The following is the fourth segment in a 13-part series based on the book, Divorce: It’s All About Control — How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars, by renowned family law specialist and managing partner of Phillips Lerner, A Law Corporation in Los Angeles, Calif. This continuing series deals with one of the most destructive wars — the Internal Wars — and the Enemies Within, all of which can be just as devastating as the emotional, psychological and legal wars. As I mentioned in segment one of this series, each one of the Internal Wars deals with self-abuse in one way or another. I have already covered alcohol/drug addiction, over-spending and gambling. This segment focuses on overeating, a very common Enemy Within.
This might very well be one of the most harmful of all Enemies Within. It is a natural reaction to want to soothe and comfort yourself when you feel the battle fatigue from the effects of the Three Typical Wars, but in the end, you may be trading one War for another. Over-eating can take a heavy toll on your body and your spirit. Self-esteem is an important commodity to clutch onto when you are going through a breakup. If you go from a (women) size 6 to a size 12, or you go from a (men) 38 waist to a 44 (with a beer belly), chances are you will walk around in a deeper sense of despair. Nothing says “you win” louder to your ex than to show him or her that you have let yourself go. As before with the other “Way Too Much” Wars, it could be that over-eating was a problem before the divorce, but now that you are on your own, wouldn’t it be nice to feel that you are a brand new you—an attractive you—that you can flaunt if you feel like it?
Besides alcohol and drugs, over-eating ranks next on the top of Enemy Within list. Now, it is quite possible you will have your own list without my even having to prod you, but for starters here are a few suggestions you might want to adopt:
- I will not be able to fit into my clothes.
- I will risk my physical health.
- I will be unattractive to the opposite sex.
- My ex will smirk at my misfortune.
- I will have to keep buying a brand new wardrobe.
- More groceries cost more money.
- I will not like what I see in the mirror./li>
- My mental well-being will suffer tremendously.
- My children may follow my example.
- I will have less energy.
- I will have lost Control.
Now go ahead and add to this list. The point is to make sure that if this War is one you are fighting that you face it head-on and do something about it.
Stacy D. Phillips is a co-founder of Blank Rome LLP, which specializes in high-profile family law matters. She is a Certified Family Law Specialist by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization.