The following contains thoughts from paralegal Melissa Ashby, and from attorney William Geary, based upon observations made from a number of highly contested custody cases.
Have you ever been sexually abused, been part of a truly violent household, been part of a family effected by drug abuse, or had a parent imprisoned for a crime? If you have, then you know the impact it has on all members of a family, especially the children. When dealing with a parent who has a drug and alcohol problem, a violent history, or a criminal history, you come to understand the toll it takes on the children involved, and the need for possibly supervised or terminated parenting time.
But what if you are involved in a divorce or a child custody case and you are suddenly on the “wrong side” of false allegations concerning sexual abuse, violence, drug abuse, or crime?
Making False Allegations in Custody Cases
All too often in our practice, we have seen divorce and custody cases where a parent decides that, in order to level the playing field or substantially lean it their way for full custody, the best course of action is to make false and severe allegations against the other parent. These allegations range from allegations of sexual offenses to allegations of physical and emotional abuse, allegations of serious criminal offenses, allegations of drug abuse, allegations of domestic violence and allegations of negligence.
The process of uncovering the falsity of allegations such as these or disproving of such allegations, involves lengthy and expensive investigation and litigation, often times requiring or mandating the employment of expensive experts, attempts to get records from police departments, attempts to get records from physicians, attempts to have witnesses come forward and dealings with child protective services and other county agencies. Involvement of all or some of these experts and agencies sometimes creates even bigger issues and often times further variables with which to deal— all in a case where the allegations are false.
Sometimes parents make an allegation and if it is found unsubstantiated they scramble to come up with other allegations, one after the other, thinking that at least one “might stick”– all causing years of harassment and litigation, not to mention potential job loss, criminal charges, and, most importantly, severe mental trauma for the parties’ children. Many times, the parent against whom these allegations are made cannot afford the legal and expert fees or multiple attorneys it takes to prove his or her innocence. While all of this is going on the parent may not even have the ability to even talk to the children. What is alarming to us is the level to which some people will go to ensure that the other parent will have absolutely no relationship with their children.
How False Allegations in Custody Cases Impact Children
Children are gifts, not possessions. This is a simple truth which many bitter or selfish parents do not consider during divorce or custody disputes. It stands to reason that when parents’ relationship ends it is due to some kind of difference of opinion, be it a large difference or one which is minuscule. These differences can make parenting together difficult but parents often lose sight of the need for the children to be with their parents – both of the parents—even if the parents do not get along. Parents may subconsciously start viewing children as pieces of property which the other parent cannot have or share.
I believe that parents know that courts generally favor shared parenting and that, without some proven heinous act, the courts will probably grant shared parenting since it makes sense that a child should have the involvement of both parents in his or her life, if possible. Fortunately, where the allegations are serious, our experience is that, when the client can hang in long enough, false allegations are finally proven to be false.
But what about the children?
Even when an allegation is eventually proven false, often times years or months of litigation have occurred. Usually the children have been told one or both versions of “what is going on,” or even sometimes coerced to be involved in the making of false allegations. The emotional abuse to a child involved in this type of litigation based upon false statements often times irreparably changes the course of a child’s life.
Think about a child who has been needlessly examined by children’s hospital rape or molestation examiners, a child who is told to lie and defend one parent over the other, a child who is being stigmatized by visits at school by a guardian ad litem, a child whose love is being purchased, a child who is asked to lie to police, and a child who witnesses a parent being arrested.
Think about an impressionable child who is falsely made to see a parent being portrayed as a monster. to the point where the child believes it, or at least to the point where it is “not okay” to love that parent any longer.
Who would do this to their own child, or to any child? Who wakes up and decides that the parent that was perfectly acceptable yesterday, is a monster today, and that, to gain some advantage or satisfy some selfish desire, it is okay to go on a mission to destroy the other parent, alienating them by saying that parent is suddenly a child molesting, drug addict, who beats their child?
What about the parent who engages in these tactics, and what about the child? Is this not abuse of its own kind—perhaps of the worst kind? What kind of parent finds these tactics reasonable? How many parents are losing custody of their children, losing decision-making abilities, losing the right to access records based on fabrications?
Even if the attempted fabrication is revealed, how many parents will gain full or joint custody but have a potentially unsalvageable relationship with a child who is emotionally broken or so damaged that he or she doesn’t want to be with that parent anyway?
Bill/Melissa:
Than you for a very informative and thought provoking article. Our legal system may be the best in the world but it is certainly not perfect. What you have to say is also applicable to other areas of our judicial system, not just Domestic Relations.
I don’t believe that our legal
System is the best legal system in the world. Its has shown to be just as unfair as others. It’s a Shame to see so much injustice, and kickback in this our court system.
So it certainly is NOT “the best legal system in the world”, right ?
I’m sorry, but our legal system, at least in the area of family law, is a *nightmare*.
agree… We need to understand this corrupted system. Gather together in every local county to VOTE these Judges out of office and Help fit this Broken System where EGO’S AND IGNORANCE RUNS COURTS, by individuals who were either appointed a seat. after a retired judge left the bench or was put there due to lack of knowledge of those voters who Voted them in… It’s time to change a system that doesn’t work… Stand for something or don’t stand for anything.. Family are being torn apart every single day and we have to Stop this from ruining the lives of many well-deserving children. Let the courts no we will No longer be willing to just STAND FOR THE UNFAIRNESS OF CPS, or Judges, FALSE ALLEGATION W/O PROOF, CHANGE HOW HOLDING ARE RENDER BY JUDGES IN DEFAULT CASE, HELP CHANGE LEGISLATION IN THE COURT SYSTEM ON HOW JUDGES ARE REVIEWING EACH CASE BEFORE THEY MAKE A HOLDING ON THAT CASES W/O EVIDENCE, being presented first… STOP DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER BY PARTIES, Help us Trust regain faith in a broken Judistrict system. Stand together and Vote against unfair court system..Unfair CHILD PROTECTIVE SYSTEM… Vote for a change in your Next ELECTION..
It just happened to me. My daughter got caught with bad things in her cellphone by me. I am a mandated reporter because I did the right thing my daughter hates me and is punishing me for it. She lied to mediator and to her therapist. Her father also condoned lying and it’s sad. I’ve never been convicted of a crime or anything. I’m a single mom with 5 children and have always supported and taken good care of my children. They gave my Ex husband almost all custody he doesn’t work he lives with his mom and dad. He’s never supported our daughter and is a recovering alcoholic with 2 DUIs a hit and run and he used to beat me. With no proof or evidence of me being a bad the courts believed my daughters lies. The Court System has failed my daughter and it tore apart my family. I’m tired after 2 attorneys and $10,000. This therapist Claudia Gonzales gets on stand and says let her live with her dad she hates her mom….. With no proof or evidence judge considered her horrible statement she’s didn’t even do a 730 evaluation and doesn’t know me at all. I’m filing complaints on everyone including mediator that believes all my daughters lies. It’s a nightmare to fight in court and Judges don’t care to look at facts let’s go based on hear say and my 11 year old at times feelings. It’s been over a year now Custody battle
Hi Veronica. I am sorry you are going through this. I just found this site. I am going through similar situation. I found a support group and it has been helpful.
It has been 6 months since you posted. If you reply, I will respond and happy to just share and support.
Good luck
This sounds rather familiar in a sense… HOwever my Son is a victim of his Grandmother who Not only CONTROLS him but mainly his Father who is a VERY BIZARRE case of “Mommas BOY” at 45yrs old… TO begin we were NEver married, he got me pregnant ON purpse he trapped me in Such a way that I got pregnant and from there Forward his mother did EVERYTHING she could to The Father and MY relationship…. Even Many Many Many times FAKING to have a HEart Attack so he would RUN to her and leave me home… Fast forward our son is born… 10 days later I find a letter she had sent to her sister saying she MUST GET GER SON AND MY BABY AWAY FROM ME!!! Dad and I Continued to see each other for years and he continued his Sexual and emitional abuse against me in return for his Love towards me OR so I believed… he was MY first love at 17 reunited at 33…. I LOVED HIM so much I did whatever he asked of me… Incuding having a baby that I was NOT ready for and FORCED to become pregnant with as they KNEW I am FULLY AGAINST ABORTION…. I FIRMLY believe it was grandmas Plan all along as she has always seen her son as her Husband and THIS IS HE WORDS OF THER THERAPIST to me… AS I Began Therapy due to the Pain…. I had NEVER been in Therpay PRIOR to this sitation…. Fast forward brings a bag of clothes and toys to my house 4 days BEFORE Christmas and stays for nearly an HOur before putting a LArger envelope on my counter next to where I was Washing dishes and tells me that is is from “C***” but SHe doesnlt know what it is… I firmly believed it was something for CHristmas as I said we were still VERY MUCH AN ITEM and he styed with me MANY nights per week… ITs important to Note that when Our son was Born I was literally FORCED to go back to her home straight from the HOspital although we had originally made Other PLANS… HOwever when we left the Hospital I was informed we would be at her HOuse INSTEAD….So she could “”HELP”” me/us…. ((( Side Note, I have 4 other kids who were at OUR home at the time and THEIR FATHER Stayed at our house to watch them for me while I had my baby, AS I have NO OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS to help me at all…. in fact it wold be 2 weeks before I would be ALLOWED to let my son meet his new older siblings… I was VERY MUCH CONTROLLED LIKE A PUPPET AND IF I DEFIED THE WOULD KEEP MY NEW BABY AWAY FROM ME and ccall the pOlice to keep me away and NOT ansewr the phone if I called….. THis went on antime dad and I didnt get along…. When we all togehter as a family MANY NIGHTS per week she woul djust SHOW UP at m home and BEG to take our son with her as she always told her son she was Lonely…. he evenGave her my GARAGE CODE WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE and she would appaer at her convenience…. I never understood AT THE TIME WHY HE WOULD ALWAYS LET HER TAKE OUR BABY WITH HER WHEN I had 4 other kids at home anyhow already?? WE were being a FAMILY I always thought A THE TIME it was becsuse he worked and I had a child with sppecial needs so he MADE ME BELIEVE it was for the best… That it was too much work with a new baby 24/7… BUT my SON WAS A VERY GOOD BABY>>>> They always FORCED ME TO SECOND GUESS EVERYTHING I Knew was questioble or didnt feel right in my SOUL…. BUT IF I DIDNT COMPLY GRANDMA WOULD CONVINCE DAD THAT I DIDN LOVE HIM AND I WAS BEING A BAD MOTHER AND GIRLFRIEND for NOT listening to him and her….same if I didnt comply with ALL HIS SEXUAL DEMANDS OF ME>>> NOMATTER HOW VILE OR SELF DESTRUCTIVE AND IMMORAL…. he always WATCHED PORN AND HAD A SEXUAL ADDICTION ADDIMITEDLY… He has been to THERAPY FOR YEARS DUE TO THIS… BUT GRandma told me HE NEEDED TO DO THE THINGS HE DID TO ME AND THAT HE JUST COULDNT HELP IT… and IF I LOVED HIM I WOULD Just try to UNDERSTAND… she too said she had been a sexual addict and that he had been molested by is father and a babseball coach though she never turned them in while he was a child, in fact she said ALL ADULTS ARE CAPABLE…. It just depends on Whether you decide toACT on this desire or not?? I had NEVER HEARD ANYTHING SO SICKENING IN M ENITRE LIFE… ad from that moment I feared for my baby…. I even put calls to enquire with questions Multipe times as an unknown caller at CPS… But they only wanted reports if I knew foul play was CERTAIN…. so that never led to fruition because I was not there to know when she owuld have my son alone…. Ive ALWWAYS BEEN A CONSTANT IN MY SONS LIFE WE LIVE 4 MILES from each other and back then only 1 mile apart from Grandmas house…. since then at 2.5yrs old while Dad and I are still very much a thing he and she filed for FULL CUSTODY BEHIND MY BACK…. I only recieved the FIRST envelope that I Mentioned in the VERY beginning of This story… Yet SOMEHOW I recieved a LETTER while AWAIING A MAY COURT DATE FOR OUR FIRST APPEARANCE… I got a Letter stating DAD HAD BEEN AWARDED FULL CUSTODY AND FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY while I was subjected to only SUPERVISED RIGHTS TO VISITION AS TO WHAT “WE HAD AGREED UPON”??????? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN IF I WAS NEVER EVEN PRESENT TO BEGIN WITH AT A COURT DATE THAT I WAS NEVER MADE AWARE OF???? ON A REQUEST THAT WAS FULLY WRITTEN UP WITH ALLL LIES AND YES I HAVE MANY CREDIBLE WITNESSES TO EVERY OUNCE OF PERJURY WRITTEN ON THEIR REQUEST FOR CUSTODY PAPERWORK…. Since the “Apparent court date and this Cusody granted” IVENEVER ONCE BEEN SUPERVISED WITH MY SON>>> HE has NEVER ONCE had his OWN BEDOR BEDROOM and he will be 9 in MARCH…. HE wasnt even POTTY TRAINED until nearly 6yrs old… He used to CRY AND BEG TO BE WITH ME HE STILL DOES But when younger he would BEAT THIER DOG out of frustration…. and just have TERRIBLE MELTDOWNS AND TANTRUMS because he DIDNT want to LEave his siblings and myself to “Go HOME” to their house at the end of the night…. STILL TO THIS DAY I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN ACTIVE MOTHER>>> but still they REFUSE to allow him to stay with us…. IT BREAKS OUR HEARTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN everytime he walks out the door….. I forgot to say, HEs been FORCED to be TERRIFIED OF SCHOOL so that GRANDMA can ” HOMESCHOOL” BUT Im not allowed NOR do they tell me what is going on NOR allow me to participate…. his siblings attendthe Local schools that HE WOULD HAVE ALSO attended IF they hadnt TERRIFIED him…. THEY ISOLATE HIM he used to PHYSICALLY SHAKE at 2-3-4 yrs old whenevr simply meeting anyone knew outsode of his BUBBLE whic was only them, THEIR EXTENDED FAMILY>> HE IS TERRIFIED BY HER CONSTANT REMINDER THAT HE BETTER COMPLY OR SHE WILL TAKE HIM AND HE MAY GET LOST OR KIDNAPPED… HE has ALWAYS BEEN TERRIFIED if we even walk out of a ROOM!!! She made him think I ABANDONED HIM!!! so now she uses that PSYCHOLOGICAL TERROR AGAINST HIM!! HE has always had NIGHT TERRORS since he was about 9 months old or so… Long after her REIGN OF TERROR on our lives began….. While MY HEART ACHES allday EVERYDAY…. I simply CANNOT BEGIN TO IMAGINE THE FEAR, THE CONFUSION, THE HURT, THE PHYSICAL PAIN he feels due to all of this DRAMA by a grandmother and father who are SUPPOSED TO LOVE AND PROTECT HIS BEING… I HONESTLY DONT believe he Truly understands any of this as I NEVER EVER bad mouth them to him although I know they do and ESPECIALLY HERSELF…. when I picked him up one day with a witness in my car, at 6yrs old he walks out and says “NANNY SAID QUEEN B**** ” is here to get me… Talk about HURTFUL…. This isnt even MOST of MY CONSTANT SITUATION… just a small Fraction of the Hell we live though daily… Imagine being FORCED to spend the NIGHT at your EXes and his Mothers house?? I DO THIS OCCASIONALLY SO WE CAN SPEND THE NIGHT AND PRETEND TO BE SOMEWHAT NORMAL FOR HIM… I DO THIS BECAUSE HE BEGS TO STAY WITH US BUT THEY REFUSE>>> SO I GO TO HIM… I would DO ANYTHING or my son to know that he IS MY WORLD AND I WOULD NEVER LEAVE HIS LIFE OR HIS SIDE DESPITE WHAT THEY TRY TO FORCE UPON HIS PSYCHE!!! I WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE MY SON HE NEEDS ME JUST AS MUCH AS AND HIS SIBLINGS NEED HIM!!! The only Reason I am NOT the CUSTODIAL PARENT, is because I simply cannot afford and Attorney…. SHE PAID FOR HIS… HE NEVER EVEN KNEW WHAT THE ORDER SAID>>>> HE admitted that to me… that she wrote it all and he just signed it… SICK SELFISH WORLD we live in…. OH and did I Mention SHe FULLY HIDES behind the Guise of the BIBLE??? I am an absolute Christian, But Never would I be a Christian to Gain Control over a Childs life just because I messed up SOO BADLY AS A MOTHER AND FEEL I AM ENTITLED TO A DO-OVER By way of one of MY Grandchildren…. This is PARENTAL ALIENATION IN ITS WORST FORM I COULD EVER IMAGINE…. and every other kind of CHILD ABUSE on the BOOKS!!! I PRAY that one day I am NOT fearful to walk into court and ask for a change in Custody WITHOUT an ATTORNEY…. I ONLY have NOT already Tried this because I KNOW as FACT that as soon as I begin this Journey she will KEEP MY SON AWAY FROM ME FOR AS LONG AS SHE POSSIBLY CAN, and I Cannot bear the THOUGHT Of hurting him in such a way this hurts me so badly because I know while in he LONG RUN this is FOR THE ABSOLUTE BEST FOR ALL PARTIES involved, Im so afraid she also will Disappear out of State or Country with him as she CONSTANTLY talks about moving away from here now with him and his father to be near her other family… I couldn’t imagine losing my son, My children losing their brother, my son losing his “ME” his mother, My son losing his siblings all for just TRYING to be a mother and do what is Right, Which is all Ive EVER ASKED FOR…. SHARED CUSTODY BETWEEN DAD AND I…. HE Never ever even talks to me about him … NEVER I have ALWAYS had to go through his mother to discuss anything of IMPORTANCE about his life…. he simply refuses….This WEIGHT is more than anyone should ever have to bare…. Well Ive spoken here enough… All I ask if for Prayers Please…. as I too will be Praying for everyone who is in a situation so horrific as not being able to be the Parent we all should be able to be!! God Bless!
