It’s no secret that to recover and heal after divorce is an inside job. The confusing part is knowing where to start on the Road Through Recovery. Access to a results-driven process that takes you step-by-step after the transition through divorce to your personal transformation is the key to moving forward.
This plan of action doesn’t focus on the past. The focus is on the present. It’s in the present where you gain control, freedom, and power to embrace a new beginning. You want to look to the future to rebuild a new life full of joy and happiness.
Getting through each day is not living a successful, prosperous life. It is just settling for what is, and what the outside world puts before you. Sometimes, the past and fear of the unknown holds you back from living the next chapter in your book of life.
Here are some questions that will be answered if this sounds like where you’re coming from:
- How can I figure out exactly what is holding me back from moving forward?
- How do I pick the right action steps to help me achieve my goals more quickly?
- How do I discover who I am now because I am not the same as I was before?/li>
- How can I find out how to avoid making the same mistakes I made in the past?
How to Recover and Heal After Divorce
To recover and heal after divorce, we must focus on a results-driven process. This process has five steps.
- It begins with the Road Through Recovery where you discover and pinpoint exactly where you may be “stuck” or in “pain” in the divorce recovery cycle.
- Next, there’s Ramping Up. Based on your findings in step one, you create a plan of action designed to move you forward and beyond the Road Through Recovery.
- Then, it’s on to Reconnecting With Self. You are different now that you are on the other side of divorce. Learning to create harmony and balance among the four pillars of well-being (emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually) prepares you to make new decisions for your future coming from your higher self.
- After that, you work on Reinventing Self. You get reacquainted with your strengths, values, and passions, finding that sweet spot of who you want to become for the future. Its true value helps you find your purpose.
- Lastly, you will Relaunch Self by creating a PLAN for the vision of where you want to go for your future. Using the eight areas of life, you will pinpoint one area. If worked on, it will improve that area and have a positive effect on the other areas of your life going forward.
Here Are Some Examples of Women Like Us
As I just mentioned, the first step in the process is the Road Through Recovery. The Road Through Recovery has five phases. The five phases represent the emotions and feelings experienced that are holding these women back.
You will learn about the five phases, see an example of each, and learn some action steps that each woman takes to move forward.
The women in these examples have more to their divorce recovery story. The relevant part is included to help you better understand each phase.
Carol is stuck in the Rejection Phase. You’ll learn how she is finally able to come to terms with the fact that she and her husband have grown apart over the years. He doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life in a marriage that no longer gives him joy and happiness.
You’ll see how accepting the reality of the situation instead of rejecting and denying it allows a door for change to open. As Carol learns how to change her perspective, opportunities and possibilities for her new future start showing up. She can then move forward.
You’ll discover how Joan is stuck in the Resentment Phase. She plays the victim for all it is worth. You’ll discover how she is able to break free from having a pity party for anyone who will listen.
Her husband is unfaithful in the marriage. She has to ask herself some tough questions. You’ll read how she changes her focus from anger and fury to channeling those feelings in a positive direction.
As a result, it allows her to see that her actions and behavior are doing more harm to her than to anyone else. She can then move forward.
Maureen is stuck in the Renegotiation phase. She knows the reality of her situation but feels desperate to alleviate the pain that her decision causes. She will do almost anything to lessen it.
She is having second thoughts about the divorce and is looking for ways to try to regain control or affect the outcome of her reality. Spending time and energy around what could have been gives the past the power to take away the potential for Maureen’s future.
You’ll learn how Maureen becomes aware of her thinking, and how she learns to repattern her negative self-talk.
Not getting sucked in prevents her from engaging in a whole dialogue that does nothing but create more anxiety and stress. She can begin to move forward.
You’ll read about Sharon, who initiated the divorce. She’s stuck in the Remorse Phase. She feels she should have never gotten married at such an early age. She sticks it out until the children are grown and gone.
You’ll learn how she is finally able to let go of the shame and guilt. She is then able to rebuild a life full of happiness, joy, and freedom.
Zoey is in the Reality Phase. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t think about the past or feel pain or sorrow at times. She has moved enough out of the past to make room for the new beginning she is about to create.
Zoey acknowledges and accepts the reality of the situation. She may still visit other phases from time to time, but it is less often. In this phase, she is ready to extend her arms out and feels courageous enough to move on. Now, she’s ready to Reconnect With Self.
Once you move through the divorce recovery cycle (Road Through Recovery), you will have cultivated a positive mindset along with a positive attitude.
You begin to see from a fresh perspective regarding your future.
You won’t live in fear of the unknown preventing you from welcoming the dare of discovering who you are now, who you want to become, and where you want to go for the future.
Why is this process different?
You don’t go digging around in the past. You are always moving forward.
This article has been edited and excerpted from Recover and Heal From The Inside Out After Divorce: Learn How To Rebuild Your Life Through Stories of Other Women Like You (Amazon, 2020) by Donna McGoff, a Certified Life Coach. This book explains a step-by- step process on how to move from the transition after divorce to a personal transformation. The results-driven process is meant to empower those who are ready to rebuild a new life full of joy and happiness and create it on their own terms.