It’s a common belief that women are typically more emotional than men. However, many studies have been done on the subject of who the divorce is harder on, each to discover that divorce is harder on men.
In fact, a husband may have much more to lose in terms of both health and happiness in a divorce than his wife; let’s look at some of the reasons why this might be.
Here’s Why Divorce is Harder on Men than Women
1. Men Skip the Grieving Process
Divorce is one of the most stressful things that can happen in life and only more stressful than the death of a close friend or family member. The person you are losing in the case of a marriage dissolution has been your partner and in your life for a long time and grief is a natural feeling. When men skip the grieving period, they feel at a loss, as their plans are derailed, goals and dreams are changed, and the life plan will differ substantially.
Women take time to grieve, which is a healthy emotion and much needed to move on. Women will also seek professional help or help from family members when they divorce to aid in their emotional state. When men bottle up their emotions, it can result in massive depression and anxiety.
2. Men’s Health Declines Drastically
Men experience more health problems in the process and after a divorce. The most common health problems include weight fluctuations, depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Men also have the added stress of handling all the finances and identity loss, which makes them much more susceptible to both stroke and heart disease. Men are also more likely to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs than women are instead of seeking therapy as women do in stressful times.
When married, wives usually try to encourage healthy behaviors of their spouses. This can make men more dependent on the women. When men are depressed, they talk to their wives, whereas when women are depressed, they often choose to speak with a professional, friend or family member. Men are just not accustomed to seeking out emotional support from others that aren’t their spouse.
3. Men Lose Their Identity
When couples are together, they identify as being a wife or husband and this is a large part of who you are. The marriage status is one of the critical factors in self-identification and how others view you.
Husbands, when going through a divorce, see themselves as no longer being half of a partnership, whereas women are more likely to pick up new activities and join groups during the marriage than men do. This allows women to have a social connection that can still exist after a divorce. Men don’t get involved in new activities after a marriage dissolution.
4. Men Rush Into New Relationships
Since men don’t take the time to grieve correctly, they don’t want to be alone after a divorce and will most likely rush into a new relationship right away. In this manner, they can meet someone new and suppress all their feelings and disappointments with the failed marriage. This can lead to troublesome relationships.
On the other hand, women take time out to grieve and examine their emotions. Women will also take their time before entering a new relationship, making a future relationship stronger. Women are also more likely to not rush into something new because face it, who wants to feel like they are back in high school with all the uncertainties of those relationships.
Divorced women are much less likely to remarry than divorced men. If you notice, online dating sites have a large excess of men over women. Many women with children that divorce doesn’t want to enter into another relationship after the first wasn’t successful for fear of a new relationship not lasting either.
5. Men Miss Their Children
More often than not, after a divorce, the mother ends up with child custody. This will leave men only seeing their children on a custody schedule and not on an everyday basis as they did when they were married. Men will feel like they aren’t a part of the children’s lives anymore because they miss the big baseball game, parties or other events that still exist. Men don’t appreciate calling their children to find out what’s going on.
Women, on the other hand, are still a significant player in the children’s lives if they live with their mom. Most often, the mom will feel fulfilled and distracted from unproductive feelings because the children are with her and she interacts with them on a daily basis.
6. Divorce Is Hard for Everyone
Breakups are hard for both men and women, but most women are better able to cope with their feelings and move on after grieving than men do. This is likely due at least in part to the fact that women tend to have much better support networks in place – close friends to talk to, grieve with, and receive comfort and encouragement from – and they are more likely to seek therapy than men. Women have been shown to have a slight decline in physical and emotional health, but the same effects are much stronger for men, as they don’t seek psychological help in any manner.
Women are also shown to come out stronger after a divorce, while men may try to move forward and never overcome the anguish it has caused them.
Women initiate divorce more often than men (according to Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, 69% of divorces are initiated by women), and studies have shown that marital happiness is typically higher for men than for women1. Other studies have demonstrated that divorce is associated with worse mental and physical health for men than for women2; in fact, men are more likely to consider suicide after a separation than women3.
So it may be in your best interest as women to give your ex-husband a bit of a break for your children’s sake. Most likely, your kids will still want to spend time with him, and this can help him immensely with health and relationships in the future. If men feel like they failed at the marriage, it can hone their paternal skills to spend time with the children and even re-install the needed sense of belonging and providing for the children.
