaving town in March of 2014 to pursue her career. She makes way more than I, yet I was left taking care of my two kids through high school and on. No complaint about my kids. I enjoyed very moment, moments she will never have the memory of. I never struggled financially. The kids and I did well. She paid for their healthcare, and that’s it. I did the rest out of love for my kids and they know the truth in their own way.
To this day I don’t have a clue as to why she divorced. I kept it perfectly amicable. I still love her and care about her. We talk occasionally and get along. I guess its better to have two sane homes than one unhappy one. Enough said.
I’ll answer the headline for you: because women are more hormonal. When women are on their periods, relationships take a dive.
Just as you fall in love, you can fall out of love. Women should never stay in loveless marriages as this is legalised patriarchal prostitution. I am discussed that you would advise otherwise.
HughMBehavior, yes, women don’t build buildings, but we build people and societies existence. Women are just not being paid for there vital caring work in society, under a patriarchal system, a system designed by men for men. Not nature, but patriarchal thuggery. If men could have children the work outs the home would not be paid and the work inside the home would. Keeping mind men get paid for all their work, women don’t. Most of the economy thrives of women’s unpaid work.
Watch the news at night, men are menaces on society costing tax payers a fortune. Wars are also patriarchal in design that cost tax payers trillions of dollars every year. The Air Force, Army, Navy, Police Force, security, and this list goes on and on. All under patriarchy. Under patriarchy we are basically paying men to protect us from men. Where we should instead be taxing men for all these menacing service in society created in relation to men, and then handing this money over to women for equal pay. So women are not poor in old age or forced to stay in loveless marriages due to patriarchal gender financial inequalities. Those 1950’s housewives suffered more than Jesus did, under patriarchy, I worked in helping these women. Their suffering has just not been written in books, just as their war history hasn’t. These women were trapped in a box, no education permitted, no work permitted when married, deliberately designed patriarchal lower wages in just about every category of society, no money, abused by husbands, procreating year after year, submitting under the patriarchal bible. Another book written by men for men.
HughMBehavior, your a patriarchal privileged halfwit!
I have also notice just how much spare time men seem to have for all these online misogynistic views, not just here but all over the internet. Women are far too busy raising children to have this time. Further, pointing out this unpaid labour inequality in marriage/society.
After a long life of closely observing the continual hatred by men towards women, and on this site/question. The Y chromosome is hardwired to hate women. The Y chromosome is defective.
Even Glen from the ‘Eagles’ hated women.
Who really made human beings? Is some unseen force feeding off human suffering?
WARNING: WOMEN STAY AWAY FROM MEN. AS MEN ARE NOT GOOD TO WOMEN OR FOR WOMEN.
As odd as my last post may seem, even quantum physics suggests a puppet master at play in our reality.
Germaine Greer once stating, “women don’t know just how much men hate them”. This is so true women. Why I believe the Y chromosome is defective, hardwired to hate women. The empathy chip in men’s software is impaired.
Boys don’t play with girls in primary school, but come chasing after them in adulthood for sex. Then when women hit their 50’s men disregard women, again, like in primary school.
WOMEN, Men are not good to women or for women. Men are simply using women under the guise of love and marriage. A women’s mental and physical health often deteriorates in marriage. I have also never met one happily married women in my long life. Women will put on a public façade that they are happy, and have a wonderful husband, However, privately (within) they know that is not true.
It’s exactly the opposite. Women are largely missing the empathy chip. This is why they can flip like a switch and divorce like they do. They won’t bat an eyelash at the prospect of taking a man’s children away from him, the home he earned, not to mention taking child support and alimony while shacking up with some thug.
Nice projection though.
helping them to get their ex husbands and wives renewing their relationship i was convinced and i contacted him and just in 7 days after the spell was caste my beloved husband came looking for me and right now we are together again and he is taking care of me and the little kids as his responsibilities and family. Once again thank you here are his contact to reach him. [email protected] gmail. com or [email protected] yahoo. com
I dated a man for 10 years and then married 10 years. In the 10 years of dating he was charming, When we married he showed his true colours of high level narcissism. I stayed these married 10 years for my children, being so wrong now looking back. My very successful adult children now tell me that I was wrong in staying in a loveless marriage for 10 years with their father as they could see through the happy parental façade, causing them anxiety. Children highly perceptive.
Now of mature age, I know for a fact, that no women should stay in a loveless marriage, otherwise this is legalised and licensed patriarchal prostitution. Just a you can fall in love, you can also fall out of love.
Never advise a women to stay in loveless marriages, as they are prostituting themselves.
The patriarchal system has always been a licences to exploit, oppress and humiliate women and children. Marriage is a patriarchal institution, never forget that.
Jennifer
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>licensed patriarchal prostitution
Jennifer, based on your verbiage I can tell you with 100% certainty: he is FAR better off without you 🙂
I believe that women are the single source for their failed marriages to include the following:
1.) Unrealistic Expectations- Women are the ones who have surmounting/conflicting expectations (faithful bad boy, cheeseburger without the cheese, Tupac with a degree) of men and become disenchanted when they can’t execute. While women say that men cheat, there is no evidence that they do outside of them saying it (Woman’s fault).
2.) Weaponizing Sex- Did it ever dawn upon women that men cheat because they withhold sex and default on their #1 value proposition to man? If man didn’t want sex marriage would have no appeal to us, and If I buy the cow for the milk and the cow stops producing that milk, than I need a cow that can (Again, woman’s fault).
3.) Broken Selection Process- Women are responsible for their failed marriages as women are the ones who choose the man based off of superficial requirements that have nothing to do with character ( Taller than me in heals, more money but equal).Women choose the marriage, choose to have babies, choose to divorce and screw up their children’s lives. As you can see, the common denominator is women making bad choices that lead to broken homes and pointing the blame elsewhere (Woman’s fault).
4.) Wedding Vows- If women file divorce 90% of the time, than that means that they default on their vows 90% of the time. We see the court let women default of their vows to the man while the man has to continue to pay for services no longer rendered by the woman. The woman then takes the money, finds another man and tells a one-sided story, and tells the child to call her new boyfriend daddy while doing the same thing to him (Woman’s fault).
5.) Justification of Self-worth- Women only want the financial benefits of marriage to be used as a funding strategy to be mothers, which is how women justify their self-worth and then turn around and weaponize them when they want monetary gain. Women are clearly the single source for the destruction of the nuclear family (Woman’s fault).
-Truth
Every marriage is different im married over 20 years now i worked outside of home i worked inside home yard kids etc etc faithfull .Of course typical man who is self centered self absorbed pure selfish .One women is not enough needs ego strocked to feel alive .What a joke no loyalty no honor ,no integrity.Because of his dick he ruins his children’s and family’s life .
All those mentioned reasons except of violence are poor bad reasons for divorce.
Then again which many of these loser women deserve to grow very old all alone with a bunch of cats when their time comes. Have a lot of fun with your cats ladies.
It builds down mainly to communication and expectations (on both sides) and selfishness (or selflessness). If you can’t express why you’re angry or unhappy or communicate about the marriage issues with your partner, this can unfortunately lead to a divorce down the road.
Don’t think someone will ever “know” what you think in your head or feel in your heart without saying anything, this is delusional (it´s a false image sold by books), you actually need to speak and use carefully chosen words and actions to clearly communicate these feelings to someone else (and they must first be willing to listen).
To communicate, both you and your partner need to be willing to listen in the first place (it’s a 2 way street) and act on it, meaning you and your partner actually care about your marriage (and not looking for any excuse to bail out with minimum guilt if you grew bored of it).
Lot of people think the grass is always greener somewhere else and they deserve better (selfishness), and do not see (or choose not to see) the other side of the relationship and COMMIT.
Everyone knows a relationship is not 100% happiness all the time (hopefully at least 50% of the time) and you need some commitment, patience and FORGIVENESS (aka love) to get through the rough patches. And sometimes it is “toxic” and needs to be ended despite all the efforts.
You can have lot of different perfectly valid reasons to divorce, in the end it’s all about your happiness (and your family’s), but the questions you should ask yourself before you do that are: why did I choose to marry my partner in the first place ? what’s changed ? do I and does he/she forgive enough ? are my expectations realistic or delusional ? is really divorcing the solution to our problems ? sometimes it is and sometime it isn’t.
Regarding gender statistics, online dating help finding new partners more easily but I believe it helps causing more divorces too, with its “shopping like” approach (consumerism) of more “options”, diminushing it to the same level as “shopping for a job” or “shopping for a new object”.
SOME women are more willing to initiate divorce than men since society constantly tell them the idea they can find someone “better” (“I deserve it”), might not be as tolerant of flaws when reality does not meet unrealistic expectations (aka perfection vs reality) and might prefer to bail out then (not commit). “better” means you don’t love (forgive) your partner anymore and with the act of “comparing” him/her, you put all your needs first before others (“I deserve it”). Some divorce laws make it materialistically easier for SOME women motivated by this side of things too. Note SOME men initiate divorce too around the midlife crisis for similar reasons albeit maybe more for unresolved ego insecurities (ever heard about the term “trophy wife”, again the “I can find better”, selfishness) ?
In the end, life is short, don’t worry and be happy whatever you do (but try to not to hurt anybody while doing it if possible).
And GET REAL.
“If only he”.. wow as if all marriage woes are due to the man, how about “if only she” for a change.
Let’s see how your female “empowerment” works out as the world continues to spiral into insanity 🙂
I’ll bet the divorce rate plummets once the SHTF.
Perhaps we will leave you to fend for yourselves since you couldn’t be loyal during the easy times.
What will you have to offer roving gangs and cutthroats?
With most women sleeping around all the time since they really can’t be faithful at all these days, which really doesn’t surprise me at all. And now that feminism is everywhere today which makes these type of women real total losers altogether. Been there.
Why not just apply Occams razor here? Women divorce because they are spoiled and untrustworthy. The government subsidizes divorce with Child Support and Alimony so why wouldn’t you expect women to take advantage of men?
There are so many very toxic women nowadays everywhere, and they’re the ones that caused the divorce rate to climb so very rapidly as well. And the ones with their careers are the worst of all since they’re the biggest cheaters altogether.
Yes, remember: when men cheat, it’s the man’s fault. When women cheat, it’s the man’s fault.
This is the result of the abomination called feminism coupled with a vagina court system.
Women used to lose everything when they cheated, as it should be.
Most women nowadays unfortunately are real Whores, and no surprise there.
I had a severe head injury, went on medication that was awful, and rather than help me through it, she left and is now divorcing me. I have since worked my way off this medication and am back to my pre-injury state. When the one you love won’t help you, what is the point. She is still mad at me, even though I have apologized over and over again. She bought a place five minutes away from me. Seems strange to me, but I don’t want to talk to her anymore since everytime she talks to me she wants to bring up how I was on that medication. For the record, I am retired, responsiblewith my money, never did drugs, don’t drink or smoke, and help take care of some elderly friends. I want to get out and live again.
Many take their vows for granted and don’t TRULY comply with them..
It is only natural to want to seek divorce if the other spouse isn’t living up to their end of the bargain.. For better or worst does have its limitations and many will take advantage of this stance… Do what’s in your best interest at the end of the day and don’t let anything bound you to a dead situation…
You should study how men and women’s communication style differs. Women want to talk it out but the man feels like she is attacking him and shuts down. My husband was going through tough times and he was sometimes wicked and obstinate. Give him space. I learned that he was in a place where he hated himself and felt ashamed, he was in pain… beneath anger was fear of losing me and shame. Show him you are there for him with your actions. He will notice. Also, you are in trouble when nobody can speak to each other. Anger doesn’t always mean the end, it means there are still feelings there. Fight for your marriage.
I’m coming across many articles like this that say the same thing. They say that men fail to properly read their wife’s mind. She builds a wall, divorces him and blames him. It’s called “walk away wife syndrome.” Women always fabricate an emotional abuse case to justify their decisions. I see few articles that place the blame squarely where it belongs, on delusional women who hold on to childish fantasies they get from stupid romance novels and romantic comedies. Long-term relationships are work. Love is a daily choice, not some cosmic fate. I’d like to see the articles on the consequences experienced by these women who dump their alleged boring, inattentive husbands for their new “soulmates.” These women buy into feminist myths about empowerment. There is nothing empowering about the diminishment of financial and emotional strength of an intact family unit. Only the divorce lawyers win. You will lose that “connection” with your new lover just like you lost it with your poor husband because the man is not the problem. You are the problem. You get what you put into your marriage. You put nothing into it; you get nothing back. A man gets to the point that when he’s exhausted every attempt to read your mind, grows tired of your nagging and your withholding of sex to punish his lack of clairvoyance, he gives up and ignores you. Is it any wonder you’re starved for attention? Who wants to spend time with an unpleasant bi*ch?
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You left out the part of when the wife tells , explains, shares clearly what she needs after she meets his needs everyday …the man agrees with his fingers crossed behind his back and silently ignores her needs …men don’t want to hear their wives most of the time until she gives up and checks out …then the men suddenly wake up too late .
Wow look at all the angry manbabies commenting ! I can see why your wives left you angry self centered incels she got tired of your my way or the highway attitude , your wives got tired of your I’ll have my cake at eat it too mantra… you all can’t accept she got tired of your same old childish games and left your smelly , slovenly asses .
It is very dumb women like you that caused this problem in the first place. Get a bunch of cats and grow very old all alone with them.
I’ve been married 2 times now. Yes, my husband and I have been close to divorcing.He left me high and dry for a month. I’m notthe same wife he married since then.
Reading the comments, it feels like i am in the middle of a really intense war. I see dead bodies everywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not we have something in common even while we are at war. We are all angry and frustrated. We have hate and resentment. Marriage under GOD is the best thing that can happen to you, but marriage under the man made institution has been broken. Devil does not like marriage but he was unable to alter marriage under god, so he decided to attack marriage at it’s its weakest point: Marriage as an institution made by man. The devil raised women’s and men’ expectations. The devil has made us unreasonable and greedy. Now I use the words God and Devil figuratively. You can replace it with whatever else you want, but the evil force is winning. In a true marriage, no matter if you live in a tent, a room, an apartment, or a house… no matter if you are happy, sad, or frustrated… no matter if you are homeless or rich… the marriage will last a lifetime. But the world has become complex, and we have lost site of the simple things that used to make marriage work. I do not blame us. The Evil forces against us are strong and we are only vulnerable humans.
