What happens if you find out you’re pregnant mid-divorce? A break up is difficult on its own, but when the thing that you least expect becomes “you’re expecting,” it makes the situation all the more complicated.
Each relationship is always unique, and so are co-parenting relationships. Paving the roads of your new dynamic will take time, but there are certain steps you can take to make the transition easier.
Now that you are divorced, it may mean that you need to change some of the plans you currently have in place for your future. Moving on from a marriage means rethinking important factors. Even if your relationship is ending amicably, there are long term decisions that become even more important like picking godparents or thinking about adding a life insurance beneficiary.
You’re used to having a partner and making these decisions as a team, and though some things may be already worked out on your ex’s side, you need to start preparing yourself and your household so that you can raise a child in a stable environment.
What to Do When You Get Pregnant Mid-Divorce
Have Important Conversations With Your Ex
If things are tense with your ex and the marriage is ending on bad terms, it will probably be extremely stressful, frustrating, and emotionally draining. That being said, it is important to have constructive conversations with your ex if you want to build a healthy co-parenting relationship.
There is no one way to accomplish better communication skills, but the good part is that once you start practicing good communication skills, you will see the benefits very quickly. Here are a few practices to implement right away:
Spend Some Time Apart
Sometimes forcing clashing people to be together in a physical location just creates an explosion, and taking the time to think through your feelings goes further than continuing a looping conversation. Time apart gives each person the opportunity to analyze what is causing them to overreact and to find the right words to express their thoughts and feelings.
Have you ever gotten stuck in a conversation where you felt like you just weren’t being heard? Well, chances are the other person felt the same way you did. Taking a minute for fresh air is what you both may need. Especially now, when we are all stuck at home by government order, taking a minute apart can strengthen your co-parenting conversations.
Refrain from Tossing Insults
Most couples throw some verbal and personal jabs when ending a relationship, but when planning for a baby at the same time, you should try your hardest to refrain. Take the precautionary step of talking about and writing down what your and your ex-partner’s triggers are so you each can do your best to not cause unnecessary stress. In many cases, what makes us sensitive is specific and personal, and with practice, the way the sensitive topics are discussed could be what makes or breaks the co-parenting communication.
Your first priority should be the quality of life of the new child that is being brought into the world. Though communication between the two of you is important, you should also take the time to communicate with yourself. Think about what your faults in the relationship were and how you can make sure not o carry them on into the new co-parenting realm that you’re moving into.
Make a Plan for Finances
Let’s face it. Keeping those cute, smooshie baby cheeks happy and clean is expensive, and money can be a sore topic. The stress is even more so in a divorce. Having a baby on the way means that it’s important to establish where the majority of each person’s money will go.
It is important to be fair here. No one wants to feel like they’re being taken advantage of, and no one likes to feel as if they aren’t being supported. Knowing the state of your finances will also help.
Getting Back To a Normal Life After Divorce
Eventually you will move on, and though that may seem like a future far, far away, having conversations early on about the rules around co-parenting and dating can save you, your ex, and your child from unnecessary turmoil and trauma.
The fact is that the relationship came to an end for a reason, and pregnancy isn’t always a sign that you should be staying together. You can, though, still create a healthy, loving, and nurturing atmosphere for your child.
With all of the preparations that go into getting your life ready for a child while in the midst of a breakup, don’t forget to do the emotional work for yourself. Make your own set of “Divorce 10 commandments” that can be either your personal guide or serve as the foundation for your co-parenting style.
Pregnancy is only the beginning of a wonderful lifelong journey, and getting pregnant mid-divorce doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Do not waste valuable years by holding onto anger and the past. It is no myth that raising a child takes a village. One of the best things you can do as a parent is to make sure that your child is surrounded by people who love and care for them.