Veronica, I’m going to guess that if something was on your daughter’s phone, isn’t that the proof that they need? Or am I misreading your comments?
I had evidence on my ex-husband’s cell phone where he was raping me while I was unconscious. I had two brain surgeries to repair 3 of 5 aneurysms and after the second surgery, he filed for divorce. He had already assaulted me 4 months prior and was scheduled for court. His first wife lied to me and said that I would lose military insurance (knowing I required a second brain surgery to prevent another ruptured aneurysm). So I begged with the State Prosecutor to drop the charges. But after he filed for divorce, he ended up in the psych ward on a 72 hour hold. I had his cell phone and saw photos he had taken while sexually assaulting me. I contacted the police and they failed to file charges against him because I waited to contact them (because I cared about his daughters and was concerned about how this would effect them). He had broken into my vehicle and stolen the phone. The police could have very easily gotten a warrant for his cloud drive. But they didn’t. They could have gotten a warrant for his computer that I purchased for him (the pictures would have also been located on that drive). So there is a rapist running around JAX Florida because the Duval Country Sheriff didn’t do his job. In fact, he called my house after I moved home to Ohio and dared me to take city hall to court. I just wanted the bastard in prison. But I also wanted to be able to get alimony because I am disabled and was disabled before we married. But as it is, I wasn’t able to bring it up in court because no charges were brought up.
So yes, our system is messed up. And most of the time it’s in favor of the men. They get away with far too much. But it’s people like Christine Blassey Ford that make real rape victims look like fools. So now I have to try to forge a living out of what little I have coming in, while my ex-husband stole all of the money I received from my SSDI backpay.
Most judges ive seen 1 in person have lawyers typing these paper works and he just signs . Its messed up to make a Man in a robe honorable of making yay and nah decisions while layers Fine print addens screw us… He dont make sure proper investigation is done or untampered with! He may sleep better knowing underoth to whatever bible he holds to these ppl that swore to tell the truth to is his saving grace cuz contradicting laws aint honorable by God.. thats Lucifer in a black robe yall and his gavel is his pitch… Thats y we got Good and bad in this World and love wins everytime!
The accuser should have to prove with physical evidence that what they SAY is true or be put in jail if they accuse without that evidence. THAT IS WHY THE SYSTEM is F* up!! It would save the courts and everyone involved a s* ton of money except for the high rolling lawyers and such!
Parent alienation is a real thing and I have been living it for the past 4 years so their father can have 2/3 of my paycheck. The criminal allegations were made two weeks before we were going to court to put everything back to joint. To say the least the trial was postponed and the allegations were unfounded. I never even spoke to the police. I have not seen my children in 1 and a half years. Barely speak on the phone because he listens. Yet him and I seem to be in court every other month because he wants more money. And somehow I end up with the judgement to pay his attorney fees when I can hardly pay mine. He claims he make zero money, lives with his mom, doesn’t file taxes but he has enough for a lawyer. I just miss my daughter and son, everyone needs their mom.
How do you manage to stay sane in what all has happened? And if the allegations were unfounded how come you don’t get back your rights as a parents and get your part of custody back? Sorry if I’m asking something too personal, I’m going through something similar right now in court. Bad thing is, it’s not the father of my child, but MY father and his wife. Well it’s his wife who’s taking the action, my father just stands back and let’s her do whatever. They accused me before and the allegations were proven false so I don’t understand how they can just do this again. Nothing has been done this time about it though, from what I’m told DCS isn’t having anything to do with it since there isn’t anything to actually prove it. But still I hate that they are doing this, they are manipulating my child and making her think she has to fear me! It’s not fair!
I pray for you my heart is sadness hearing these type of stories but so many time It seem to be happen over and over again, my fiancée lost primary custody and have to share joint conservatership with her ex who court appointed amicus BOBBIE YOUNG
Amicus Attorney
State Bar No.: 24000143@ court 245 Judge Roy Moore suggest that the child stay with a father who is a 8 time convicted drug dealer 3 Felonies and 6 misdemeanors all possession controlled substances. Have you ever hear of such nonsense in your life., and he still sell driugs, the amicus was upset that mom wouldn’t hadn’t paid her courts fees, this man has had people come
to his house to kill him with his family there and it was presented in court but no one came to care, focusing on a petty theft charge that mom had completed. The amicus gave dad permission to sign off on a surgery Leaving mom blindside were she wasn’t even able to be there for he daughter for surgery and after… All I’m saying is we’ve been through it as well. These judges and court appointed individuals or not people with doing the right thing the systems is Damaged is such a way I pray that getting the word out about the judges and the court
Appointed (friends) I mean amicus they appointed are not doing in justice in our courts system their breaking the family down worst than they were when the went in with for some kind of fairness, resolution the court are destroying our children…God help our broken court system.
I Pray that thing get better for you, and he healing being with the children…
My good friend was done this was her child father who is 130K in back child support came after her after the Attorney General off started pressing him. He had his oldest daughter pretend like she was going to take the child to a birthright party only for him plot to take the child, which is what they did the took the son hide him out from the mom, the DA files interfering with Child custody laws, but no charges was filed cause the father and his crooked lawyer with in the court without mother knowledge and got a temporary default order, provision on vistation be at a safe program. When the father was an absentee father who never even sent the kid a birthday card. How in the world could that have happen when he in broken the law of agreement being contempt of courts. He made false allegations of drugs use which a hair follicle test cleared her. Why is the courts supporting this illegal act of parents fight dirty? Without proof. This has to Stop!!! We’re destroying the children caught in the middle and ruin lives. Help us fight for justice in our family courts. But writing our legislators a representative of our state to put Stop to these type of practices.
Stand up for our children’s for our family.
God be with you all the way.
Oh my Lord this is just disgusting. Maybe because she can’t have kids and is bored at home so is trying to take your child away. This world is sick.
Just have another few kids and keep fighting for these ones..she Will be gutted
I pray that justice is overturned in your favor and be an even better mother than you we’re the first time. Praying for you.
I’m going through this right now. I’m terminating grandma guardianship and she lied last time we went to court. And she’s doing it again. I have a lawyer this time. I just hope a judge can see through the lies
I just found this site. I have been going through this a year. You posted in May. Any good news updates? What state do you live in? If you reply, I will respond and happy to chat and support each other. I found a support group and it has been tremendous.
Jen, where do you live?
This is about money. Not your children. My heart bleeds for you and your kids. Keep fighting!!!
Sorry to hear ,my son is going through that now ,after the mom was denied to move to another state,she came up with a plot with her teen son three days after she was denied.
Very sad. I am very sorry to hear that. I dont understand If the allegations were unfounded then why can’t you see your child and why would you need to pay costs?
I’m in the same boat.I’m a mother with a broken heart.my x partner took my 7 year old daughter 11th April 2917.he’s coming out with allegations every time were in court.I have a fulltime job pay maintanance.he’s a bully mentally grooming our daughter
Hi Sofie. I am so sorry My daughter is 7 and it has been since Nov 2017 for me. I have a 9 year old too.
Any good news updates? WHat state are you in? I am in NJ.
if you reply, I will and maybe we can advise each other. I found a support group and it has been so helpful.
Dear God, i am so sorry you are going through this. I am about to as well. PLEASE, SEEK LEGAL AID. i wish i could pay the bill for you, but i cant even afford rent right now…
Excellent point driven article. New to this site, I haven’t explored other topics of interest yet so my question may be premature. What about false and malicious allegations against the step-parent? I realize this issue presents an entirely diverse conversation, but the ultimate issue remains constant- the welfare of the children. What about the children who are exposed to emotional and mental abuse at the hands of the spiteful and scorned biological parent, against a loving and caring step parent? Absent any legal rights, what recourse does the step-parent have, when finding themselves at the mercy of the courts?
Thank you. This was my area of exploration, as the step mother. A 7 year nightmare, with no end in sight..other than my marriage as a result of it.
Sometimes you have to let people be and move on with your life. Itsucks that the relationship with the children is broken but the stress of the false allegations can affect other family members and your Marriage. Leave them alone. Pay your child support and keep your distance. If you don’t more accusations will magically appear.
I agree. I’m at this point now. My ex, his family, his friends, and even some of my family because of him has poisoned the minds of our children. I’m out of funds to fight for them anymore and the more I fight the more they blame me even though he’s the one that disobeys the court orders. Our court date outcomes seem to be based on whatever mood the judge is in. All I can do now is remind them I love them, pay my child support, and pray the good Lord opens their eyes to the truth one day. I can’t allow them to ruin my marriage and my career based on false allegations. It’s very sad.
My husband and i are dealing with this at the moment and they took our 19 month old out of our home because the allegations of child abuse. there are several other allegations from drug trafficking to DV. we go nowhere and no one cares what i haveto say about the DV. We have an investigator who started today because theres no proof but still they hold our baby hostage and my ex is refusing our side the chance to talk to my kids. I have another lawyer in the same state as ex and they are going after him with an investigation but who knows what damage will be done before this is over.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I have similiar issues .ex and his mom leveled false accusations at me due to me going for full custody of our kids. That was a year ago. Cps hasn’t got in contact with me since then and hasnt returned any of my calls. We have 2 minors in our home .My kids with my new spouse and I’m terrified cps or someone will try to take them. But yeah it’s been a year since I’ve been able to see my kids with my ex. I mean how do u prove something that never happened?! But ex and his mom have money and friends in the system in that county. My kids need me now more than ever. How do u fight this kind of thing when u don’t have the money for multiple lawyers and investigaters , etc…
Thank you for sharing this. I finally feel like someone has summed up what I am going through. Its been two years since my daughter’s father made false allegations to a judge to gain custody and punish me for talking to my make friend ( now fiance), I’m living a nightmare And at this point the father continues to make false allegations about me to the superior Corey- family law and to the police ending up in court at the city municipal courthouse. This is taking over my life! Currently I am not even allowed to see or talk to my daughter because I was found in contempt, after my daughter made her forth comment of being sexually abused by her older cousin at dads house. I won’t continue because my story only gets sadder bu I will NEVER give up on fighting for my girl! She wants her old life back and some how I’m going to do this! Please pray for me.
Very informative … I am going through same abuse that my EX is putting on me . In one month period of time my life is upside down. Only crime was I want to present in my kids life I thought I would provide them the best fatherhood in whatever circumstances. But I feel I am getting week day by day. My Ex degrated herself in a such an extant that finally she put rape charges for the thing that I love 100000 times more then my own life. Request all th viewers to pray for me to get out from this allegation
I wish the courts attorney and Judges really took notice at some of these cases like this that come before them in there court room instead we have judge and amcus giving kickback while placing child in the wrong hands… when will the real judge and court appointed amcus see it not just about putting money in your pocket when making a decision that would affect a child for a life time to come. Isn’t the street of America damaged enough bad lawyers, and judges team up on the wrong side whatever happen to the Best Interests of a child?
To Melissa Ashby, and attorney William Geary,
I have spent all night despretly looking for help and answers to an upcoming case I am fighting with my exhusband once again for my custody of my now 11 year old son. I was appalled to hear how many stories are so similar to my own that I couldn’t help but to finish the night into the morning to post something on the site and plead for some kind of advice or help and ask How Judges could take away children from good mothers!! My exhusband as well is using my son only to hurt me because I refused to fail when he took all his money with him and the kids and I in dire straits! I was a wonderful Stay at home mother that did all the right things raising my kids and taking care and our farm that I had before marriage and children. After our mariage my husband worked a great job and furthered his schooling and apprenticeship for five more years to further his income to have security in his work industry. I had no idea what was to become of it once he had finished and left on his way. He had a history of family violent cases that were NOT allowed to be brought up in court! He had come into my life with not one personal belonging and a rundown old truck but I loved him anyway, it wasn’t about money or what you had to me it was making s future together! We started having arguments after a couple hurricanes when he refused to spend or help on reapaires after two hurricanes but on himself only, while we all suffered from the damage to our home and farm I had to get family from out of state to come help me rebuild and Help pay for the damages. Shortly after he had walked out on me and the children with months of debt owed for very past due bills and everything in my name because of his bad credit that I was held responsible for after the divorce was finalized! I was left with nothing but child support that didn’t even cover my sons schooling. A few years went by and my exhusband had turned very jealous and tried again to hurt me by taking me to court for custody of our son who was then 0nly 6. My son had a sister that was only 3 years older and we’re best of friends. The kids and I were a VERY TIGHT, CARING, LOVING HAPPY FAMILY. We loved our loved our farm more than anybody could imagine and I worked very hard ( not easy not having worked after 10 years of raising children and making sure they eventually they attended the best Catholic school With A honor roll year after year that I sacrificed to pay myself. What have I done wrong to deserve this? We made trips to the zoo, the park, had Campfires, went to the beach regularly, the waterpark, and NASA. Even trips back home 1500 miles away just to see my side of family every year.. Everything that I could give them to have a very good life. After a battle that I had to hire 2 lawyers to fight because one gave me very bad advice I had to sell are home and farm just to fight for my son again from a controlling ex in court AGAIN, I lost custody of my own son because my own I lawyer said me theres nothing wrong with being poor!! I thought I was going to faint since he knew I had to sell everything to hire him. How can these judges take a little boy from his mother, sister and ALL HE KNEW IN IN THE WORLD OVER WHO MAKES THE BIGGEST PAYCHECK!!! This IS NOT FOR THE BEST INTEREST FOR MY CHILDREN THIS ABOUT WHO BRINGS HOME MOST TO THE TABLE WHILE BABYSITTERS ARE RAISING MY SON and lost years growing up with his sibling!! How long can this court system get away with this action of pulling children FROM GOOD MOTHERS! It’s been 4 years of torture I can’t EVEN explain for my daughter and I!!! EVEN brainwashing my son and using my him to CONTOL me and Now he’s taking me back to court again so he can be custodial parent so he can move out of state to BE WITH HIS since it was SO EASY TO DO and Get help from his family caring for him while I have to drive 5 hours one way to see my son and hold a full time job! There has got to be a stop to this ABUSE!! Of coarse I’ve hired another Attorny for this case that I’ve only talked to once with two cancelations, no calls backs and not ONE EMAIL!! Hired in May, Final scheduled for Febuaury! If anyone can give me advice it would be much appreciated !! God Bless!