Whatever happened to the good old days when most marriages did work out the way that it did for our family members? Women as well as men were both struggling to make ends meat, and money was never an issue since both men and women hardly had any money in those days at all. A great deal of women now have their very high unrealistic expectations since they just want a man with plenty of money, and they just can’t accept many of us single men for who we really are anymore. And it is very sad how the women today have really changed from the past, and they have become so very greedy, selfish, spoiled, picky, and very money hungry as well. There are a lot of us men that aren’t like that at all, and would just be very happy to meet a good woman to have a serious relationship with. This is why it is very hard for many of us single men to find love today, and to think that most women in the old days were the very complete opposite of today which made love very easy to find back then with no problem at all. And today, just saying good morning or hello to a woman that many of us men would really like too meet has become very dangerous now for us unfortunately.
I agree with you; however, there is just no way to change the double-mindedness of women. They desire conflicting things such as a bad boy that doesn’t cheat, be equals but marry up, the man to be superman while she plays Louis Lane.
And for an update, women file at 80% now and 91% when they are educated. Also, women don’t want to be wife’s they want to be mothers as marriage is nothing more then their funding strategy for motherhood.
Look at what they celebrate. Notice how it’s never about being a wife. Look at all of their dating profiles as they state my kids are number 1 and hand men a list of what they want while never articulating what they will give a man.
Marriage only offers men a big bill and all of the responsibilities with no safeguards. Women don’t offer to buy men house, car, ring, wedding, but demand it. Women don’t even cook anymore. Women want us to do all the things of the past and not do their part. Women are simply not worth our favor.
Most of these type of women that are like this will never ever make a good wife at all to begin with.
Kay you mentioned every reason to leave your marriage except what you said in your vows. And you dont see a pattern in women divorcing? Lol yeah dont cry when you realize you made a mistake and you are all alone.
MARK
MY
WORDS
Yesss!!!! This blogger went from logical to irrational. Like one half was published by a man and the other by her. No respect for her.
I disagree. You paint the picture as it being the wife as being the giver and the husband not. It can often be the other way around. The fact is marriage is not for everyone. In fact I think its a bit outdated to be honest. The concept that one person should or could be with a person for the entire life is more fairytale than reality. We don’t apply the same logic with food and yet that is a primal need just like relationships are. Imagine waking up every day to the same plate of food. You might have liked it in the beginning and sure you an turn the plate a few times to see it from different angles but it still tastes the same. We were not meant to consume ONE thing only. Now I’m not talking about being married to more than one woman. I’m not talking about sex here. I’m talking about relationships. They get old fast. One party wants to change the other. One party thinks they are the one not getting anything but don’t stop to think that maybe the reason they aren’t is because they have stopped putting in effort. Guys are pretty straight forward. Show them respect, give them sex and show some effort in staying in shape ( notice I said effort not get thin ) and there are the ingredients for pleasing a guy mentally and physically. The problem that happens is men get married, the women gets comfortable and some start gobbling down food or start emotionally eating and boom, one day you wake up with a rhinosauraus next to you. Does it happen with men, yes. Both parties need to realize that for something to last 50 years, there is going to need to be a little give and take. There are going to be times when the man and woman need to hear things they don’t want to hear, and they are both going to have to put some effort in. Females, work out. Males, connect with your lady. But they go hand in hand. If you stop working out, do you think a man is going to want to connect with you? You can give this crap about he should love me for the way I am but did he do that when he met you? No. We meet based on attraction. So why would it change later? Anyway, that’s my two cents. A lot of women will disagree but hey ho, if marriages worked, we wouldn’t have such a high divorce rate. The fact is the only ones that work are those that have either got divorced and now found the person who truly was meant to be with them ( i.e if a man is looking for someone who takes care of themselves, he will seek that out this time, whereas before he might not have). Call it vain, call it whatever you like. Women are no different. They don’t want a fat man who looks pregnant beside them. They don’t want a man who can’t bring home the bacon. At the end of the day, marriage is a tough road to travel and certainly not for the faint of heart. Its full of more heart ache than its worth to be honest. I’m for people living together but not marrying. That way if push comes to shove, either one can walk away without having to pay each other anything. As for women coming off less than in a divorce that is laughable. They always get more. Sure back when they were married they might have had access to 200,000 a year and now they only have access to 30,000. But that’s 30,000 in the pocket they get and many don’t have to work again because they live off spousal support. Its a joke. The courts favour women over men. Its been proven. Anyone who says not, is probably a woman who was after more.
My experience is that women tend to not communicate very effectively on sensitive subjects. They are often unwilling to listen to the other party. They give up. They don’t trust the relationship will continue. It seems odd that women initiate divorce more than men.
I think divorce impacts both people more than they realize. By the time they reflect and examine what they did, it is too late because they are too proud to admit their respective mistakes. My ex wife’s parting comment was, ” I did nothing wrong”, when, in essence, she had to be involved in the issues, and played a role.
I think any two people can have a loving relationship if they want to. But, usually, one of the two don’t want to.
Well, I gave my marriage my everything. We were both working, both going to college, we traveled the world together and had a great friendship. She did belitle me once in a while and I complained. I should have known better. After 9 years together, 4 married. I no longer was providing what she needed from a man. I wasn’t good enough, and wasn’t a good leader (because I took her opinions into account to make decisions) and she moved out. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but she could’ve told me there was a problem before deciding to move out to start dating other men. I never once failed her, and she just abandoned me, at least we didn’t have kids.
Victor, That is the problem with most of these very pathetic women nowadays. And no matter what you do for them which it is never good enough for them. Been there unfortunately.
Funny thing. My wife nagged me out of my career right when we got married. She begged me to get out of finance and take a part time job so I can be around the home more. After talking about it for 2 weeks, I caved for her because I was trying to compromise and make it work. We had a child less than a year later. I raised her, did everything at the house while my wife worked 3 days as a RN and felt entitled to not help me with our daughter or anything else. She literally would say she worked her 3 days and was too tired to help.
People asked why my wife acted single and was out with her friends while I had no life. It didn’t matter if i bought her flowers, did the romantic gestures with candlelight dinners, rose petal spa treatments and etc. Nothing was ever good enough. After our second child I realized that she was getting worse. It didn’t matter that I communicated with her, treated her with respect, compromised and picked up all the slack. When people feel entitled,take you for granted and treat you as the “help”…then it is over.
Her girlfriends flirted with me, her friends and family told her how lucky she was and strangers would compliment her about me. None of that mattered.
It didn’t matter how I could know exactly how she felt before she opened her mouth…and I’d do gestures to take any frustrations away. She still searched for reasons why nothing was good enough. She even said,.”I had high hope’s for you and expected more. Why can’t you just have problems? Why do you not need me?”.
People…she wanted a project. She wanted to feel superior and to be worshipped. Narcissistic behaviors is what I learned about a bit late. It is becoming more common with women these days. Being raised in this manner by a parent that is similar. I missed that red flag by a mile.
Sometimes you can have the dream partner,.but none of that will keep you happy because you are broken inside. I left her at 10 years of marriage. She cheated on me with another woman (she was bi and hooked up with girls before me). That woman? Farts and burps at the dinner table. Cusses like a sailor. Abusive to her two daughters. Mismanages money so much that she doesn’t pay her bills…but has her toys and Starbucks. She is trailer trash while my wife had her BSN degree.
She blamed me for a bad marriage. She said I was toxic. Within 1 year, she fights more with her soulmate than we ever did in 10 years. She is miserable and withdrawn in her 2nd year of living/dating her partner. Her partner stopped trying like she did in the beginning. Now my ex is trying to fill her emptiness with puppies, kittens and material things to keep her happy. Nothing is working. She even starts fights with me over text just so that I can respond to her and give her attention. She just finally admitted she is having a hard time.
Regrets are common. People need to give credit where credit is due. Obviously, if there isn’t consistent effort, then it won’t work. It is so easy to walk away instead of trying….and if you have children, then you’re making it worse for them.
I was what women would call “the perfect husband”. But I learned that it needs to work both ways to last. Now time scared to date or get married again. My efforts and time were wasted by someone who wanted all, had it and still found reasons to not appreciate it. I did everything. I didn’t even complain when she put on 40lbs. I loved her for who she was and never tried to change her. Now she complains that she has to wash our kids clothes when they’re with her. She makes them do everything (they were 6 and 8 when this happened). She says parenting is hard. She actually doesn’t parent. She ignores them, doesn’t spend time (quality or alone) with them. She’s on her phone, sleeping or telling them to not bother her.
Life is interesting. To say the least.
I don’t think marriage is worth it anymore. You can cohabit or date and if youre happy just stay together. When the time comes, you two can quietly go your separate ways. No court, no divorce, no greedy lawyers, etc. Marriage is an outdated institution.
Marriage wasn’t for me, that’s for sure. My husband was the jolly guy with our friends and family, the life of the party. I was told so often that he must be fun to live with. No. He wasn’t. When he wasn’t at work he was on the sofa, blowing weed and drinking beer. Never helped with any chores around the house unless I asked. Felt like an unpaid housemaid and I had a full time job, too. Never saw the need for any home maintenance until things were falling down around our ears. Constantly after me for sex. Pinched my butt in public places. Told me I wasn’t as smart as him. I warned him someday I would be gone. After 18 years when the day came I told him I was filing for divorce he was totally blindsided. Thank God there were no kids. Divorced 27 years now. He died of alcohol related dementia 3 years ago. I have had a boyfriend now for 18 years. We don’t live together. I will never marry again.
The trouble with that is the depend 3rd party children who are screwed without the support of both parents.
There is also the economic impoverishment of trying to support expensive households just for yourself.
Thank you for the article. Let me tell you something. This is the Kali Yuga. You can laugh about it. But look around, people are ego-centric, care only about money and materialism, want to be noticed social media), want to fight (see divorce rate). Riduculous. I’ll remain objective. Here we go. Man. 47 years. Two children nearing college. Worked myself to death for 20 years. House, vacations, fancy car for wife. Check, check, check. Four years ago I became sick. My wife dropped me. Yes, because I became sick and could no longer provide the lifestyle she wanted. She hated me because I became sick. I cannot disclose what I have. But it is shocking to find out how shallow your partner is even when you love them unconditionally. But they don’t. They love conditionally. The condition is comfort. Another word for materialism. Money. Somehow, my wife is on a different planet. The Kali Yuga planet. The me against you planet. I cannot wait to re-incarnate. All I ask God is to wait until this period of confusion has passed. If that is not possible, I’ll stay with God. I love life but I see too many women who don’t understand Genesis. Bless you all. I love you all. Yes, I forgive you who has wronged me. No worries. But please, don’t be mean to all these good men. Thank you.
The older I get, the more convinced I become that marriage functions best when thought of as another workplace, not in the more emotional, lovey-dovey way most people think of it. She has the “job classification” of wife, with attendant expectations and duties. He has the “job classification” of husband, with attendant expectations and duties. Provided both people are on the same page regarding the expectations and duties of these two job classifications, perform their own job, and behave as they do at work most of the time (except when having sex, obviously), things go smoothly.
When they don’t, problems crop up and swiftly multiply.
Think about it, seriously.
– When a coworker, client, or vendor calls you, emails you, or shoots you a text, you don’t just ignore it. You get back to that person ASAP.
– You don’t swamp someone with calls, texts, emails, or whatnot unless the matter is critically important.
– When you make a mess in the break room or other common areas, you clean it up. You don’t just leave it to fester like a slob.
– When you use the bathroom, you display good etiquette (no piss on the seat, leaving the toilet unflushed, etc.)
– When you know you’re expected to be done with a given task by close of business today, you don’t put it off or screw around, you buckle down and get it done.
– You don’t lounge around in your pyjamas or sweatpants all day at work with hairy legs, a neckbeard, or your hair all oily and screwed up. You take care with your dress, grooming, and hygiene.
– You behave in a calm and mature manner. You don’t constantly bitch, moan, throw temper tantrums, or engage in dramas.
– You don’t heedlessly waste organizational funds, you manage those assets with care.
You know your boss, clients, customers, vendors, coworkers, and so on simply won’t tolerate shitty behavior, so you behave like a mature, responsible, rational adult. So, why expect a spouse to tolerate it?
If you’re both capable of being an asset to a team at work, you’re both capable of being an asset to a team at home. You just have to dump the false cultural conditioning that marriage is some kind of grand fairy tale. Ultimately, it’s just another workplace. Behave accordingly.
So glad I just became a single career woman Instead of getting a husband. Make money…let the suckers get married and knocked up
This article is entirely opinion based, other than the statistics of more college educated women initiating divorce. It implies that the fault lies with the women and is a pretty horrendous piece of writing to rank so highly in a Google search.
Men, women, divorced or married- can we demand better of our writers and analysts?
Don’t you know, It’s ALWAYS the woman’s fault, NO MATTER WHAT! smdh.
More reasons to not get involved with women in the first place. Life is complicated enough without adding trouble and strife to your life.
You really nailed it.
Again always left on the man shoulders… Only he has to make changes… Women do nothing wrong article …
Tired of reading these “it’s all the man’s fault” no matter how hard a man tries if the women won’t try then it will fail… It takes two for a marriage to work but your issue is we made the golden egg for women to Devorice instead of stay and work it out.
I hail the author’s great skill in explaining the stages women go through before initiating a divorce. However, to me it looks like explaining the stages a killer goes through before ending the life of his victim but ignores the fact that killing is a huge sin and a crime. I believe a divorce is as bad as killing in most cases. It ends a family!
Whatever women go through before initiating a divorce is insignificant compared to the damage they cause by ending a marriage. It’s not an excuse to feel unhappy or feel that their spouse input in the marriage is not enough. Also, it is not fair that many of them just decide to end a marriage without communicating their feelings before their decision or taking time to work on improving their marriages (Yes, I know life is not fair but in this equality era we are living, women should be held accountable for ending a marriage especially if kids exist).
Women initiate divorce most of the times because child custody is almost guaranteed and they will always get enough money from their ex to cover the expenses of raising the kids. If child custody wasn’t a sure thing; the rate/percentage of women initiating divorce will drop drastically.
Modern Family Laws are to blame for this imbalance, because of their clear bias against men. Men and kids are now unfortunately the victims of a divorce. Women get to keep all! What a shitty world!
Most women nowadays are very evil and real demons altogether which makes getting married to these losers not worth it anymore.
Its cuz women are souless, selfish, & are conditioned by our throw away society & the spoil the girl attitude which produces women who merely manipulate men into marrying them so they can use them for all their resources and then merely toss them aside or hurt them so badly the men cant help but let them go without struggle. Ive seen it time n time again. There’s no communication just a 180 degree turn from her saying one day your the best friend she’s ever had to 4 days later not coming home & telling you its over cuz she needs change n doesnt want to deal with ur illness anymore. All this while really having her 2nd affair for the last 4 yrs unbeknownst to him. Yeah that quick, that heartless, that evil. Thats todays woman!
