It can be hard to rebuild yourself after a divorce. When a relationship that you have invested a lot of emotion and time ends, it can feel like the end of your life. You might feel like there will never be any hope for happiness in your life again.
A divorce can leave you totally depressed, hopeless and financially unstable. You may feel like you have been turned upside down. It is difficult to adjust and start living alone and being single again, especially if you had been married for a long time. It might be difficult to focus on yourself, but this is the time to move forward and rediscover who you really are — no matter the age.
You may feel like it is impossible to rebuild yourself after divorce — but it’s not!
According to Stark, it takes an average of two years for you to start feeling normal after going through a bitter divorce. During this period, there are several things you can do that can accelerate your healing process.
How to Rebuild Yourself After a Divorce
There is life after divorce. The chaos in your life will not last forever. Here are seven of the most effective ways to rebuild yourself after a divorce.
Divorce is similar to death. Everything you had with your partner is in the past. You do not have anything in common now. There is something inside you that craves for the life and order you once had. It is very natural to mourn the lifestyle you have lost even if you are the one who initiated the breakup.
Take some time off to be alone and grieve. Do not go looking for another partner to fill the vacuum you have inside you. Not only do such relationships fall, but they can leave you totally devastated once again. Being alone will help you reflect on your past and help you make better decisions in the future. You will also find yourself becoming more comfortable being alone. This should be the first step you take. You should be comfortable being alone it first before you can invest your time and emotions in another relationship again.
According to Studies, it takes half the time you were committed in the relationship to fully mourn. You will find out that as days pass, and as you allow yourself to grieve, you will gradually let go.
Write it down
Always have a journal to write down your daily emotional struggles. Writing down your struggles and disturbing experiences can help you piece together your thoughts and take control of your emotions.
By journaling every day, you can track your improvements easily and inspire yourself to move forward. Journaling is a very important aspect of tracking. Tracking will enable you to improve an all areas of your life and help you rebuild yourself after a divorce.
Communicate with friends and family
Lean on your family and close friends. They will mean the world to you during this difficult time. Communicating with them regularly will keep you from falling off the edge. They will also prevent you from doing anything stupid. Remember, during this period, you might not be yourself most of the time. You may do very crazy things. You may find yourself drunk calling your ex, harassing your ex’s lover, and even posting nasty things on social media.
It is also important to make new friends. You may have noticed that when you were married, most of your friends were probably married too. After a divorce, your married friends may not want to spend much time with you because you no longer have anything in common.
You might need to make new single friends. You will now have so much in common with your single counterparts. Going out and spending time with new people will keep you from focusing on painful memories which may create bitter feelings. The more time you spend on focusing on negativity, the less time you spend on freeing yourself.
Seek professional help
On your path to rediscovering yourself, it is important to talk to a therapist. A therapist has probably seen many people going through a bitter divorce just like you. He or she will understand what works and what doesn’t during this period.
Let your therapist in by telling him or her everything that is on your mind and how you feel. Always implement the things your therapist requests you to do so that you can start feeling better fast.
You can start dating again
Every day as you go out, you may start feeling attracted to the opposite sex. Dating can really improve your social network. You can ask your friends for fixups or even visit reputable dating sites to connect with other people.
If it is too early to date again you can give yourself more time. It is important not to act compulsively during this period. Keep everything light and fun. You do not have to get a soul mate now; just someone to eat dinner or watch a movie with.
Take it slow
You may be tempted to sleep with the person you are dating right way to validate yourself and prove to yourself that you are desirable. Always keep in mind that casual sex does not soothe a painful heart.
You should also always use protection to prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. You might find yourself taking sexual risks to boost your self-esteem. Be cautious and aware of everything that happens to you during this period.
Aspire to be financially stable
Your ex might be the one who was paying for the bills but it is time to arrange and track your finances. You need to take charge of your finances to be financially stable in the future — especially if have children and you live with them.
You can take classes in personal financial management or even join an investment club whose main focus is to make you smart with your finances.
If you do not have a job, it is important to start searching for one right away. It does not matter which one you get first; you can become a secretary, a gardener, a cashier — anything that helps pay the bills. Taking charge of your finances will also help you take charge of other aspects of your life.
Divorce is Never Easy
It is not easy to rebuild yourself after a divorce. After reflecting, accepting, and realizing that you can and will make it through, you will realize that you are stronger than you think. To survive and recover during this very difficult time, you need support from your friends and family. Do not do it alone.
Always be true to yourself. A divorce can fill you with doubts; especially if it came when you did not expect it. You might find yourself having a difficult time making decisions. Listen to your heart. Acting without thinking cause failures in many aspects of your life. It is best to wait sometimes instead of making a decision you do not feel right about.
Learn to say no even when you are under pressure to say yes. Once you start listening to your heart, everything will seem brighter. And you will be on your path to freedom.