All the stress and trauma from divorce pile up fast. Without knowing it, you can end up disconnected from your friends, loved ones, and even yourself. Taking some time out of every day to practice mindfulness is great in theory, but it’s also hard to know where exactly to start.
Staying mindful during divorce isn’t easy, but with a little bit of practice and creativity, you’ll be able to get through it.
The goal is not to get back to who you were before marriage but to find out who you are now in the midst of making appointments, moving, searching for new schools, filing for single parent car insurance, home loans, and other endless changes.
Tips On Staying Mindful During Divorce
Get back to where you once belonged is more than a Beatles lyric. Though you are sure to have changed throughout the experience of marriage and now divorce, getting back to who you were is a reminder of who you are at your core.
You might be questioning how to possibly make time for yourself when thinking about so much, having so many things to do, worrying about possible arguments, and how your decision to split is affecting your kids, but the truth is that not making time for yourself will only weaken you in all other areas.
This advice could feel played out, but you hear it a lot because the benefits of meditation really are great. Even if sitting still isn’t up your alley, there are many forms of meditation that can help still a restless mind, including focused meditation, mantras, movement, and sound therapy options. Once you explore and understand the different methods, it won’t be hard to implement in your daily life.
Meditation is a beautiful thing to practice especially in times of high stress. You can easily incorporate meditation practices into your everyday life by doing it first thing in the morning, adding it into a workout routine, or using smaller meditation tips as an active calming method.
2. Reconnect with People
If you’ve been feeling depressed after a divorce, don’t worry, it only means you’re a normal person. It’s okay to take the time to grieve and to handle any intimate matters in private, but know that the time to resocialize is critical to your mental health.
Keeping things bottled up is something we all have learned to do. But it is healthy to talk about your problems. Whether you’ve talked to your family and friends every day or if it’s been a while, reconnecting with those who care about you will help lift your spirits in ways you didn’t know you needed. Let them help get you out and get back in touch with the things you enjoy.
3. Figure Out the Next Steps
The dust from the initial time of impact has settled and the reality is that this is happening. Oftentimes marriages end because the two of you just want different things, and compromising for both parties just isn’t enough to satisfy either of you anymore.
After learning how to get back to a level headed state, your next step is to figure out what you want moving forward in order to stay mindful during divorce.
Though it might be a controversial perspective on divorce, you should start thinking about what you’re going to do with your new-found freedom. Relationships are hard work, and no matter how many obligations you have, being single is a way to find the freedom you likely haven’t had in some time.
Some main things you should consider are:
- What do you want to leave with?
- What can you do without?
- What do you want your life to be?
After divorce, you might be feeling like of your life is missing, and you may feel that space is now yours to fill. The emotions behind dividing assets run deep and can be extremely triggering, but figuring out what you want from your separation is necessary.
As much as you’re considering what you want, you need to dedicate just as much time figuring out what you don’t want. List those things and have them prepared to show your ex. Depending on the environment around your separation, this kind of list can be something that either keeps the peace or helps create it.
Lastly, make a list for yourself of what you want your future to look like outside of your marriage and divorce. Are there goals you pushed to the side that you still want? How do you see yourself achieving them?
Your list can be anything from short to long term and physical to spiritual, as long as by the bottom of it is a picture of your life that you are happy with.
4. Moving On Mindfully
Divorces can be messy, and by the end, there will come a time where you’ll have to accept your wins and losses. No matter how your divorce is going, starting to put your new life in motion can’t be something done prematurely — meaning the time is now.
You’ve done enough waiting, and waiting more isn’t going to make moving on any easier. Get back out there. Don’t just keep checking your ex’s social media profiles. Chances are you’ll never feel ready to date again, but a part of moving on includes starting up new romantic relationships.
Blind dates can be intimidating so try downloading dating apps to dip your toe back in. The plus side of meeting someone via an app is that you can get to know them a bit before committing to spending time. It’s okay to date without wanting to take your dates too seriously.
5. Stay Mindfully Present
Be present at this time and work on staying mindful during divorce. Living in the past only perpetuates guilt, and living in the future only intensifies anxiety. Oftentimes getting a divorce can make us feel as if we’ve failed, but that isn’t the case. There is no shame in changing something that makes you unhappy or that is no longer adding to your growth as a person.
If you are currently mid-divorce, some of these practices might be intimidating, but chances are, if you’ve read this far, you’re looking for ways to find your ground.
Find what works for you, and do so with the confidence that you deserve love in all of its varieties. You deserve happiness, and you are worthy of the life you envision.