For a man still desiring marriage and more kids, a 30% success rate is not looking good.
Also im a statistic as well…wife pressured me to marry her, things got financially tough for us, she took the 2 kids, moved in with her best friend 400 miles away, slept with his husband, and came back home blamed me for being unhappy and filed for divorce
Women divorce men more because they are emotionally weaker and they get bored faster period… While all those issues may happen during the marriage its no different than a regular relationship were you go through ups and downs! All women will get bored after a few years or sooner no matter what the man does there is no escaping that. The major difference is women know that by divorcing the man they will most likely get the better arrangement during the divorce proceedings so there is less incentive to work it out for them! Men know that they will lose in court as well so they have an incentive to work it out and that is pretty much how it works! Now if the divorce laws were changed to get rid of alimony, allow fathers at least 50% custody of their kids and actually punish the person filing the divorce or breaking their vow then women would not divorce as much! They only do it this much because its lucrative and so very easy! If you want to blame a single policy for all this then it is the NO FAULT DIVORCE law that ronald reagan passed. That basically made it easy for women to divorce and gave them an incentive to do so and just like that women divorce rates shot through the roof! Change the laws and you change the divorce rates!
Most women back in the past were very faithful, and today most women are very unfaithful.
Hey guys! Guess what? Blah blah blah science. But you only need one penis to help populate the earth. You need a bunch of ladies though. Just sayin”! Maybe two, but propagation really needs way more vajayjays. You know it’s true!
Melidubs, but those women that sleep around are real filthy whores anyway to begin with. Many of us single men don’t want a slut at all.
LOL!!!! If that’s how you define your worth then go ahead…….But we already have about 8 billion people so that service is not really required.
You don’t need woman actually. We can produce eggs.
Good article, but please…enough of the “help her with housework.” It’s HIS house TOO! He needs to do 50% not ‘help her’ with the housework.
Ththe reason more women thsn men file for divorve is simple the wonan keeps chsnging the rules of the relstionship so that it tsjes more and more for the man to please her and he generraly keeps trying harder and harder intil no matter whst does she resents him.
If both held up to the vow made in the beginning there would be no divorce.
Generally men give up on the forsaking all others after the woman gives up on alloeing him to have and to hold her.
Hi Joe, I say this with no ill intent or anger. I am also a woman considering divorce. When I was dating my husband (for five years ) before we got married, he was a kind, patient, caring man. He was the house manager at the home he rented and ran a tight clean ship. He worked hard and was smart. After we got married, he began to work less and less and started to clutter up the house. It got so bad that you could no longer see the floor in the bedrooms and he started into the living room and kitchen. Turns out his grandparents and mother survived the depression and became hoarders. This was passed down generations to my husband. If I had known this about him before getting married it would have been a deal breaker. So I ended up being the breadwinner in the house (we have no kids) and I don’t even make that much. I work 8-14 hours a day and come home to a hoarders house. I am so embarrassed of our place that we never have anyone over ever! I have bent over backwards to negotiate a household plan with him. He asked for a schedule. I gave it to him. He asked for help organizing, I hired an organizer and got it all cleaned up and labeled to help him. Within 2 months is was a disaster again. And numerous other attempts to many to mention! I have given 2000% into helping him with his clutter, lack of wanting to work, temper problems, etc… to no prevail. He has had me jumping through hoops for years trying to uphold my vows and stay married and work out our problems while he sits on the recliner and watches car shows, talks to his friends that don’t work, and goes to the beach. Whenever I complain or let him know how unhappy I am his response is “You wanted to get married.” Then just ignores me. Well as I recall, he wanted to get married too and no one held a gun to his head at the wedding. It is also in the vows that we promise to honor our partner. What part of what I described above is honoring? Is it our duty to stay with a partner who feels it is okay to disrespect and dishonor their spouse and has the mentality “that you wanted to get married”, so now your stuck with all my bad behaviors? I feel tricked. When I made those vows I made them to the guy I knew then. The guy that would be fair in a relationship and not be okay with taking advantage of someone and robbing them of a social life in their own home. If you signed a contract with someone and they misrepresented the service or product what would you do?
It is a very good thing that women weren’t like this back in the old days, otherwise this world would’ve never progressed the way that it did. Most women nowadays are just down right awful altogether, and a real bunch of losers as well. A man would have to be very crazy to get married to one of these idiot women today, since a great deal of them were married already either once or twice to begin with.
The only connection my ex craved was with the television.She would find something to watch no matter how bad it was, and wait for me to go read a book and leave her alone.
Eventually, I did. It was the best move I ever made.
I think the biggest mistake made that leads to divorce is that people look for spouses like one fishes: with really good bait and an intention to acquire. The fish thinks it’s getting nourishment-something good, but what happens is the complete opposite. This is called bait and switch. Everything changes once the bite is made and it shouldn’t be like that. Finding someone to marry or spend one’s life with is looking for someone you feel good about being good to, you are looking to GIVE to. It’s more like buying a plant. After you get it, there is still much work to do to keep it healthy, thriving and yes, bearing fruit. If both have this attitude about one another-honestly do what they did to get them as a way to keep them-there is truly not much to worry about.
And now that most women today have their so called careers which they’re the worse ones of all to begin with. A great majority of these women today are now very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, gold diggers, since they will sleep around with much older men with money, cheaters, can’t commit to only one man anymore, narcissists, since they really think they’re all that, and very money hungry as well. And a lot more can certainly be added to that list as well. So with this very big list that these women have today, it is very wise not to get involved with these very pathetic women to begin with since they’re the very reason why the divorce rate is very much out of control that is really caused by them to begin with. Very smart men do stay single, especially after so many of us had this happened to us already. Been there.
Stupidity at its best, seems to lay the blame on men. Women usually initiate divorce at some critical juncture when she gets a new job or a promotion or found a new lover, or if the husband is going through a rough patch in life. Women are capricious and they pay for it. The post divorce woman is Chronically unhappy, for men its a momentary shock and they will move on.
A lot of good comments however if you didn’t know any better you think the people on these comments sections were married….there’s plenty of blame to go around for everybody men and women alike seems that women these days are taking their turn at being stupid although men of old seem to have beat them to the punch. sometime it seems that women want financial security but a man being gone to create that creates another problem, so maybe the answer is not in materialism for security. The article was more of a woman’s perspective but a good article and we want women’s perspective as well. I heard a lot of experiences and a lot of complaints does anyone have an answer. men are going to have to meet women’s needs not their symptoms which means of course women will have to communicate that accurately and women will have to meet men’s needs stop judging each other and meet their needs
MGTOW is the best way for Men in Modern Societies. Wedding vows mean nothing to modern females. All a modern female has to do is say he hurt her. It could not of ever happen. But because she spoke the words that there was pain or abuse it must be true.
The Law and Society does not hold females accountable, except the Men are held accountable for everything, real or not. Modern women (25yr old) are having sex with 13yr old students and the Law and Society hardly disciplines her or holds her accountable, compared to, say a 25yr old Man had sex with a 13yr old student. So those young male children are conditioned to believe it is okay for older people to have sex with younger people. That is until those 13yr boys grow older and then wonder why the system is attacking them for what was done to them when they were young.
So this massive double standard continues in Modern Societies.
That is why the American marriage rate is the lowest it has ever been in history.
That is why the American Birth rate is the lowest it has ever been in history.
Men are growing up in those households and realizing MGTOW is the best option for that Man’s future.
The best way to gain wealth, MGTOW
Live happy, no female nagging at you or a female shaming you, MGTOW
With more Men going MGTOW
These Men never ever have to see the inside of a Divorce Court (where everyone in the room is female, except for the Man accused) and how to never have the pain of having to reduce your ability to see your children only 4 days a month (why? because she felt unhappy, but removing you from your children via the Law makes her happy).
MGTOW – Men Going Their Own Way – Is a statement of self-ownership, where the modern man preserves and protects his own sovereignty above all else. It is the manifestation of one word: “No”. Ejecting silly preconceptions and cultural definitions of what a man is. Looking to no one else for social cues. Refusing to bow, serve and kneel for the opportunity to be treated like a disposable utility. And, living according to his own best interests in a world which would rather he didn’t.
In other words . . . common sense for men.
sov·er·eign·ty
ˈsäv(ə)rən(t)ē/
Noun. Meaning: Supreme power or authority. Autonomy, independence, self-government, self-rule, self-determination, freedom. Self-governing.
I am the guy in all this. Both my wife and I brought a lot of issues into the marriage. She was the main bread winner for years and resented me for it even though I did most of the house work including raising the kids.
No matter what each other had done at the end of the day there was forgiveness.
I started to fall into depression brought on from PTSD both from growing up from an abusive father and war. I kept trying to seek help, but people do not want to help adults. They figure if your an adult you should have your shit together. It was not like I was not seeking the help, I was just not finding it.
When my wife came to me with divorce papers I tried to kill myself, It was only then that I got the help I needed. Now I am on medication and go to counseling twice a week. However the divorce is still going through and she does not want to repair the damage.
She means the world to me and I am now trying to figure out how to live without her.
It happened just like this article said, but I could not give her what she needed because of my depression not because I was being a dick or neglectful.
We had 28 years together and even though we had our problems it was not bad. However she is only thinking of the bad.
I want to repair the damage, but when the other person refuses to take part, there is nothing you can do.
I am part of the 10% of men filing for divorce. I am 70 and married and divorced 4 times. I Filed. I had an iron clad prenup every time and assets locked in offshore companies and trusts. I always married women 15 to 20 years younger for looks / sex and social entertainment. I have 4 children – all adopted – who will continue running my business. I saw the misery of my father and uncles going thru divorces including suicides. I decided early on that I will not be in that camp. I stopped the married life when it because socially acceptable to have “girlfriends”. All and all I had a wonderful life with more fun than what any man could dream having. Men should start having divorce working for them. Pull the trigger first and you will find plenty of younger women out there to start all a over again.
Just curious, did you really love those women that you were married too at that time?
Daniel De Saint Aurin… you absolutely said it correct and IS the thought process every man in existence should also have and practice. I married young, had kids, and ended in divorce 18 years later (same reasons as pretty much every guy on these comments have given).
After that experience, I changed my tune, and men everywhere can learn from:
First, EVERY woman in this new social media world is a hooker. Period. They’ll try to tell you otherwise, but their actions coincide entirely with prostitution. Buy them something nice, get sex. Nice dinner, sex. A nice house, sex. A new guy (outside of their own marriage) has more money? A nicer car than you? They’ll be opening their legs at the new guys place… yup, you guessed it, exactly like a hooker. Some stay longer than others, but as long as you continue to provide monetary value, you’ll get companionship… yup, just like a hooker.
I can’t honestly think of one woman, no matter what she does for a living, no matter what she says, that doesn’t display the same characteristics as you guessed it, a hooker.
SO… men, change your tune. Treat every woman you come across as a hooker, and you’ll see how much easier your life gets. That woman you call a “wife”, I mean, “hooker”, DOES NOT LOVE YOU FOR YOU!
Here’s the kicker. If you’re a guy, don’t get all sad about breakups, or put your woman on a pedestal… seriously, just putting up their picture on your FB feed is like sending out a marketing flyer for her services… and plenty of men will bite, and she’ll be again providing services.
If you’re not seeing this in your current relationship, you’re fooling yourself.
Lastly, there are billions of these hookers out in the world… when you get rid of one, go get a younger one… do it over and over again. You’ll never be lonely, you’ll never be sad, and no woman (er, hooker) can ever take advantage of your heart again.
Either learn from the other men (and even the women who have posted) that this is all true, or continue your whoa is me attitudes and live life crappy. Go be happy! You men deserve it. Go find your hookers (some are much cheaper than others for the same if not better service!).
That ended suddenly and left me asking, and…? That’s the end of the story? I mean, its my story to the “t”, I was just hoping there was a happy ending!
I am confused, hurt, empty / sad. I have been married for 2( years. I have wanted to get divorced a few times throughout the marriage. We sought marriage counseling and believe it or not each one advised divorce- especially when the girls were young . We tried and to be conscious of our behavior. Feeling empty in my heart and sexuality and companionship grew us apart. I found joy and fulfillment with non profit organizations, Girl Scouts and educating youth and running youth groups. I did it all with satisfaction and accomplishment – no matter how hard I tried my husband was not able to come out of his shell. Planning vacations dinners parties was not his thing. Slowly I pulled him out and made him reach out to friends- that was a good thing. The sex was far and few between- he was very awkward. Yet I was connecting. Emptiness grew- love waned . Through the years even when life shifted with feelings economy – I stuck with it / I stuck w his unwillingness to help raise girls- refusing to change diapers. Yet we were doing well. I began to see him not trying and it hurt I began as well. Things began to smother er for a lot of years. 6 years ago I found pictures of him stalking my sister taking nude pictures! And I realized that was a few years before I found them!! I confronted him I told him I trusted my heart in his hands and he just dropped it and broke into a million lives. I thre my ring I saiid I wanted a divorce
He begged for another year and I trusted him we fought help again and the therapist was shocked and advised force I best. Yet we tried- it just got worse
Our last ABNER wrath dinner we did not say a word
I didn’t speak and he really didn’t pay much mind. I broke the silence asking why have not spoken
I said just like the silence at the table it’s like the ole ce in my heart- I said there was nothing after tried. At thd time we lived w my mom with our 3 girls small instead of big adjustment.but instead of helping and be respectful he grew hostile and desteslectful to my mom! He never apologies of thanked her for the roof over our heads. We struggled financially and she carried the burden
It got hot he felt a lean from my family to support somehow- contribute
I am. Embarrassed that my family attributed to this. To this day there is much disrespect cold hearted ess because of the affect it had in my mom
He counted the meatballs to serve for dinner he did not ever buy a meal when we were out least we could do. Gesture after gesture was not there. It got to the point where we were asked to mrs d on bad terms
He did t card ge had hat for everyone s d was violent
To this day he holds that to my family
Every word about it sends him really g to the point if wanting to harm my brother. Scaring the children
Day after day itt makes my breath shallow. There is no closeness I do not feel the same I don’t want to touch or cuddle. I am withdrawing bcuz nothing left to draw me in. He buys little things and makes me feel uncomfortable- I see he tries but it sticks to my heart about thise photos and constant other things. . My daughters at one point offered divorce my one stayed he would not know true live
But this isn’t! My older one saw photos by accident and told me to get divorced and not do stay nyc of us and that would show them I was a strong woman. Help ! Feel complacent s d self deprecating I admit which makes me sad and unable to move forward. Early on after a year or so being married a friend asked if I was happy to which I replied yes- of course
Then he asked I I loved him or IF I WAS IN LOVE with him
That always stuck w me in good times and bad
An other factor since we left my mom abruptly w o thank you there harbored resentment to my sibs- my mom is alone and feels regretful it ended this way – I feel obligated to make right and stay with her as promised I think that would be a bad factor to my family. I feel alone on a sinking boat s my family in it.