1 “Trends in Marital Happiness by Gender and Race, 1973-2006,” Journal of Family Issues
2 “The Protective Effect of Marriage for Survival: A Review and Update,” Demography
3 “Suidical Ideation and Behavior in the Aftermath of Marital Separation: Gender Differences,” Journal of Affective Disorders
Great article. I agree with most everything you wrote… the one that was drastically different in my case was #4, with “women take their time before entering new relationships.” My ex was remarried within 18 months after our divorce. That kind of blew my mind and made me wonder how long they dated before they married. It must have been a few months at least. She definitely rushed into a new marriage. But I realize that all of these things are generalizations, and mostly true… just an anomaly in my case.
My ex started her relationship before telling me she “wasn’t happy.” I didn’t and i know other men who didn’t rush into another relationship. I don’t see why any man would do such a thing.
Divorce is harder on men because there’s a lack of support for divorcing men. There’s a plethora of women’s support groups but men have to seek them out. I appreciate magazines like this for drawing attention to that fact. Books like MENy Calculations help men as well.
I can say that divorce is hard on those who have feelings towards their spouse. It matters not whether male or female, gender should not matter. A selfish person whether male or female will be able to move forward and start again. I do agree that if your lacking emotional support while facing this devastating time, the world will collapse on you.
Marriage is a total waste of time. When more men realize this men will be much happier
This article is so condescending to all men. First, you imply that the wrongful masculinity of men leads them be in pain because of their own fault. This article takes no account of the cruel and sexist divorce laws that favor woman financially and with custody laws – regardless if the woman was the cause of the divorce. Finally, you then state that it’s a difficult time for everyone, essentially making your point clear that it’s either hard for everyone or it’s the man’s fault.
yup, would you expect anything else? always the man’s fault, mgtow!
Gents please make shore that you take the time to teach your sons and yes your daughters the power of a prenup. Then later when they too have a week moment and chose to take a knee at least we know that the proposal comes along with the prenup. Then if their partner disagrees, we know that our children are educated and informed enough to understand that this partner is not the one for their future. “Where’s the love?” I hear you ask.
WELL. If a person truly loves you they don’t care if they have to sign a prenup to be with you.
It’s better to know earlier than 15-20 years down the track when you have worked so hard to build an empire that will keep you and your WONDERFUL WIFE very comfortable even with an early retirement along with at least one good oversees trip away once a year. Keep up with the latest vehicles and still have more than enough for any unfortunate and unexpected issues if they arise.
But alas when the divorce lawyers see all of that wonderful family wealth amassed and waiting for the pickings. All the while your asked to PLEASE be respectful and mindful with a positive and happy attitude during times of dialog. Because this has been a very difficult decision and is proving to be a very trying time for incredibly brave soon to be exwife.
Just as the smoke is clearing, you look at what was and the very little left for you, just enough to pay your lawyers bill. You suddenly say to yourself, “I’d better go back to work so I can at least eat again.”
SUDDENLY YOUR HIT WITH A OH NO NO NO, MR SUCKER, WE ARE NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET. PLEASE SIT DOWN HERE WHILE The judge orders that you are to pay for your wonderful exwives well being! So that she can keep the wonderful life that you have already provided for you one true love up until that point. You know the stay-at-home mother, the go out to lunch with the girls, training classes to keep trim, day spa days and serum treatments to keep her face young and beautiful for you. Plus you couldn’t expect her to pay for her new house and her general living expenses. Don’t worry though your alimony payment usually only lasts for around 15-20 years.
PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP
Just don’t get married then. Don’t expect a wife to dedicate and sacrifice herself for you and the family. What about women who are good wives but end up with some bastard who constantly cheats and gives her a disease? All that time she spent raising babies and not pursuing her career….she deserves nothing? She must continue in misery? She contributed nothing to the family the man helped create? F off.
Don’t talk about extremes and traditions. These days marry a spouse that earns as much as you or earns at least enough. Have none or just one child. Have separate bank accounts. Cut all bills and expenses down the middle. Have pre nup if you’re rich or just remain single if you’re too rich. Marrying for pure love alone means you’re ready to face up to the consequences in the event of divorce which is more likely than you think. Marry up if you can which is easier for a woman if she’s pretty. Sounds unromantic? well divorce is much much more unromantic than you can ever imagined in fact it’s traumatic.
Hello Adam,
I could not have said it better. You are so right, the whole court system is completely one sided.
