No matter who initially filed for it, getting a divorce is one of the most stressful events in every person’s life. It brings tons of emotional pain, but sadly, in some cases, that’s not the end.
As if missing your significant other, handling the grief, and trying to rebuild your life on your own was not enough, sometimes you must keep your eyes open for sneaky divorce tactics coming from your ex.
Well, luckily, you’re not alone in this. Here is a list of tactics many manipulators use during their divorce, so it’s easier for you to spot them on time. Here is also a tutorial on dealing with each of these tactics in the best way possible.
A List of Sneaky Divorce Tactics Your Ex Might Use
Stalling the process
If you’ve been married to a manipulator or a narcissistic person, they won’t let you go so easily. But don’t worry – they can’t do anything to force you into staying married to them. However, they can stall the divorce– especially if you two have joint accounts, assets, and children.
They will take everything to court, fail to show up at hearings, delay when it’s necessary to sign something, and change their mind during negotiations. The examples are endless, but usually, their goal is to make the divorce process last as long as possible.
Why do they do this? It could be because your ex-partner wants to wear you down emotionally or financially. They may also hope you’ll accept any alternative to get the divorce over with at the end of the process.
One way to deal with this is to have your lawyer represent you to the best of their ability throughout the divorce process. Although this may take a considerable amount of patience on your end, a lawyer will be able to help resolve any issues you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are having.
Rushing the Divorce Process
Let’s say that you and your husband are separated, and he is dating someone else. In that case, he’ll likely do his best to rush the divorce process. Technically, he’s committing adultery and wants to hide that information from you and the public. Of course, this can go both ways – wives do this too.
The bottom line is that your ex-partner is pressuring you into signing the divorce papers as soon as possible. This fact alone is a red flag. They’re likely to offer you a financial settlement that is much smaller than what you can legally get.
How do you deal with this?
Don’t agree on anything “just to get it over with”. I know you’re tired of this entire process, but that’s exactly what your ex-spouse is counting on. Instead, take your time to analyze every piece of paper thoroughly before signing anything.
Even if you don’t have a lawyer, tell your ex that you have to consult your legal counsel before making any decisions. This way, they’ll understand that you shouldn’t be played with.
Lying About Their Income
If your ex is doing everything in their power to avoid paying alimony or child support, one of the sneaky divorce tactics they’ll try is lying about their true income. This is especially the case if your ex is self-employed. Their final goal is to manipulate you and the court and make it look like they earn less money than they do.
Here’s how you can deal with this: Lying about your income is illegal. However, it probably won’t be enough for you to report your doubts to court. Instead, you should gather all the possible information and paperwork regarding your ex’s income. Your lawyer will help you with the legal part of this procedure and will tell you which information to pay special attention to. You have evidence if your ex-spouse tries to lie to the court about this annual income.
One of the sneaky divorce tactics you should pay special attention to is false accusations. If you’re dealing with a toxic ex, they might accuse you of being a substance abuser, of adultery, or even abuse of the children you have together.
You know that they’re lying, and the good thing is that they have no proof to support their false claims. However, these accusations can be hurtful and dangerous. They can cause you emotional pain and financial damage.
Once again, it would be best if you warned your lawyer that your ex is capable of something like this. After all, you know them the best, and you can assume they’ll use this card even before they make the accusation. This way, your legal team will be ready before your ex speaks.
The most important thing here is to remain as calm as possible. They want to provoke you, so you say or do something out of character. Just like that, they’ll use your reaction as proof that you truly are a violent person who cannot be trusted.
Also, don’t forget to do all the analysis. See a doctor and do all the necessary tests that prove you’re not a substance abuser. As far as adultery and violence go, it’s all hearsay since your ex has no proof against you.
Using Your Children as Bait
By far, the worst sneaky divorce tactics are the ones that include toxic co-parenting practices. If your ex uses your children to destroy you or get what they want from this process, they have no scruples or morals.
Some spouses even manipulate your children, trying to turn them against you. They use their children as a tool to ruin you emotionally. On the other hand, your ex might ask for more time with the kids to avoid paying child support.
One of the sneaky divorce tactics that include children is the one regarding custody. You know that your ex doesn’t truly desire primary custody– they’re only doing it to hurt you or to prevent you from actually leaving.
I know you would like to cut this person off for good and never see their lying face again, but sadly, you two have a long way of co-parenting.
I’m warning you: this will be one of your toughest battles. But it’s the one you have to win. For that to happen, I suggest you hire a team of professionals who will show you the way and guide you through every step of this process.
As far as you’re concerned, the most important thing is to keep track of everything your ex says or does. Try recording it if you hear them badmouth you in front of the kids. If your children tell you that your ex has been trying to turn them against you, write down all the information you have.
Prepare proof of your financial stability and find witnesses that can talk about your character and parenting ability. Document your time with the children.
Finally, take your children to a counselor, as well. Don’t forget that they’re also going through a tough time. Their mental and emotional health can be endangered by the divorce itself, let alone if they feel like they’re in the middle of their parents fighting. It would help if you first did this to guide your kids to cope with this new situation. However, asking for professional help will also classify you as a responsible parent in front of the court.