Iine life of pi I bit of all characters w one survivor-
I don’t think many women really and truly love their husband the way a man can honestly say he loves his wife, which is with unconditional love. Most women (possibly due to society’s judgment of men – mostly financial value) place a value on their husband based on what he brings to the table. Men get comfortable in a marriage and assume everything is at least “fine” in the home. Women seem to constantly evaluate and “grade” a man’s value to her and the household, especially if children are involved. “He’s not a real man,” is a comment I have heard many times from women describing their ex-husband. Not once have I heard a man say his ex-wife was not a “real woman.”
Women are very good at causing most divorces nowadays, especially the ones that sleep around with all different men every chance they get. These women today really have no class at all. This is why MGTOW is saving many men’s lives today, now that we have these very awful women around.
Or instead of apologizing for women, how about lets make the simplest assumption. Women just aren’t as faithful as men?
Thank God I’m born in India, where couples never ( more than 90% ) breakup and divorce. Once marriage is committed, heaven or hell, they had to go through it. Sure it sounds stupid, but that’s what our history told us.
Women are very normal down there, that is for sure. At least, most of them are like you said. American women here are very horrible altogether.
I thought of an interesting angle in perhaps why women initiate divorce 90% of the time. The stereotypical, cheating, insensitive, abusive man seems to always be the go to out; but in my case, and Im pretty sure with many men, we may be rightly blamed for not being “Luke Cage” or Mr. perfect, but never abusive or adulterous; rather, my theory is that most women have this uncontrollable instinctual desire to procreate. Women must have children! Thus, women primarily engage in relationships looking for the perfect partner to have and raise a child with. However, after that child reaches a certain age approx. 15-16, the woman no longer needs THAT man anymore. He’s done his job as far as she’s concerned. She was attracted to him, but attracted to him as a parent not as a life partner. IDK, it would be interesting to know the age of a woman’s children when she decides to initiate divorce. But my point is, women are no different in their mating preferences than men, its just that they’re forced to forgo their preferred option for a mate for the “procreating/partner”, when that stage of a woman’s life is done, she reverts back to seeking her preferred mate. The bad news for her is that 80% of second marriages fail. Thus, another wasted 10 years of being used up plus splitting your finances, plus causing trauma to your children.
By no means am I advocating a woman stay in an abusive or horrible marriage. Im saying, is the marriage really that bad, or are your biological urges telling you the grass is greener. Statistically, 80% of the time the grass is just as dead with Mr. “Brad Pitt”. Ladies, if your husband, doesn’t listen, or is insensitive or doesn’t clean up or romance you…….Thats called man DNA. Thats no reason to reason to walk away. Just because you lost that spark, is just not good enough reason to walk out on your marriage. All of those things can be learned, worked on, improved on. Probably with help. If you’ve actually done all you can to work on things including counseling and he wont pull his weight…..Im all for the separation and divorce. But, again, women, I think what you think you’ll find, you wont. 9/10 you have a good man that has just lost sight or got comfortable. But he was awesome enough for you to intertwine your DNA with his for all eternity………thats ain’t worth trying to salvage? Well, my wife is gone, but maybe this post might encourage a woman to keep building for the future, and maybe one day get that beach home that the grandkids will come and visit grand mom and grand pop together at. You vowed, “for better or for worse” in “sickness and in health”—–it’s interesting that they put that there.
I think it’s women who are insensitive. Women are insensitive to their ex’s broken hearts and wounded souls. For foggy reasons I can’t figure out no matter how hard I try.
See https://genderlovesexuality.wordpress.com/2021/09/02/why-are-girls-so-insensitive-to-their-exs-broken-hearts/
You didn’t mention women being emotionally unavailable throughout a 28 year marriage? She forgot birthdays , anniversaries and relationships with sister? Although she was able to have sex twice a day she expressed no love back to me. Once I made a great deal of money she was gone. She was a school nurse and ended up having an affair with the school psychologist and her doctor? Two at once! Only someone who is emotionally not present could pull off this bad marriage. David
This is a great article. However- it assumes the stance that men aren’t doing enough as a standard reason for divorce. There are plenty of good men who are left for just that- being good men. Raising kids, trying hard etc. And the woman’s poor judgment and entitled views justify her reasons for leaving. I’ve been through this and my kids and I both won’t ever forgive their mom for leaving us so she can have more alone time in her bathtub and Netflix binges. It’s time women start taking responsibility for their selfish behaviour. My ex wife wasn’t happy because she couldn’t control every single minute of my day. She wanted me to be a manny- so she could carry on and save the world professionally. Work before family. And she hated that I had a career and Still made my kids first. She turned to weed to make things better and it made it worse. She became lazier and lazier- and now I spend my days teaching my boys to find a partner that cares respects and treats you well without throwing her under the bus. Because I know she loves them- but she let us down.
Hi there. The fact that women divorce following the point that men don’t do what women want is noted. But let us look on both sides of the coin. When a man marry a woman, he’s already decided in his mind antd soul that he’s going to please this woman do things for her whatever she wants within his ability and beyond.Then you find woman that she doesn’t appreciate her man’s effort(even a thank you can do wonders) instead she will use the opportunity instead of appreciating she will want something beyond a man’s ability and beyond. The man gets no caurage to do things instead sees himself as a failure in the marriage because something is wanted by his wife that is beyond his capabilities. At the same time a man will be told ” why cant you be like other men.” And this man may be a topic amoung her friends. Friends advises would be that “find a decent man leave him.
Oh, yes girl, it’s all his fault and you did nothing at all during any of the fights to make things worse. You go; Single mom’s and emotionally damaged children for life. Woo!
Obviously men can be horrible and divorce is there for a reason, but a national rate of over half of marriages? Must be all men are pigs or something.
Modern western women are spoiled… Period. Western society makes women believe they deserve Prince Charming and when they don’t get him, they resent the poor bastards they settled for. They then makes both their husbands and themselves miserable until one of them cheats. That’s modern western marriage in a nutshell.
Most women unfortunately today are real demons.
I am speechless for the help I had from manuka temple when i needed help to save my marriage. I want to tell everyone there is power in manuka temple. [email protected] gmail. com Everything has changed for good. My husband who has dumped me for over a year now to stay with his mistress has returned back with the help of priest manuka when i contacted him for solution on how he can get my husband back. he did a reunion love spell for me and told me he will come back home on his own i had a little doubt, but i have know choice to remain calm to my greatest surprise my husband came back home after a week the spell was done I was just surprise on how this worked. Today we are living in peace again. All thanks to the Gods of manuka temple.
It is a very good thing that women many years ago were very old fashioned and real ladies which is why this world has progressed over the years, and today most women are just down right very horrible to meet to have a relationship with. Now they cause most divorces more than ever since they just sleep around a lot. Most women were very faithful in the past, which made most marriages last a very long time as well. Thank God that he created much better women in those days that certainly had much better manners and a great personality, something these very pathetic women don’t have today.
Or maybe because men get gutted financially through the divorce process ….
Now that so many women nowadays that are either Gay Or Bi, which certainly does have a lot to do with it as well.
No fault divorce and family court preference for women.. Period.
I read an article about how women are more sexually responsive during the romantic honeymoon phase. When that wears off they begin to lose desire. If they’re immature about it they’ll blame the husband and progressively demand more for less until the courts rule on the divorce.
With most women being such very horrible low life loser creatures nowadays, what do you expect. And the biggest cheaters of all as well.
I ‘am a man that has been around for almost 74 years and I have seen alot of things,and done alot of things,but in the last 40years I have seen men and women get a divorce,just because he came home 30 minutes late,and she was jealous and out raged,so she filed for divorce.I had a good friend who was going with a very pretty girl and after 7 months of liveing togeather,she told him that she needed a bigger dick to satisfied her,so she left and found her self a big black 8 inch dick,but now she complains that he makes her bleed every time they have sex.An old girl friend told me here awhile back that her husband was a good man and gave her every thing that she could want,but he found out that she was running around with a big dick from work that could satisfied her better,so he filed for divorce.What the hell is wrong with you women,that you would do this shit? If a big black is what you want,then go get one,but don’t think that a whit man is going to stand by and take care of you just so you can go fuck a big black dick. I have never heard of this shit before where it takes to men to take care of one pussy.Every body knows that when a big black dick gets In to a white pussy and gets it all stretched out,then it won’t be any good for any other white man to fuck,because it will about the size of a quart jar. I know that it can return to the same size after sex,but after awhile of it getting a bigger dick,it won’t returned all the way back to normal, and it would be loose for a smaller dick.I have read where a white man caught his wife with a big black dick,and he took his 12gauge with 00 buck shot and blue his big dick and nuts out of his ass,and then turned it on his wife and blue her pussy out her ass. Both of them are still alive,but they can’t have sex any more and they will not be able to have any kids of their own. So tell me what do you gain by fucking some bodys elce wife? And they both get around in a wheel chair ,and the black man’s wife divorced him and nobody wants to be with eather of them.The white man is in prison,and he will be getting out in 2028. So who do you think won?when you go out looking for some pussy,you had better think twice before fucking somebody’s elves wife,because he mite just put you both 6 feet under.
Funny how very different most women were back in the past when the great majority of them were very faithful at one time, and stayed very committed to their men as well. And once these morons became very independent which has really changed them for the worst of all, not to mention how very horrible they’re these days altogether since now they really think their S— doesn’t stink. So many very pathetic women out there now more than ever before unfortunately, especially since they have no manners and personality at all these days when it comes to most of us men. Most of these very pathetic creatures are sleeping around with different men all the time, and can’t even commit to only one man anymore either. Very disgusting low life loser women that are unfortunately everywhere nowadays, and the biggest cheaters of them all since they have destroyed many good innocent men’s lives already. Been there.
American women deserve all the derision we can muster as a society. They want have their cake and to eat it too. Raised on a steady diet of Prince Charming wedding fantasies, The View witches and Oprah marriage advice (a lesbian who have never even been married) there is no American man that can ever measure up to their “needs.”
The best advice for any man now is DO NOT GET MARRIED! It is a trap. I am original MGTOW, and the sex is better and the freedom is better. Go your own way, men!
Honestly I think it is a spiritual battle and women are very vulnerable to evil spirits entering them and having their way with them. Satan wants nothing more than to destroy the family as when that happens generations are even more vulnerable and easy to use – evil gets faster and deeper each generation where the family has been destroyed. I cannot count the number of women I know who have changed almost overnight from fairly decent people into pure child and family destroying evil. It is spiritual and women do not know how to fight off these evil spirits.
Women manipulate men into changing as she sees fit. She will only try for so long if he rightfully resists her manipulative interference in the conduct of his own life. They it’s time to hop on the express to Splitsville.
And women wonder why men aren’t flocking to date and marry them anymore like their fathers did there mothers!
It’s hypergamy duh! when will the social sciences quit the women are infallible nonsense, and start acknowledging, and quantifying the glaringly obvious systemic pattern of hypergamy. Personally, at the very least, I would like to see some studies where the main hypothesis involves hypergamy as the main catalyst behind these divorce statistics.
Love takes work, it’s a skill set. People don’t fall out of love they quit loving. Couples today are either lazy or way to busy. If they gave their spouse the same amount of time they give to their devices love would blossom.
MGTOW, the real way to go nowadays.
The saddest thing about feminism is that when women go to college to become doctors, engineers, lawyers, business executives, they are taking the spot a future husband could have held. They box themselves into a narrower pool of eligible men to marry, and more and more men cannot marry, because there are not enough decent paying jobs for them. Additionally, girls are pushed so much more than boys when it comes to academics, athletics, the arts, you name it. I cannot think of one way society, or women , honor men. Men, and women honor women far more than men are honored. It is pretty lopsided nowadays.
Wow. Exactly how I feel. And I keep telling him what I want and need and he jeeo repeating he gets it we make love and he’s in it for a week or a day and we are back to the same thing. I told him maybe we just aren’t meant to be with each other and im ok with being single shit. Ill be ok with my kids and being FREE to do me.
Why do women initiate divorce more than men?
Because now THEY CAN.
With this I mean that once they obtain the child, they can today get away from marriage without being addressed negatively by society.
So they just do it.
What is NEVER being written here is that women get ANNOYED in marriage or any long-term relationship, usually in a couple of years.
This is BIOLOGIC.
Oxytocin is a hormone that slowly deteriorates in production when a woman is in a relationship for long time.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin
It’s not a women’s fault, it’s just nature.
BUT WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS REALITY.
Now why do you think that, in the USA, 9 women on 10 file for divorce when they earn more than their husbands?
BECAUSE THEY CAN!
The harsh reality here is that women simply get fed up of marriage. Most of them, if not nearly all of them.
That 9 on 10 thing is as clear as this can get.
So I would say that ANY other discussion about “going back” into the marriage and so on, does not make any sense, unless the woman herself does not know AND ACCEPT this simple fact: that SHE is getting annoyed and bored of the partner.
If she doesn’t know and accept this biological factor, it’s all a waste of time.
If she can understand this, there is some chance that she can “correct” her behavior and begin to see who is beside her.
If she doesn’t, she will do the same again with the next man, because, see: Oxytocin won’t last longer in her next relationships.
It will decrease again, and again. And she will keep blaming the man for not being what she expect.
The problem is that there is no man that can satisfy any woman past the 2 years threshold.
Once passion declines, the relationship is doomed, and women, as the professional victim-players they are, ALWAYS blame it on the man.
I agree. In my opinion, marriage only offers men financial responsibility with no guarantee of sex as most women will withhold sex from you in a marriage. Also, most are not willing to pay or support a man they way they ask us to do for them. They default on their vows 80% of the time and get alimony 97% of the time, child custody 92% and child support 82% of the time. The government plays the role of the woman’s pimp to enforce the mans financial ruin. There is no longer any benefit for men to marry modern women as the risk is greater than the reward (sex and child bearing).
