Marriage is one of the biggest and most rewarding journeys that you set out on in your life. Some people do it as a sign of commitment under a religious guise, while others see it as a way of affirming their commitment to another person.
Either way, it is something that people enter into intending it to be for life, and as a sign of undying love and commitment to another person. It is certainly never a step to be taken lightly.
As the world has evolved and society has become more liberal, second marriages have become commonplace: after all, if your first marriage ends for whatever reason, why shouldn’t a person have a second shot at happiness?
However, statistically speaking, the failure of second marriages are actually more common than you may think. In fact, second marriages are much more likely to fail than a first marriage (70% of second marriages fail to last the distance), simply because the dynamic has changed.
Here are 4 Things That Cause the Failure of Second Marriages, and How to Avoid Them
The Legacy of the First Marriage
It may be that your first marriage was bliss, but it was ended by the premature death of your partner. Or, it may be that your first marriage failed to work out for any number of other reasons.
First thing’s first: Never, ever make your second marriage about fixing the wrongs of the first.
If you were scorned by your first spouse, you will likely carry some heavy emotional baggage around with you that is likely to impact your future relationships. This is something that you need to work out before you embark on a second marriage. You should also never jump into a “rebound” relationship.
“If you have experienced a first marriage that didn’t work out, I recommend that you take time after the dissolution of that union to reflect on why things went wrong, and to consider what it is that you want from a future relationship. If you were cheated on, you may need some counselling to help you accept that it wasn’t your fault that this happened to you.
Similarly, if it was an incompatibility issue, then do not go rushing into the arms of someone who displays the exact opposite character traits of your previous spouse, because this may not be what you are searching for either,” warns Hannah Goldman, a relationship blogger at ResearchPapersUK.
Give Yourself Time to Be Yourself
A common trait of first marriages that don’t work out is that either spouse may have embarked upon the marriage at an extremely young age, and perhaps didn’t know themselves well enough to know what they wanted from life and from a life partner. As you grow older, you may begin to see that the exuberance of youth lead can often lead to rash decisions.
If your first marriage fails, it is imperative to give yourself time to be alone, embrace living with yourself, and give yourself time to do the things that you felt you couldn’t do within the confines of your marriage. Take the time and space to reflect on everything that has happened to you.
Meeting a new partner at this juncture needs to be a slow process. People often say things like “well we are both not getting any younger so why waste time?” but that is fundamentally missing the point. You have all the time in the world.
No one is saying that you need to get married again at all. Take your time to enjoy life, and if you stumble upon someone who shares the same outlook on life (although they do not necessarily have to have all the same likes and hobbies), then great. A second marriage should be something that you find you want to do, not something that is required.
The reality is that by the time a second marriage comes around, our lives are more complicated. We often have kids from our previous marriage, and this can add a number of complications to future relationships.
“Of course your children should come first, there is no doubt about that. However, there is bound to be some jealousy too, and it is not for your children to deny you a second chance of finding happiness in a marital union. A second marriage will never work, though, if your families are against it, and some people really can’t see how that is a massive impediment to what they are trying to do.
Your family needs to accept your choice of partner, and your partner’s family needs time to accept you, so don’t go at this clumsily and in a rush. Take your time, build relationships, and enter the union at a time that is right for everyone: it’s not just about the two of you anymore,” advises Kenneth Santos, a health writer at LastMinuteWriting.
It can be rather depressing to mention money when it comes to marriage, but the reality is that it will forever play a part. After a first marriage, it is normal to find yourself with less money than you had before, and it may be that financial considerations are in the back of your mind when you enter a second union. Pre-nuptial agreements may sound a little cold-hearted, but it may be the most pragmatic step you can make before you agree to marry a second time around.
The final piece of advice is to embrace the opportunity. Avoid any cynicism, and enjoy this second chance of happiness.
Marketing expert Pam F. Contreras can be found guiding teams through the process at GumEssays, but she is also a respected lifestyle coach and self-professed ‘happiness consultant’ who wishes to spread the word that contentment is within reach for all people. www.gumessays.com