The world is not black or white, it’s a spectrum. Divorce is not necessarily bad, nor is it necessarily a good thing – it is also a spectrum, and different people will find themselves on different sides of this scale.
For some, a divorce is a traumatic experience, one that they will have to prepare for and learn how to handle their emotions so that they can find their happiness once more in the months to come.
And then there are those who are simply glad to be out of a toxic or abusive relationship and are finally able to live their lives in health and happiness.
That said, a divorce is never an easy ordeal, no matter where you fall on this spectrum.
From the emotional and psychological stress of parting ways with someone you used to love, to dealing with the complainers and the negative people in your life, all the way to the stress of deciding where to live, this is definitely not an easy time in your life. So, let’s make it a bit easier and help you figure your life out during and after a divorce.
Figuring Out Life During and After Divorce
Make a detailed plan
First things first, you have to stay in control of your emotions. There is not an easier time in your life to make a rash decision than right now as you’re going through the painstaking task of parting ways with your former spouse, separating your assets, and figuring out your living arrangements. When you’re angry, you might try to hold on to the apartment or house without realizing that moving out would be a wise financial decision as well as the best way to move on with your life.
When you’re sad or hurt, though, you might just want to get out of there no matter what, and you might make the rash decision of leaving everything to your spouse without a fight. Neither of these is a very prudent decision, so the most important thing is to stay calm and make a plan that works for both parties. There’s always room for compromise, but you have to remain civil with your ex and work out the details, preferably without getting the lawyers involved.
When you’re the one moving out
There is no right or wrong answer here, whether you decide to stay or to move out of the house, it’s all circumstantial. But say you do agree that you should move out or that you should sell the house together, what then? What is your game plan and how do you start your life anew in the healthiest, most productive way possible? Well, first you need to find a place to live.
But it’s not just about having a roof over your head, it’s about catering to your current and long-term needs. You need to have a sense of direction and find a place where you can effectively start building yourself up again. So, don’t settle for anything just so you can get away, instead, make a plan detailing where you want to take your life from here, and choose accordingly.
Staying put but making a change
If you’re the one who is staying, then you have a lot more work to do. You can’t expect to keep the place looking exactly the same after a divorce, because the design and décor of your living environment will invariably remind you of a life that once was. Needless to say, this is not a good way to recover emotionally or spiritually, so your first order of business is to declutter your home thoroughly.
Next, you’ll do well to prep the interior for a quick home renovation by deciding on the new paint job in every room, and researching the contractors that can breathe new life into your living environment efficiently and effectively. These needn’t be any cumbersome renovations, just little projects around the house that will set the stage for a new life, and a new set of positive memories.
Build a healthy routine
Regardless if you’re the one moving out or the one staying put, you have to invest time and effort to rebuild yourself. Concretely, you have to find a way to cope with the divorce and move on in time, and there is no better way to do this than to establish a healthy routine. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you take up a new hobby such as cooking, decide to visit a therapist, take up sports, or adopt a dog with whom you can build a loving relationship – every positive change counts, no matter how small it may seem.
Patience and positivity
Most importantly, you have to be patient, and you have to retain a positive outlook on life. No, coping with divorce isn’t easy, nor is it easy to force yourself to be happy, but it is nonetheless vital for your long-term emotional and psychological well-being. Allow yourself time to experience the five stages of grief, and then start to build yourself up again by being patient, surrounding yourself with family and friends (do not isolate yourself), and start thinking about the positive things in life and what the future holds for you.
Going through a divorce raises a lot of questions and concerns, some of which have to deal with your living arrangements, and how you’re going to move on emotionally and spiritually. While there is certainly no easy answer to these questions, you can use these tips to make the process a bit easier and rise above this ordeal to rebuild your life.
Lilly Miller is a Sydney-based graphic designer and a passionate writer. She loves everything about home decor, art history, and baking. She shares a home with two loving dogs and a gecko named Rodney.
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