Lastly, women are now cheating more than men and have no culinary capabilities and offer sex to outsiders for free while charging their husbands.
Men, why would you sign a contract that allows women to exercise financial subjugation (at will contract in favor of women) at your expense?
In 2020, there were 1 million divorces in the US and women filed 800,000 of them (again, until she changes her mind) due to the government incentive.
Learn to be single and enjoy your wealth and never enter a contract that has predatory lending (her and your kids in exchange for all your resources and jailtime if you can’t pay anymore).
This sounds very one sided. Lets focus on what men call “fine” before we jump into conclusions. What men call “fine” is kids are fine and healthy, bills are being paid, all the utilities are working fine and proper and no fights. That is what men call fine. But this does not mean that the man is happy with the wife. According to a study on pair-bonding for men to have an emotional connection and be able to understand and feed the emotions of the woman is to be intimate with her over a certain time. So considering that before she complains about her emotional needs, I would like an answer of what needs she was taking care of her husband before she makes assumptions. As pointed out women keep to themselves and make assumptions while the man knows nothing. But he knows that she stopped caring about his needs long time ago. Women restrict intimacy within 2 years of marriage according to a survey. And the time frame of divorce mentioned is way above that. If these woman want to talk about not getting his sh*t together or infidelity then it makes sense. But this is about special needs of the individual which something women start by not caring once they get the ring. That’s why i don’t care about the modern divorce rates since its not the man’s fault majority of the time.
Another woman blaming women for divorce. Look, you have the right to end a marriage. It is an institution that began as a way for families to unite to preserve power and money. It became a tool to “protect” men from the horror of a child not created by the husbands semen. Then it became the institution where men provided protection and support if the wifey just gave up all sense of value or purpose outside housewifery and child rearing. Now men SAY they also want intimacy and connection and claim they will share child rearing and every study proves men do not in actual fact deliver on those promises.
I think these “advice columns” exist because women will suck up to men. DON’T BUY THE GARBAGE THEY SELL.
Please don’t ever get married with your attitude. If it is not for you, that is fine. Simply do not get married.
Divorce is painful.
You are just at war with men. Poor the guy who will not understand this and fall into your hands.
This was not my reality at all. I know of many men who have the best of intentions with their wives, help around the house and in some cases carry more of the load than their spouse in spite of these efforts it’s still not enough. Who also try their best to reach their spouse emotionally through trying to be kind but in spite of great effort are not able to connect with their wife in a proper way. In my marriage I was willing to admit their were areas where I came up short and work on them. During the last year and a half of my marriage I was basically a single dad to my step daughter coming home cooking meals for us most nights, working and leveling up in my career to better provide for my family with substantial overtime, carrying the lion share of household chores keeping the house clean, completely handling all of the outside the house duties on my own. All the while trying to do kind things for my wife, and continually reaching out to her to try and connect for date nights but constantly being met with rejection and reaching for her anyway. In spite of all this none of it was enough to put out the fires that were stoked when an office romance began. The idea of marriage quickly became boring once the excitement of her affair began. I could subconsciously feel what my wife was doing and trust me it hurt. Months straight of little sleep because of the pain. Would have done anything to save our marriage but that is not reality I am going to live. Please ladies resist the urge to blame men for women’s infidelity, it’s a bad standard that can cause harm to people who are hurting tremendously. By the same token good men would never blame a wife for a dirty cheating husband. At the end of it all both sexes are responsible for failed marriages. Men by and large don’t know how to properly love their wives and women seem to bring expectations into this that are hard to meet. So the sad reality is we’re both out here looking for each other but are not effectively able to find each other.
What about the women who refuse to help the men? What about the women and their expectations and yet refuse to give same effort and equality that she expected from a man? The man that worked 80 hours to support an ungrateful wife who spent more time with her birth family than her marriage? Too many times woman want to be wooed without reciprocal effort. We live in a new world where the women want everything they perceive men to have and yet won’t allow men to have what they have. They want to be part of our clubs, our associations and yet if a man were to ask the same of a woman’s organization, he would be laughed at. Women leave marriages take the kids and wreak havoc on the relationships with the father. And then want the men to pay maintenance and child support because they are dissatisfied with their lack of achievement or effort. The man gets left holding the bag and the responsibility. I am sorry for hurt I may have caused in my marriage, but marriage is two people both giving their all to each other first before the children and only after God. It takes two for it to work and two for the failure. I loved my wife and begged for her to help. She didn’t want to put on the effort. She filed and cost the family 80000 plus dollars. Bankruptcy and more. And she wants alimony and child support. Refuses to work. So I have gone on disability. I will not let her take from me that which I always gave. I have had enough. I wanted her and to work with her. But there was never any compromise on her part.. I am sorry for the rant. I still love her. I love my children. I am exhausted. I have no drive or desire left anymore.
Man. In the past 5 years I have seen 100+ breakups. 95 percent initiated by the woman. Even gone through 3 in 10 years myself, two of which were with the same woman.
Honestly from what I observe and what I am struggling to see if, all these women choose the”mystery box”.
They are all willing to walk out of what they spent years building with their spouse to continue to build with another man. They take a huge risk like it’s no big deal. What could possibly be in that mystery box that is better then what they already had? Some of these women I know had very good lives. But not good enough?
If I can guess what’s happening with today’s women. The orgasm is why they are in a relationship to begin with. When it fades, they feel alone, they become unhappy, emotionally cheat. They feel butterflies for someone else (emotional orgasm) . And that is enough to leave everything for. It’s logic vs emotion. People always choose emotion. That’s why they follow their heart and end up getting hurt.
As it’s well documented, women get bored of the partner after about 2 years. That’s how long passion can last really.
The problem lies ALL in them. It’s not about the man. They choose the man essentially, but they are not happy with it.
Female freedom has lead to some recent change in behavior that revealed what the real will is in women: the “top” 80% of women all aim for the “top” 20% of men. This has come to light VERY CLEARLY in dating apps, but it doesn’t really change much in rl at all.
The outcome of all this is that 80% of women are not satisfied with what they have.
Only very few are satisfied when they get that one from the top 20%. And even then… it will only last about 2 years of real love, if we still want to use this word.
Another problem is that in that 20% of Alpha men lies a good number of bad boys who don’t really have any intention to lie down forever with a single partner: they don’t need it.
THIS is why women get burned over and over and blame men for it, while they are the only ones at fault for not accepting reality, chasing the bad boys and leaving the good men.
There are biological factors at work here, there is no escape.
The problem here, the real problem, is that all these people talking about WHO is to blame about the family destruction we are living are blaming it on men, WITHOUT explaining the physiological and biological factors behind the psychological behavior of both sexes, and as feminists constitute a well developed and warful army, the whole society is blaming it on men over and over, and this is simply not true.
This is also why MGTOW is a fast spreading reality: because it’s too risky, really dangerous for men to get a long time partner today.
look harder and beyond your own experience, then.
I found one successful example of this truth through this blog. I am going to use such information now.
If only women knew how to be content within themselves, they would stop complaining and save many marriages. Is it hard to be an inherently incomplete person who lashes out at the person closest to you every time you’re unhappy, ladies.
Me don’t need to help around the house to save marriages. It doesn’t matter and it doesn’t change anything. I’ve done that. It’s not about the husband’s actions or lack thereof. It’s about women’s fundamental unforgivness, as the author basically admits here.
I see quite a bit of “he doesn’t.” Wtf, are men done type of slave? Very interesting. When emotions get in the way, run for the hills. I say to ALL youg men, do not get married…ever. Marriage is a 1 ton crock of wasted time. If you do, and she screws up once, pull the rug – file for divorce asap. Most women are blamers and just miserable people. Just like a little kid. All men, take care of YOU and have sex with as many women as possible throughout your life.
“If only he made the changes…” Because it’s always him. Gosh, men are scum.
I have read several articles on this subject, a couple of them from your publication. From all I’ve read the conclusion I draw is that a man should never get married. There is no reason other than “love” to marry. And you don’t need a marriage contract to love someone. In almost all divorces the man bears a heavier cost. The message of all the articles is clear. Men should not get married.
For the first decade of my marriage, like most young brides, I felt “if he truly loved me he give me what I needed” instinctively. That’s before we mature. As marriage and life goes on, I learned I had to tell him what I needed and wanted; what we both needed to supply to our marriage to make it work better. But if those needs aren’t met or forgotten even after repeated pleas to him, then those bricks get laid. One by one. Each promise made and then broken; each “I’m sorry” followed by no positive action; each behavior repeated despite tears and cries to correct it or at least recognize how hurtful it is to me….all contribute to that wall.
The anger and resentment and laid bricks intensify not because of whatever is causing the breakdowns, it’s the repetitiveness. The roller coaster of ups and downs. The highs of promises made and the devastating depths of failure to follow through or even remember what was promised or what was asked to promise.
In the end, you just stop asking. You stop expecting. You still, almost masochistically, retain some glimmer of hope. But you know in your heart things will never change. When for the umpteenth time he says “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”, you finally tell him not to say that anymore. Let alone you can’t take the disappointment and knowledge it (fill in the blank) WILL happen again, you can’t even bare hearing him say the words. You suddenly feel like a fool and wonder just how gullible he thinks you are to swallow the same b.s.
You limit your interactions with him. Sex is laughably out of the picture. You bide your time. Try to go with a positive flow of the highs and wait almost with baited breath for the next dip in the roller coaster and wonder how far it’ll plunge you this time. You self medicate. You drink maybe. But mostly you avoid. Interactions become anxiety ridden because you never know what tiny thing will spark an outburst. You’ve become a shaking, anxious, shrew who yells and curses at the drop of a hat. You hate yourself and ironically even though in your heart of hearts you still love him, you’re beginning to hate him. It’s very dark inside your heart and basically, you try to hang on by your fingernails as long as you can. You know you won’t divorce. Like I said, you basically still love him and know he’d be lost without you. Are you a martyr or just plain crazy? I wonder.
American women are the absolute worse ones of all, and you really have to go overseas to find a good faithful woman.
Hi there, you got it totally right for what I’ve seen.
Relationships have ups and downs as anything…what mostly makes me mad about women is their incapacity to be straight.
I truely cannot stand this arrogant behaviour such as:”you got to know what I mean!”
To you, women, who read this, DON’T BE SO…just don’t..there’s so much complexity in topics and in what we truely mean when we discuss about them, that we all deserve to understand what’s the real point of viee of our partner.
Being the one saying that “…we got to know it…because if we wouldn’t it’d be because we don’t knoe you..” destroys every fucking serious conversation and occasion to face problems. This immature to the limit.
I’m ok if a 16 y old girl does so…that’s totally not ok for a 30/40/50 y old. No…take your responsabilities to say what you want to mean, otherwise YOU take the responsability not to have been clear.
It’s called logic…basilar communication rules. This ruins more couples than drug, alcoholism and infidelity.
Sto thinking men are like you…men are limited in their fucking logic.
We go from A to B to C to D.
If you can go from A to D, understand that when we’re at A, we only see B…and got no idea about what D is.
Simple stupid example.
Don’t ruin your relationship
Women today unfortunately are just so very rotten and horrible altogether in America. Most of them are very high maintenance now more than ever, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, gold diggers, since they just want to sleep around with much older men that have a lot of money, independent, since most of them don’t want a man anyway, cheaters, and never can’t commit too just only one man anyway to begin with, and very very money hungry today as well. And so much more can certainly be added to that list too. Years ago back in the past, most women were the very complete opposite of today as well as real ladies too which made love very easy to find in those days. Today these women just don’t have any good manners at all, and their personality really stinks altogether. Just saying good morning or hello to a woman today for many of us single men has really become very dangerous for most of us single men now unfortunately, especially if there is one that we think would be very nice too meet which doesn’t really work out for most of us either. And the women with their careers today cause the most divorces since they really think their S— doesn’t stink if you know what i mean. Women years ago were raised by good parents which is why most of them back then made a very good wife in those days compared to the ones that are out there now causing most divorces. If women had been just like the old days, then many of us men would had easily met a very good one to settle down with. And the divorce rate back then was nothing like today at all since most women were very committed to their men at that time, and today most of these women are cheating more than ever as well. Been there.
All I ever wanted , was to love my wife, and see her happy. if only I had the ability to read her mind. Sometimes You are destined to fail no matter how hard you try.
“If only he held her without initiating sex. And if only then… he pleased her first.” Been there, been there, done and done. Please her first? Try her 2 to my 1 on a regular basis. Sorry, but people with a traumatic upbringing that then look to a spouse to fix all the unresolved damage and pain… formula for disaster. Thirty four years working to make this woman happy and finally she decides she is “through”. Good men are disposable. I was.
In a marriage, the key is to put the other person AHEAD of you. Only THEN will a marriage last. From the moment you are thinking “what’s in it for me”, there will be trouble. But I am sorry to say, if among college educated people, 90% of the time a divorce is initiated by a woman, then for me it is clear for any sane man to stay clear of marriage altogether. And the trend is exactly that!
What God puts together, let no one put asunder. Something like that. God doesn’t put all marriages together. If I had asked God in the first place, I wouldn’t have even went out with the one I married. If I had been following God then. If only. “What God puts together.”
All of a sudden my wife of 15 years doesn’t love me, she resents some stuff that happened a long time ago, mostly economic, we had a really bad period and I could only find part time jobs, but I WAS ALWAYS LOOKING, she resents she had to take some jobs too. I am willing to make amends I know I can be what she wants, but she just gave up without a clear warning, one day we were all right, literally the next day she won’t even hold my hand. I have been faithful, caring, and supportive, but we have had a couple of rough economic years, and now that we are back on track, NOW that everything can work out, NOW that both of us are doing well, she wants to leave. I am devastated because I know my best years are yet to come, and I want her to be part of them, if only she had the patience…
The bottom line is, most women back in the past were very faithful and so were most men too.
It is important to remember that broad statements can not fit in specific situations. My divorce was initiated by me, based on the absence of accountability on the part of my ex-husband. I paid for 90% of the household expenses while we was attending school for his doctorate. During this time, we struggled to have a child — which was deemed “my fault” due to fibroid issues. This also served as a reasonable validation (from him) to continue his connection with his ex-girlfriend (or in his words, confidant). She had already been pregnant by him at least 3 times in their relationship but chose other options because “he didn’t want to have children outside of marriage”.