I’ve realised that even if you are ready to capitulate there is no end.
What a flawed system.
Interesting Adam that you boil it down to money and control. Nowhere is the question ‘WHY is this marriage failing?’ or emotions. With a little bit of reflection and being willing to do a bit of work, the EMPIRE could stay intact. A much cheaper solution! If men are famously more logical … why don’t they go for this option?
Here are the options:
Option 1. #ShutTheHellupAndStopHasslingMe. The cheapest option to begin with but 100% guaranteed to FAIL. Wives try and raise problems, get shut down with Option1 until eventually they give up and go quiet (very dangerous) – the divorce petition follows. So it ends up a very expensive option.
Option 2. #InvestInLearningToMeetHerHalfWay. Takes a bit of $$ in TIMELY investing in professional help, it means being prepared to learn some new things, new language, new behaviour. Most guarantee of success, the EMPIRE stays intact, you get even happier, kids happy – the cheapest and best option in the long run.
Option 3. #ReplaceForANewerModel – very, very very expensive. Angry wife, shattered kids through the generations, family blown up, EMPIRE destroyed. So why do men go for this as the first option?
You tell me!
I think the point of the article got lost on a few posters. The point is, that women tend to process the losses in divorce because of the nurture instincts innate to our gender. This instinct allow us to reach out for support and help. Unlike men who have more provider instincts. that don’t help them connect to processing the loss. No matter the cause or who initiates, the article is only stating why men have a harder time…
Do men really face more problems?
By what measures?
What are the stats on those benchmarks?
What would it change if it was true?
Are there different emotional pitfalls that we must try to avoid or is it just a difference in statistics over a similar set of post divorce unhealthy situations?
Donald, I don’t know the answers to your questions. I do know that studies have been done and are available if they weren’t linked to in the article. As far as “pitfall,” one suggestion I have for men is to reach out for support. That is the difference between men and women during times of adversity. Women surround themselves with a good support system or, join groups. Most men have a tendency to go it alone which, I believe, plays a role in the reason divorce can be harder on them.
Exactly i have no one to support me ..im alone in this case i cant tell anyone how am i going through..if any one feels like helping mentally ..pls call me on +919028672827
Simple garbage. Without a prenup, women typically get the kids, maintenance and most of the properties which is the norm. This has fuck all to do with psychologists. It is clear that this article was written by a women. It is time that the laws change to protect men.
Cathy,
Please re-read Adam’s post he actually sums it up.
Men do ‘reach out’ and they are rebuffed, it is still largely unacceptable for men to discuss negative emotions or show weakness. If you are lucky you may have a spouse with whom you can act naturally, most men don’t and either fall into the ‘strong silent’ category whether by choice or nature or are the unfortunates who have let down their guard and are usually reviled and mocked by women. Best to keep your own council as a man or if you’re blessed to have a close male friend, to talk to them.
Traditional gender roles are very much the same as they ever were for men but now with the added pressures that women can now act with impunity and the state will invariably side with them. Until women shoulder some responsibility and ‘women up’ men will continue to stay away. The benefits of a modern marriage or even any relationship with a woman are difficult to define.
As a man part of my growing up and self devolopment has been to acknowledge my mistakes and short comings and to either improve or accept my limitations, that is the understood default for men, women have to now accept that too. For centuries women were born and men were made; personal growth is hard, illusions are broken, women must abandon feminism and join men in a collective, collaborative future based soundly on realities not childlike delusion.
I reached out. Others wouldn’t believe what i was going through. Many figured it was because i must have been a horrible person. I didn’t get much support at all. I was left alone to deal with the uphill legal battle and financial ruin. I did learn that if you sign a marriage license you just gave away your rights and asked the state to rule over your marriage and take the primary position in a 3-way partnership. I didn’t know that going in. Every married person i asked didn’t know it either. We’ve been played and are involuntarily paying into a multi-billion dollar divorce industry.
You forget one thing: Men always lose in the family court. Not only do women get child custody in most cases, the woman also gets his house, his pension etc, and he is stuck with alimony even if the woman has a good job. Women have progressed to the 21st century in opportunities but the family courts are still stuck in the 80’s. Thank you. A young man in his early 20s would be a total dumb @ss to marry in any Western country.
Women get custody more often because there are many men that don’t fight for joint custody or because they arent willing to modify there work schedules to be available for children when the get off from school. A lot of times the wife’s schedule is already in alignment with the children.
