Starting over after divorce isn’t easy. Heartbreak can lead you down a road that is not familiar, especially a heartbreak that crushed your soul. It is a time of darkness that feels overwhelming as you begin to realize your hopes and dreams vanished with the end of your relationship or marriage. Not only did your relationship with your ex end, but you may have lost friends and even family in the process.
Looking at heartbreak as an awakening to how you have been living your life up until this experience can be the beginning of a lonely trek.
I felt I experienced a true spiritual awakening the night I discovered my ex-husband was having an affair. I felt that everything I had been hiding from myself and the world burst out of me as if I hit a brick wall. Everything I had been afraid to confront was there in full view.
Thus began a journey into the deepest parts of myself. I began questioning everything and everyone that was in my life. It did not happen all at once, but over a period of time. I began questioning my beliefs about life with an intensity that was unstoppable. I knew there were beliefs within that “created” the circumstances I now found myself in.
I felt very alone as I embarked on this unfamiliar terrain.
I am a single mom to an amazing girl and knew that all the inner work I needed to do would benefit her as well. This helped me continue this path no matter what was coming up for me.
I have talked with many women who have found this to be a very lonely time in their lives. In fact, most said being alone was the hardest part of the breakup or divorce not only because they lost their partner or spouse, but other relationships fell apart as well. Not only did you “lose” your partner, but couple friends may have disappeared, your ex’s family may have disappeared and/or you lost your own friends who are still married.
There is also a period you may go through that you begin to unearth all your own patterns and how you relate to others. This causes a lot of inner turmoil because you may have to redefine relationships with close family members and/or lifelong friends. You may lose lifelong friendships as you realize it was one-sided or an otherwise unhealthy connection and you never noticed until you started questioning everything in your life.
So much comes up to be re-evaluated after experiencing a traumatic event such as heartbreak. You will change. You will become a different person. Your values and goals will become clearer and you will want to align yourself with people who have the same values. You will want to align yourself with others who are showing up as you are now: authentic and real. If you can look at your heartbreak as an awakening to your truest self, you will come out the other side completely whole and at peace. Here is what you need to know about starting over after divorce.
Here Are Tips on Starting Over After Divorce
Know That You Are Never Truly Alone
There are other women experiencing the same loneliness after a breakup or divorce. Try joining a Facebook group for support post-divorce. This may help you realize you are not alone as you trek down this path of recovery from heartbreak.
We all have access to unconditional spiritual support from angels and guides who are here to assist us on our journey. You can turn to them whenever you are going through a difficult situation or experiencing intense emotions that you are having difficulty processing.
Choose One Person Who You Trust and Feel Comfortable With to Support You During This Time
If you have one person who can be “your person” through this journey, ask them for support. Tell them for the time being that you really need someone who will listen if things get rough. Make a pact that you will do the same for them when they need it. Helping others does help ourselves so being there for someone else can help you shift your energy.
Know and Understand That the Loneliness Is Within You
When you understand that loneliness occurs when you are out of alignment with yourself and your Higher Self, you will know that you can relieve your loneliness on your own. Spending time with yourself and doing things you enjoy can help alleviate the loneliness. Filling the void of loneliness with someone else never lasts for long. Take this time and find comfort in getting to know yourself on a deeper level.
This is a time to tap into the wiser, older part of who you are and learn to trust the inner wisdom that comes from within. Go to your wiser self for counsel instead of seeking outside validation. This will strengthen your inner self. This is one of the most profound benefits you will gain by taking time to be with just yourself.
Honor This Time to Grieve Your Loss
Trying to fight the grief and despair that is threatening to overcome you will drain your energy and keep you stuck. You must go right into the feeling and allow yourself to process these emotions. The longer you deny or ignore the pain, the longer the grieving process. This time is about you and your healing. Know that it is temporary. I know most women want to rush through this part and even jump into a new relationship very quickly. This will not end your grief. It will just put it on hold. Take the time now to honor yourself enough to grieve your loss.
Know That You Can Change the Circumstances You Are in
You may feel so alone because you had to change your lifestyle (at least temporarily) because you had to move, the divorce cost a lot, and you were thrown back into the working world trying not to sink. I say temporarily because once you begin to believe you can have all that you desire, things will begin to shift in your life. When you heal the limiting belief that you are not worthy (which is usually hidden within the subconscious mind), you can begin shifting your energy to embody this feeling of worthiness. When you do this, magic happens.
When you begin the process of starting over after divorce, you may find it difficult. As you continue on your healing journey, you will notice you have more of yourself back. You will begin living by your own values and new, more powerful beliefs. This is when you can create your life the way you want it. It is as if you are tearing down the old house and rebuilding a new one, set on a stronger foundation. You will then notice that the loneliness is a thing of the past.
Lisa Bruchac is a spiritual and personal transformation coach helping women heal on a deep level after a breakup or divorce. Her revolutionary process for healing combines helping women not only recover from heartbreak but uncover their life purpose and create a life they love. www.findyourtrueessence.com