When you are constantly thinking about the pain of divorce, it can be unbearable. What you think about, you bring about. What you focus upon grows. Your thoughts are like seeds planted in fertile soil. Your attention to them is the water and sunshine they need to grow. Anything you have ever created in your life was preceded by your thoughts.
For the above reasons, paying attention to your thoughts is especially important when going through divorce. Your pain and loss are easy to dwell upon. If your thoughts could magically manifest into reality within the hour, would you still choose to think the same way? Thankfully, your thoughts do not manifest instantly. But they do pre-pave the way to your future.
It is normal to feel animosity toward your ex, fear for your financial future, and worry about your kids. These thoughts can trigger real pain. You may experience headaches, abdominal pain, digestive upset, and sleeplessness. Your thoughts have power over your body because they are activating your hormones. Your body is in a fight, flight, or freeze response. You may feel as if you are spinning in a storm of pain.
If you are suffering from the pain of divorce, consult with a physician, professional therapist, or divorce coach to help you navigate your feelings and supervise your health. In addition, implement the following things to moving past your pain.
How to Overcome the Pain of Divorce
One way to unhook from the spiral of fear, worry, and guilt you are feeling is to visualize letting it go. You may be afraid to begin your new life as a single parent. You may worry about how your kids will adapt. Sit with that fear for a moment. Pay attention to where you feel the fear in your body. Now that you are embodying the fear, describe it. Use your active imagination. What color is it? What shape is it? What is it comprised of? Here is an example of an image that could come up. Your pain could be described as a ragged shaped, shiny obsidian black stone that you feel in your heart. It feels oppressive and sharp.
Once you have visualized your pain as an object, it is time to let it go. When your thoughts of worry, fear, and guilt have taken shape, you can release them. Using your mind’s eye, pick up that stone and hurl it into the atmosphere. Choose a visual that works for you and specify the shape, smell, size, texture, and color of your pain. Then choose any method to discard it.
You will feel free and so much lighter in your thoughts and in your body. Use this method repeatedly when you find your pain creeping in.
2. Be Aware
Your thoughts ultimately manifest into the relationships and things that you have in your life. You must pay attention to your thoughts in order to achieve the outcomes you want. So how do you become aware?
To get rid of the pain of divorce, you need to observe your thoughts. This will require making some new habits. I like to imagine my mind as an attic. When you climb the stairs to look into the attic, you have to pull the chain to turn on the light. Use this process as a blueprint to illuminating your thoughts. Throughout the day, become aware of your mind. Imagine pulling the string and illuminating your thoughts. Are your thoughts causing you pain? Do they make you worry? Do you feel helpless? Are you overwhelmed?
If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you know it is time to follow step one. Describe your thoughts and give them qualities and characteristics. Now hurl them out! With a free and clear mind, it is time to think about what you truly want to bring about in your life.
3. Write it Down and Find Pictures
In step three you have visualized your pain and released it. Now it is time to get clear on what you want. Your divorce has created the need to discover new housing, new support systems for your children, and maybe even new health and wellness routines for yourself. To achieve the positive things you desire. It is necessary to identify them clearly.
Using your phone, tablet, or notebook, write down the following categories. Next to each one, write your new thought pattern.
- My health
- My finances
- My opportunities
- My personal growth
- My relationship with my children
- My home life
- My education
- My social life
- My spiritual growth
This list will create the story of your new life. Put your attention to the possibilities that are open to you in each of these categories. You will create new thought patterns.
Next, use a photography website such as www.pixabay.com to search for and find images that represent how you will feel when you have your perfect health, your finances in order, a happy family, and social life. Print these photos out and add them to your list.
Your list and photos will become a touchstone. You can refer to them for strength and hope during painful times.
Divorce triggers a state of grief and emotional turmoil. It is easy to stay in that place by dwelling upon the stories of struggle you face. Break the habit of ruminating.
Use these three steps to move past the pain of divorce and create a future you’ll enjoy.