Women are willing to modify their schedules because they know they only have to say so to get massive child support and alimony payments. But if man were tondo this he would be far less likely to receive such court ordered payments and likely have to endure a costly court battle to do so.
truth!
Divorce and custody are 100% in favor of women. I fought like a bear to get more custody of my daughter. All it did was extend the divorce and increase the cost after they brought in state approve evaluators.
I fought for custody and received 50/50 and that didn’t stop my xwife from keeping the kids on the very day I signed the judgement only to have no help from the courts or police. I filed a motion to enforce my custody and all the court did is refer it back to the friend of the court. The friend of the “court” simply change the parenting time schedule and did not hold the exwife accountable. I can’t afford to pay for attorneys at over 300 an hour. I’ve learned that the friend of the court gets paid to enforce payments so they have a conflict of interest to keep their jobs. It’s a corrupt system. The whole thing might change if free attorneys were provided. But that won’t happen because it’s a cash cow for them. My income went down because of Covid lay-off and I reported my income went down. My xwife simple reduced her hours to compensate and reported that I didn’t have as many overnights with my kids, which was directly because she won’t follow the parenting time schedule. The very schedule I took her to court to enforce and the court did nothing. When a relative pointed out to a friend attorney why my x wife could reduce her hours and I couldn’t he told us that there is a double standard in the system that favors women. So…. damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
Prenup means nothing in the family court.
Just so all you men know it works both ways. I worked and amassed the fortune while I ran the house (which most women do wether they work or not). He took care of our kids but had plenty of personal time while they were in preschool, kindergarten, K-12, play dates, camp,…you get the picture. Oh I might add that I was expected to take over when I got home after a 10 hour day, multi city trip, … because he had a hard, long day. And don’t get me started on reading every page of the paper every day, golf outings, guys overnight trips, etc.
To top it off he gets 1/2 of all our savings, houses, my 401k, annuity… all of it!
So unless you put in equally to the relationship along the way, one of you will feel ‘cheated’ financially.
This is all “blue pilled” liberal mainstream bullshit… All of it. The reason men have a harder time dealing with a divorce than women do is because men and women are total polar opposites in nearly every way! Men don’t think like women do, men don’t act like women do and men don’t “love” like women do either… Men and women are different, period. Because of evolution and simply put, hypergamy, that is hard wired in every womans brain makes it much easier for women to overcome any relationship hardship (including divorce) in comparison to men. This comes from thousands of years of evolution through natural selection. It’s evolution. It’s hypergamy. It’s science and how human females are, have always been and will always be. In addition, women ALWAYS have gains in todays completely unfair divorce laws, period. Men get screwed over, women make off like a queen. Men have nothing but losses in a divorce whether it be financial, family, child custody… Not to mention the emotional loss of family, a partner, a life, a future. It’s no wonder the suicide rate of divorced men is so high when the woman takes everything and doesn’t have the slightest bit of sorrow, worry or concern for the “partner” she married and then ditched as part of her evolutionary hypergamous nature. Married happily ever after is nothing but a fairy tail lie “spoon fed” since birth and it always has been. The feminine narritive is strong in todays society, but once more men become “red pill aware” marriage will become a thing of the past as more men will wake up and understand that there is simply ZERO point to marriage and that women are an accessory and not a necessity to the lives of men.
What about the women that are verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abused by their so-called loving husbands??? Should they stay in that kind of marriage?! Think about that if you will and don’t always assume that women are out to get something. Peace of mind and respect are what many women want.
What I noticed after a Divorce was the social network women have that helps them in a Divorce Recovery. It was fascinating to walk into a restaurant and notice booths with 4 maybe 5 women sitting laughing and engaged in animated talk about anything and everything. When leaving they all gave each other hugs. Now where were the men ? Sitting alone at the bar staring into their Beers with a hang dog look on their face. What advice would I give other men ? Live your life the way you damm well please and ignore all the shoulds and have to s around you !
In my case, my wife’s support network encouraged her to get divorced. I bet that’s the case for many men these days.
Men must usually pay most of their disposable income to the ex-spouse. Usually as ‘ransom’ for the privilege of seeing his own children. This limits his ability to move on and rebuild. Hard to form new friendships or romantic relationships when you are forever struggling to just pay the bills and have lost most of your assets.