Ives been in divorce court for a year and a half. My ex called cps on me told them my daughter said I touched her no no spot 3 times. They made a ex parte. Had her go to counsoler then to physchologist where my daughter which is 7 told them explicit things and I haven’t lived with her since she was 5.5 and didn’t see her for a year untill she was 6.5. I have a preliminary hearing to get my rights terminated in a few weeks. I offered to take polygraph test. I’m at my witts end. I would never sexually abuse anyone. In a veteran on disability and can’t afford a good attorney. Not many take payment plans.
If it has not been not yet or is not too late, ask the judge to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem to serve as your daughter’s advocate.
No you do not want a GAL I had GAL for my case. The GAL was a lawyer she made up a story about me lie and used that to take my kids away from me. She made it a point The there was no way I could ever see my kids again
Thank you for your article!!!.. I am the parent being accused of false allegations and it us not an easy cross to bear. I do have faith that the truth will prevail. It was like I was reading about myself in your article
Thank you to you both for writing this story. Parents like myself have been strung up like this twice. The first time I was capable of fighting off the false allegations and won “joint custody” but the second time I became depressed because the man I loved did this a second time. I initially fought, I got a protective order but he was too devious and manipulative. I had no money to fight his lawyers, to get all the experts needed, to get the police reports, etc. I couldn’t fight the allegations and my own father was turned against me. He died the night after he read my medical records which disproved everything my x-spouse falsely alleged. I initially got temp custody of my 12 year old but the very next day it was taken from me because the GAL didnt do her job, she believed the secondary lies told by the attorneys staff – I had no idea why I lost custody until 5 months later when the lying relative of the attorney filed her declaration. I was able to refute it because there was s witness but unfortunately it was too late. I went into even further depression. Not only we’re our children damaged but I am not able to recover – it has been 7 years, I sit at home now with my 2 grown children who are so messed up. They love their dad but they know the damage he is capable of. The judicial system knew the truth but Because I wasn’t capable of preparing paperwork they ruled against me. I’m disabled now so much so that I’m not able to advocate for myself at all. I just survive. Everyday I just wake up and exist along with my kids. How can I help stop further families from ever experiencing this? How can I stop the destruction of a good parent, of the children?
I am going through this same crap with false sexual allegations against my daughter. I cheated on my wife about 3 years ago and was thrown out of the house for a few months because the house was her mother’s. We managed to come back together and bought a house. There was so many arguments because my wife had lost trust in me. All of a sudden, my wife started restricting me from spending time with my 7 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son. She made a complaint to the child protection services and an investigation was started. I had to leave the house to stay with my dad because i don’t know what my wife planned to do next. Now the investigation is complete and the case is unfounded. I plan on going to court to file for joint legal custody with physical custody to my wife. I don’t want the kids to live with me because i have a feeling my wife will plan something else. I want visitation rights without any supervision. My wife on the other hand wants to supervise the time i spend with my kids. That won’t work because she has the tendency to control how i relate with my kids and always ends up with arguments. This interferes with the quality time i want to spend with my kids. Do i have a chance of winning this in court? Is it necessary to hire an attorney for this? Pls help
My ex (my son’s dad) is currently going through this with his first ex. They have dragged his name through the mud on the news, cost him his job, cost him and my son the opportunity to see each other. It breaks my heart for both of them. How could ANY parent alienate their child against their own parent is beyond me. I’m looking into any and all help he can get but everyone has already judged.
I’m seeing someone who is in this situation. My question is can the courts keep the father from seeing their child if he is accused but said to have no significant proof that he did anything? He is accused of sexual abuse but there is no proof of this. He has been unable to see his daughter due to guardian making excuses as to why she is unable to bring daughter to visit father.
I’m thinking about getting as many of the wronged parents together and bringing this to a national light to hopefully eliminate out greatly reduce the amount of false accusations and urge legislators to create a law wherein accusers would receive jail time or lose any and all benefits including child support. Please comment and send people to look and comment. If I get enough comments I will give a way to contact mgr and we can discuss the process in which we should take. Also, if there is an attorney that would like to be the legal council I this, please let me know as well
I am interested in your plan. My husband ( step father ) and I are being falsely accused and my parents and ex in laws are trying to take custody of 5 of my 6 children. They even brought my husbands very angry ex wife into the custody battle. The lies are so horrific. My children’s das committed suicide 2 years ago. The story would blow you away. Please let me know if you get families to gether. It’s so wrong what people will do in their anger andoride and greed and control. My children are being poisoned against me. It’s unbelievable. No evidence because it’s all made up. But so far the judges are buying it. I’m devastated without my precious children. I would live to meet other families who are going through the same thing. I’ve been totally black bakked in my home town of 47 yrs. it’s all so very sad. My faith and my sweet husband are getting me through. He is the kindest man I e ever known. My family decided to hate him and turn my children against him and made me look brainwashed abs crazy. Former best friends joined to group so its many people against the two of us. God has sent some amazing people into our lives and some family and friends who didn’t go along with the. Crowd. We are so grateful. They know the truth and they live us through this night mare.
I would be interested in helping
please let me know if this ever came to light? I have been report twice on bogus allegations by “anonymous” going through a divorce at the same time.
I will help all I can to bring this to light, tell my story and just maybe finger some justice!
I would love to help
And what are parents supposed to do when one parent absolutely is a monster? My ex used to strangle and rape me during my pregnancy. After I gave birth to our daughter I moved out of his house and have lived and have been providing for our daughter for an entire year and 3 months without ANY help from her father. But then he filed for sole custody just to fuck with my life and hurt me…so about TRUE monsters?
So who do we hold accountable for tis criminal behavior? The vengeful father? His over zealous and unethical Lawyer or the dysfunctional, rubber stamping, money hungry Family Court Justice System? I am in Sonoma County Ca. Judge Boyd and Mediator Dan Chester. Please contact me if you are interested in moving mountains. Strength in numbers.
As a pediatric nurse in an ER setting for years, this makes me sick! But I have witnessed it first hand. Oh, can we gather that in writing that I had to come in because the mom/dad wouldn’t do this or that????? It’s sickening what people will do to their children to get back at an ex! Someone they chose to have sexual relations with and make this baby! Praying for all these affected children and the parents.
I have been fighting custody for 10 months. When my husband and I split we were doing a set schedule getting along great until May 5th when I got my belongings out of his house. The next day he filed a Ex Parte saying I was a drug addicted having sex for drugs and that a police officer told him I was about to get arrested for drugs. I had no idea he had even hired an attorney. I talked to him at 3 pm Friday May 6th that I was getting off work at 6 pm and would pick up our daughter. He said that sounds great. At 5 pm my phone at work rings and it’s the Sheriff Department if I tried to go pick up my daughter I would be arrested bc he filed the Ex Parte. He kept my daughter for 10 days without letting me see her. Even on Mothers Day. I hired an attorney and we were supposed to have court for final hearing August 2nd. On August 1st at 3 pm my attorney contacted me he was withdrawing and would no longer be representing me. So they cancelled the court date and we still have not got anything done. He still have temporary custody and tells me if I just don’t ask for Dom Parent he will settle bc he is not handing me money without knowing exactly where it’s spent. All the accusations he made are 100% false he has no type of evidence to back them up. Two Tuesdays ago he even went to the corner office and filed a report I was threatening to kill myself. So I was picked up by Sheriff Department and brought to hospital for observation. They kept me for a few hours and then let me go bc they said I was in no way shape or form a threat to myself. How is it possible for him to continue to do all this with lies. He has tried everything possible to make me give up but I won’t rest until I have rights back to my baby girl. Someone please help me!!!!!
Most importantly hire a lawyer yesterday – if you cannot afford one you should contact your county’s court system or perhaps the agency that licenses attorneys in your state and inquire about pro bono attorneys or a public defender. You may also find other resources for legal help on your state website. There are many advocate groups you probably are not aware of who help parents in your situation. You seriously MUST find someone to represent you – the paperwork you must present in hearings is pretty complex – always different forms, limits on pages, some must be accompanied by supporting affidavits, etc. I very strongly urge you to find someone to represent you.
This is a very good article, but you neglected to mention that the allegations you reference are virtually *always* used by women against men. When men do this to women, nobody believes them.
It is high time these kind of allegations are stopped by the Court. Allegations should be accepted only if there is hard evidence. I know someone going through the same and have seen the suffering and pain involved. Affected people should collectively approach the Government to change laws surrounding Domestic Violence and abuse. There is no point in just complaining
I am wondering how many parent’s are experiencing this in the state of MA. We, my daughter and I have been going through this, and it has escalated. Dealing with this kind of overt/covert abuse is like someone trying to touch a ghost. You know something is happening, ( gas lighting) yet, no one not even the Judge, DCF, the appointed GAL, the police, the schools can or will begin to see through this gas lit abuse.. I am willing to go public,despite the legal gag order the abuser has placed on me. Silence Impedes Solutions. Help me make my voice louder, stronger, so the safety in numbers will protect those victims who are too afraid to speak up.
My beloved ex spouse, is a licensed mental health counselor in Spokane WA. After a suprise announcement that she would seek divorce, and 50 days of a brutal and contrived initiative to seperate me from my children, I was able to get enough audio and video, to easily demonstrate the facts surrounding what was a unbelievable and severe departure from the person I thought I married. As she was loading out child belongings, bedding, memorabilia, pots, pans, food, and most everything else that could be shuttled in small but persistent loads, I found a chest that we used for photographs and memorabilia. I found a deposit of research pertaining to borderline personality disorders , divorce, marriage and family. Next to it I found 2 folders that had case evaluations conducted on her in what appears to be a college course. Also an essay pertaining to “attachment”. I read about how she perceived her Father, whom she never referred to in a positive manner. Rather he was always identified as the one that gave her “abandonment issues”. He lived in Arco. One day, prior to her parents moving to Spokane from a town in a remote part of Idaho, he sent a strange letter. My wife read it to me. He professed to love her mother, this and that. It was like something someone would right on their deathbed. After they moved here, the grandparents seem to draw my wife in, and after a while her dad was practically everywhere I turned. He approached our marital therapist for his individual psychotherapy. My wife and therapist convinced me to sign a HIPPA form under the pretense that it was so the therapist could chat, but supposedly not reveal any substantial details, about our marriage. I think it may have been a major mistake. I had just gotten out of a major truck accident and was in a wheel chair. Someone wrote “TBI” into the diagnoses of my injuries. Marriage Therapy went on for 7 months, but before and after the wreck were markedly different-the former productive, the latter a series of blow offs buy my estranged wife leading up to finale that seemed contrived and almost scripted. They were talking before I arrived at the last session. I still never put 2 and 2 together. 6 months following the accident, I received 3 restraining orders (2 false) and a Declaration that was absolute fabrication. I have been in a garage suffering from the most traumatic event of my life, against deadlines of the court, after firing my Counsel for what seemed almost like collusion with the other side. I have found that both restraining orders were drafted in a manner that makes both of them subject to vacation by court order. Since I have been restrained my wife has cancelled auto insurance, made huge changes to health insurance, been involved in usurping a $9,000 tax return, enrolled one of our children in psycho therapy, sent fraudulent information to Child Support, and attempted to extort money in exchange for being allowed to take my daughters to a Father-Daughter dance. Her and her attorney seem to think they are above the law, and I’m realizing that the only way out is through. I can’t find any case law that is remotely applicable. I have an ex that has threatened to dominate custody hearings due to her state position. She has exclusive custody of our children. She told me that one has “been talking about wanting to be dead lately”. I am worried about the kids. The oldest child in counseling is reaching out during visitation, like something bad is happening. There is nothing I can do. In one day, my wife changed my life forever by writing down and writing a declaration that is not even logically sound, even if the statements were true. They aren’t.
My daughter is going thru a custody battle with abusive ex. He has family connections and money, and everything she has tried blows back in her face. The children and both parents are being seen by a court ordered counselor. My daughter doesn’t think its going too well. He has 70% custody, Even though she supplied police reports at their divorce, he still was awarded custody. His sister revealed to both of them, while they were married that she had been sexually abused by step father for years. She sent a copy of an email she was sending to her mother to my daughter. My daughter’s ex allows the children to be babysat by his parents. Can she threaten to use that email against him if he doesn’t give her at least 50/50? She is going for full custody, but that is probably unrealistic.
Our legal system is not the best in the world. The best in the world I would say is Iceland, Norway, Denmark and the lowland countries. They do everything in their power not to go to family court. As a matter of fact, if a case goes to family court the parties are fined because they found a way to make that child but now that they have broken up what has changed???? Nothing. Nothing at all besides resentment and to all of a sudden you laid down to have sex with that man or woman but once you break up with them they are no longer good enough to be a dad or a mother. In the United States this is encouraged and cha ching cha ching for all the employees of the family law system. Do not be naiive and think family court is fair please. Our family court makes sure nothing is resolved as long as possible because all the lawyers have to make money. As a matter of fact, if you have a case like mine you probably should go get a lawyer from another state that doesn’t care about being friends with the court system or its cronies in your state. One that will go up to bat and not actually wink wink nod nod to the other lawyer or judge. Judges retire and when they do those lawyers before them in these cases have nice lucrative jobs waiting for them so they have to work together for a decade or two and play nice at the expense of you losing your child or them dragging it out until you are bankrupt. How this starts is with unilateral therapy which should never be allowed due to the therapist aligning with one parent against the other. More frequent than not, these therapists never even meet the other parent but their crusade is with the aligned parent while the other parent has no clue what is going on until it is now 52 months till he/she has not been able to see his/her only child. Believe me, they all get paid “not to fix your issues” and one side is usually the side that runs the show. No such thing as a high conflict case, the lawyers and the family court industry make it high conflict on purpose, trust me on this. It has been proven time and again and judges will argue “you have been procedurally wrong or filed the wrong motion” and then there goes another 4 or so months just to get in front of that judge and then another 4 months passes by then another then another until you die or file for bankruptcy and give up on your only child because you feel like you died anyway. Our family court system needs a jury and a watchdog. Enough said.
Concerned citizen and licensed to expose corruption.
