Divorce shaming is becoming more and more prevalent in society today. This is because society is so engrossed with the idea of marriage. The promise of a new life with someone else is indeed beautiful and exciting. However, not many people openly share their views on the repercussions of a failed marriage.
Nobody wants to talk about divorce. It’s not an easy topic to discuss for many people because they are scared about the social stigma that’s attached to it. The truth is, no person gets married to his/her partner expecting that they will get a divorce. Because of the “Divorce Shaming” that society does, sometimes people shudder away from the thought of separation – even when they know their marriage has nothing worthwhile to look forward to.
Are you in a dysfunctional marriage? Or do you have a friend who wants a divorce, but is fearful to voice their opinion? If yes, then it is important to know a few truths about divorce and divorce shaming. It may help you or someone else break free from a failed marriage.
Divorce shaming often makes people feel like they have failed.
Many people strive to make their marriage look perfect when in all reality it isn’t. Let’s face it: no two people are the same. Sometimes when two partners face marital incompatibility, they may realize that they aren’t meant for each other – but this doesn’t mean that the person failed in life. Relationships do not come with a warranty card.
The same applies to marriage. Hence, if you are undergoing a divorce, that doesn’t mean you failed as a person in any way. Your relationship failed, and that’s normal.
Dealing with Divorce Shaming
Akin to the body and fat shaming, divorce shaming too is real. Our society is full of people who are quick to judge, gossip, and even character assassinate if you are going through a separation or divorce. They unnecessarily criticize divorced or separated individuals as unfit for marriage. This negativity is only amplified when it is broadcasted on social media.
It is essential to know that divorce shaming will exist until we as a human collective evolve our thinking process. The best way to manage divorce shaming is to allow yourself to speak about your thoughts to your friends and other support groups. It will help you feel better and make you much more confident in leading your life the way you want.
Are you succumbing to any inexplicable fear? Is it a constant guilt trip because you are the one who initiated the divorce? Or is it the fear that you won’t ever find someone who is right for you? If you are feeling all these emotions, you’ve become affected by divorce shame. If you want to find a way to manage this, then you need to stop fighting divorce shaming aggressively. Instead, calm down and ground yourself. The idea is not to allow the negative aspects of people’s judgment get to you.
Divorce shaming is toxic. And the fear of the shame can have a debilitating impact on your confidence and thought process. Know that you have the right to lead a fulfilled life – and when a relationship goes sour, fulfillment comes in the way of a divorce. Don’t allow any negative thoughts to make you think otherwise.
Breaking the Divorce Lawyer Myth
Sometimes, individuals shy away from seeking divorce because they have to face court or even ill-behaved lawyers who question beyond boundaries. No one wants to undergo rounds and rounds of public questioning and embarrassment. However, these are matters of the past. The new age of divorce attorney services has evolved. What seemed impossible for you yesterday might appear possible with the assistance and guidance of an attorney who is experienced in divorce cases.
Smart ways to stay away from the effects of Divorce Shaming
Sometimes, people might unconsciously divorce shame an individual. These people can be anyone in the family, peer group or friend circle. What seems to be kind comments and jokes can at times go to another extreme, causing an individual pain. There’s no way that you can stop people from saying insensitive comments, however, you can follow a few guidelines that can help you steer clear from the negative impacts of divorce shaming. Here are are a few of these guidelines.
1. Practice being calm through daily meditation.
Seeking a divorce and going through the legal process is like passing through a fiery storm. You need to keep grounded at every stage. For this, you might want to practice meditation for a short while every day to help you stay grounded. Try meditating for just 15 to 20 minutes regularly. You will find yourself gradually unaffected by what the world thinks of you and your divorce.
2. Join a local support group.
Joining a local support group is a smart call. When you are surrounded by people who are facing similar challenges, it can help you find the confidence to move on. You know that you’re not the only one nursing a wounded heart and trying to come out of an unfulfilling relationship.
3. Invest in quality books.
To keep your mind engaged from the constant speculation as to whether the legal decision will be in your favor or not, a book is always handy. Try reading something you haven’t read before. It will help take your mind off of your legal matters.
4. Practice affirmations to feel good.
One of the adverse side effects of divorce shaming is that you lose your real confidence. So, take some time and make the most of holistic affirmations. Practice affirmations that say “I am loved” or “life is supporting me” every morning and night. You will experience the positive results of these affirmations after a month when the brain starts to adopt a new way of thinking.
5. Take short tours.
Laws pertaining to divorce are strict. Sometimes, people applying for divorce need to stay in their home city or town for a stipulated period. Today, the legalities are much more liberal. If you become tired fighting your legal battle, you can opt-in for a solo tour to some nearby destination and spend some time on your own.
6. Develop a hobby.
Last but not least, it’s also essential to develop a hobby. It could be anything from reading to cooking. The idea is to keep excess stress off your mind and keep yourself distracted and focused on something which can improve your mental and physical wellbeing.
If you are experiencing divorce shaming, remember this: divorce isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it’s the starting point of freedom that enables you to pursue a life you want.
Peter Moloney LLB has nearly 40 years of experience in a wide range of legal matters. Peter has a particular interest in Serious Injury Claims and all aspects of Employment Law. He specializes in the Public Sector Code of Conduct matters at a Federal, State, and Local Government level. www.moloneyandpartners.com.au