So, after absorbing the infertility blame, my family ONLY spent $20K+ for IVF, suffered one miscarriage, and then had a healthy baby girl through FET treatment. Did this satisfy our issues? No. Now, I was a bad mom because I worked too much and did not devote enough time on the baby; thereby adding pressure to his studies. *Note: He still had time to maintain his “friendships” with ex-girlfriend, hang out with bros after night classes, and use of child as p*ssy points with random females. I’m breaking down inside because I had curbed extra-curricular activities to show commitment to the child. My job (college professor) allowed me the flexibility to teach classes online or in the event; yet, I would also have “new mommy grace” when I showed up on campus with baby in tow because he needed to study OR took a substitute teaching position to “help out”.
BREAKING POINT: Hubby takes our 2 y/o daughter to exes apartment for dinner (Fall 2019). Now, I am totally broken and devastated — can only see RED. Yet, I decide to seek counseling for myself. Within the first two sessions, it was determined that I still wanted my marriage and family. Ask for separation and use the time to work on myself. March 2020, we filed for separation, but a level of wrath emerged in my (ex)spouse that I honestly could not have expected. Our child was still being taken around his ex-girlfriend out of defiance. That “I’ll teach you” attitude continued with my vehicle being tracked and clothes being destroyed. Still, I enter into the pandemic with a glimmer of hope because we had to quarantine — even though I gave him $2000 from tax return and stimulus for moving expenses.
I say this because, this (May 2021) is my first week as a divorcee — officially one year after I filed for divorce. In 12 months, my husband had become verbally and physically abusive to the point that I had an order of protection against him (but not the child). He did not provide support for our child; although he publicly touted that he was a “Day 1 Dad” and “Always does for his” while slandering me/my family along the way. I have recordings of verbal threats/tantrums, videos of sexual trysts with ex, holes in my wall from his rants and MORE to give the Lifetime Network high ratings for the next 2 years. Yet, I was still committed t him seeing our child — even to the disgust of my family and friends. My aims to co-parent were being disrespected at every turn.
Ultimately, it was not about money or power for me. It was MY CHILD that I had to consider. I have been in counseling for a year and take accountability for my empath traits that enabled (and emboldened) my child’s father in our marriage. I did not want my daughter to observe such levels of disrespect and cripple her ability to advocate for herself in her relationships. I grieve because I did seek the help that I felt could have saved my marriage; yet, my ex-husband was basically comfortable in a lifestyle that afforded him freedoms that he could not sustain on his own. I close by saying that regardless of HOW a divorce happens, healing is essential to moving forward. A great number of these comments, don’t discuss counseling and truly healing thereby exposing the resentment that buries the solutions we seek to find.
I’m sorry but that crap about if only he held her more if only he helped around the house more, if only he helped with the kids more, if only if only, well let me ask, why isn’t it her helping him more helping pay the bills, taking some of the burden of making ends meet, giving him some help emotionally, it LIke valenstine day, women expects lavish gifts but men don’t get a dam thing except an irate women because he didn’t spend enough, what ever happend to its the thought. I don’t have the answer but it’s always easier to blame 5 he other, and because men are busy working dealing with being a provider and worrying about his family’s best interests,《if he didn’t then thats what the complaint is about. And why and to say if he loved me he’d know what to do, we’ll that’s crap to because I could sayvia she loved me she’d know what to do. Instead she talks to her girlfriends about what she should be talking with her husband about, I firmly believe it’s you and me against the world, you don’t talk about your problems with someone else, you Satan’s behind each other no matter what, because once you talk to your friends your disrespecting your spouse. Devide and conquer. Together we stand devised we fall, I know I broke my leg and was stuck on the couch for 4 weeks, every day my wife and 2 sometimes 3 of her friends sat there and while the kids ran a muck they sat there and bad mouthed there husband’s all day then when there husband’s came home from work there was no dinner the kids are filthy, the house hasn’t been cleaned and there the ass holes and guess what that’s tomarrow’s subject of how much of an ass hole he is.if we sat around all day bad mouthing our wife’s we would be the ass holes once again, I bring this up because it’s devide an conquer once you start taking your problems outside the marriage, being intimate with someone isn’t sex, having intimacy is having things that are just between two people, it used to be a sexual thing to be intimate, but that’s because you didn’t talk about your sex life period except with your spouse, now women will talk talk with there friends about things that are totally inappropriate,things they are acually laughing at there men, like there man is a joke men don’t talk about such things to say your wife’s fridged would be to say your not a good lover, but the only reason men if they are, a lousy lover is more than likely because she doesn’t communicate her need to him she just tells her friend he does it wrong.again if he loves me he should know, no he shouldn’t, dad’s don’t teach there sons about sex because for the last 60 years sex has gotten more and more complicated, dad can’t teach what he doesn’t know, and it gets worse with every generation, and until women start telling there husband’s what they need in bed and how to achieve it there’s probably not much hope for strong marriages, on that note again by talking about there needs and how to achieve it Once again you will have a more intimate partnership and hopefully instead of talking to others you find it important to only talk about it with your spouse, or are woken afraid if they do talk the results are a man who can please a women like no friend of hers husband can then fear she’ll lose him to another women maybe then she wouldn’t talk about her man., I got an A+ and started a major controversial argument at the collage I went to with a paper on the reasons for our sexual behavior, making a statement that shocked and made mine and a couple other professor’s saying wow that really explains alot… maybe I’ll take the time to write it out again,..
“This is exactly my experience, however in my situation my husband lost many hours at work, expected me to make up the financial loss!! He still can’t get it together financially, my divorce will be final 3 years on the 13th.”
So, you’re getting divorced because you expect your husband to provide an entire lifetime of free shit to you while you provide nothing in return? It’s women like you that give women a bad name. I promise you’ve gone on more than a handful of dated for the sole purpose of a free dinner and nothing more. I divorced my husband because he had THE GAL TO ASK SOMETHING FROM ME! Entitled spoiled women who believe that the sole purpose of a man is to provide a lifetime of free shit so they can go around and spend his money on whatever they want. Love is caring about another person and providing for their welbeing and expecting anything in return. Your husband lost hours at work so you’re divorcing him. Good. Because he’s in a loveless marriage and can do better than you.
My husband has drained me emotionally I feel like I’m raising him. I want a leader that leads not a child playing with a toy. He can’t seem to keep a job and lack financial stability not willing to work unless he consider the job worth his time . Non- motivated enough I feel he holding me back in many ways. I try to press hoping things would change instead I end up extremely disappointed. It’s to the point if he walks out the door i wouldn’t call him . Honestly, I don’t want a divorce but I think about it daily now.
Tanya, WHO has chosen that husband for you? Was it chosen by your mother? By your father? I think that YOU have chosen him. When you chose him, did you check what guy he was? Was he ALREADY like he is now, or did he CHANGE in the years? During these years, did your SEXUAL DESIRE for him fall week by week? Are you putting him continuously under stress and are you NOT being assertive, but BLAMING him continuously? Because THAT will KILL the relation: lack of desire, lack of trust, etc. If you can answer the questions above, ONESTLY, then you have the solution to your problem and you will also know WHO is to blame most for the situation. It’s easy to blame the husband for not being motivated when the woman during the years has less and less sexual desire for him. If a man don’t feel desired by a woman, he has NO motivation in keeping the family up. Being a pain in the a**, blaming, humiliating, etc. will kill the relation, and this usually comes from women that are not satisfied. Usually women are not satisfied of what they have, never. It doesn’t matter how much money, social status, handsomeness, the man can provide: women get bored of everyone after max 2 years. EXAMINE YOURSELF HONESTLY and see WHO STARTED THIS.
1) Media – When Adele split from her partner the media says “Adele says goodbye to her loser ex!” Disney movies tell girls they are princesses and deserve a prince charming (of course who is handsome, tall, rich, fair skinned, high status)
2) Court system – Women always always benefit from divorce. They often get money and custody of the children
3) Happiness fallacy – Instead of doing what’s best for the family, the mindset is “I”m not happy anymore. The spark just isn’t there. Let me split up the family and start dating again!”
The west is crumbling. Prep yourselves and find a nice traditional wife.
I’ve been divorced from #2 33 years. I didn’t get a vote in either.
Initially sad I eventually realized it was far better emotionally, physically and spiritually to be single.
Marriage is massively overrated.
We all come into this life alone and we will leave it alone. While here we need to learn to be happy alone with ourselves.
God unfortunately created so many very horrible and evil women these days. Been there.
My aunt and uncle were married for 68 years before he passed away unfortunately. And most marriages did last very long back in those days when both men and women were very loving, caring, and committed to one another back then. Quite a changed today though.
George, It is really the kind of women nowadays that have really caused this problem to begin with unfortunately. Been there.
That ULTA woman’s husband was putting on a show. His “changes” were not real. They were a con job.
If they were real, and his intentions towards his marriage were genuine, he would have always treated her in the manner she wanted!
The problem is that males are raised to be intensely selfish and to suppress and stunt the development of their emotions.
And good luck trying to change things!
YOU’RE RIGHT! 😃
Women finally realized that they don’t “need” a man. The vast majority of males aren’t worth the grief!
Divorce is not easy, ever! Everything you say is wrong on so many levels. You sound like an abuser. I feel sorry for your wife.
Men like you are driving the divorce rates up!!!!!!!!!!!
How is committing disability fraud an intelligent choice in order to deprive the children the things they need in order to punish your wife. That is not loving one’s children and is very sad. If the bankruptcy part is true then I understand the frustration over alimony, but using your own children is only going to result in a loss of them. There are quite a few more ridiculous statements indicating some major issues and as disordered people tend to seek each other out she may be as disordered, but using one’s children is abominable.
When looking up the chemicals released by the brain in women during the first 2 years you should have also done so for men. Likewise the love drug high lasts 3 months to 2 years for both sexes albeit with different chemicals. Examine your motives for only seeking out the process women go through without recognizing the same in the group your emotionally attached too defending. Amygdala fear based thinking is only beneficial in a life and death situation. Anyone that wants a full picture of something or to debate knows to look at both sides in just the same way one should in a relationship due to confirmation bias. Unfortunately the human brain is not that evolved; regardless of gender.
Before 1950 people on average married people 6 miles apart from them, a woman had very few career options, and needed to be able to eat while men didn’t know how to cook, clean, or take care of children so there weren’t really many choices. Men were expected to cheat, use their wives as concubines, and make money. Likewise after 30 years of marriage statistically is when people have fully bonded so seeing a couple after that period of time was not even a representation though anecdotal evidence is rarely accurate.
I think women initiate divorces more because men find divorces extremely embarrassing. It destroys their reputation as a the ‘man of the house’. He will be seen as a failure by his peers and family. And men, most importantly, don’t want to be alienated from their kids which generally occurs in a divorce. Kids mean the world to the dads just as it does to the moms.
I wish there was no such thing as divorces. And if only marriages were like fairytales. Think I need to go back to dreamland!
ahhahahahahahahahha you are just dreaming: men are MORE empathetic than women, and they don’t initiate divorces usually only for the good of the children.
Women instead, CAN’T WAIT to divorce, because they have the “justice” (lol) system on their side, which will help them STEAL half or more of what the man has built in his life, and government helps too.
Stop pushing these LIES, they are being uncovered at fantastic speed.
Red Pill groups have grown TEN FOLDS in the last 2 months alone.
The game is over, ladies… the game is over FOR YOU, and has just begun for us.
I forgot: oh yes, kids mean everything to moms. That’s why they divorce: because in 9 cases on 10 they KEEP the children, and THEY KNOW IT.
The man remains with NOTHING in hand: no children, no house, half the salary.
And while the man is working like a dog, the woman ALREADY has the next victim in her hands.
So while she’s jumping in bed with the next man, she’s also taking money from the past victim, has the children, the house, and life could not be better… while the ex is sleeping in a car and trying to get back up on his legs.
OF COURSE YOU START THE DIVORCES HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Women have become filthy in the last 2 decades, and there are tons of proof on this.
Women and men chemicals work differently: men get bound more and more with time to their partner (if she’s not a raging harpy), while women get just tired and annoyed.
This is why when they split, men usually get broke and devastated emotionally, while women jump on another rope (pun intended).
That’s why women start divorces (apart all the advantages they get from the “justice” (lol) system and the government.
Study more about this subject, then write about it.
Or stop spreading lies: the Red Pill is spreading like wildfire, a 10 fold increase in the last 2 months.
The game is over, ladies.
Well men are quite empathetic in my experience. I have found this in both the human species as well as observed this in my dogs. The male dog gives and likes to receive way more affection than the female.. Lol.
I give new meaning to men are like dogs..take this as a compliment. So you may have a point there. But I don’t feel that women can’t wait to divorce. No one wants that. It’s the circumstances that have made them reach a tipping point. Anyways this battle needs to end and justice systems need to be fair to both genders.
Unluckily, the circumstances developed into a simple “women are never happy with what they have”.
Prove me wrong.
Feminists have pushed this to extremes that can’t be reached by any man.
Check Red Pill and MGTOW videos on Youtube for more info. There’s plenty of proof about this.
80% of women aim for the top 20% of men.
Even average looking or sometimes just plain ugly women are aiming for 6 feet tall, athletic, rich, etc. men.
It’s so absurd that it would be ridiculous… if this attitude wasn’t single handedly destroying the Western Civilization.
Hey this Red Pill stuff is so scary. Better to not get married.. Lol
But the feeling of having a strong bond between a man and a woman, doing stuff together and supporting each other to become the best version of themselves, is an amazing thing. Just keep all your assets separate and be in a position to walk away comfortably if things don’t work out.
Just don’t hate and don’t be evil. It creates anger, resentment and eats you up eventually. Love is a far nicer feeling and so is mutual respect, the key to everlasting love, says Jon Bon Jovi 🙂
Nah. Women have everything to gain in divorce (the house, most of his money, guaranteed custody if the kids etc) while men are guaranteed to lose their shirts. Therefore men don’t initiate divorce while women see it as a windfall. Then they rationalize it with all the BS in this article.
Why is it always assumed men think everything is fine and women think the ship is sinking fast? Why can’t it be framed as men are potentially easier to satisfy and women are potentially harder to satisfy. Seems like all the interpretation of the numbers just shallowly goes “Men bad , women victim” without asking could women be selfish? Despite both parties working could men be paying more of the bills hence feeling like since I still pay more of the bills since we both work , you should do more of the house work since we both work? We need more men to step up and give their side of the story because if left to women you’ll always get “I was the perfect wife to a bad husband” and what I know about life is know group can claim perfection and not being apart of the problem. Sociologists gotta grow stone and ask questions that may make women upset
STOP STOP defending yourselves!
You are marrying incompatible people and/or people who are not mentally or emotionally ready for marriage.
I see it over an over again in the males and females around me.
