New Years is traditionally a time to resolve to do something new or to do something differently. For divorcing or divorced people the New Year can be a time of sadness for a loss or separation or a time of hope for the future.
No matter how the New Year affects someone they can have a better new year by sitting down and contemplating their lives and the lives of others and how things can and should change. So if you are divorced or divorcing or even if you aren’t this blog is about thinking differently and acting differently in the new year ahead.
Changes contemplated at New Years, are often “personal” things like weight loss, health, healthy eating, and exercise. These are all things to help us with health or to “feel better” about ourselves. While these types of “changes” are fine one might want to think of taking on new approaches from a “thought-based” or philosophical position rather than doing specific things like avoiding certain foods or exercising,
Here are 7 New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced or Divorcing People
Resolve to Forgive
We hear a lot about the necessity of forgiveness but, until you have really been able to forgive someone for something, you will have no idea of how good forgiving is for you. Forgiveness operates to erase or reprogram our natural thought and reaction process thus enabling us to be able to see someone or talk with them without having those old thoughts (remembering) or that poisonous feeling which goes through the body “because of what they did”! Forgiving (actual forgiving) will help you feel better and be a much better person and better example for others.
Resolve to Forget
Forgetting comes with forgiving and is a natural part of forgiving and thus probably the origin of the phrase, “forgive and forget.”. Forgetting is an “automatic” part of forgiving—essentially the ability to not automatically “remember” and have your mind turn on this playback loop of whatever the issues were and whatever the actions were that you have forgiven. As in forgiving the result of forgetting will help you feel better and be a much better person and a better example for others.
Resolve to be Kind
Kindness is so important in this world and being kind creates its own type of rewards (not that kindness should be practiced with the expectation of a reward). One small act of kindness from you to another can totally change someone’s day (or even life) and create a good which will be passed on to others. Being kind to others and practicing being kind will improve your outlook on life and open doors you never knew existed.
Resolve to be Understanding
Understanding, like kindness, opens doors to knowledge and even the ability to forgive. Making snap judgments or categorizing people without trying to understand them may deprive you of valuable insights. Understanding, whether you agree with what you are understanding or not, can help one in a number of ways. Understanding and telling someone you understand can also help that other person know that you are listening and hear what they are saying.
Resolve to be Helpful
Try to be helpful to others. Many people do not want help with various projects or problems they may have but an offer of help from another person means so much. Sometimes helping brings about new friendships, new opportunities, and new knowledge.
Resolve to Create Peace
Try to create peace by being peaceful. Resolve to be peaceful. Practice controlling your emotions and thoughts and “catching” them when they start to escalate or get out of hand. Breathe deeply. Watch others as they talk or explain and especially when they argue. If they are both agitated and angry and loud, who is “winning”? Which do you believe is “correct”? If one of them is calm, paced and quieter, ask yourself if that person is more believable and see if that person calms the other person and hopefully turns the exchange into a productive conversation.
Resolve to Pass on Your Knowledge
Helping others understand things brings its own rewards. Imparting understanding is equivalent to gift giving. This can be done in a number of ways on a number of different levels and I won’t comment on this further but would ask that you think about this on your own.
William Geary practices family law in Central Ohio area and is licensed to practice before all Ohio Courts, the U.S. District Court, for the Southern District in the State of Ohio and also before the U.S. Supreme Court. He has been practicing for over 40 years. https://columbusfamilylawyer.com/