The most common divorce experience is usually one of bitterness and negativity— and where only lawyers tend to come out the winners in the manifestation of exorbitant fees for drawn-out divorce cases. The most frequent expressions of dissolution process seems to be, “It was terrible, it’s the attorney’s fault, I hate my spouse, and I will stay single forever.” That is the summation of the divorce process the way it’s often experienced today.
The great news is that it doesn’t have to be a damaging experience. Divorce should be a beneficial experience if responded to peacefully, respectfully and having equal dignity in which the marriage was first entered. Keeping a constructive outlook and holding only the positive of intentions for all involved is the ideal way to end the old, and begin the new.
Too often, divorce procedures begin with a marshal showing up at the office to serve papers and notify a father or mother that he or she can only see the kids but once a month and are not permitted to come near the house. Realistically, how do you think the divorce process is going to go from there?
Confusion, animosity, and insecurity are usually the most common reactions to the first steps of the divorce process. The perception of being disrespectfully treated by someone who allegedly loved you can be traumatizing. People in their wounded emotional state will often act out negatively. As humans inclined to reciprocate whatever is given to us, whether positive or negative, we often get caught up in negative modes of communication.
When two divorce lawyers argue, the community property suffers at the approximate rate of $400 per hour. When lawyers litigate, good ones charge about $2,000 a day in court, so that’s $4,000 a day in court. If custody is involved, add the cost of two psychiatrists — that’s $8,000 a day in court. It doesn’t end there.
So you’re burning up about $4,000 a day or more, whereas if a compromise could have been reached, none of that would have had to have been spent. Most divorcing couples don’t realize that when grappling with their emotions and rage.
Mutual prosperity in divorce is the “you and me” approach as opposed to the “you or me” approach. Be mindful when shopping around for an aggressive divorce lawyer, that approach will destroy all involved financially, professionally and emotionally.
Divorce is the prime opportunity to reflect on and recreate your life, and embrace a new, prosperous mentality toward yourself and your life path. Ensure this by holding and outputting only the most positive and prosperous thoughts for all people in your life despite your differences. It has been said in many cultural traditions that you attract what you put out.
Endings are really new beginnings. I am confident you would like to begin the new chapter of life aligned with prosperous values and mindset.
Not only do you not want to refrain from blaming your spouse, but more importantly, you do not want to beat yourself up. Acknowledge what you could or could not have done while you were together and then let it go. If you are having difficulty with letting these emotions go, ask yourself, “Did I do the best I could given the situation and wisdom that I had?” More than likely, the answer will be yes.
Know that with a positive mindset for yourself and others, a prosperous outcome and future can be achieved for all parties involved.
Too often divorcing couples caught up in a legal battle lose sight of how their behavior and actions affect their children. Decades of experience has shown me that all the parental fighting leaves an emotionally and sometimes mentally damaged child. What is often left of the child is a young human being whose impression of marriage and love is that of contentious litigation and lawyers. This should not be the lot divorcing parents leave to their children.
On occasion I urge my clients to seek a counselor before making up their minds to divorce. The idea is to promote a solution to an individual’s problem. And if divorce is the solution, then why not have it be a positive thing, even a growing life experience?
Custody battles and long arguments can quickly knock $20,000 or $30,000 or much more out of the community property which is money that could be well spent for children’s college tuition, job-training, or retirement.
It is the legal and humane responsibility of your divorce lawyer to assist the divorcing couple in preserving the community assets and not exhaust it irresponsibly in the dissolution process. If divorcing couples comprehend that they have the option for a mutually prosperous alternative, they will recover from the dissolution quickly and with less negative trauma.
It is best to have all parties stay open to the opportunity to do something beneficial in this challenging transition instead of falling into a fruitless pattern of bitterness or retribution which, molding everyone into an unproductive state of negativity, will further hinder the parties and their children from escaping the divorce process on a good financial, mental, and emotional foot.