People marry without really knowing the other person.
Then they complain when they show their true colors later on.
Some or a lot of men, can be shallow and marry for LUST without fully knowing the woman.
Some or a lot of women marry because they feel desperate to get a husband without fully knowing the man.
Many others marry because people they hardly know because of an accidental pregnancy.
These men and women you all complain about didn’t just change on you, they were always like this.
Also take responsibility for your own personality flaws that you might not see.
Develop some self awareness. What was your role in this dysfunctional relationship?????
Admit you most likely didn’t do a good job at really getting to know the other person.
Some women like bad boys and some men like bad girls.
But that’s not all or most men and women.
That was an extreme generalization on your part from a few experiences you had.
My experiences have been what I just stated and I have a huge social circle of couples around me.
I think it’s more about men and women marrying the wrong person. Someone incompatible with them or not just not ready for marriage.
It’s much easier to not put in the work it takes to really get to know someone and really find out if they are or aren’t the right person. But then they pay a high price.
Women are usually more emotional than men and when things are not going well in the marriage, they notice it much more are much more affected by it.
To make matters worse, the communication needed at that moment isn’t great because men are usually less communicative and emotional, and the woman might be feeling too emotional to express herself clearly and calmly.
Instead because she’s feeling so hurt, she expresses herself in such a way and her man feels he’s being treated unfairly.
He acts defensively, she gets more emotional, communication is shut down.
Many women grow up with romantic movies, warm feelings of true love and connectedness.
They don’t don’t see another type of relationship worth it.
Men might be less romantic and more practical so it might cause them to not be in a rush to end it.
Ladies, communicate your needs BETTER and from the beginning. He’s not a woman or a mind reader!
Gentlemen, pay attention always. You married a woman.
Most women back in the past were the best ones to meet at that time, and they were very committed as well. Today most women cause most divorces unfortunately.
Women are selfish by nature. If someone isn’t listening as you claim. Shift the conversation from yourself for a moment and ask your partner questions about themselves. Not forcefully but casually then maybe they’ll be able to say what’s on their mind and just maybe you’ll understand why they’re not listening at the moment. Then after that you can get back to what you were doing before. Sometimes you got the be selfless and a lot of women tend to think they are selfless but they’re actually more selfish than their husbands.
Because she gets paid to! Let’s be friggin honest instead of all this manufactured bullshit!
I’m in this same situation 😔 maybe here is the place for me to find a woman… or not😂
When you get married, both parties take the vows “to love and to cherish“ in the traditional vows. A man who can’t show love or show her cherishes her isn’t keeping the vow. Duh
Wake up Hughy! This life is not all there is and you are missing the boat big time.
Most women are real demons to begin with, thanks to feminism. And lets not forget the ones that are real Narcissists today.
Most women today are nothing at all like the past when the great majority of women back then were very faithful to their men, right to the very end just like most men were too in those days. Nowadays most women are very independent since they think their S— doesn’t stink, and they have such a very awful attitude problem and are very stuck up as well. Back then, most women were very civilized and were nothing like today at all since most of their parents raised them the right way when they were growing up. Today most of their parents are very pathetic altogether just like most of them really are today unfortunately which is why we have this problem today. And most women were real ladies back in the past as well which is why most marriages did last at that time too. Today most women just sleep around with so many different men since they’re without a doubt the biggest cheaters of them all. Been there.
I’ve been married 16yrs and am not so sure what to do next I love my husband so much that it breaks my heart when I look at him. But his lies about the dating sites and the chat sites and all the damn emails he gets makes me furious .I have told him many times am done with him and he gets angry and blams me as though I have done this and then a few hours later his the sweetest person .so anyway divorce is coming
Every single woman in my life, be it my mom, my friends, my lovers, they all wanted an unmovable rock, someone that won’t feel a thing, won’t even flinch no matter what happens, someone that will love them and accept them for who they are or whatever they do, but not a single woman is willing to do the same in return. I tried and tried and tried but it was never enough. Just like them I am a human being, I have feelings too, my own demons to battle, I had an abusive childhood, I have confidence issues too, I have decades of depression too, I have my demons too, but I realized, time after time, that as man I am not allowed to cry, I am not allowed to feel sad, I am not allowed to loose hope, I am not allowed to be vulnerable, I am not allowed to receive, because I know the second I open up, the second I allow my emotions to come out, the second I ask for something in return, I will be abandoned, will be discarded, will be deemed weak like so many times before. Eventually I gave up on my feelings, my humanity, I became the type of man I hated with a passion, no woman mean anything anymore to me, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.
Well in my case I had to initiate the divorce. I was with him before getting married for 8 years. Married only 1 year. I contributed to the marriage and relationship allot. I moved to a different state for him because I supported his career path as a firefighter. Been there with him through good and bad times. Always tried to fix our relationship as much as I could even when argument’s turned ugly. But he said he has checked out for a while, I tried getting marriage counseling and within the first session he gave up! I got sick and tired of his lack of appreciation of me, barely spent time with me, intimacy problems that never got resolved. I about had it! Now he want’s to play vindictive to me because he clearly said nothing was going to work that he will feel the same. So I just simply told him to get the papers ready because I have completely checked out. I didn’t want that I really wanted my marriage to work but it takes 2 people to make it work not one. If people think I wanted to screw him over that is not the case. I can’t take the mind games and manipulation he does. Had he really love me he would at least try instead of hearing outside influences. So he got what he wanted, our marriage to be over and so I gave it to him. End of story.
Why are women so insensitive to their ex’s broken hearts and wounded souls?
Additionally, is it cultural or biological that men suffer more post-divorce?
Because that is what the great majority of women are doing nowadays unfortunately.
It’s ironic regardless how a relationship ends it’s always the mans shortcomings. Women and society by default assume it’s the man we never really hold women accountable for anything.
This is just nailed on the problem, I am exactly in the situation, very much he thinks everything is fine while I think the ship is sinking. Lack of communication, feel lonely, lay bricks one by one, now it seems too high, I am about to say divorce.
The entitlement of this article is unreal. The entire article normalizes this woman’s behaviour. Imagine a woman that is so hateful of you that your very breathing can annoy her. Does that sound like someone that is trying at all? Although I’m sure she would flip around and give herself equal credit for trying to work on things while disapproving completely of ANY efforts of the man. Women….listen up! If you hate men to this point don’t look to blame them…you really should blame yourselves. Because people that are only willing to point out other people’s infractions and problems while lacking any ability to look at themselves and acting like they are too good for that are literally the most toxic individuals in the world and deserve 0 sympathy.
I’m amazed at the number of bitter man commenting such mysoginistic ideas and yet they googled “why women initiate divorce more than men” They click the link, and yet they were not looking to learn anything, just bitching about being let go.
I believe it’s neither.
I think we women suffered, plead and cried before the divorce, men just do it after, when it’s too late.
Since most women are very mentally disturbed nowadays, which makes MGTOW the very real and safe way to go now. Been there.
A wise man once said, “Marriage with Children is the end of life as we know it.”
In the Middle East, men still have some rights. The woman doesn’t automatically get all his income and property as they do in the West. It’s interesting that the rate of divorce in the Middle East is much much lower. It supports what you’re saying: that the main reason by far for divorce in the West is that the American Woman gets everything, basically unearned income and property for life and a slave–the exhusband. She never has to work again.
As soon as the tingles go away, that is, her love hormones go back to baseline, seh starts to mull this over.
Or, she told him, over and over and over. And he told her, those needs are stupid. I don’t believe in gifts/Valentine’s/whatever. Made fun of her. Hurt her feelings when she TRIED to communicate. Eventually she stopped because she was met with mocking the whole time. Oh, now it’s up to HER to try to overcome the resentment in her heart? Nah, sis.
So many women nowadays are either gay or bi to begin with as it is, which certainly has a lot to do with it.
Julie Danielson, i guess you have read the comments to your article above. did you see a pattern? I would assume that because you advocate for monetary reward for your female clients and thus your commissions, your really love the 80% of male responses relayed to their unfortunate experiences. KAM?
Women initiate the divorce because they think they can do better. Let’s be honest, the number one cause is that the husband doesn’t make enough money. If she can monkey branch onto a more financially successful guy, she will divorce. Women can endure violent men, cheaters, alcohoolics as long as he’s well off financially. They won’t stay with a peasant, even if he’s a saint. Women are driven by hypergamy, but they won’t admit it so they will find anything to put the blame on men.
Since most of these women are very rotten and evil nowadays, which this doesn’t surprise me at all.
That is why most women back in the old days were the very best ones to meet compared to nowadays, and were very faithful too.
I would have loved to adopt children had not everything everything to do with western men in western society not been agenda fabricated and outlawed. However there is no way under the sun on earth I would ever get married, NEVER will that ever happen.
Therefor I wrote this article off right at (men have MILD love for children). Writer obviously doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
It’s clear woman are the problem here is they’re initiating most of the divorces. I told my nephews to not get married, to never give a woman that much trust because they will break it the first chance they get.
Chivalry is dead and woman killed it. Men are better of without you anyway.
I have found that woman never change, but fully expect men to. Yeah, it doesn’t work that way. You want me to change then you change too.
Till death do us part. Unless I change my mind. After all, its unacceptable for you to be an imperfect human.
Why would men get married to women. Literally 0 upside. All risk.
It almost seems as if marriage isn’t natural for heterosexual men and women in modern times. The proliferation of connectivity which includes messaging, video and picture communication has opened a “Pandora’s Box” of choices for both men and women who have sexual marketplace value, married or not. Men seem to want to be married but aren’t very skilled at picking up “signals” from their wives that they are unfulfilled or the cliche “not happy”. Women want the DIsney fantasy and believe marriage should be a never ending story of magical love, romance and passion. Romance novels and rom com movies fly of the shelves to female consumers. I think modern western relationships are going to slowly deteriorate to take on radically different forms. More polygamous relationships will occur and less traditional pair bonding. I’ve been divorced twice. The first divorce I wanted, the second I was blind sided but I was also battling a terrible opiate pain medication addiction that I believe is what sank it. I can’t blame her for leaving what she likely viewed as a walking dead man. Part of me also felt like I would’ve stayed by her side if she had been suffering from the same. Anyway, it’s complicated and always will be! Good luck to the youngster in today’s world with marriage. It will be interesting to see how the statistics pan out for them 20 years from now!
I am a 70 year old man that has been with a number of women and they just give up when things get hard. I have talked to women and ask why she was divorced? The reason she said was because he only had a 5 inch dick,and she wanted to try some bigger ones,so he filed for divorce and I left. Another woman told me that she fucked a friend from work,and they were seen by some one that took pictures and I lost my home,kids, and I got fired from my job. I ask a woman bartender why she was not married and she said that she had been married for 3.5 years and that she enjoyed being a married woman,but she got a wondering eye a little over a year ago and she had an affair that went on for 5 or 6 months,but her hubby got wind of it and beat the shit out of her boy toy,and got effedents on me with camers and he took me to the cleaners. I have learned that you have to decide just what it is that you want and work for it because the divorce has cost me a kid,a home and a good man,but now I have to deal with my problems of being a divorced woman and seeing my kid with another woman liveing in my house,and I have to pay child support until the kid is 18. I don’t care what your reason is to think that the grass is greener some where elce, its not,work on your problems with your husband and it will save you alot of heart ack!
Women in this day in time will lie about every thing just to get her own way. Women can’t get what men have by working,so they think that they can marry him for afew years, and then file for divorce and take what he has for her self. Women are trying to stand on thier own but is is hard to do.A womans brain is not wired the same as a man,and they can’t except that,so they go about being an equal in other ways,but they can’t understand that the difference between men and women was put there by GOD,because she was not built in away that she can compeat.She was made to do what man could not do by haveing babes and running a house hole. Women are trying to prove that they are an equal to man,but she is hurting her own self by running around and getting fucked by 150 to 200 different dicks,and is haveing problems with a streatched vagina,and she can’t have sex with small dicks any more because she is so big. She has to stay with big dicks because they are the only ones that can satisfie her,and she will in some cases live with a big black dick and have 4 or 5 little half breeds,and very few people will be around her. I know this to be true because I know 3 different girls that did it,and they are miserable,thier own parents don’t want any thing to do with them.
NO FAULT DIVORCE = ONLY THE MAN IS AT FAULT DIVORCE.
Man cheats, they divorce, man pays. Woman cheats, they divorce, man pays. No matter what, the MAN pays. Women are NEVER at fault for anything ever in society. That’s the exclusive goal of feminism, no responsibility for women. Disagree? Name only ONE female gender role that is ENFORCED on women, in the USA. You can’t, they don’t exist. Only men have roles enforced in law upon them.
Until NO FAULT DIVORCE is repealed nationally the problem of collapsing marriage in the USA will only continue.
When women can be held accountable and pay a price for their dishonorable acts, then men can have some trust in justice and fairness.
Feminism: a woman’s right to the authority of a man, the privileges of a woman and the responsibility of a child.
Get rid of NO fault divorce before you can make attacks on men. Women own men thru NFD. Women have ZERO responsibility, only men pay in NFT. Women’s refusal to acknowledge this only proves their ignorance on the issue or their wilful deceit in avoiding this foundational issue to this topic.
NO FAULT DIVORCE = ONLY THE MAN IS AT FAULT DIVORCE.
Man cheats, they divorce, man pays. Woman cheats, they divorce, man pays. No matter what, the MAN pays. Women are NEVER at fault for anything ever in society. That’s the exclusive goal of feminism, no responsibility for women. Disagree? Name only ONE female gender role that is ENFORCED on women, in the USA. You can’t, they don’t exist. Only men have roles enforced in law upon them.
Until NO FAULT DIVORCE is repealed nationally the problem of collapsing marriage in the USA will only continue.
When women can be held accountable and pay a price for their dishonorable acts, then men can have some trust in justice and fairness.
Feminism: a woman’s right to the authority of a man, the privileges of a woman and the responsibility of a child.
You put all the blame on men. It’s all about what a woman wants. Hey ladies if you want your man to start caring about you. Try caring about him first. That man you are blaming for everything would literally die for you. He puts you first over himself and you put him last. Men give up because woman dont care about them. Women are no longer woman. They want to be men with the privilege of being a woman. They want their cake & to eat it too. That’s why your marriages fail. If your husband isn’t making you happy it’s because you failed as a woman and that’s the simple truth. If that man didn’t love you he wouldn’t be there. It’s you! You are the problem. You control sex you control the relationship our job is to make you happy. Yet you couldn’t give a darn about doing the same for us. You’re all selfish and you get what you deserve.
