I understand how hurtful it can be when your spouse has had several affairs. However, California is a no-fault state. What this means is you don’t have to show fault in order to receive a divorce. We have two reasons to pick from to obtain a divorce in our state:
1) Incurable Insanity, or
2) Irreconcilable Differences, which is Family Code 2310(a) if you’d like to look it up.
Basically, “irreconcilable differences” means that you have issues that cannot be resolved. Although you may be tempted to use the incurable insanity (after all, why would he have affairs when he could be with you? He must be insane!), but in the more than 20 years that I’ve been an attorney, I’ve never used this ground nor have I witnessed anyone else use it.
You might think that no-fault is unfair – especially if you feel wronged by your spouse. However, no-fault tends to reduce some of the fighting between divorcing spouses, and if you have children together, you need to learn how to get along for the sake of your children. If California allowed fault grounds (such as adultery), then you would need to prove that your husband committed adultery – possibly with details about where, when, and with whom. This could make for a prolonged, expensive court battle, and the eventual results would be no different than if you had filed using a no-fault ground. The fact that he committed adultery makes no difference to your divorce – unless he spent a lot of family money on the affair, perhaps buying his girlfriend expensive gifts or paying for her apartment. If this is the case, you might be able to get some of these dissipated marital funds back in the divorce settlement. Speak to a lawyer immediately if you think this might be a possibility. However, the best thing you can do for yourselves and your children is to come up with an agreement and settle your case – without dragging each other through a nasty court battle if you can avoid it.
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