Women can find a new romantic partner and then be in a position of receiving financial support from two men.
Divorce and family court laws are NOWHERE close to being ‘equal’, and nobody cares. Not even fellow men. There is a reason women initiate divorce around 70% of the time. There is a reason men commit suicide at rates 3 to 4 times higher than women, and in divorced men it is more like 8 times higher.
Nobody cares when men suffer. When women are suffering, people offer support and sympathy. Weak men are regarded as disgusting, defective, and deserving of their suffering.
Misogynists are not born, they are made.
India has this draconian law 498A where result in breakage of marriage when filed by wife against husband.
After suffering from this breakage and paying 0.6 million as the marriage was dowryless the husband is survived by his old parents.
He leads a life where he is happy one moment then life looks blank.
The wife in this case was a covert Narcissist with no reconciliation effort shown during mediation.
She marries soon after which the husband never expected as he was in love with her and switched places and jobs for her.
She also was secretive on social media thus her 2nd marriage to a guy known to her from before was not known to her ex husband.
How can the boy recover. He is 37 only.
After my separation I immediately rushed into a go-dependent relationship and further damaged any chance I had at getting back together with my ex. I was so angry and reckless I missed the signs right in front of me that I could get it back. I don’t know if getting her back was what was best for me necessarily, but I blew it and 3 years later am just now starting the real grieving process.
If a man plays up it is the mans fault but if a women plays up its the mans fault for not being a good husband
A divorce is hard on men because marriage itself is a relationship contract that is horribly skewed in favor of women. The solution is simple, get a relationship contract that is fair and never get married again.
There are plenty of relationship contracts online but I would suggest paying a contract lawyer to draw one up instead. Relationship contracts allow both parties to state in a clear and simple way what their expectations are and in the event one partner does not live up to it you have the section that deals with the separation that will state exactly how the breakup will go.
These contracts are legally binding too which means if your partner stops having sex with you or let’s himself/herself go it is grounds to end the relationship and the courts can’t penalize you for it. Most people don’t mind a few extra pounds and we all get bigger as we get older but when TLC wants to do a documentary on you it’s gone too far.
Simply knowing they won’t walk with everything is enough to make women try harder in a relationship. The thing this article doesn’t say is that women initiate divorce mostly in states with no fault laws that protect them. In states that require cause and penalize people for bad behavior it’s more men who initiate divorce typically from a cheating spouse, or spouse that won’t stop nagging them. There is a huge difference between raising relevant issues and complaining for 30 minutes because your husband didn’t load the dishwasher the way you like it. The constant emasculating comments are also causing men to leave or cheat.
Everyman should teach his son that marriage is no longer a institution for men. A relationship contract, a ceremony, and a name change if the woman wants too is all a marriage truly is. Get the government out of your life and write your own contract. Right now marriage is like handing a woman a loaded gun and asking her not to shoot you. You may not die after a divorce but your life is over and will never be the same again. That’s a pretty steep risk when you realize that your life can be ruined even if it’s your partner who is in the wrong.
This is what I tell both of my sons daily and they have really been able to see all of the early signs from women and stay single. Both of them are very strong, confident, independent men and I know they will find the right women who can see their concerns and still love them. Their moms actions really helped them understand all of my teachings.
As a guy, I’ve always thought us men are pretty straight-forward but at least me personally, I must be significantly below average when it comes to understanding women. Sometimes it seems like they are from another planet.
Anyway, I am getting divorced now (no kids) and a pre-nup would have been nice to keep things simple. In today’s world, it should only take 6 months to get a divorce if you don’t have kids. I am at 8 months and it seems to be cruel and unusual punishment; it should be a violation of my rights haha.
Women enjoy getting divorced because they are rewarded financially and with additional time with kids because the legal system is unfairly skewed towards them. Let no attorney tell you otherwise while they milk you 60k promising 50-50 custody. While you protect yourself from false accusations trying to stay alive financially.
Absolute trash of an article: and in line with every other post-divorce article out there. First, written by a woman describing a man’s experience. Second, making huge generalizations about men and doing the same, in a positive light, for all women.
Men don’t have the support, help, assistance, empathy, or even articles online to cope with the societal push for women to abuse men and take their livelihood. Some men have support, provided they have ample resources, but the rest have to navigate being thrown out of their lives – not only by their ex-wives but by a society that encourages them to “go gurl.” No wonder men are turning to MGTOW to find support and understanding. Only that gives these feminist pseudo-psychologists more social support to destroy more men’s lives.