CSO…..
my daughter raised her daughter for first almost three years of life.Father only came into picture when child support order was sent to him. parents had 50/50
than mother got arrested for driving with suspended liscence. Father went for sole custody. Due to mothers past substance abuse and recently acquired mental illness father got custody and mother got supervised visitation. I am the maternal grandmother and basic raised this child due to fathers abcense and mothers drug abuse. Now In final judgement there are absolute false statements about me and my home unproven. And father is not allowing child to see anyone on mothers side of family. Was just wondering if there is anything I can do we love this child and believe its emotionally harmful to child to no longer be involved with her only family she has ever known. In Florida
I totally agree with the stories here as I myself am going through it. Cas and my kids paternal grandma have made my life miserable for 8 years. Yes I co operated for 8 stinking years. Now my kids have been apprehended. I am going through the court system now. All I have found so far is that my worker and the society have covered everything up. They are also catering to a grandmother who could care less. Apparently before they were even apprehended my rights as a parent were terminated due to the conniving of the society and their kin. They thought I was going to lay down and die. Not this woman! I intend to get my kids back, prove corruption and cover up and sue the crap out of the peel children’s aid society. Also your workers supervisor might have a vendetta out for you and make this whole court process more difficult. Also over the years I’ve learned that the funding they get for each individual family only continues when they drag you through the mud, like when they should’ve closed the case. Not to mention we don’t even get 5 percent of it but my worker dresses like she’s on a runway. Hmmm I wonder why…. I also believe that if my kids grandmother wasn’t a social worker herself, that this wouldnt have even gotten this far. My advice to everyone in my position fight and fight hard. I can’t wait till this is all over and all the corruption and cover ups are exposed. FU cas.. frauds
i would be more interested to know about cas peel .. some help dealing with them would be appreciated
Its so sad to see so many people going through the same thing. My life was turned upside down on Almost 10 weeks ago now when my soon to be ex-wife made false allegations of domestic violence and child abuse. I was put in jail for over 2 days (because of the weekend — Fulton County Prison, no less) and I have not seen my 7 year old to this day… 10 weeks. I have seen our 3 year old one time – under supervision – for 50 minutes.
My wife and I had an argument where she attacked me then HOURS later, when I had left the house with our 3 year old… she went to the hospital and claimed I attacked her, abused our sons and left them. I was arrested 10 hours after our argument by 6 officers with guns drawn on me like I am some kind of threat. In my life I have had maybe 4 traffic violations…. nothing else; dont drink much – if at all, dont smoke or do drugs… never been in any trouble of any kind; Kind of boring to a point. I am now not able to see my kids or go anywhere near my kids; I am not able to go to our church or talk to our parish priest (they are afraid of getting involved); I am driving around with a dash camera in my car; We have a Guardian ad Litem in place to investigate and decide on custody/visitation AND 3 days before court (after 6+ weeks) my wife got a Therapist involved for our 7 year old. Although the Guardian can see my wife is lying (what my son has said coupled with the conflicting reports my wife made) the court so far has allowed my wife to keep my sons from me. I believe this will change soon but I am very concerned for my sons; Our 3 year old is doing ok it seems but our 7 year old (at least from what I am told) is having a hard time. It is very hard knowing that I did not abuse my kids or my wife but I have to wait for the system to play out and do what is right…. The system is very broken. This is easily the hardest thing I have ever been through; The only thing keeping me going are my sons. If other parents going through this are willing to get together to get State or National attention on false accusations I would be willing to listen and entertain the thought of joining you. No innocent parent should be kept from their child/children like this and no parent making false claims like this should get away with it. There should be stricter laws against it.
I pray every day and I try to keep my mind off things but my sons are always right there — how can they not be? Its a horrible struggle Please keep my sons and I in your prayers.
I can tell you EXACTLY what kind of person does this. A narcissist. A person who lacks empathy, and looks at all other people as objects to use at their disposal, without any remorse to the damage they inflict. Including their own children. This type of person will willingly destroy the loving relationship of the other parent to the child/ren simply to avoid any responsibility to the failed marriage… And they are good. It’s what they do, all their lives. It’s what they thrive on/excel at. As a matter of fact you’ll come to realize that this person you thought once loved you has been planning this for a long time. Planting little seeds of deciept and connivery along the way untill they have a forest of accusations to hurl wildly with no fear of penalty of perjury to hold them back. They will be calm and collected in court, you will be traumatized, terrified and in a scrambling panick. Desperate to try to hold onto and maintain the relationship you so cherish with your child/ren. They will have the backing of lawyers telling them to use false accusations to gain upper hand, organizations like WEAVE (California) teaching them the steps to take to appear the victim of these absurd allegations, and they will have the backing of the mediators and judges in family court because typically they will be on welfare (suddenly) and you will become a revenue stream. All under the false stigma of “children’s best interest”. If they don’t do this after all, the child’s best interest is to remain a part of both parents love’s. Joint custody, where’s the profit in that? They will succeed no matter what unless you are in a position to hire an outrageously expensive family lawyer who either serves in the same court as judge pro tem or is affiliated with a firm that does. Keeping the money in house. Doesn’t matter if you have video evidence contrary to accusations, witnesses, police reports in your favor… Even a documented history of the accusers history of false accusations in the same court. It won’t matter. You’ll present your defense at trial, one that would easily prove your innocence to a jury of peers. But your not afforded that right either. The Judge who profits from your pain will decide your fate. The accuser will get everything they ask for without ever meeting a burden of proof. You will lose the precious relationship you had with your child and be stuck with the bill to take care of it all. If like me, you will only see your child at a supervised visitation center where you pay $50hr to see your child for 2-4hrs max 1 day a week. With a counselor typing everything you say and do. You won’t be allowed to reach out to comfort your child and embrace them or speak at all about what is going on to them. You will be powerless when your child holds onto you screaming and crying that they don’t want to go with the other parent, they want to stay with you. When that child is staring into your eyes with tears in theirs looking at you to protect them like they thought you always would, you’ll have to pull your hand from theirs as they are pulled away crying. You will be crushed, and more importantly so will your precious child. You will struggle to maintain a minimal role in the child’s life because you love them and you know without your love they won’t know love. You will suffer depression no matter how mentally strong you are. You will consider suicide, or giving up because every time you try to fight for what’s right it backfires and makes things even worse. You will feel remorseful and guilty for these backfires too. You will be broke, tired, exhausted. You will be treated like the lowest scum on earth and chances are the accusations your suffering all these dire consequences from are the exact things your accuser did during the relationship. You will be lost, you will research countless hours for answers to find justice, for support, for steps to take to regain the loss of your paternal bond. You will find none… I know cause this is the nightmare I’ve lived for a year plus. It’s no secret that title 4 funding profits off of the pain of severed families. It’s no secret that the family court system is corrupt, unconstitutional, morally unjust. Our forefathers would turn in their grave knowing the treasonous manner in which these family courts run business. Yes business… I wish this upon nobody
Wow. It’s as tho you have been watching the situation I’m presently going through. Not once has she brought a single piece of evidence for everything she has lied about. I have had evidence for everything I have disputed. The judge has entered as evidence and yet he had granted every motion they have entered. She has a lawyer, I don’t. I have been served with 16 motions in 6 weeks. I got served with a motion to produce some papers but her lawyer never sent the list of what was needed. I emailed the lawyer twice, asking for the list. She finally emailed back and her response was, and I quote. “We are under no obligation to provide you with the list”. What happened? The judge found me in default for not providing the papers by the due date. When we went to court for matter I motioned the judge not to grant their motion and cited the Rule number her lawyer was in violation of and the section of the Code of Conduct the lawyer was also violating by not providing me the list, ensuring I would be in default. He looked at me with an F you smirk on his face, didn’t give an answer to my motion and granted theirs. I have 2 options left. 1st, file a motion to produce documents since she claims the police have been involved numerous times, that I have sent her threatening messages and letters. She claimed one the the vehicles has been broken into twice and is accusing me because all that was missing was pictures. She is going to have to produce police reports for every time she claimed she called them, police reports for the times she said the car was broken into, insurance claims, credit card statements or bank statements showing how they paid for the broken windows and damage and the bills from whoever fixed the damage to the vehicle. When she doesn’t produce any of it or even if she can fabricate a couple of documents my last option is to file a motion for contempt for perjury. She has willfully and knowing lied under oath whether verbally or with written statements on official court documents that warn of the consequences of perjury for giving false testimony. I have every thing I have been served with due to her lies and allegations that prove she is lying to the court. She tries to make me look worse and worse every time she files something by using, which is actually the only consistent thing, “Its the same thing that happened last time”. When she tries to say what happened the previous time its a different story the second time. She lies so much she doesn’t/can’t remember what she said the first time so she says what she believes in her mind to be the truth at that moment.
Also, your explanation of a narcissist is spot on. If or when you find out they are narcissists its like being able to see and think clearly for the first time in a long time. It’s like watching a movie you’ve never seen for the second time. Every thing the did before is so clear and obvious. When that happens you realize how predictable they actually are and you know their next action/reaction for every situation before they react. The absolute worst thing you can every do to a narcissist is call them out on their narcissism, tell them how they are going to react to a situation and then call them a narcissist when they act the way you said they would. Hell hath no furry like a narcissist you’ve exposed. Their sole purpose from then on is to destroy you by any means necessary. “By any means necessay” is actually an irrelevant statement because in their mind they have never done anything wrong, won’t admit they were wrong even if the truth is staring them in the face and they will never apologize for anything. The only time the word sorry comes out of their mouth is in the form of “I’m sorry you feel that way”.
If we simply decouple child support and custody time, most of the problems mentioned in this article will be greatly reduced. False accusations are made so that one parent gets all or the majority of custody time, which in turn leads to increased child support. When money is involved, people will do terrible things to get as much as they can. When increased custody time does not result in increased child support, there will be a lot less motive to make false accusations.
Yes, exactly.
Yes…thank you. Please remove money from it so psychopathy does not make the way into Court.
Sorry to all who are going through this. I lhave been where you are and know the devastation that you feel. My oldest son was deeply brainwashed by his father and he kept him tightly controlled. I did not see my son for 7 years. My ex tried to do the same with the younger children but thankfully they were able to see through the indescrepencies and lies they were being fed. My children are now all young adults.My oldest child has come back into my life adter 2 years of having no contact with his father. I believe he has suffered the most emotional scars from his 7 years under the influence of a very sick person.There is hope and restoration. God brought our family back together. I can not get back those 7 years but I can tell you that the children will figure out in time what the other parent has done. FYI We are still fighting in court for his child support arrearages and none of the children choose to be around such a toxic person. Prayers to all of you!
I don’t believe our legal system is the best in the world and far from imperfect. I feel for both man and woman victim to these unreasonable abuses. This article sums u exactly what I could not put into words. I hope someone here can come up with a strong strategy suggestion as to how to make the parents behave and not take away the other’s dignity.
To begin with, this behavior is encouraged and supported by the system, and then, when everyone is done getting paid, will they maybe expose the truth. The attorney’s, firms, and judges should have a no tolerance view. And perjury in family law should be punishable, but it isn’t in certain provinces. Blind eyes.
This is very much happening to me!! The courts have even put down some of there lies on the custody Arrangement paperwork I want to know what recourse I have to go after not the opposing party but for the system itself the court. Both for putting down unsubstantiated falsehoods on a legal document and for gross incompetence in this case. Please tell me what my recourse is?? Thank you
I have a family member suffering because of this topic. It’s sickening knowing that the deranged one causing this trauma to family is using false claims to divert this warped person’s actual wrongdoing. Then, complacent, biased & click-driven court personnel set to destroy the true, wholesome victim of these allegations. Add kids to the ordeal and the family is ruined.
My Ex wife has made 6 Child Protective Service allegations against me, all to be found “unfounded”. We are in court for the second time as she attempts to take custody. She is mental abusive to myself and anyone that comes into my life. She is doing her best to “break me” and has told me ” I will financially ruin you” She has made 8 pages of false accusation which the court has found all to be untrue. She tells my kids I am lazy, tells my children not to listen to my sitter… And Yet She still has 50/50 Custody. I literally fear what is coming next. It is mentally exhausting and I believe is messing up my kids. I am at a loss and just don’t know what I am supposed to do.
I was on vacation with my grand-daughter, the mother called the police and told them I was a possible DUI and had taken her child out of state without her knowledge. I was stopped, did a sobriety test, and then handcuffed and put in a police car while my grand-daughter watches, crying and screaming for me, and I could do nothing. At the station, before even a breathe test was done, they called the mother to come and take the child home. She has used this incident to terrorize my grandchild into not wanting to even see me. I had legal rights to visitation and lost them due to this horrible event. After 2 years of reliving this event, I now find out that it was the mother who was behind all of this to end my close relationship with this child.
The only way this will ever stop is if those who make false allegations are held criminally and civilly liable. Throw a few of them in jail and levy a five-figure fine. Let’s see how many people continue lying after they see that there are real consequences.
S.
Exactly! Accountability will end verything.
Our family court system is truly disgusting.
I’m going through hell right now and the courts continue to let the abuse occur.
This is overwhelmingly heartbreaking.
me and my 2 children’s father split up because he was both physical and mentally abusive. I have tried and tried to protect my children he hurts them and blames me he puts me down to them and tries to gift them things to say they want to live there in return and my 6 year old daughter is so stressed. she just wants to be a kid and he wo t stop. they won’t keep the children from him in fact he has temp custody of our 3y/o son! which now calls me by my name. I cannot get the judge to believe me that he is warping my children’s minds and abusing them meanwhile accusing me and calling dhs on me constantly him and his wife both. she plays along. I do not know what to do! I just want my children to be happy and stress free but woth theor father being a sociopath and the law not stopping him what can i do?
This article describes exactly what I’m going through right now. I made the mistake of allowing my 3 year old daughter visit with her father last summer. He was paying child support and made a lot more money than me, so I didn’t want to deny him visitation in fear that he would take me to court. When the time came for him to bring her back, I received court papers, stating a law suit had been filed against me in the state of New Mexico for full custody and the father was alleging sexual abuse while in my care. The court had already awarded him emergency temporary custody without my knowledge. He had already taken my daughter to the er and had a rape kit performed on her without my knowledge. The doctor stated they could not state that the child had been molested but if he believed this he needed to report it to the police. All of these accusations are false. She has had a guardian ad litem assigned to her and has been visiting a councilor. The judge said 45 days till we met again in court, she has now been in this other state going on a year and a half. No one will speak with me not even my lawyer who is a joke. I’m not allowed to write the judge. The guardian ad litem shares all details of my evidence against the father with him and they are on first name basis. I feel completely shut out. I don’t know what to do at this point. Her father doesn’t even have her, due to his work schedule, she has been living with a babysitter for months now. And my daily visits the judge said I should have, well I don’t get them. Any advice?
Spot on. Thank you for such honest and insightful article.why doesn’t the court /government see this open and common injustice and do something about it like make the parent who is causing problems pay for court costs, fines or attend parenting courses or lose custody??
They r sayin can’t take care of son they have hade with all spurts of allegation about me cause I have a disability which doesn’t affect me takin care of my son they have hade him in foster care without proof of anything which is deplamation of character against law I need help Asap have court Thursday 26@10:00 am
The mother of my daughter passed away from suicide 10 years ago. 2 years before that, we where to attend Mediation and then she moved away. I found out by Facebook she had passed away. So as a Father who loves there child, I went to court to get visitation access. When I had gone to court, my ex- girlfriends family, would accuss me of assaulting her, accused me of going to jail for numerous assaults, called me a murderer, responsible for her death,(all of which is untrue) in front of the judge, lawyers. I never got visitation, because those alligations broke me and I gave up after 3 years in family court.
