There are only rare and unusual instances where individuals expect to get divorced at the start of a marriage. Overall, divorce is not the end goal for people who decided to marry. So when divorce does happen, it can leave those who are experiencing it distraught.
Choosing to build a life with another person takes time, energy, and a lot of effort. To have to dismantle that is life-changing, especially if there are children in the mix. Both parents have to learn to lead separate lives while still trying to keep their family safe for the sake of their children.
Once the bandage has been ripped off and divorce is finalized, new-divorcees have to begin adjusting to their life as a single parent. There are single parent car insurance policies to purchase, finances to take care of, and maybe even house-hunting to be done.
Living life after divorce is strange, but what is even stranger than that is falling back in love with the person you just divorced. Although it is very strange to consider, it does happen. If you have kids together, here are some tips on what to do if you get back with your ex.
Here Are Tips on What to Do When You Get Back With Your Ex
Making the initial decision to date after divorce is a big one, and there are certain questions you should ask yourself first.
Choosing to date your child’s parent again should be considered seriously. Your children are sensitive to the dynamics of your family. It would be very difficult for a child to see their parents divorce, get their hopes up about them dating and getting back together, and then having those hopes destroyed if you decide to stop dating.
Just as you should not introduce your children to a new person until you are certain of their position in your life, you should not reintroduce your ex spouse as your romantic partner until you are positive about it being permanent.
Validate and Reassure Your Children
Kids need to be guided through divorce because it is just as stressful and life-changing for them as it is for you. To make matters worse, if they are younger children, then they are nowhere near as emotionally mature as you or your ex spouse.
With that being said, you should practice validating your child’s feelings. Work to reassure them that no matter what happens, they will always be a priority to you and your ex partner.
You do not have to tell your children who you are dating just yet, but you should let them know that you are dating. If by chance they respond negatively to the news of you dating, avoid responding negatively or defensively. Acknowledge their feelings, listen to their concerns, and show affection. Eventually, they will warm up to the idea of you dating.
Don’t Expose Them to Temporary Situations
As a parent, it is your job to provide a stable and safe environment for your children, which includes protecting their emotional and mental state. If you are consistently revolving people in and out of their lives, they will not be able to build a stable relationship with their emotions and other people’s emotions.
Dating for you as an adult requires letting people in and letting them go when it does not work, but kids need stability. They need to watch how people interact and respond to one another’s emotions on a consistent basis. This directly applies to dating your ex spouse, too.
You have already conditioned them into accepting the divorce, so you do not want to rush reconditioning them into being a whole family again before things are permanent. The last thing you want is your children resenting you or your ex for another family break-up.
When to Formally Reintroduce Your Relationship To the Kids
You do not want to reintroduce your romantic relationship until you are 100% positive it is going to stick. Once you are positive about your relationship, and both parties are ready to let the children know, then you should let them know the children know that their parents are dating each other again.
Reassurance and validation are key in this part of the process as well. Your kids know that you are dating, but they may be taken by surprise when they find out who you are dating. Acknowledge all of their feelings, especially the negative ones, and make sure they feel loved.
Encourage Each Parent’s Relationship with the Child(ren)
Now that the cat is out of the bag, you are probably wondering how things are going to be. Well, you should not change anything. If you two are co-parenting successfully with each other, then keep the schedule the same.
Encourage and foster the bond between each parent and the children. Doing so will make the transition into a more serious romantic relationship easier. It will also cause minimal disruption in how your children have adapted to their new lives.
You never want to force too much change all at once onto your children.
Keep Dating and Family Time Separate
Dates and family time should be separate activities because you always want your children to be a priority. At the beginning of a new relationship (or a newly rekindled relationship), you are in the honeymoon phase and are lovey-dovey with one another. That type of attention to one another can pull attention away from the children.
You also want to dedicate personal time to dates as a way to focus on the romantic side of your partnership. Many marriages fail because they stop tending to the romances of their relationship. Now is the perfect time to create good maintenance habits in your romantic relationship.
Remarrying Can be a Good Thing
When you two decide to give marriage another chance, you will have a better understanding of how to stay together. Remarrying your husband is not a bad thing; in fact, it is actually courageous.
Going through a divorce is traumatic and painful, and it takes tremendous compassion and strength to still see the potential in a relationship after going through a dark and emotionally draining tunnel. You are courageous for taking this journey again.