It’s not easy figuring out how to heal from divorce. It is completely normal to feel betrayed, hurt, disappointed, and angry. It might even be difficult to imagine a future that isn’t full of heartbreak or sorrow – but that time will come.
You just need to go through the grieving process, understand and accept why the relationship fell apart, and heal from the loss.
How to heal from a destructive divorce
Divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can go through. Luckily, with these few tips, you can minimize the damage and learn how to heal from divorce.
Living in a bad marriage can do a number on your self-respect and self-esteem. Once you decide to divorce and take ownership of your life back, your self-respect will begin to flourish again.
During your divorce, read everything about separation, divorce, midlife crises, infidelity, and more. You need to know you are not alone. Reading the stories of others who have had similar experiences will give you strength.
Find your support system
Find out who your real friends are and lean on them. Do you have a family you can trust? If so, turn to them. Your friends can listen to you, cry with you, and provide unconditional love and support.
Talk, talk, talk
Once you know who you can trust, talk to them about your feelings. Be honest about how you feel and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Repeating your story will help you heal. Speaking out loud about what you’ve been through can also help you acknowledge and accept your new reality.
Ask for and accept help
Identify what kind of help you need and ask for it. When folks offer help that you didn’t seek, consider whether it may be useful to accept and say yes when you can. Don’t let pride prevent you from accepting help and support. Sometimes, it’s not about you. Some folks wish to help you because they would like the help to be reciprocated when they needed it.
Stop what you’re doing and take in deep breaths every single day. Breathe air deeply into your lungs and let it out slowly – again and again. Accept the reality of your situation and know that you have everything you need to survive it.
Be as strong as you can and let others help you to be strong when you can’t do it yourself.
Divorce and Self Esteem
Divorce can severely affect a person’s self-esteem. When things in your life fall apart it’s natural to feel as if it might be your fault, to feel as if there’s something wrong with you, to feel as if you’re not lovable. But just because these may be natural emotions doesn’t mean they’re the emotions that are serving you. In fact, these emotions are sabotaging your chance at happiness.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Here are a few tips to help maintain your self-esteem and learn how to heal from a destructive divorce:
Stop thinking of divorce as a failure.
Think of divorce as a transition to the next phase of your life – one to which you’ll bring the benefit of your experience.
Don’t let emotions drive your behavior.
Don’t act on feelings that may be temporary. Instead, act according to your values and your own long-term goals.
Don’t assume your children are irreparably damaged.
Research indicates that living with frequent parental conflict is damaging to children. But remember, the way you divorce can have an even greater impact on your children than the divorce itself.
Get regular activity.
Exercises trigger good feelings. A fitness regimen or a new goal such as a half-marathon will boost your mood and increase your self-esteem.
Replace your negative inner dialogue of words such as “I can’t do it” with self-esteem building statements like “Yes, I can”. If you make similar affirmations every morning to yourself, your mind will start to focus on them and believe them to be true.
When trying to navigate how to go heal from divorce, remember that like any life process, divorce has a beginning and an end. The end of the divorce process generally involves learning from the past, adapting to changing circumstances, and doing what you can in order to reinvent and recreate your own life.
Andrew Guerra is an editor. He likes to share his thoughts with the people around him. His writing on motivation and love encourages people to believe in themselves and move on past hard times. www.sweetytextmessages.com