This happened to me. The accuser was the child’s father. He talked the judge into having the child taken away from me by the police. it was traumatizind. My baby was 7 and held onto my leg and begged the police not to take her to her father because he was really mean to her. I ran out of the house after 17 years of abuse. and because he had threatened me and ripped he cable box out of the wall . while is was watching tv with my child. I snuck out in the night and took my 7 yr old with me. He had already taken all the household money. switching his direct deposit to his own new account. I was really sick after two heart failures. He had stopped coming home, choosing instead to drink and spend any money we had on cocaine . I had no money for a lawyer to fight the charges. Even when the court and GAL found out he had lied about everything they still did not appologize or make it right. I was left with a damaged child and a teenager that hated me. I had nothing to assist me raise the youngest child and no car home or any personal possesion because he barracaded me out of my house and did not follow court orders to return my belongings. Instead he proudly burned them on a bonfire in front of the kids and left them outside to the elements. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. nor did the kids. both are emotionally scarred, as am I . The court also didn’t let me get any of did not give me child support for two +years after I gained custody. I lost everything in the divorce. After he was caught dirty with cocaine and alcohol saturating his hair follicle, he argued about how much cocaine was found in his hair and how the amount was exaggerted. Thats like being a little pregnant. He walked away and didn’t even want to see the child ever again. This tells you how much he used her as a pawn. sadly she knows it too, He still threatens me with getting custody of her. And you know he probably could knowing what he was able to do before. I have no recourse. No money, didn’t even have a car. If I was to write a book.IT WOULD BE TITLED SOME THING LIKE. They can’t do that in court ….. OH YES THEY CAN AND DID. the odds were stacked against me before I go to the courtroom that morning. I had no lawyer and I was accused of a crime. and found guilty and had to proove that all I was accused of was not true. the punishment was a near death sentence to me and that was to take my children away. especially the little one, I COULDN’T VISIT MY KIDS. even after given visitation. He violated every order. The GAL would come into court and say that everything was fine. She told me that she would rather have the kids with him in a homeless shelter that let me have custody. I did nothing. I have never hurt my kids or committed a crime. This happened in HENNEPIN COUNTY MN. This man was so abusive to me and the kids, after years I am still afraid and have night terrors. I have always been a great mother and did not deserve this. He did this because he lost control of me when i left and was determined to punish me and get his revenge. If there is anyone out there who can help me get justice for me and my children. Please email me rnlmorrison@gmail.com. I have so much evidence against him and have tried so hard to get justice in the past years and he still has the power over us because he continues to deceive the courts and pay little to no child support and has never has even been corrected or called to answer why he lied to the court under oath and made our life hell. He ruined our lives. Please help me if there is anyone that can. i am a still a single parent living off disability. the Judge was Laurie J Miller and the GAL was the infamous Susan Olson.
The more I read the more frustrated I get. I was falsely accused and lost everything trying to prove my innocence. I was even forced to move out of state which he predicted. NO KIDDING, it couldn’t be because he denied me visitation when I was given it and he isolated me from everyone and i was disabled and not able to afford an apartment without alimony that he was ordered to pay and didn’t . what else was I supposed to do. I had no furniture or toys. I had no towels or forks and spoons. I had no car. He had two and cut the brakes on mine ruining it. the judge gave me visitation but he would pull her out of school before I picked her up in a borrowed car. He filibustered the court so nothing would get resolved. More money. He had a lawyer, I didn’t . The courl order was from early july for visitation but the judge didn’t even file it until late september. In the meantime when he refused me to visit he told the police that i was not allowed to see them per the last order and I was not allowed to take the children.
The GAL did nothing to help me see my kids. She wouldn’t even answer my emails or phone calls. There is no defense attorney assigned when you have been accused of being a drug addict, neglectful mother. I was accused prosecuted and sent to( jail )in my empty apartment with a punishment of not being able to see my kids and know that they were safe for 3 months. They weren’t safe. My older child was made to be the mother of the 7 year old because he was on cocaine and high all the time. She ran away and couch surfed for over two years. There is no recourse. There is no such thing as perjury!! There is no justice at all in the Hennepin INjustice center. I have seen the system work beautifully in other state courts. GAL’s that care. Crazy ass fathers accusing mothers of unspeakable things getting thrown out of court. It doesnt’ have to be this way. Judge Laurie Miler may be book smart but she is dumb as a stump when it comes to real life. Her bad decisions altered my life permanently and unfortunately as much as I have tried to get justice. there is none, I proved every accusation against me false. I didn’t abuse drugs. I was the sole caretaker. I took the kids o all of their events and dr. dentists appointments. I took care of them when they were sick or wounded. I have never been arrested. My ex was allowed to testify that I was crazy ,, manic depressive., neglectful. I didn’t get my child to school and she was going to fail. So the focus was shifted to I was going to move out of state. He made sure that eventually happened because I had no friends, no family in the state, no one to turn to. No money because I was seriously sick with Heart failure. for those who know about /Chf, I was recovering from 15% ejection fraction. I was so beat down from his abuse and the constant chaos he created that I mentally was worn down. My kids were being turned against me and told him whatever they thought he wanted to hear. They were not allowed to talk about me, They were told that I was a slut and left him for another man. They were survivors. They said whatever they needed to say to stay out of harms way. They did what they were told. After all they found out very early that if hey said they wanted to see me or missed me they were punished and it didn’t get them anywhere. To tell anyone was futile because they were going to be sent home to him. SAD. Treated like a common criminal on house arrest without the privilege of a lawyer or any investigator, to find the truth. And found guilty and punished without a trial or even the benefit of the doubt. I really would like to know what I was expected to bring into court that day after memorial day to prove that I wasn’t manic depressive, abusing drugs and neglectful to my children. My ex was a convicted felon, had his drivers license suspended, was the only one working at the time. The gas was shut off, our house was going into foreclosure due to the fact he didn’t make payments, the truck had been repo’d. The association was foreclosing on us. And we had to file for bankruptcy for the second time in 8 years. HE had lost his job. I had left and went to cornerstone shelter, got a restraining order and returned to the house to find he had removed all the tv;s and things of value And at that time spoke to the police that were already at the house. I explained he was violent and I had to leave the previous night. they were so concerned that my little girl missed a day at school they missed everything else.
Does this point to a household that has someone with a drug /drinking issue and violence. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. In court I stood there alone listening to my ex and his lawyer tell me that I was a drug addict and manic depressive, I may or may not be on medication at this time. My husband even said I was fat. I am far from it and he is obese. I was sick with heart failure and he did not stay thru sickness and health. He wouldn’t even get me my scrips and pay for them that were keeping me alive. He raised my life insurance from 60k to 300k. He was never home. This man raped me two weeks after I gave birth to his child. I had complications also , He was so drunk, I did slip on a condom but he was so rough he actually broke the condom. I had to dig it out after he was done. He split all my stitches. He beat me black and blue. He financially controlled everythng. He ran over my foot. and all of this I would put up with for a minute if I could erase all the emotional abuse he put us all thru. He kept me under control by telling me what he did to his last girlfriend and got away with it. He terrorized all of us in the car. He did not let me sleep. I still wear sun glasses to sleep, What in the hell did this judge and GAL get trained in. It was very obvious o others that my ex was an asshole and abuse and I could n’t get our from under his control especially since I had no vehicle most of the time and no money even for food. I had to get a ride to the food shelf. WHY WAS HE ABLE TO HAVE MY BABY TAKEN AWAY FROM ME WITH FALSE ALLEGATIONS YET AFTER HE WAS CAUGHT WITH SO MUCH COCAINE IN HIS HAIR FOLLICLE IT WAS DEEMED DAILY USE. I STILL DIDN’T GET MY KIDS BACK. THEY KNEW HE LIED. THEY SAID HE LIED IN COURT. WROTE LETTERS HE LIED. THE COURT APPOINTED EVALUATOR SAID HE WAS A LIAR. YET I COULDN’T GET CPS TO REMOVE THE KIDS WITH ALL THESE REPORTS, ACTUAL PROOF. THE COURTS LET HIM HAVE THE KIDS FOR 4.5 MORE MONTHS. THAT IS HENNEPIN COUNTY FAMILY INJUSTICE. I HATE THEM ALL. IF ALL THREE OF THEM, MY EX LON VANCE HALL., JUDGE LAURIE J MILLER AND ESPECIALLY THAT SHORT LITTLE ARROGANT BITCH SUSAN OLSON SHOULD GET HIT BY A BUS, I WOULD FIND THEIR GRAVES AND DANCE ON THEM. THANKS FOR LETTING ME VOICE MY SITUATION. i WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THIS INJUSTICE BECAUSE HE IS STILL GETTING AWAY WITH NOT PAYING SUPPORT AND i HAVE MY MINOR 100% of the time and he has never paid the money he was ordered to pay.
Anyone that knows lon vance hall age 61 that used to work for comcast cable and knows his current address could you please contact me with that address. he has went missing again. Thanks and the best of luck to everyone. Hang in there,,At least I have my children now. Not by any help by hennepin courts but because he couldn’t stop doing cocaine,
you might also note that the sort of allegations you are referring to are sometimes encouraged or directed by attorneys, and that they work a lot better when women make them.
Here is a summary and analysis of research related to false allegations during custody battles:
https://sites.google.com/site/centralohiopa/false-allegations-in-parental-alienation-1
Thank you so much for this link! I am researching for my daughter who lost my grandaughter to an alcoholic liar and needs to get her out of that home before she ends up pregnant and delinquent.
Hi, I am so overwhelmed by all the stories I read! I am going thru the same as my daughters father is stating that because of my job, I can’t be a good parent! That I work long hours and my daughter deserves to have a present parent not an abscent one. He doesn’t have a steady job, I do. He is illegal in the US so getting good jobs is not available so he works in restaurants. I work as a trainer for a luxury company and have been in this industry for over 5 yrs. got health insurance and life insurance for both my kid and I, live in a great area with an amazing school district and he’s fighting to keep my daughter giving me every other weekend and two days a week.. I feel that I am dreaming here! So besides these allegations he also accused me of not being involved in my daughters life because of my career..
This is horrible and it happens ALL the time. The parent that makes the false allegations NEVER has to face any consequences. By the time the allegations are proven false the court generally thinks that since the children have been with the accuser for so long it would be disruptive to put them with the other parent. There is ZERO support for the falsely accused! In my situation the children eventually called their mother out on her lies and moved in with me. Victory? No, I now have custody of damaged children who hate their mother. It is a sad situation. You need to keep your sanity and your strength to be there for your children when they realize what is going on.
This is exactly what happened in my case. After many years of abuse, One night he got particularly angry and I knew it wasn’t going to go well. I grabbed my little girl and left out the back door. I went to a shelter and got a restraining order for both of us. However he was able to track us down, by illegal means and had convinced a judge to take away my youngest (just 7) daughter due to the false allegations. He stated I was a drug addict, and neglected the children. Fat and lazy. I am not overweight and actually he was. He also said I was manic depressive and may or maynot be on medication.
I was just trying to stay alive after having two heart failures. I was at “end stage ” 15% ejection fraction and was not supposed to exert myself at all. I was so sick and knew that the abuse I was going thru would be the end of my life. Leaving my daughters to be abused and without my protection. The kids call me mama bear. He was able to get custody of both girls and I actually had to have a supervisor to see them. He would always take the girls away when it was my visitation time. The Hennepin County MN GAL did not listen when I complained that I was not getting visitation. Nor would she take any of my evidence that I was a great mom, primary care taker and never missed a school event or parent teacher conference. I was involved with my kids sports and science activities. I tried to be the best mom ever. She even refused all affidavits from my ex husband, or my daughter from my first marriage who was an adult. She was witness to all of the abuse. At hearings he would filibuster the court hearings with nonsense and waste time. I would ask to speak and be told I would get my turn. That never happened. We would always run out of time.I had no money because I was completely unable to work. He knew this. He made over 100k annually in 2009. He had cut off any family money for a year before I left. Raised my life insurance and had his pay directly deposited into his own new account. While he was having luncheons with clients and showering at the company’s facilities, then going out using cocaine and alcohol after work. We three were at home without hot water , gas for our stove and heat for the house. The house that I paid on for 17 years went into foreclosure. The truck was repo’d. I did get that back, only to lose it in the divorce. After he was able to gain custody with the allegations. I was not allowed to watch my daughter during the day. She went to a girls house that was arrested twice and smoked. They also had a vicious dog that has since been put down for biting . It was a nightmare. I sat in my empty apartment by myself for three months, with my blow up mattress and TV tray that I got from walmart. NO car, because he fixed the brakes and destroyed the front end. And yes, I did crash because of this, with the little one in the car. and although I was awarded visitation on July 8th the order was not written until September 29th. By then I had completely lost all hope. I had no more money to live on, I was not getting visitation and couldn’t enforce it because I didn’t have any order to show the police. He had long before got rid of any friends and my family lived far away. I eventually was forced to move out of state. BTW one of his allegations was that I was going to run off with the youngest. I moved back east where I was from, to a friends house. I recorded the over the phone custody hearing. The judge remarked three times that she couldn’t believe I gave up fighting for custody. It infuriates me to this day. I got totally screwed by the system. I finally, at the last minute in one of the hearings stated that I wanted a Hair follicle test. I knew he was able to beat the UA, as most addicts are. Despite his efforts in shaving all his hair off his body. They got a sample and It turned out that he was a long term daily user of cocaine and there was also high levels of Cocaethylene meaning he was also an alcoholic. There were no consequences for him. To this day continues to win in court with eluding child support. I have to live off of Disability. AND it took 4 months after he was caught dirty until I finally got custody of the youngest. Since that time, HE HAS NEVER CALLED OR VISITED. He sends no birthday cards or Christmas gifts. He eluded child support by falsifying a driver’s license and still to this day has not paid the over 15000.00 awarded to me. I can’t enforce it. I just can’t believe this happened to me. I am a very loving mother and have never harmed my children. They are very loving girls and refuse any contact with him. Not that he has tried. It truly makes me sad to know that the girls are aware that their father did not want them at all. He just wanted to punish me. I can’t even imagine how that must feel. I would like to sue the county. Has anyone ever successfully done this? Has anyone ever sued a GAL? ARE there any recourse that anyone knows about ? Please email me and let me know. I have all the proof and more that this happened. Thank you for your support. I hope that everyone’s children are safe and loved. No one wins in a divorce. BUT most definitely the children ALWAYS lose. Lisa
I am going through this terrible ordeal. Everything that is said in this article is true. My ex made tremendous fake accusations 8n court, saying he never seen the kids, that we were married, that I supposingly lived out of state. Him, his mother and girl friend literally made false phone call to cyfd. I have a restraining order on him. And he still finds out where I live stalking and harrassing me and the cops wouldn’t do anything.
This article is nothing but the whole truth since we are experiencing this with my brother, the mother is a monster and is damaging the kids lives, she put my brother in jail because of false allegations of child lewdness and trained the kids very well on what to tell police about their dad when they interview them, well fair enough my brother was arrested 3 weeks ago under false allegations and now the kids are saying that their dad doesn’t deserve this that he is a great person and they never thought this was going to end like this. They just want their dad out and they have been telling social workers that they lied but cps is not doing anything about it. My brother is suffering behind bars because of a disgruntled person. I hope everything comes to light soon and my brother is freed because even though they show him the kids false statements he says he still loves them and is staying strong for them.
I’m entrenched in a fld, and I’m not giving in and I’m not holding back. Let God’s will be done but fight like like hell for the children and got yourself. Take the high road if possible. This fld has been sucking the joy from my life and my children’s lives and I’ve sekdon known hate like this and have never know it for someone I once shared relation and a bed with.
Live well
OK……..??? Now what?? You just described my scenario, at about 40% severity. Now what can I do about this hell?