So many comments confirm the idea that men have that all the marital assets belong to the man, and if the woman gets any of the material assets, he got the shaft. I was looking to understand why men think this way. My ex and I agreed that it was best for me to mainly stay at home while raising kids. I always worked part time, but made my schedule fit the needs of school aged children. It was something we both agreed to, but then twenty five years later (just after the youngest graduated from HS) he decides he wants a divorce and how evil of me to think all assets should be split. In his mind everything was “his” and I should just be glad to walk away with the clothes on my back.
I guess I should have demanded payment for every diaper changed, toilet cleaned, meal cooked, load of laundry, floor washed, drive to and from school and activities, tutoring, dusting, counseling, party planning, grocery shopping… As soon as he decided he wanted to be free of all family responsibility none of that was considered a contribution to our life and our family.
So of course when I fought for an even split I was cast as the villain, and he was the poor victim.
It seems from all these comments that both partners immediately forget why they married the other person in the first place. I chose to leave my wife even when I was still madly in love with her as we simply couldn’t live together, aims, goals, and ambitions diverging.
I struggled to cope with OLD, being constantly accused of affairs and being isolated from friends and family. I left everything bar a skybox and a chest of drawers. An amicable divorce was discussed and agreed without the need for solicitors, however, the support network that everyone seems to refer to in the positive chimed in and all bets were off. So around 16,000 to 20,000 each in solicitors’ bills arrived at everything was reasonably fair – apart from an equalisation of my pension, but it was still skewed in her favour, as the equity in the house that I paid the deposit for and built from scratch, due to generous parents, was ruled to be hers against an apartment that my parents lent me a deposit to buy.
The outcome of this, my ex-wife marries her new partner and uses the equity I assumed would be for my children to buy her new marital home with her equal share of the marital wealth. It all seems terribly unfair as previous posts attest to, the difference being, I loved her before my children came, I loved her more when she provided me with my children. I respect her right to ensure the man she thought she was married to was being as above board as she expected him to be and above all, divorced or not, our lives are so deeply entwined with two adult children, I can walk into any room with my head held high rich in the knowledge that I did my best during and after the marriage.
One of the motivating factors for leaving was that if I can’t make her happy then she deserves a better chance with someone who might. Miss her every day, but the house and the 16,000 deffo left a bitter taste, more so as it was the wonderful support network’s idea.
Thank you, Dorothy and Oz for introducing me to them!!!
keeping itreal, your problem was not that he is a man, but that he is an asshole. Either gender is equally capable of being the asshole in a partnership, and that person is typically the one that ruined the relationship, discarded the marriage, claimed more than was fair in settlement, discredited the partner and moved on the fastest.
Keepin Itreal, in some cases the woman winds up with a nice house, new car, and goes on vacation each year in a 4-star hotel. The guy can’t afford to rent an apartment by himself and has to get a room mate, or opt for a crappy basement apartment if he can find one. Vacations, don’t really happen for him, and if he travels, it’s Motel 6 or EconoLodge. Then, when there’s an expense, the pro-rated amount is based on salary, never mind all the disposable income is with the woman. There’s an underlying stress about remaining employed. The loss of a job for a divorced guy could lead to jail.
I just kept my life simple. I m a male. Never married and am quite happy with my life. I never in my life ever trusted a woman enough to marry one
Soon you will have 2 happy moments for every moment that life looks blank. Then you will have 3 happy moments for every moment life looks blank. Then you will have 4 happy moments for every moment life looks blanks…and so on.
If you look on the bright side, it is good you have your older parents and can spend more time with them before they leave this world. During my divorce (which should be over finally in a month or so), I focus on being thankful for the time I have with my parents / family. My father is in a wheel-chair now and could die any day so I value some stories he tells so that I can pass them along to my future children.
I think you will start doing better in this 2nd half of the year and have an even very better 2021, better than you think!
Cheers from the USA.
“When men bottle up their emotions, it can result in massive depression and anxiety.”
Where is the proof that family, friends, and society, would even care if men opened up about any of it?
And why does this article act like women are these perfect, emotionally balanced, non-neurotic creatures who are full of emotional connection and empathy?
