The following tips work for anyone, single or married, divorced, male or female, who would like to increase his or her overall attractiveness and become simply irresistible.
6. Acknowledge People Profoundly
One simple and highly effective way to become irresistible is to convert your compliments into acknowledgments. People get compliments fairly often: “Oh, what a lovely sweater.” Or, “You sure look handsome today!” Don’t get me wrong, compliments are great, but acknowledgments are even better! An acknowledgment is about who the person is, while a compliment is usually about what the person has or does. For example, “Robert, I really appreciate the support you’ve shown by coming all the way out from New Jersey to attend this workshop. Your presence lights up the whole room.” That’s an acknowledgment; it is very personal and leaves Robert feeling great about himself.
Think of some way you can acknowledge someone for who he or she is and be as specific as possible. Don’t just say, “You’re terrific.” Say, “You’re a skillful speaker. I admire how gracefully you handled that rude comment.” Or, “You are a generous and loving person. You know just the right thing to say to make a person feel good.” Instead of saying to the cook, “What a delicious dinner!” you could say, “This is a superb meal. Your attention to detail is incredible. Not only is this delicious but it is artistically and beautifully presented.” People will want to be around you if you are in the habit of giving acknowledgments. You will also be energized because it feels really good to give acknowledgments. Just change this one little thing and you’ll immediately be more attractive.
7. Be Sensuous
You have to slow down to become sensuous. Being sensual is not about sex, but about relishing your senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Savor life and all its flavors and textures, its colors and shapes. We are physical beings in a physical world designed to be enjoyed and appreciated. In the rush of life it is easy to neglect the purely sensual side of our nature.
If you have lost touch with your sensuality, it is easily reawakened. After a bath or shower, rub scented body oil all over. Do this slowly, massaging and enjoying the curves and lines of your body, the silky feel of your own skin and the oil. Instead of eating ice cream or sorbet with a spoon, order it in a cone. Enjoy the pleasure of licking it, twirling your tongue around the cold, sweet ice cream. Bake cinnamon rolls or put cinnamon sticks in boiling water on the stove to make the whole house smell delicious. Put beautiful artwork on your walls to give your eyes a visual feast. Drink champagne and toast the sunset. Wear clothes that are irresistible to touch—soft cashmere, silk, a fuzzy angora sweater, a buttery cotton, or a cozy flannel. Listen to music that you love. Try Pachebel’s Canon or Ravel’s Bolero. Chant the mantra “om” until you feel yourself vibrate with the sound. Read poetry out loud. Try an unusual dish with unfamiliar spices—an Indian curry, the hot chile spiciness of a Mexican dinner, or the searing burn of Thai food. You are a sensuous being. Revel in it!
Nature is full of its own sensuality: the soft curves of green hills, the vivid glow of a sunset, the methodic pounding of waves crashing on sand, the dreamy romance of a starry evening, the silken softness of a rose petal. If you’ve lost touch with nature, you’ve lost touch with some of your own natural sensuality. When is that last time you walked barefoot through the grass or sand? Make a point of spending at least a few hours a week surrounded by nature, even if that means having lunch in the park during the week. At the very least, buy some fresh flowers for your home and enjoy the beautiful fragrance and colors.
8. Be an Angel
Newsweek reported in a cover story that more than 60 percent of the population believes in angels. If you were an angel, what would you do for the people in your life? What secret favor could you do without anyone knowing you did it? Once you start doing angel acts, you will radiate and glow from the inside out. When you have your needs fully met you can afford to give without needing anything in return. If you have a hard time giving secretly, it is a sure sign that your needs aren’t sufficiently met. Get your needs met first, then you’ll be ready to give freely and easily. This is not about sacrifice or suffering. Don’t do a favor for someone else if it will hurt you. You come first.
Here are some examples of angel acts: drop some cash off in an unmarked envelope for a friend or relative who is having a tough time financially. Send an anonymous donation to a charity of your choice. Throw change on the sidewalk in front of a school. Take out the trash when your spouse isn’t looking. Send an anonymous note of appreciation to a friend. Stop by a home for the elderly and visit with people who look lonely. Rake the leaves in your neighbor’s yard. Volunteer one day in a soup kitchen. Do a good deed or some random act of kindness.
Linda, a financial planner, was in a funk, feeling unloved and sorry for herself for no particular reason. I gave her the homework of giving love or some small gift to everyone she came in contact with. At work she said hello to the secretary and thanked her for always smiling no matter how she must feel. At the grocery store she let a person who just had two items go ahead of her in line. The person was grateful and appreciative and Linda felt oddly good for doing such a small favor.
She smiled at the grocery store clerk and told him that he was doing a great job handling the eggs with care. As she was driving out of the parking lot, she waved another car ahead. By the end of the day, Linda felt completely fulfilled and thought that the world wasn’t such a terrible place after all. She made it a great place simply by being an angel. Anyone can do this—yes, you too!
A client of mine house-sat for some friends in New York City for a weekend. As a thoughtful gesture, knowing my client had recently left his job to start his writing career, his friends had left him an envelope with some cash in it. Not a huge amount but a very nice gesture. They were wealthy and could afford to do this. But my client rejected this generous gift and felt too proud to accept it. What a shame! It is lovely when someone accepts a gift graciously. All you have to do is say, “Thank you!” After all, what right do you have to deprive someone of the joy of giving?
9. Develop Your Courage
One of the best ways to tackle fear is to start taking more risks in life. Consider these exercises to strengthen your risk muscle. I’m not suggesting that you do anything that would put yourself in physical danger, but rather that you start taking some little or even big risks. Why? Because taking a risk, doing something that might even scare you, will make you feel fully alive and vibrating. The fear will get your heart pumping and toes tingling. Plus, you’ll become a stronger, more powerful human being. Here are some suggested risks to get you started:
- Ask your boss for a raise. Most people are underpaid for what they do, so ask!
- Call someone up you’ve been meaning to call and, for whatever reason, haven’t.
- Ask someone to meet one of your needs.
- Apologize to somebody for something you did that hurt that person, even if he or she doesn’t know you did it.
- Return something that you stole or “borrowed” with the appropriate apologies.
- Volunteer to give a presentation or speech.
- Take a trip by yourself.
- Take the opposing side of an argument. (Stand up for what you think.)
- Go to dinner by yourself at a nice restaurant.
- Take a class in scuba diving.
What is the relation to being irresistible? People who never take risks are rather dry and stale. They may be stuck in a comfortable groove that even they find boring by this time. A risk or two will freshen you up and shake loose any cobwebs that might have been gathering around you. What is something that you’d be afraid to do? Do it this week. Make a dare with your friends if you need to. Keep challenging yourself to do something new and scary and you’ll attract wonderful opportunities.
Now that you are simply irresistible, it is time for a few tips on meeting that special someone. Read them on the book The Secret Law of Attraction.
This article has been edited and excerpted from The Secret Law of Attraction with permission by McGraw Hill Publications, Inc. The Secret Law of Attraction, copyright © 2008, Talane Miedaner, the owner and founder of Talane Coaching Company, has gained international prominence as a life coach by guiding hundreds of clients to find wealth, success, and happiness.
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