What did you lose as a result of your divorce? How would you answer that question? Was your loss really a win? Or was your loss truly terrible? We wanted to know, so we took to Facebook.
Comments on Facebook posts are powerful emotion drivers. Semi-public conversation, the kind you have in a Facebook comment section, can decrease loneliness and helps us feel connected to others who’ve had the same experiences.
Maybe that’s why, the more personal a post is, the more comments it is likely to receive. It turns out our readers need to connect and share their divorce experience and what better place than the DivorceMag Facebook page?
As you can see below, the answers to our Facebook question, “what have you lost as a result of your divorce?” are varied. Some answers were humorous, some heartbreaking and some empowering. Again, how would you answer the question?
What Have You Lost as a Result of Your Divorce?
Margo: I lost an abusive husband and gained quality of life again!
Claudia: My crippling need to have everyone like me and never displease or anger anyone.
Denise: NOTHING! I gained so much! My life, awareness, amazing gifts and lessons, an amazing business and the ability to now help women heal from toxic love.
Shari: Things that really were not important after all.
Penny: Everything…! All family, friends, independence, sanity, home, material things, pets. He is very manipulative, & as I had nothing, I couldn’t fight him. I have regained my sanity and my dogs (only because they were in his way), found a job & am rebuilding SLOWLY.
Lillian: My precious time: 15 years of my life.
Brantley: The ability to emotionally commit to future relationships.
Thelma: My marriage and someone that I thought was my best friend. But it’s been since 2006 and I’m happier – and I’m done crying over it.
Julie: The idea of lifelong partners, the dream of fidelity, and trusting that kind of love is out there
Sebrina: A narcissistic, pathologically lying pain in the rear end. And gained a determination to be independent and to trust my gut and see through BS in the future.
Christa: My trust in someone I thought was faithful.
Kirsten: Trust. Trust in humans as well as our failing systems. My financial well-being.
Lisa: A big source of stress.
Cindy: Naivety, and gained sanity.
Natalie: An unhealthy marriage
Anthony: The ability to trust.
Leo: It isn’t what I lost: it is what I don’t do for this chapter of my life. I don’t picture an idyllic future. Rather, I am mindful of the moments today.
Kalyn: My best friend (husband) and life as I knew it – but gained more than I ever could have imagined at the time..
Lindsey: My home, my family, my job, my credit, many sleepless nights, a man who wasn’t faithful, his delusional idea of what life should be like. I gained so much more though. So much more!
Tammy: The dream of having one partner for life. Trust in anyone else, when you’ve been with one person for 31 years, then they cheat on you, how to trust again?
Carrie: My spirit.
Christina: Tears, abuse, neglect, fear, and aloneness.
Cruz: Stress. Sleepless nights. I’d rather concentrate on [the positive things] I’ve gained.
Lori: I was a stay-at-home mom for 14+ years; I had to join the workforce and found out that companies won’t hire you because you have no job record. I have no job training, and being 46 is a big disability when trying to get a job with hours compared to a high school student who now can have job training through the school. I can only find retail jobs. And it’s hard to support a family on my wages.
Lyra: Time. I would have said friends — but it weeds out the fake from the real, so that was a plus!
Jill: My children and my job – but on the flip side, I lost an extremely abusive, emotionally neglectful, manipulative narcissist and found myself again.
Debbie: Myself along with material things, too.
Adrema: After my divorce and 5 years of post-divorce crap, I finally lost a sociopath!!
Laura: Faith in men. Trust. My best friend. The future I thought I would have. My sense of security and belonging.
Tina: Friends, family, trust.
Suveera: FEAR AND SADNESS.
Rasha: A lot of money, my self-confidence, but I gained my freedom.
Wayne: A drunk and a liar – but that was 27 years ago.
Jim: My house, my good credit score.
Mary: Security, Sanity, children, house, money, time.
James: Kids, Home, Savings, Vehicles, Boat, Careers (because the more you make the more they take). Self-esteem, Respect, Trust. She and her son robbed my safe in the house $5k.
No more depressed women in my life. Very toxic. If you’re not happy with yourself please bypass me and my friends. Do us all a favor get help: counseling, whatever.
Carolyn: A pathological liar, a narcissist, my house, my credit, and he turned his kids (from his first marriage, but that I raised) against me and now I am no longer Nana to 6 grandchildren.
Maria: I lost self-doubt. I lost inner rage & deep sadness. I lost feelings of worthlessness. I lost being in a very bad dark place. I gained self respect again. I gained self-love. I gained enjoying my own company again.
Nancy: 185 pounds of dead weight! Divorcing him gave me peace!
Lakisha: My quiet son. He’s angry about the situation. My children haven’t seen their father in 18 months.
Christian: Everyday interaction with my children.
Lisa: My home went to the bank.
Jutta: Mostly lost trust in others. Paranoid for many years worrying he would harm my kids, take them on another drug deal, kidnap them, check them out of school, etc.
Carol: I have lost a negative, vain, self-important, and selfish man. I have won a fabulous sexy new boyfriend – I couldn’t be happier!!!!!
Jennifer: My full-time life with my precious child. Now I have to share him with someone who could not be bothered to learn his special needs while we were married and has NO clue how to care for him OR has any desire to learn!!! This is leading to a disaster for my child who deserves none of this… the legal system needs to be totally undone and re-configured to keep children in mind first! Why change their lives dramatically and suddenly say “the dad has all these rights” when he never gave a damn before to do the HARD work of parenting… He is happy to play Disney Dad but that is not what my child needs…
Rebecca: A narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, liar, cheat, thief, druggie, alcoholic, manipulator!!! After leaving the dead weight I gained my independence and I am slowly learning my self worth again. I do not, and probably will not ever, have trust in others. But it has helped me to learn to be self-reliant, and I am ok with that!!!
Akeem: My children.
Lisa: My ability to trust men.
Carol: I gained me again.
Tammy: Everything and everyone.
Margot: My confidence.
Randi: Daily tears, abuse, an asshole.
Do you have something to add? If so, join us on Facebook and share your thoughts.