Maybe men should try and behave better. Feeling angry/lousy is not a free pass to be mean. It is NOT FAIR that because life is not going well in terms of goals, promotion, career, ageing, loss, boredom, stress, fear … that you take it out on your wife and blame her. The most important thing in life is family – why destroy this with cheating and treating your wife like she is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
Yes women initiate most divorces: not because they want to, but because they HAVE to. When the disrespect and refusal to engage gets so bad they give up and throw in the towel.
Come on, guys. We love you and we appreciate your sacrifices. Please get professional help (MD, medication), go to therapy and deal with unhappiness constructively, before you blow up your family after years of trying to suck it up in silence; and hurt the people who love you. Its families who get sacrificed to men’s mistaken attempts (alcohol, drugs, toys, blame, new p ssy) to get happy.
Divorce is horrible. Nobody wants to get divorced. The love is still there underneath the pride. Let’s not do this to the kids, or even go there in the first place.
I have been divorced 42 years. My ex decided that he wanted to be free so he could have a good time. I had a 3 year old and a 6 week old baby. He had already seen a lawyer and the papers were ready for me to sign.All this was done while I was in the hospital. I have been remarried for 39 years but I still have feelings for my ex. I have tried to get over it but I cant. I still have dreams about us getting back together. He remarried a few months after I did to his secretary.
The issue is even when the men have been almost faultless and a good husband they still get treated the same way by the divorce courts. These are the men who struggle to get over divorces.
Somewhat patronising to men. Men vary enormously, like women strangely enough.
I advised my son to never, ever get married.
He agreed it was a bad idea, too.
However, as with my brothers, men get worn down by constant demands to marry…… It is as if society expects women to have their Big Day.
So many men are pressured in to marriage.
”If you really loved me, you’d marry me”
”I’ll never have children unless I am married first”
On and on…like water dripping onto a stone… and the men get worn away by it.
My ex husband has been married THREE times! …Me, once our marriage was over, no way would I go though that again…Friend only to the Lawyers.
Our son did get married, and sadly now says he wants to be single…..no other woman, but says he has taken years of ‘coldness’ and nagging and belittling.
It is extremely worrying as my son isn’t thinking rationally {no kids as she didn’t want them}…
The house I gave them a deposit for…and she is saying she is refusing to leave and wants to buy him out.
But he won’t be able to get anywhere as nice again -not in this covid climate {self employed}
Men should get their OWN houses, and never ever share with anyone.
A wise solicitor became ‘part owner’ when she gave her son a deposit….it meant she could look after her son’s main asset.
I am very worried about my son’s wellbeing…mentally and financially.
This article is dishonest and disingenuous. It is worse for men because of divorce laws that are one sided and unfair. Men pay the women who left him (in most cases) for years and years, in some case decades. My ex soon remarried, lives in an $500,000 house and drives a nice new Mercedes. She now can use “child support” for her mad money. Meanwhile the man (unless rich) can not move on with his life because he needs to pay her a large percentage of his salary. So basically she is now supported by two men. If the man gets remarried, his new wife is now on the hook for support if for some reason he cant pay. But the women, if she gets remarried, the new husbands income has no factor in the equation. He cheats, she gets the house, she cheats…she still gets the house. With double standards like this, I no longer support modern marriage. This article chooses to conveniently ignore the truth for many men.
Alan, you are lucky they didn’t use the nuclear option. Once accused of molestation (with no proof) you’re screwed. You dodged a bullet there. That’s actually a tactic used in family court against dads.
Divorce recovery? Women’s social networks usually help with divorce celebration and gloating. They nudge other women to get divorced. My ex was spending a lot of time with a friend who just divorced and took her man to the cleaner. What fun it was for her.
Do women or men have more empathy for their spouses?
Is it true that women have more empathy for the same sex, while men have more empathy for the opposite sex?
Women don’t feel the broken hearts of their husbands they divorce? Should the husband cry in front of his wife to show how he feels? Should he say “I feel sad when a woman divorces me.” That’s an I-message. I learned about I-messages in college which I am attending right this year. I’m in the second year.
Should the husband knock on the door and apologize? If not, why?
Do women not have pity for the men they divorce? They don’t even wish “he was better”?
Will divorce mean natural selection favors women that are less genetically wired to file for divorce? Because divorced women have fewer children, at least those who divorced long before the menopause?
Interesting fact: 90% of divorces initiated by college-educated people are initiated by women. That’s even greater than the overall 70%. Is that true? Search it on Google.
