If you want to end
relationships, just say, “I want to marry you so we can live together
forever.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.
— Rita Rudner
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
— Lewis Grizzard
Breaking up. It
happens kind of suddenly. One minute, you’re holding hands walking down
the street, and the next minute, you’re lying on the floor crying and
all the good CDs are missing.
— Kennedy Kasares
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I figure that’s why my boyfriend moved.
— Christy Murphy
My boyfriend dumped me — or rather, I allowed him to set me free.
— Darlene Hunt
I broke up with my girlfriend. She moved in with another guy, and I draw the line at that.
— Garry Shandling
I broke up with someone, and she said, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” And I’m thinking, I hope not!…Does anybody end a bad relationship and say, “By the way, do you have a twin?”
— Larry Miller