1. Don’t make any rash decisions. Do you tend to act impulsively, without considering the consequences? Do you make decisions when upset? When you are upset, do you have difficulty stopping to think things through?
2. Accept your struggles for recovery as normal. Are you impatient with yourself because you feel the betrayal so intensely? Are you impatient to get over the pain? Do you think you are abnormal because you hurt so badly and for so long? Do you believe you can learn new, more effective ways of coping?
3. Don’t indulge your anger and retaliate. Do you have a temper? Does your anger feel out of control? Do you want to seek revenge on your unfaithful partner?
4. Don’t bury or fight against your feelings. Are you down on yourself for what you feel? Do you tend to ignore your feelings? Do you feel in a constant battle with yourself over your uncomfortable thoughts and feelings?
5. Don’t minimize or exaggerate the personal impact of the infidelity. Would you rather just forget about what happened and move on with your life? Do you complain excessively about what you suffered? Does self-pity dominate your life?
6. Treat your feelings as friends, not enemies. Do you hate what you feel? Do you think you can learn from your feelings and gain important information about yourself? Do you listen carefully to your feelings, as you would a close friend? Do you take all your feelings seriously, especially the uncomfortable ones?
7. Focus on self-care and take time for yourself. Do you believe you deserve the time you take for yourself? Do you focus more on caring for others than yourself? Are you your own best friend?
8. Seek support and guidance through therapy and self-help groups. Do you believe you deserve the care of others? Can you trust others enough to let them help you? Are you willing to let others know you, or is that too frightening? Do you expect others will reject you if they really get to know you?
9. Pray as if everything depends on God, however you conceive Him; work on recovery as if everything depends on you. Do you believe in the power of prayer? Are you willing to put energy into developing the virtues needed for recovery?
10. Cultivate the virtue of fortitude—courage. Do you see the decision to invest in your own recovery as a courageous act? Do you see it as an invaluable opportunity to become a courageous person?
From the book TRANSCENDING POST-INFIDELITY STRESS DISORDER: THE SIX STAGES OF HEALING by Dennis Ortman © 2009, published by Celestial Arts/Ten Speed, an imprint of The Crown Publishing Group.