Of course woman initiate divorce men work your ass off – and women like sharks wait to be entitled to half for sitting around not even ironing a shirt or thief man a sandwich on a daily basis. Free meal ticket – NEXT !
What about many women nowadays that just love to party all the time and sleep around with different men all the time every chance they get? They’re very good at doing that these days, that is for sure.
We’ve given over control to the courts with the license.
A marriage doesn’t get any stronger with a stage license.
I know I’ll hear common law talk, but in fact it is only lip service and rarely brings the legal system into a non-licensed marriage.
There is no perfect answer that fit everyone. I’m just sad that in my reading about divorce I haven’t ran across and single word about God, faith or divine powers of any kind. How anyone can have kids and not get some connection to God I’ll never understand.
But I’ll bet almost every marriage being discussed started in a church as a pledge to God and family. Go back to them and leave the state out of it. (lawyers will hate this.. sorry )
My wife left me after 13 years of marriage this was years ago I am now 72 years old I never remarried but I have had a sex filled relationship which bothers me spiritually my flesh Burns at 72 my concern is strong when it comes to sexual sins before the sight of God this has haunted me for years what can I do my wife left me and I think we both were unfaithful I was unfaithful because my wife didn’t want me sexually anymore and she was cold at heart and she wanted to be with young boys and women but I think I sent first adultery being alone afraid of the outcome my flesh still Burns what can I do can I remarry please help I love the Lord and I don’t like living this way I feel like I will die and go to hell what can I do.
The real reason men suffer is because women cut out all his friends from the social circle. It becomes all about HER and HER FRIENDS. He loses touch with everything that made him male, and eventually turns into the beta-male cuck she despises… yet she created him!!
I can’t say that it was an easy trip when my ex filed for divorce after 30 years of basically cohabitation and work. I had quit my job to be self employed and take care of our only child, so she could get back to college and advance her career. I was 59 when we divorced and by then I didn’t have a chance to get back into my previous career.
Nevertheless, we had a diplomatic divorce experience, I didn’t hire a lawyer. We sat down and divided everything, she bought my share of the paid off home. Although she had the higher income and permanent job, I consciously refused alimony. Her lawyer told me that he had never experienced a divorce as nice as ours was… The female Judge however saw it fit to grant me half of her retirement…she was concerned about my life ahead…imagine that! /S
With half the proceeds of the remortgaged home she kept, I bought (paid for cash) a beautiful Cabin in the woods less than a mile from her place. I had male friends and female friends who were supportive, specially those who had a previous divorce experience, they never abandoned me.
I liked my ex, just couldn’t live with her life choices. I had reached stonewalling state. We were like two male crabs in a hole. It was a (very) painful experience, you never really recover.
Now almost two years past that dark period, we are like old friends, attending parties together when convenient for us, making grocery trips, dinning and supporting each other. Only difference is that we get to go to our own homes…safe places.
Divorce isn’t easy. We had to make a conscious effort to avoid resolution conflicts and see that the process was fair to both of us. That’s why we are still able to interact with each other and didn’t drag our mutual friends and our families into the opposite camps.
We have absolutely no plans to be with anyone else, we just needed to be the King and Queen of our own independent Kingdoms.
Divorce is the most stressful and heartbreaking thing that ca happen to you. My father died when I was 20, but he loved me. Divorce tells you bluntly your husband doesn’t love you anymore. After a 26 year relationship and 22 years of marriage my husband deserted me and left me with 3 children, and a failing business. The going got tough … My ex took up with a lady he didn’t know after 10 days. That lady didn’t want him to have contact with his children, removed all letters in the post to him, made threats to them, controls his life including no mobile for him is allowed. Myself and my children all had a breakdown. I lost my home, business and had no financial help from him. 24 years later we have picked ourselves up and carried on. However, my children suffer from anxiety and pain they will never recover from. Letters still hidden an destroyed, and addresses hidden.
I came to the conclusion that some men don’t want the responsibility of families, a weakness but can also be bullied and weak. Not all may I say. I just wonder what are in some of these women’s minds. I was always loving and faithful, worked hard, a good cook and mother. I’m now 69 had cancer which they was possibly caused by stress. So you guys out there think twice before you do anything. Life is not a bed of roses on the other side. Talk and don’t bottle it all up. I never married again. Never found anyone but would have liked to. Just be kind to everyone