I am.going through a very difficult time right now with a false emergency protective order filed on me just so I’m not able to see my daughter. Her mother filed it on me and now I have to go to court to prove what she’s saying is false and she’s doing it all to hurt me and.doesnt think about what it’s doing to our daughter. I’m lost and don’t know what to do , I need my daughter in my life
Hi Dom, sorry to hear about your situation. My advice to you is Do NOT violate that restraining order in any way, that’s #1. It will hurt you later when it comes to getting time with your daughter. As hard as it is going to be you must do your best in court to keep emotion out of it and concentrate on the child. For example instead of you need your daughter in your life, your daughter needs a dad. All the chips are stacked against you. Your best chance is hiring a lawyer. If like me you can’t afford one it’s not likely your voice will be heard in court. Do your best to be there for your child. Document EVERY issue your ex throws at you and over time you will have gathered enough evidence to prove a pattern of behavior detrimental to best interests of child. For now go to court, and concentrate on best interests of child. How not having both parents is harmful etc… Do your best to gain Equal parenting time. Don’t try to gain full custody like she is even if it really would be better. I know your pain. I haven’t seen my daughter in over 5 months after going from everyday to supervised visits 2hrs a week. Custody hearing coming up for me next week… Best of luck to both of our daughters
First to start. I’m a mother of 6 kids. Three from previous marriage. Which was a very abusive relationship and nightmare. I finally get up the courage and leave. Went to court for custody and felt bad for some reason and settled with I got primary custody. I guess he couldn’t take me leaving and had me in and out of court every other month. I moved right over the border to Ohio from pennsylvania. 20-30 min at tops to drive back and forth. Which I asked my ex if Ohio was ok few months before and he said ok but before I knew it I was going back to court for emergency custody due to me crossing over state lines. Long story short..I lost and he got primary custody with me only getting wkends. None of it seemed fair. My heart broke and nothing I could do to change it. After few months went by and I tried very hard to just deal with it….I was right back in court again and again. Over false accusations that I’m on drugs, not responsible and so. Once again judge favors with him again with no evidence or proof. Finally judge orders supervised visits. Which I do just to see my kids. It was hard and I fought with everything in me to get some rights back. I took parenting classes did everything possible. After all the struggle I finally get wkend custody back and I’m so happy. By this time in my life it’s been 3 years. I have two more kids and husband. I’m working full time. I worked a lot of thirds and had a girlfriend watch the kids if I worked wkends because my husband also worked third. Couple months after getting my custody back I’m getting a call from my attorney saying that my custody is being taken again because of abuse. The story changed on there side many times once again no evidence and he won again like some freaking game. Which kids are never a game or possession. I fought for several months and no visits or calls aloud to my kids. As time went on my family was slowly picked off from my kids life because he wanted the memory of me or my family gone. First of all I’ve got a lot of very respected family. Which is wrong. And why do the courts and system not see this. How many more parents will go thru this????? How many more children will be ripped from their parents because the ex spouse can’t control them anymore. More people need to stand up and fight back. Its not write that children and the allinated parent has to go thru so much pain, guilt, loss, and sometimes death because they can’t bare the pain no more. I believe in God and know he is real and times have stopped my self from yelling why God ?why?. You get to a point there is no longer any control over it and then the waiting game comes into play. THEY WILL BE 18 ONE DAY…I’m not a bad mom I have 3 wonderful kids that live with me and are happy good kids. Two are on honor roll
Rachael, I hear ya. I don’t like what I hear. I wish I had a magic wand and could make it all go your way.
It sounds like me. I had not where to go, because I was homeless. He had got rid of all my friends and pushed away my family. so I had to move to another state. From MN to VA. I DID finally get custody. So don’t lose hope. Keep fighting for your kids …. Cause even if you don’t win. They will know that you fought for them. Kids become adults that and can decide for themselves. My oldest daughter had ended up coming into my life after she became an adult. She doesn’t talk to him, and RESENTS her father, for keeping her from her mother. She knows now , what he told her and did was wrong, selfish and didn’t show his love for her at all, by keeping her from me. … Because lies never make sense, even in a kids head. …..Because they always blame themselves, for all of the parents problems, you need to hang on, to whatever you have,
I find myself forwarding this article time and again in effort to make people understand what happened to me. I could get over this, for the most part, if the court would ever admit their part of the problem, by not handling the case, and no following up on and screwing up the facts. They will not admit their mistakes. Hennepin County family “in”Justice Courts and Guardian ad Litem, Susan Olson and Hennepin County Child Support can’t seem to admit that they 100% facilitated a desperate drug addicted and alcoholic man that was losing control of his life.He had lost control of his addictions, lost his job, was losing his house and was losing his family due to his actions. Nope. They helped him take the kids and keep them to abuse and not let their mother see them, for over a year and a half. UNTIL I BEGGED THE COURT for a hair follicle test.
Just Stating to the court, in an affidavit, as a “He said “, was enough for a judge to sign a order, to have the police take my child of 7yrs old, from my custody.Just two days after I ran from the home to a shelter due to domestic abuse. it was the memorial weekend, my birthday. two days later…He was given 100% custody him the entire household and it’s possessions by the court. I was homeless. and found that not only was I not given the chance to explain, I wasn’t even given time to defend myself. Yet to defend myself I had to prove I didn’t do, what “he said”. When I tried to defend myself. Then it was called a “He said – she said”and they gave no merit, to my side of the story or would read affidavits about my mothering , even from my ex husband and adult daughter, that I raised with him. How exactly does a person prove that they didn’t do things? I was a criminal that was convicted without as much as an interview by a judge Guardian ad Litem SUSAN OLSON or even a social worker. There was my abuser, sticking it to me again with the help of the courts. Laughing his way all the way thru. Judge Laurie J Miller of 4th circuit court in Hennepin County, MN. You were a lousy family judge. And you have ruined a big chunk of my and my childrens lives. You have never conceded that you made a mistake. Never tried to fix the problem. The children paid for it dearly. How do you sleep at night? You let him run you around by your nose. I have even tried to fix this mess over and over and they blow me off. Yet remember Just on his word my child was taken from me, I lost my house and all its contents. I had no vehicle for the first 6 years. Life will never be the same or even close.
We need juries of 6 or 8 people in family law court because Judges seem unable to provide equity to both parties. We also need to not tie child support to the per enrage of custody a given parent has. Doing this would greatly reduce the number of custody fights, since they are usually about money
AmEn!
The legal system is a complete joke, family courts are the biggest cash flow in the legal world… doesn’t that say it all? Those lawyers and judges should be ashamed for profiting off children and creating a generation of emotionally and mentally damaged children…
I am experiencing these awful tactic along with the retaliation of other attorney and Judges for JIC complaints and Bar Complaint. I need an attorney who will fight these allegations. When these tactic are used no one is thinking about the children except the Mother. Please provide a solution to the problem not incourage the behavior by providing ideas.
I need help now plz cps has me the father doing supervised visitation on my son that lives with me now is placed at his mom’s and wsnts to come home but cps sys he can’t. I’ve meet with the 3 times now and they still day no but no reason 4 it.
There is a grandmother that got custody of their granddaughter and the granddaughter is not living with them and she claimed them on their taxes to . I need to report it but need to know who to report it to.
I can’t seem to stop crying since I came home from the children’s court yesterday. I have 3 children 16, 14 & 10. Only my older two were taken away from me for false allegations. A Lady who I thought was my friend for over 20 years was their godmother along with her female partner. Me as a single parent accepted a lot of their invites and her helpfulness with my kids as far as them always wanting to always take them to Chuck-E-Cheese Disneyland Knott’s Berry Farm swimming extra activities things that I couldn’t afford to do. I’ve live in apartment in Central LA on Section 8 and this lady lives in a big house in Lomita with a swimming pool ( what normal person wouldn’t rather want to be over there)but I never saw anything wrong with it because it made my kids happy to be able to do those kinds of things and I was happy because my kids were happy. As time goes by I start to notice that my kids are spending more time over there than they are at home
so one day when I tell them they need to come home the Godmother decide to tell my kids they don’t have to listen to me and they don’t have to go home , she tells all three of my kids they could just live with her. In my opinion it is wrong to tell someone else’s child they don’t have to listen to their mom. This is the first time in over 20 years I’ve ever had any kind of altercation with their godmother. The Sheriff’s ended up picking up my kids from her house and brought them home. I tell my kids they are not allowed to go over there anymore because that was wrong of them to say you don’t have to listen or come home. So now I have 2 teenagers pissed off at me because they won’t be getting to do all the extras they were doing before. The Godmother who is also mad at me for calling the sheriff’s to pick my kids up from her house decides to report me to DCFS 3 times in one day. She lies and tells them that I have loaded guns in my house that I do drugs in front of my kids and that I verbally and emotionally abused only my older two kids which is a bunch of b*******. Anyways a social worker comes and interviews us and the next thing you know I have a court date. I go to court with my kids and because their godmother told my kids to use the words” you feel unsafe and unloved at home” they take only my older two and place them with my brother for one night while they do a background check on the Godmother because that’s where the kids want to go and even though it I beg them not to because she is the reason why this whole thing started and all you going to do is teach my kids to lie to get what you want. They placed my older two kids with her anyways. Now I’m only allowed to see my older two kids twice a week for 1 hour we’re not allowed to talk about anything that’s going on with court and they want me to go visit my kids with a happy smile knowing my kids just lied to get what they want while they’re laughing in my face if that ain’t mentally disturbing I don’t know what is and there’s nothing I can do. They have drug tested me three times which obviously were clean and I’ve done 10 hours of parenting classes. They give me a pointed attorney at court and this lady tells me she does not want to make it look like my kids are lying in court. I don’t understand how they can do this I’m good enough for one kid even though the last time I checked I had three kids. I love all my kids but I feel like someone just robbed me for them.
I know exactly how you feel. my story ,,,,,
Five Years
5 years as of May 6th 2016 is how long it has been since I’ve had any contact with Hannalee and Sean. I want you to imagine dropping off your children at school five years ago, then being told you’re being accused of sexual abuse to one of them. An emergency order issued by the court to suspend all parenting time put in place.
A request to appear at the Police Department to be questioned about it. Allowed to leave and then never ever hearing back from the Police, The Courts or Child Protective Services saying that no charges have been filed and the case is not being pursued. This accusation coming days after the request of the court to have joint physical custody of the children. Living with the constant fear that a knock on my door with a warrant for my arrest was inevitable. Being assaulted, raped or even murdered by other prisoners because of what they thought I was guilty of. The stigma of being arrested for a crime I did not commit, being put on a sex offenders list as well as the possibility of losing my home, income, employment was unbearable.
A relationship between parent and children severed, for no reason whatsoever except to thwart an attempt for a father to spend more time with his children.
Never being able to have a relationship with your children because you can never trust what they will say about you or be lead to accuse you of in the future.
This is the reason why I am here at this proceeding. To put an end to any ties that would legally bind me to them. I wish for them to be adopted by their stepdad making him their dad. It is abundantly clear by the actions and statement via email made by their mother that I would not be sharing custody of the children with her. Hopefully, in spite of everything they have gone through they can prosper and live their lives.
Wife falsely accused husband of being abusive despite taking full care of her and a child, not sure how to defend the false allegations to gain custody of the child. Can any one suggest how to refute such false claims.
I went through this in May 2011. Had them on the 6th of May, dropped them off at school and never saw them again. I was accused of Sexual abuse to my then 10 year old daughter 6 months prior to May 6th. Interviewed by Police and released and lost custody. They live less than 2 miles from me and I hope i never run into them in my travels. I applied for joint custody 2 weeks prior to the allegations.
This was to be read to the judge
Five Years
5 years as of May 6th 2016 is how long it has been since I’ve had any contact with Hannalee and Sean. I want you to imagine dropping off your children at school five years ago, then being told you’re being accused of sexual abuse to one of them. An emergency order issued by the court to suspend all parenting time put in place.
A request to appear at the Police Department to be questioned about it. Allowed to leave and then never ever hearing back from the Police, The Courts or Child Protective Services saying that no charges have been filed and the case is not being pursued. This accusation coming days after the request of the court to have joint physical custody of the children. Living with the constant fear that a knock on my door with a warrant for my arrest was inevitable. Being assaulted, raped or even murdered by other prisoners because of what they thought I was guilty of. The stigma of being arrested for a crime I did not commit, being put on a sex offenders list as well as the possibility of losing my home, income, employment was unbearable.
A relationship between parent and children severed, for no reason whatsoever except to thwart an attempt for a father to spend more time with his children.
Never being able to have a relationship with your children because you can never trust what they will say about you or be lead to accuse you of in the future.
This is the reason why I am here at this proceeding. To put an end to any ties that would legally bind me to them. I wish for them to be adopted by their stepdad making him their dad. It is abundantly clear by the actions and statement via email made by their mother that I would not be sharing custody of the children with her. Hopefully, in spite of everything they have gone through they can prosper and live their lives.
I desperately need some guidance and or help with this. My ex has threatened me since i was pregnant that if we ever split he would take my son from me. In 2016 we split after having a argument in the car , he kicked myself and my daughter out of the car and drove off with my son. Whom at the time was 18 months old . 3 weeks later i had followed him after getting a private investigator involved , from his house to the school he had inrolled my son in, and had waited for him to leave the school and waited a hour. Went in the school and told them i was the mother and that i was taking my son. After big arguments i took my son and left. (He had takem my son for 3 weeks would nt answer my calls or let me know where my baby was for 3 weeks ) courts could do and did nothing.
We went to high court after his father applied for a urgent application to have my son stay with him full time court said no.
December 2016 he did it again. This time i got a intrim protection order for my son to be returned immediately, however if you dont know where the father is you cannot deliver it him. I what sapped him and emailed the order to his attorneys and 22 days later my son was returreturned , we went to court and i was named primary residence and son stayed with me but he did get to see his father ever weekend.
Latest abuse now is that my son since he was 10 months old suffers from chronic constipation and fecal impaction. That in itself gives a child fissure tears. Regardless his father has now opened up a case of sexual abuse against me and my partner. A j88 confirmed this but on me going to the teddy bear clinic 5 days after case was opened asked if they where aware of his constipation and impaction problem . They responded to say the father failed to mention it and that it was roo late as the j88 had already been reported ….. my issue is that i have lost both kids now until ” investigation is complete ” and i get 2 hour supervised visitation. It has been 9 weeks and i have seen my son once of which he begged me to take him home but i had to release him. I have been in high court 3 times and magistrates countless times. I am being told that i cannot see my son as i am apparently a drug addict( done 5 tests all negative thus far ) never been one. That i allowed my son to be raped and that he is neglected and i wont get my son back till investigations are done. The courts have not taken his medical history into account as its proven that children that suffer from chronic constipation and fecal impaction show the exact characteristics as that of a sexualy abused child. No one will listen or take this into considerantion lawyers have cost me 67k thus far and i have nothing left. My son is 3 turning 4 in July. Teddy bear clinic are wrong as the process of taking a child there should be taken with the social worker or police officer and it was not done like this his father took him. He is being coached and i am so scared. Please someone help me
I am the out of state paternal grandmother who is witnessing this exactly. The whole paternal family has lost access (informing my grandchildren that Bigfoot lives in PA, I won’t ever see my Mommy if I go to PA) and the children are actually afraid not to go along. What “loving parent” uses their children’s need for security as a scare tactic so they will collude against the father? Also services meant to protect undermined by those who abuse the program as a way to keep children from parent as punishment. What is the solution when you’ve exhausted all funds but the “battle” isn’t over? And still no children? Children have enough love for everybody!!!
Hello.i am in this exact situation.my ex left me 4 yrs ago.he is married to a woman that is my daughters step mom.my ex has custody of my daughter.the step mom is claiming my daughter as her own.and i have a visit with my daughter twice a week.my ex.his wife.myself and my mom are there.the step mom puts everything wrong i do,what i say.what goes on during the visits.she puts this on youtube.twitter.facebook and tumbler..my mom helps my ex with false accusations i didnt do.i need some advice.thank you
who can I talk about i know my ex-boyfriend liad in coutroom just to get custody of my child and I can prove it
This is happening to me right now 🙁
My ex-husband has made such allegations that are so out rages and out of this world that I cannot afford to pay my lawyer do you $2500 she was requesting to finish my case that was already finish last year. He has some kind of nut job attorney who invented 20 different allegations of about me and only one is correct. Therefore I have to represent myself in court unless I can find a pro bono lawyer in the next two weeks and I don’t think that’s going to happen. So I am going to lose my kids who are 12 and 14 to an ex-husband who doesn’t even want him who is simply doing this for spite and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
wow i am so sorry prayers for all our family going thru the false allegation thing too even after an extensive investigation it was unfounded .. my sons ex went to another county an filed same thing again its been a mental an financial nightmare!!!
Everything you have spoken about hapoened to me 3/16/2017 on to of finding out he judge was bias. My daughter not only taken from me but the case was used to benefit the new girlfriend case because her kids were taken from the home he and I once shared because he was yelling at them. The judge knew that he and girl were together so the judge had my daughter live with her dad and the new gf and her kids and I wasn’t able to see or speak to my daughter for 2 months. He has violated the custody order so many times and nothing happen. Yet he lied and made a false police report and later I was arrested in front of my daughter at her soccer game which he wasn’t to attend because it was my weekend with our daughter which was a violation. He’s allowing the gf to parent my daughter and why is my daughter around her being she lost custody of her kids
This is very good article. There are many people who believe things of this nature do not happen, and do not understand how easily it can happen. I am from Texas, and this epidemic of false allegations in the county where I live is monstrous. It touched me personally when my son was indicted, and convicted of continuous sexual assault after he was granted joint custody of his daughters. His wife went to the extreme to make sure he could have no say in who she had their daughters around. But this is so much larger than my son. He has been incarcerated for 2 years now, and his direct appeal was just denied. During the time he has been in, there have been a number of men come in with similar charges and circumstances. It has got to be stopped. In Texas, there is a Code of Criminal Procedure 38 that basically says that if a child says you did it, you did it. And there does not have to be any solid forensic evidence to prove it. Throw in a corrupt court and officials and the accused does not have a chance. I am in the process of reaching out to others that are dealing with this and want to work to change the laws. It will not be easy and will require a lot of patience and talking to get anyone to listen. But it has to be changed.
My sons mother has alienated him from me all his life. She even made false claims my son had Cerebral palsy and when I
brought medical records to show proof she was lying nothing was done and still Texas court favors her. She can not keep a stable home for my son, she has a warrant for her arrest in another state and even family members on her side of family have history of violence which has been a big concern to me but still all favors are on her. I am trying to find a lawyer with experience
in these type of cases . last lawyer did nothing and left me in $3000 debt. Texas laws are so unfair they say they are looking for what is best for a child but that is all a lie. as of now my son has no place to call home because he is being bounced around from house to house . His mother has nothing under her name and is always moving because she has warrants on her.
Any advise?
Our legal system is the most elite maybe in the world but there is no justice. It is a business and in Canton, Massachusetts and Salem,Massachusetts, 2 judges have ruined more women and children for their profit. They will never get the sentence they deserve.
I hope this will help at least one person. From everything I’ve read and from what I’m now experiencing I have one piece of advice to the honest, respectful and moral people who know it is inevitable their situation is headed to a child custody case. DO NOT PROCRASTINATE OR HOLD OFF ON FILING. We have all considered and wanted to file but don’t because we aren’t the trouble makers or the drama side of the relationship. We don’t want to act like or look like a bad person by taking our partners to court for custody. I was as stupid as the rest. I had been thinking about doing if for a couple of months, had consulted with a couple of lawyers because I knew it was going to happen. Pay attention to what everyone has said happened to them. There is one common denominator in all our stories. We did not file for custody first. We all got served. The court is so biased and narrow minded that they think the person who files first is the victim and they did so because the felt they had to get themselves and their family out of danger. Its the liars, the cheaters, the manipulators, the heartless people who only think of themselves and want to screw the others and put them through hell that file first and the court believes everything they say. Not a single one of them has any actual proof or documentation proving anything they say. Its the one that has the evidence, the one that has at least one thing showing everything they say can be backed up and proven We are the actual victims. The court thinks we must be guilty and have something to hide
I would please like to talk to the person that wrote this. My case is the worst case that you will hear. My ex went to the extreme to kick me out of the kids life. She did not care about the kids. My son 5 year old son said he wanted to kill himself. I tried to get him help but she blocked me. In court she said she would rather have the money then the kids haave a relationship with me
i am in over 5 years hug custody battle 42,000. $$$ dept , i am unfit for my youngest daughter but fit for my other 2 children, i am just now getting 42$$$ in child support ……….. my daughter name has been changed 3 time in multiple county, i will not stop ever …. i eat breath and shit for my kids…… the presumed father of my youngest is now being sued by his insurance company for providing for his children…. been throne on welfare and have lost all my rights as a mother, women and human …… i have contact everyone and will continue, if anyone has anything please. also passed sic test and all drug text so rule tho out……there will be change we r voices every body should have faith in our system
This is what is going on now with my daughters baby , from the time the baby was 9 weeks old ! Because his family work in family court he gets share right and unsupervised the baby is zero months she is a new born she needs her mother ! his parents but my daughter’s baby for their selves because they can never have a little girl baby is now crying all the time when coming home confused and when it’s time for my daughter to take her to the police station to meet ex-boyfriend The baby cries for three hours that’s right he gets there for three hours Monday Wednesday Friday from 5 PM to 7 AM that’s right a six-month-old baby and Sunday 10 AM to 4 PM and where is the mothers rights
I am the parent who is innocent. It’s been 5 years & I haven’t even heard my kids voices! For 12 years it was them & I until my ex filed bull that I have proof was a lie. But I’m disabled & now lost everything! I can’t find anyone to help me because I have no money. Yet the courthouse said I can’t win without a lawyer. I don’t know what to do, I was never even served plus he forged my signature! Please I’m begging can anyone help me? I don’t care about custody I just want to see my kids! I don’t care about revenge or hurting their father either. My health is going downhill fast, my kids could have questions that will never be answered if I can’t find them. They deserve to know I didn’t leave them. All 3 of us deserve justice. I’m in Colorado & have tried over 450 lawyers, the president, talk shows, news stations I’m so lost please any help at all…
This is happening to me right now. it’s very heartbreaking for a mother or father that our good parents see there child be put through this. I hope all the parents who post on here really are good parents because children really are a special gift I cry every day missing my daughter I did nothing wrong.
My son is 16 months old. I am not a stereotypical father – I do both mommy and daddy duties. Obviously, because I love him but ultimately because my girlfriend, his mother, is bipolar major depressant. She gets upset over anything, becomes irrational, cannot speak, finds a corner and remains there crying no matter what is said or done to comfort her. So when mommy is manic daddy makes sure she has the space she needs to calm down and more importantly I make sure my son is clear of her dramatic outbursts and that he does not rely on such an unstable person for his care. Children need a stable person for a parent who knows that no matter how upset or angry they are about something happening in life – that the child does not deserve to be neglected, yelled at, exposed to a loud and irate person or made to feel as if it is their fault. A real parent puts their emotions aside and smiles big for their child. As a father, and with the knowledge that I am really the only level-headed parent he has, I have raised my son since the moment he opened his eyes virtually on my own.
Recently my unstable girlfriend who hasn’t worked or attempted work in at least 12 years, taking advantage of welfare services, decided one day to leave me – and her son – at 430 in the morning.
She later emerged with police, a temp restraining order and an order to remove the child from his home and given to her under the pretense of emergency custody.
She lied her cute little butt off and claimed domestic violence in the form of harassment. She also claimed that I abuse heroin and Xanax and was intoxicated trying to physically stop her from leaving that night.
Nothing can be further from the truth.
She’s smart. She lied about domestic violence in order to get shelter, housing, help with an apartment – the whole nine yards. I’ve secured counsel and am confident that bc I have the truth on.my & texts and messages from the following hours after she left that show my concern for her wellbeing and for the emotional fallout my son would suffer from his mother being gone in the morning. She cusses me and basically just acts irrational and manic as I attempt to assure her I wouldn’t deprive him of her or her of him. My messages show s level-headed father concerned for these things. Even as I am being cussed and threatened with things getting ugly, and that she is coming for the boy and I can’t stop her blah blah. Well, she wasn’t kidding. The police via order of a judge came and removed my son at gunpoint from his primary caregiver and essentially gave him to an unstable glorified babysitter.
She is lying about everything and doing everything she can to not get a job and work like the rest of us do to achieve our goals.
She’s taking advantage of an NJ law I think called prevention of domestic violence act.
Does anyone have any advice for me, anything that might help me? Anyone have any of their own stories from which I can draw wisdom? I know I am in for a battle bc I’m a father and we are discriminated against as if we are incapable of nurturing a child – I beg to differ. My son is only 16 months. He is loving, giving, extremely smart and I have done it mostly on my own. She just gives him a Binky and puts him in front of the TV. It’s sick. This whole thing is killing me I haven’t seen him in11 days and I’ve lost 18 lbs in That time. Dyfs is involved doing an investigation. I am just getting f:Ed from all ways … Think of this beautiful child and please if anyone Has anything that might help me floating around in their head, please. Jim
This is in NJ FYI
Hey Jim.
I am in NJ and been in a mess for a year. You are in a battle and they system in NJ is stacked against fathers in NJ. What count are you in. I have had a bad year and did not react very well, I found PASA a support group. I know it sounds goofy but it has helped me and given me a much more patient and wide view. I was like you with my 9 and 7 year old daughters. they say mine is the worst case of alienation that anyone has seen.
You wrote this in June. Any updates? If you reply and wanna talk offline, I am good with that. My divorce is in Union county. I live in Jersey City now but we lived in Union when filed for divorce
Whoever has the best lies wins in family court and being an honest levelheaded dude is putting me behind the mark… My son is sacred and if I can’t get justice in thd courts… Then there will be a more primitive form. My son will not br raised by these ppl. He is not safe and deserves better.
“But what about the children?”
That’s a great point that you raise, but I can tell that you have not done your research and I can characterize you as an attorney deeply steeped in legal opinion even without glancing at your credentials. I hope at least you have anecdotal evidence from your practice of the overwhelming cases that have been false accusations?
Does “accusing” your soon to be ex really level the “playing field”? First of all, the parent is not the one accusing the ex or soon to be ex of anything. All too often,credible evidence of molestation is brushed under the rug and the protective parent is demonized and loses custody or visitation. What is the converse is true…would you be willing to bet your life that there is no abuse due to the rhetoric of your client? Gee…if he or she said that they didn’t molest or abuse their child (even though the child has said it to plenty of people) it must be true! The ex-wife or ex-husband must be making all of this up and btw let’s use PAL as the reason why the alleged abuser should spend their visiting time grooming the child.
What Family Courts tend to do when there is suspected child abuse in a divorce case is to remove the child from the protective parent and place them with the abusive parent (most often the parent who has the most money.)
Several studies have shown that children rarely make false disclosures.
This is an epidemic that needs to have awareness as it has a high consequences for the child as you so astutely observe in your article.
Please see below references:
https://www.abc10.com/video/news/local/abc10-originals/the-problem-with-family-court/103-8130301
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/index.html
Someone please help. Me Dcf took my children from in 2015 and placed them fostercare my daughter was 16 @ the time the foster parent husband is convicted murderer the 19 year old son had felony sexual assault. He eventually got my daughter pregnant and later when she had the baby he killed them both. I had gotten my childern bk. But they found out I was suing and made false allegations and took my children again. At the time I was in Las Vegas but the case is in Florida after my daughter and grandson funeral I left with the judge’s permission but my 15 year old is so strong out on drugs and violent. He ran away and then told them I beat him. But investigators found me to be innocent state of Nevada they Still took my kids Florida and trying to put them up for adoption…please someone tell what I can do?
What if the allegations are not false and because there is a civil family matter a four year old is lost in the middle? Loca dcf believes there is coaching even almost a year of thearpy and doctors visits with utis severe abdominal pain and anal hemorrhages the list keeps growing. Multiple dcf claims from therapist and even visits descriptions of what my daughter claims is happening to her by her father. But again because there’s this family court side those whom could help me protect her would rather say I am coaching or potentially leading her to these. What can I do ?!?!
DCF
My daughter which has three kids and now single and only working adult in her home has had DCF at her house 4 times and the end result in all were NO FINDINGS. I spend alot time with me grandchildren simply cause they make me laugh. They are innocent children that didn’t ask for all this craziness. Their father that has not won the Father Award and his wife, and his mother has called DCF on my daughter. Now I am looking into taking recourse for false accusations. This all stem back to child support. He doesn’t want to pay back child support or current. He’s been arrest for drugs and lost his license several time for several reasons. Really never had or could hold a job. Meanwhile, my daughter is killing herself to provide for the kids. She takes them to school and picks them up. I have a full time career and the office is about a hour away from their school and I also pick them up myself. From the day they were born – they have not gotten a christmas gift from their father or birthday gift. My daughter can’t afford much – So I have made everyone of their Christmas super special for them. His wife text my daughter telling her if she puts her hands on her child one more time she going to my daughter in jail. We had a counselor come and check my grandaughter and their wasn’t any markings on her and my grandaughter told them that her dads wife was making up stories. The extend that these trashing people would go thru amazes me. I’m up for a good fight for what’s right. I’m a true old fashion gramma and both of my daughter are great moms and if they weren’t I take the kids away from therm myself. Like I say – Children are innocent human beans that did not ask to come here and suffer.
Good luck to you all
Gramma
My wife has been doing a lot of drugs, and the other night she flipped out, call nine-one-one four times in beg to come and look at the children. The house was a mess, and my wife had not done it hardly anything to clean the house, and CPS saw that the children were dirty and made an allegation of neglect. Once my wife got to the emergency room and the found out the fact that she hadn’t slept for 5 days, she started making any and all other allegations that she could possibly come up with off the top of her head. She’s kicked me out of my house, I’m staying in the van, but because the van is in her name she may try to take it from me at any moment. I’ve taken all of the Firearms out of the house because I don’t trust her with them, and the only thing I have is a few electronics my work clothes and my boots. Now she’s claiming that she wants to file for sexual assault. Something that was never a part of the CPS ruling.
I will happily admit my fault, because I should have gotten up and cleaned everything that she wasn’t cleaning, and I will happily admit that I have had some wrong in this, but she’s been on drugs for 8 days now, no sleep, wandering the streets, she cleaned out the bank account, and she’s telling anybody that will listen how I’ve been to jail which didn’t happen, how I beat her which never happened, and now she’s making up a story that I touched one of our infant daughters which never happened.
Once all of this is done, once she’s been proven to be the drug out skank that she’s proven herself to be, I will be suing for defamation. I’ve already told her that I do not wish to hear from her unless it is about legal proceedings, because she was calling me and demanding furiously that I do not take the van, that I was expected to walk 35 miles to work.
I don’t know what I did to this woman, but I don’t know why I didn’t see the signs, I don’t know when she started doing whatever drugs she’s on, but I don’t do drugs, I’ve requested multiple times that CPS do a drug screen on me, as I am the only person that will pass with flying colors. I have a job that requires that I have a clean criminal record, and if this allegation goes anywhere, I can lose my job, be arrested, and be unemployable by most parts of my state.
It’s disgusting how people use children just to hurt the other partner. Well I won’t sink to her level.
