Some women seem to feel everything they get has to come from the man. Society has helped perpetuate this myth, and it’s time these myths stop. Here are a few of the things some women think they need from men:
- Sexual desire and pleasure.
- Marriage and family.
Women seem to let some of this happen because they think they need financial support from the man. It also seems women may want families more often than men do. This is not always the case, yet it seems men are more apprehensive about becoming parents than women are. Women want these things from men so they are more apt to put up with bad relationships to get their financial, material, and maternal needs met. Ironically enough, men need the women to work now more than ever. Most men couldn’t get by on their salaries alone.
Women Must be Responsible for their Own Sexual Pleasure
It seems some women don’t feel they are sexual beings – likely because of negative verbal or nonverbal messages from their mothers, who received the same negative messages from their mothers, and so on. Therefore, they feel some man will come along who will be a great lover and sweep her away. This man will also teach her to have great sex. More often than not, this just doesn’t happen. Women should feel sexual on their own, no matter who or where the man is in her life. Women should want and desire sex the same way they want and desire love. It should come from within the women first. The act of sex is then enhanced by love and a good relationship.
Women who feel that sexual pleasure should be coming from the man become disappointed, putting unnecessary expectations on the man. There will be both men and women who will be selfish in the relationship, and this will often manifest itself in the bedroom.
Women and Careers
Sometimes women want to have a career, yet they will only do it if their husband approves, or if they really can’t get along on one income. Women should have a career if they choose to, just as women who choose to stay at home with the children. Talk it over with your husband, but don’t let his decision be the deciding factor. Women need to feel productive, just as men do. We’re really not that much different. Men and women are much more alike than our society would like to think they are. Society has changed, and women now have greater desires.
Women and Dating: Who Pays at the End of the Date?
When it comes to dating, we used to think the male should ask the female out. The male should pay for the dates, and if that particular couple does happen to marry, then the female’s family will pay for the wedding. I guess this is the payback. This is where times have changed in our society. Women work and go to college and become more self-sufficient. Young women and men date more and get married later. The dating game has shifted. People may date more casually now, so spending money on dates shouldn’t necessarily come from the man. The most important thing to do now is to do what is best for you. This does not mean to get things in a selfish way: it means to get things in a responsible way that is best for you and your partner.
Ideas and Examples to Try
Women: Get an education if you desire one. If you want to go to a trade school, do that too. Make yourself self-sufficient so you can make better choices in men. This way you will be choosing a man for the right reasons rather than choosing one to support you.
If your husband doesn’t want you to work, find out why. It may be he has insecurities and feels competitive toward you. In today’s society, it’s really hard to live on one income. Men: If women go to work to help with the finances, you can help with the house and the children. Isn’t this what marriage is all about? Isn’t it about sharing and helping each other out?
Women: Begin to look at yourselves as sexual beings, not dependent on what the man can do. You enjoy sex, first coming from you, enhanced by a loving man and a good relationship. I think men will find if the relationship is good, women will find the sex to be better and want it more frequently. Men will respond to women emotionally if the women are sexually active. Women will respond to men sexually if there’s emotional stability. These facts are true, so both men and women must let the other know how they feel. Be nice, kind, and gentle toward each other. These aren’t bad traits to have.
Wait for the right man or woman to come along; don’t settle for less. If you need to date a lot, then do it. It’s your life, and you’re in for the duration, so you might as well make it right.
You should be ready emotionally, spiritually, and financially before you decide to have children. You should not have to depend on your parents to take major care of your children, nor should they have to support you and your children.
Find a man who really wants to have children. Don’t have a child if he doesn’t want one. Don’t trick him into a marriage by getting yourself pregnant. This is so unfair to your husband, the children, and to yourself. All this is going to do is cause problems in the future. You won’t get the support from the man you desire, and ultimately, this will cause major problems.
Think about this really carefully. If you have a child and your husband doesn’t want one or isn’t really eager to raise a child, yet you know this ahead of time, isn’t it really your irresponsibility or lack of self-esteem that put you in this position? It’s irresponsible to have children for selfish reasons, and it is very selfish to have a child when the husband doesn’t really want one, or to trap him.
If you really want to have children, think about the responsibility and the time commitment it will take to raise your children. Your time is no longer your own. It is hard work and very frustrating at times. It is difficult to parent alone. You can also be alone when there is an emotionally absent parent in the home.
Take care of someone else’s children for a while. Observe them, see how they really act, and ask yourself if you’re ready for that kind of commitment. Think about how old you are and if you’re ready at your age for that kind of commitment. You can always wait. It’s not as if you can’t have children around twenty-eight to thirty-five years of age or even older. Make sure you know yourself first before you decide to guide your child’s growth and development.
Don’t marry someone who is so bad it will make you look good in comparison. Often women marry men who are so bad; it then hides their insecurities or their low self-esteem. If they are with a man who has really negative behavior, then people will focus on him rather than her when the marriage goes badly.
It seems some people just want to be married just to say they have been married. It doesn’t seem to matter if the two love each other or they’re compatible. They just want others to think they are desirable and loved by somebody.
Don’t wait until after you get married to find these things out. Discuss all of these situations before you get married. Don’t believe they will change just because you get married.
Diana S. Dodson has spent many years working as a counselor and mental-heath consultant for children, adolescents, and adult schizophrenics. This article has been edited and excerpted from It’s Your Life, Take Charge! (Authorhouse, 2008). Read more about how you can be more proactive and understand yourself to a greater extent. A unique perspective on life translates into self-realization and learning how to be your own guide to your own happiness. Morris County NOW (New Jersey) produces a TV show called New Directions for Women and has asked Ms. Dodson to be a guest on the show on May 13, 2009.