So many men nowadays that want to get married are signing their death warrants, and most women are very evil as it is. That is why MGTOW is growing at a rapid pace today, and it will save you a hell of a lot of trouble.
…and here I thought we ladies divorced the men before they could kill us…
Amalthea, The great majority of women do really cause most divorces today unfortunately since Feminism ruined them completely, and most of them aren’t playing with a full deck either.
And there are not that many decent normal women anymore for many of us guys as it is to meet anyway. And most women nowadays just can’t commit to only one man either.
The comment section is so funny that I am laughing so hard and I am just a 28 year old man.
Women like Mari R doesn’t really understand that they are losing it.
I think most probably the women who are commenting here are in their 40s.
Here is the truth. Men don’t want to marry nowadays. Those who marry don’t care if you divorce them because they plan for the worst case scenarios. You can’t withhold sex with them because women are there to replace you in the blink of an eye. ”
The fact is only good woman who are feminine would get a chance to live with men nowadays.
Men have realized that they are the prize.
Do you know how many women are living with their cats alone crying everyday? SO MANY! They wish if they had a man but its too late. Age is never kind to women.
You’re delusional if you truly believe men are the prize. Your red pill, m rot nonsensical spiel just isn’t reality. In all forms of life be it aninal or insect it is the fenale that is sought after, as SHE IS THE PRIZE. No amount of lies you tell yourself or others will change that. I don’t know what happened to your generation of men that has you convinced otherwise but you are poisoning future generations of men with your garbage, evidence lacking red pill ideology and that is part of why dating and even marriage has sunken in value to all time low and not just in Western society. Don’t deflect your shortcomings, DO BETTER.
I say that if fine. Let the divorce happen. Then just give me the kids and you can take your selfish ass and go to hell. Yes I am talking about my own divorce.
Typical this is a females perspective if you listen closely it details it is all a woman’s fault she wants attention and then she don’t and when you give more attention she is already moving in and blaming the man why because she is a cheating twat and guess what it will always be the man’s fault!
Marriage is hard and day by day it takes work. I have been divorced and married for 12 years to a cheating/drunk narcissist so I took it all, but when I finally quit was when I asked him to give up the other woman and he kept on with her. I think it has to be to each individuals breaking point, but I know a persons faults and I don’t go into it thinking it will be like Disney princess love. I just know it’s going to be work and deal with it as each day comes. I am on year 4 of a new marriage it’s had allot of ups/downs as well but I’m not ready to give up yet.
Let’s go back to the original article…”if only he had attended to her needs”… You all seem to be missing that… This is just a feministic bullshit mind game… LOL.. Fare well secular humanists… LOL
#1 reason women do it – they make out financially. # reason men don’t – they lose financially. It’s funny how when a man sues a woman for alimoney the outcries from women but they are silent when it happens constantly to men
Agreed, this is why men should get married. Women use the promise of sex to get a man to sign the contract with the state (who plays the role of her pimp) and then try to change, control, and withhold sex in the marriage and then change their minds and financially exploit their babies fathers through the court system that empowers them to do so.
Lets not forget that a lot of women nowadays are really into their own sex as well which is very common too.
That’s because they’re being hypocritical. Women only complain about double standards if they’re not benefiting; however, if they are, than they don’t say a word. Free drinks for women, but men have to pay. Free entry, but men have to pay. Notice how they don’t say anything about fairness when things happen to us. Women have become so delusional and have forgotten the order of things. We need them for procreation and after that we are doing everything else. We built and sustain everything and do so without them. What have they demonstrated that they can do on their own…….. absolutely nothing!
Most women carry into marriage unrealistic expectations that men naturally fail to meet. Some like mind reading are impossible to meet, others are simply demands of a particular service or behaviour which honestly few women would have any trouble with if it came from a roommate.
That they would rather be alone, financially stressed, single mother than simply tolerate the existances of her husband is a petty damming condemnation of the little girls representing modern womanhood.
I’m not supprs
Too many people give up to take the easy way out. These are the same people who claim that every problem has a solution. So they lie to themselves as well as others. If you cannot commit to someone in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, then why even bother getting married in the first place? It’s truly sickening to me how many couple’s give up so easily on eachother. If there truly is a solution to every problem, why would you not communicate with eachother to produce solutions? At the end of the day it takes two, but sometimes one is willing to give up a lot easier, and that is not strength, that is weakness. I can understand an abusive relationship, or cheating. I get those reasons, because loyalty and devotion is mandatory in marriage. But these days no one needs to work anymore, not in an office, not at a job, and apparently not on Marriage, which has a huge long lasting impact, especially if kids are involved.
Stop taking the easy way out people. Talk to eachother, explain the why, and the solutions, and devote yourself to providing eachother with solutions so you can stick together.
The lack of self awareness here is staggering!
Well said, jlnelson! Do the work people, and it will all be clear.
We have not had sex in years and he thinks it ok
I found I was happier and he suddenly fired from a job. Truck driver.
Now I wonder what the hell is this relationship.
He keeps coming up with this is normal. No sex. Or something.
I feel rejected.
I once thought we could do things to bring joy. It never happened. He was not involved.
I’m not sure why he is with me.
I divorced my husband because he was running around on me. I hate that. That’s disrespectful. If you love your wife you don’t disrespect them and run around with other women. That’s disgusting behavior. You not only disrespect your wife you’re also disrespecting your family.
Sounds like the author is a man hater. Alot of he sided negatives. When what i see in modern women is laziness and using sepression and anxiety as the new notm for their laziness. Women don’t do the chores men do after 12-14 hours at work plus commute. Women soap opera on TV and social media. A lump on a log in bed. And selfish greedy and conniving. Put in 10% in the marriage then want 50/50 in a divorce. Divorce is the get rich quick scam of modern women in marriage. And it is all to common among “christian women”. Like men owe them something after providing wifes everything for a decade or two. The women are dating before the judge sets the gavel and the men are withdrawn from socializes because you cannot trust any women today. Peddle that man hate somewhere else. Women cheat with social media and then have no energy for their husbands. Giving 15 hours a day to your phone life then denying your husband is social cheating and is worse than infidelity.
If only women didn’t approach marriage with an attitude that is all about me me me. Maybe wives should think more about what it is they offer their husband. Husband is not supposed to mean man servant. Julie seems to expect the husband to do absolutely everything. Read this paragraph again and tell me Julie doesn’t have a what have you done for me lately attitude.
“If only he held her and asked her what she needed. If only he helped her a little more around the house and with the kids. If only he heard her complaints and took them seriously and made some changes. If only he did something nice for her to show his love for her. If only he held her without initiating sex. And if only then… he pleased her first.”
If my wife said the ship was sinking I’d be handing her a violin and I’d be on the life boat REAL FAST.
Men don’t need to guess why women resent the way they are or, what they do. Life is too short for that shit.
I’m no chauvinist but I’m not for I am woman hear me roar stuff.
Can’t women just be happy? Jesus, is that asking too much?
Nah I take umbrage to the comment about helping a little more in the house and with kids. The man should be doing fifty percent of the housework in the home and fifty percent with the kids as part of his contribution when they both work It is not offering some more help as if he is not required to put in at home
Its all the man Fault because man are stupid… (and this is coming from a man)
Only an idiot signs a contract that the wife has an incentive to break.
But whining gets us nowhere so what’s the solution
You work your ass off to earn a property or two and then you rent them out
then you move to a country like Bali (paradise on earth) where the average salary is like 500$ a month and find a wife and marry there (everyone will want you as you are exotic and there with like 3000$ a month you are a king)
This has many advantages
1. Work is optional as with this money there you don’t need to work at all (if you don’t want to)
2. Their culture is different as well as their values they are not feminist looking for the next best thing and sleeping around.
3. In the unlikely event she cheats or is a bitch and you get divorced (she wont be as she know she has no golden parachute and can’t divorce rape you) she gets jacks shit as she can’t touch your assets in the west
Living in Bali for 12 years married for 9 with three kids.
Man look for solutions whining will not make your life better leave western women with their feminist ideology and don’t forget to invest is cat food and dog food companies in a few years you are sure to make a killing.
Guys are more equipped for different skill set like repairing things. Depends on the skill set and use each other what they strong in. Suppose to be a effort and recognizing each other’s strength and weaknesses.
I meant you are suppose to work as a team.
Its all the man Fault because man are stupid… (and this is coming from a man)
Only an idiot signs a contract that the wife has an incentive to break.
But whining gets us nowhere so what’s the solution
You work your ass off to earn a property or two and then you rent them out
then you move to a country like Bali (paradise on earth) where the average salary is like 500$ a month and find a wife and marry there (everyone will want you as you are exotic and there with like 3000$ a month you are a king)
This has many advantages
1. Work is optional as with this money there you don’t need to work at all (if you don’t want to)
2. Their culture is different as well as their values they are not feminist looking for the next best thing and sleeping around.
3. In the unlikely event she cheats or is a bitch and you get divorced (she wont be as she know she has no golden parachute and can’t divorce rape you) she gets jacks shit as she can’t touch your assets in the west
Living in Bali for 12 years married for 9 with three kids.
Man look for solutions whining will not make your life better leave western women with their feminist ideology and don’t forget to invest is cat food and dog food companies in a few years you are sure to make a killing.
‘Don’t need no man’ is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. Most women who say it are surviving off taxpayer money.
Virtually every artificial substance on the face of the Earth, all means of survival, all food, clothing, and shelter, was designed and/or built by men. 99% of the matter women surround themselves with – their home their car their office building their clothes their food their water their heating gas etc – was created by men. 97-99% of great musical artistic architectural literary works, 97-99% of great culinary feats, were performed by men, the list goes on.
And if women push ‘liberation’ too far and begin abusing men too much, men could subdue them all and turn back the clock within a few hours time.
Sorry all you men out there. You aren’t worth a damn. Take care of your spouses. That includes work, time with kids, cleaning your house because you do live in it, and sending your wife away for at least 2 weeks a year to hangout with family or friends without kids or you. Step up for yourselves. I’m a single dad of 3…18,13,8 and have witnessed first hand how my late wife raised our kids to be amazing because she stayed home. All I see today 3 years later is a bunch of WEAK men. Damn grow some balls.
My wife had told me she’s ready to divorce me after the intimacy and sex slowly eroded. One night before we got married an incident occurred that offended me terribly and shook me deeply. I thought I could go on and forgive but I handled it badly and let it affect my ability to express my love for my wife and she felt neglected and pushed away. I never lost love for her but it came to the point that I saw how bad she felt over time and it took everything in me to tell her about the moment in time that hurt me. She was angry upset and confused because I didn’t communicate these things to her. I’ve fallen so hard and did my best to own my mistakes. It’s tough to look at the woman I love and know she’s given up… but being a veteran and finally dealing with ptsd as well my thoughts are making me sense and I’m able to move positively for the first time ever. I feel like she never really tried to understand how traumatic the things I went thru were and are. I respect her feelings of abandonment and I’ve done work all along even as I’ve messed up… but for her it seems easier to move on than to really work on our marriage together. Through it all I still believe but I know I’ll be okay however it turns out
God bless you Thom for your service and self reflection. There is no doubt that you will continue to get better because you are willing to work on yourself and the issues at hand. I’m sorry you couldn’t reconcile with your ex but just focus on what you want to improve in you. We all want to be better versions of ourselves, it’s the execution of that everyday that’s tricky
There is a real problem here that’s not even listed, and that is that’s all from a perspective of a woman who is not seeing that any failure in a relationship is usually a two sided thing.
I am a man who reads body language better than most men, one thing I noticed when couples who argue a lot is they don’t even look at each other, especially the women.
You cannot communicate properly this way. it’s always a breakdown in communication that results in most people breaking up. Generally speaking that ends up from the side of the women because they dont tend to state clearly what they want when they want it.
So, if a relationship matters woman have to understand we can’t always understand you. That should be okay, make us it really isn’t hard. Honestly, we can’t do all the work in deciphering what you want, and honestly I’m pretty sure we do a lot of work making women understand what we want. Taking.yoyr load off of your shoulders.
I am just saying aa a perspective of relationships this is incredibly skewed. As a relationship counselor you
Should reevaluate going forward how you explain things. If all you is console women and get one side without hearing both, that’s a big issue. There are 3 sides to any story between men and women, her side, his side and the truth.
The truth lies somewhere between their stories. Now that isn’t always true. There are people who just get screwed over. It’s more rare than both parties just not being perfect angels.
The projection is very strong with this one.
The problem with marriage licenses and the law is these licenses should follow the same routine as a driver’s or library card by allowing the person to renew between every 4-8 years, allowing the couple the opportunity to make a clear decision.
What lawyers are doing is beyond repulsive by have that said couple fight it out like a meddlesome trouble maker in high school
provoking two bullies to assault one another. The only difference is that lawyer is using their heated frustrations to earn huge cash sums from both parties….
United States citizens should start a partition to make this 4-8 registration a bill passed in the senate, this would be very helpful as clarity for future relationships to understand the importance of taking that plunge in life.
On my website you’ll see similar texts, write what you think. animeflash
I cheated 15 years ago. Husband forgave me and we moved on. 17 years now the marriage has never been what it should have been. I pampered him, cooking, cleaning tending to the kids , working full time. He never appreciated me. Changed every time I threatened to leave, but converted back to the same lazy comfortable ways. I filed for divorce after I caught him red handed cheating. I got tired of being tired, Taking care of myself with zero financial help from him the entire 17 years also helping him financially because I have 2 jobs. Now he’s mad his full time wife with 2 jobs who took care of him and our house is leaving and blames me. Today is a new day.. im happy I filed.. should have been filed and looking forward to being single.
Resentment hits the nail on the head as my wife filed divorce
What a racist therapist. The “blackness in her heart”? It’s the 21st century and she is still using 19th century racist vernacular? Using the color of a race of people as a metaphor for all things bad? Disgusting. And she totally ignores the economic parameters that are a big factor in divorce: the probability of who gets custody, size, frequency and duration of alimony and child support awards, etc. Hers is a narrow minded, terribly incomplete analysis.
So if he works long hours to get house the new car sent the kids to expensive schools because he is paying high property taxes. You are getting a divorce,And if he not ambition enough by killing himself to make more money to have a more luxury lifestyle you are getting a divorce. So how come our grandparents were happy with the little they had , but we’re happily married??
Our grandparents weren’t happy, they were STUCK. And if you think a man doing nothing but working is going to help a marriage last, go ahead and kill yourself. No woman wants a man who can focus on nothing but work and providing.