I am literally going through almost the same situations commented on in this blog..my ex husband has made so many false allegations against me with dcf drugs, I was cleared case closed, now it’s him and my mentally ill 15 year old son that made a false child sexual exploitation allegations with dcf it was unsubstantiated but turned over to bso to investigate. My son was in state foster care during the alleged timeframe I provided ALL case numbers done a sworn statement. My ex husband is a fugitive fleeing charges of second degree burglary from Mississippi facing3 to 25 years in prison..hires a rat of an attorney to prolong the case to trial in April when the original order allowed me visitation and shared custody and parental responsibility. The courts appointed a biased bigoted GAL that took my money and evidence and had the nerve to recommend to the courts that she has “concerns” about me when my ex husband is involved in an administrative investigation by dcf for my mentally ill 15 year old son strangling my 8 year old son and my soon to be11 year old daughter inappropriately sexually touching another little girl in girls scouts!! General magistrate Boven GAL Denise Kistner and the 17 district of courts in broward county florida is severely dysfunctional and don’t protect children!!
Need my case reinvestigated
This is crap. Men abuse women and children all the time and use the courts to revictimization them. Mothers mostly want what’s best for their kids. If the dad is nit a violent pig, she will be perfectly happy to share vid itation with him. You can tell the abusers: they are the men who actually sue for FULL CUSTODY. Dads who love their babies don’t do that. Theie kids are too close to mom—it would hurt them. But thyroid kind if false, unscientific crap allows abusive men to continue use to abuse the CHILDREN through the courts. Men lie. Women don’t. This is messed up.
I agree with alot of the above factor however I don’t agree that it’s pricey to get police reports, doctors records from physicians is the plaintiff and they don’t have to pay for their own doctor release form. Witnesses is word of mouth legally can’t stand in court without proof and when you try to bring a distant family members criminal record against the other parents is slandering use proposal of a individuals name that has no affect to the case or child/ children works the same way when you have two kids with different dads when the child in the case has no relation to the other individual who has a minor criminal record! The lawyer who proposes these these papers to the court hearing should be terminated for uneducated practices! Have a blessed day! <3
I am living with this ongoing situation now in my fourth year. My daughter and I were inseparable. I was her girl scout troop leader, softball coach and volunteer at school on a weekly basis. Until, my ex husband decided to find a wealthy girlfriend and portray himself as father of the year, after 4 years of having nothing to do with her. She was interrogated at school by 10 people, including police who questioned her until she said what they wanted her to say. She said after months of bawling when i questioned her (which i left it alone and only periodically asked how n why she could lie on me) ” mom, they kept asking me the same thing over n over n I told them you don’t hit me or beat me but they just wouldn’t stop asking so i finally just told them what they wanted to hear, I’m so sorry Mom. I’m so sorry ” as she bawled telling me this. That was wrong no matter what the law is here in Indiana . Of course, she was taken out of school that day and given to her dad with no notice to me until i picked her up from school, only to be shunned and told they didn’t know where she was. And that was the beginning of my demise as a parent who only wanted the best for my daughter. If someone, anyone wanted what was best for my daughter, or anyone’s child for that matter, they would demand a parent be there, not participate in the theatrical event that began in school and/ or never remove her without informing the custodial parent. The case was finally dismissed, without any hearing,
Exactly 3 months later but the irreparable damage was done by that family destroying entity DCS/CPS intertwined with school staff who didn’t have any training or knowledge on how to properly address issues, and the laws that protect perps and does nothing for victims, here I sit, without my daughter Oh yeah, he was the only person on the do not release list due to a previous incident prior to that at which that judge only had the police follow him home and remove his gun. She never addressed the underlying mental health issue as he admitted to being suicidal and never did answer being homicidal in open court that day hmmm. Must’ve gotten a hurried judge again who didn’t care enough to order mental eval. Again that was the beginning of the courts failing this parent. There were many more hearings that just fed his irrational thinking and if he didn’t like the ruling he went a different avenue of court until he got custody, a non contact order against me, and child support. That’s what’s going on this world, certainly not the best legal system, failing and almost mediocre id say, trailing for the lead on being the wealthiest perhaps Bottom line.. nobody truly cares anymore, and the law is equal to who has the most cash. Hence why the hatred has skyrocketed and children have more rights than parents. Until anyone truly cares and can pay, our world will continue to deteriorate and at a faster rate than imaginable. N yes, i have worked for the courts and it’s disgusting inside and out. I’ll stop there or my blood pressure will go off the charts like years ago while living the beginning part of this nightmarish saga.Please know i do apologize for the lengthy message. Wrong is wrong and in this particular case, not one person was right on rulings or decision making for the health and well being of me and/or my daughter.
Oh yeah, at one hearing why was nothing addressed as he literally bragged about making false allegations on me and how he learned how to do it. Mind you this was all ON THE RECORD! I’ll never understand how that was overlooked or never touched on to this day. Guess that’s legal now???? Again, hmmm
Thank you very much for the article I’m in a similar situation to the accusations I have multiple text messages from the mother of our child stating she sorry she’s lied to the cops and to the judge for everything she said about me and for what she has done. Will the judge this time look at these messages and take them into consideration in our next custody hearing.
Does anyone actually have any advice for mothers going through this in Colorado who are disabled and have no money for a lawyer? I am 100% innocent and have already missed 5 years of my kids lives or even hearing their voices all because i can’t afford a lawyer. It’s not right! I can’t see living any longer without my heart, soul & reason for existence
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In 1997 I was going through a Divorce. I had My Mother In Law take my 14 year old Daughter ( from another marriage) to an attorney . I was mailed the transcript. It was called Certificate/ Affidavit. This transcript was nothing but lies from a 14 year old Girl who was mad at her Mother. What was in the transcript was accusations that I had no idea where they came from. I mean BAD things. I have tried to have a relationship with my Daughter but I just cannot get over it. We have good years and bad years. And there is nothing I could do ???
Hi, Regena. I am so sorry. I am a father going through this right now. I am in NJ and it is horrible for fathers. I did not know mothers could be alienated. I, recently, found a support group. PASA and it has helped me. I have found that talking to people that have been through this is the best was to stay sane.
You said your divorce was 1997? Has it been that long since you spoke to your daughter? She is much older now and I wondered if she has contacted you?
You don’t have to respond but I am here to chat if it helps you. Good luck and I am so sorry.
Yes we can and ARE alienated… I wrote a VERY long Submission here, about my one child who has been taken essentially and i honestly dont even know how..or if its even a legal case what they did to me…. It so complex…. I imagine it must be approved first… The TRAUMA we live daily has to be worse than the WORST death one could ever imagine… its rinse and repeat in our situation… They are Narcissists and we (Siblings and I) are the mere Pawns in this sick twisted head game….
I am retired from the military. I got married 15 Jan 2018 to my second wife. Feb 2018 she told me to buy her daughter a car (insurance, maintenance, gas etc) for her birthday/graduation present. She also told me sign for her daughter an apartment and pay for the rent for a year (utilities, furniture, food etc). I told her no and that should have been something that her and the father worked out before now. Later that night she brought me a large plate of food that I notice had more seasoning than normal. I end up waking up after 10:00 the next day. She started an argument and began accusing me of everything. Instead of waiting for the police to come and tell me to leave the house, I rented a room on a Navy base for the weekend (I was trying to study for finals). As I was going through my laptop to begin my class assignments and studying, I noticed my Folder was missing where I stored my class assignment and research paper. After further search, I noticed a large amount of my files was missing. I grabbed my cell phone and saw all of my contacts and texts messages had been deleted. I check my emails and discovered that she had deleted everything. She sent disturbing emails and texts to people in my contacts in my emails and cell phone. When I had attempted to returned back home, she had changed the locks before I had returned. I ended up sleeping in my car. She would call and complain she did not know my where about and began searching for me. When she found me she would turn her lights on bright and blow her horn to wake me up and to see if I had anyone in the car. After a few months of sleeping in my car, I told her that it was not fair and I was not going to continue to pay her bills and live in a car because I decline to buy her daughter a car and pay her rent for a year. Prior to stopping payments, I had consulted a lawyer, a rep from the courthouse (family law) they agreed with me not paying since she forced me out. I also asked about a divorce and about DNA testing of a child that she was carrying. I wrote notes in my table I was using for school. After speaking with the lawyer, I decide to drive 9 hours to my dad’s house to get a way to find peace and sleep in a bed. A week later, she called me to notify me of a family emergency she was having and asked if I could drive her to South Carolina. I drove 9 hours back to Florida picked her up and drove to South Carolina. She rode in the back seat so she could stretch out. While in the back seat, she rambled through the tablet that I had under my seat and saw the notes I had taken down from the lawyer. When we had returned to Florida, a few weeks later I had received a temporary injunction on my birthday (a week after Fathers Day) in front of my peers. One of the notes on that tablet was, if I file for a divorce the only thing that she would get would be child support since we were married less than a year. She lied and said I stalked her; she lied and describe two different version of beating her while pregnant; she claimed I stalked and harassed her family members; she lied and said I told her that I was going to burn her alive after she had the baby and move to another country; she had me Baker Acted (committed to a mental hospital for 72 hours for observation); she painted the picture that I was a retired combat veteran with PTSD. After she was granted the restraining order which is indefinitely she filed for spousal support which I have to pay her $1500.00 a month as long as the restraining order is in place, which is indefinitely. I was informed that the $1500.00 dollars did not include child support. I am currently waiting on the decision of how much I have to pay in child support. Since the child has been born I only see him if I give her money or buy something for her. She stated that I would never have a relationship with her son if i do not give her what she wants. Every few month she would send a few pictures of the baby to torment me but claim it is her way of keeping me in contact with the bay. I am so tired and mentally drained. My spirit is broken. I cannot afford an attorney. I can only afford to eat either a pack of ramen noodles, a pan cake, or mixing cornmeal and flour to make whats called a hot water cake once a day every other day,
Right now my daughter is trying to regain custody of her 4 year old son after drug addiction. She has been clean for 2 years and excels in her recovery. The father claims the toddle has FAS, walks like a “one legged pirate” and cannot talk because he was addicted at birth. This is not true. He has convinced doctors that he “falls a lot” and needs to wear a helmet. The court has ordered he wear this helmet always. There is nothing wrong with him. I cared for him through my daughters illness and he is normal, nothing wrong. He continues to wear a helmet now for 2 years and believes there is something wrong with him. The father does not allow him to use the toilet, he wears diapers, when with my daughter he is fully potty trained. This is medical negligence. The court will not listen to us, period. Any suggestions. He now will miss going to school beasuse he is not “potty trained”.
False allegations. Mom fled California when I filed for divorce. Court told her to return. On way back she got drunk and put two kids in hospital for three months. Convicted of intoxicated assault in Texas but when I file for custody in California home state and she gets served in Texas she makes False allegations of sexual abuse. Almost two years later approaching 100k in lawyer fees Texas and California. Arrest in Texas and still Mother has kids and won’t let me talk to them although California court orders are for me to have FaceTime every other day. Oh yeah and mother had an acute liver failure and liver transplant that she claims resulted from KAVA !! Ha ha. Ex is lawyer and manipulating system and sexually exploiting my daughter to make me scapegoat. Cps system is and judicial system is sick.
I have three grandchildren that are going through this kind of stuff right now, they are all siblings the oldest has a different dad from the other two and my daughter is going through a divorce, the man she is divorcing is tell the children all kinds of bad things about their mom to the kids and it is destroying the relationship between the kids and their mom, the oldest child’s dad is always telling bad things to the child and even calling police and DCS on the mom, these kids are going through hell and I do not know what I can do about it! Please help me if you can.
I had a support modification court date last week. Last time we were there was 7 yrs ago I was working part time in a grocery store. Now I work for the state and finally make decent money. His father being at his job 30 years makes 43,000 but also pays for his other two kids.He lives with his 94 year old father whom put his house in my son’s father’s name so if and when the nursing home doesn’t take it. His father worked for a large corporation here and his retirement pension is amazing. With all this being said my son’s father lives with him for free and the majority of the bills paid by his daddy. When My son’s father filled out the financial disclosure affidavit he fail to mention his father residing in the house and his yearly income. If that was included would I have been able to get help by his father for daycare and school activities as planned ? I was just informed the day after the court date that he didn’t add his father on the disclosure.
My ex filed an emergency motion to Superior Court alleging I, the mother of our child, had done drugs and was arrested and the judge signed my custody away without giving me the right to defend myself. (I have never got arrested or in jail). And after this ex also claimed I was abusing our 10 year old son sexually and coerced him to lie to the judge. Thus, the judge wanted the cops to investigate and it has been a year now and I still haven’t seen or talked with my son due to the order to not come around until investigation is complete. And I still haven’t been asked one question from the multiple counties he filed reports on me in and I have no clue what to do because all of this was so he could move to another state with his girlfriend and her children. Any advice? I’m in GA and I don’t believe my child said to the judge I harmed him as I would never. But I believe I have the right to question my accuser in the state of GA and I don’t know next steps and can’t afford an attorney either. Advice anyone? I wish someone would take the case on free as I know the Superior judge broke the law signing my rights away purely on statements and not allowing me to defend before him doing so. And this could allow an attorney to represent a good cause since the child involved apparently told the police that his mom, I would never hurt him and made it so clear they wrote this was a bogus claim by the father.
Do you have all the court records regarding his accusations of abuse? Also, get a copy of court transcripts. Having those will let you know exactly what was said by your son. If not, get those, now. As for not hearing from any agencies, don’t wait to hear from them, contact them yourself. Be proactive. Call your court clerk and ask what the process is for you becoming a pro se litigant in court…representing yourself. Then ask if there are any clinics for pro se litigants or a website she can point you to that will help you learn your jurisdiction’s rules and procedures. You can’t wait for the state to do something for you, you have to do it yourself. I went through the samething you’ve been through. Stand up for yourself and your child. Good luck!
I feel the system has been corrupt. And I feel laws are broken and I don’t know what to do about it
I’ve been living with a custody agreement that is lies. When my x wife and I got divorced in 2011 I couldn’t afford a lawyer. She lied to the court stating I had past domestic violence which I didn’t. I lost my case because of it. It even states it in my child custody paperwork. I couldn’t afford to fight it. They make is so expensive. The judge didn’t listen to anything I had to say and soaked up everything she said and didn’t even verify the allegations. Just because she had a lawyer and I didn’t I was the crappy parent. I was raising the kids by myself at the time with no help from her so that’s why I couldn’t afford a lawyer. I worked passed it and moved forward cringing every time I read my custody agreement. Now 9 years later my kids come to my house in the summer and tell me she’s telling them all these lies. She brain washing our children. Even my youngest didn’t wanna come this summer because of it. Now it’s effecting my children. What can I do. I’m afraid if I pay thousands to take her back to court than she will get a slap on the wrist and treat our kids like crap because they told me what she was saying about me and how bad it was hurting them. Please help!
Thank you
Wow. This is happening to many.
I was a stay at home mom to our son and then became divorced and now I am at third custody conference and practically childless.
Why? It was quite difficult to get the actual recordings, but my ex picked up son as usual on a Friday and later that night called 911 and stated a friend”even made up a name” called because I told this non existent person I took a bottle of pills.
Finding out was difficult enough but not as difficult as not being believed even with hospital records and statements and witnesses to this made up high school friend’s non existence. Worse yet, or being able to imagine how 6 yr old baby boy is processing any of this
I’ve lost my kids to their abusive father he lied to DHS and alienated me from my kids and their schooling and any support services the aboriginal services turned me away also I’m only seeing kids when he wants sex its killing me I have had to watch him scream at my kids they live in a filthy house and I’m not even Informed of DHS out orders I have no rights I love my kids I am going to in ave to forget them as I have no support no help and DHS do notengzge with me I just got verbally punished in front of my kids at 1 am my 6 yr old daughter terrified