Divorce can be hard to absorb for the children involved, as they are afraid of the notion of having to live with one of the parents. Co-Parenting is an ultimate solution generally where both the former partners can make it a lot less hard on
It is very important to make sure that the co-parenting communication plan with the kids is as effective as possible. You can achieve this by not involving them in the middle of your hassles and avoid conflicting phrases such as “he said,” “she said.
How to Have a Healthy Co-Parenting Relationship?
The ordination of a healthy co-parenting relationship is determined by individual circumstances at the end. The five common trends of a healthy relationship are as mentioned below:
Mistakes do not derail co-parenting efforts
Miscommunication, mistakes, and discord are a reality of parenting irrespective of relationship status. If the system is not in place then the positive communication flow can go berserk.
The honest mistakes being committed can never be taken as an opportunity to settle the score between the co-parents. This turns out to be a competition between themselves instead of being a collaborative effort to raise their child.
To make sure you have the parenting concept plan it well in advance so that you can consult it anytime you feel like you have derailed from your policy.
Adult Responsibilities should only belong to the parents
The definition of a healthy co-parenting relationship clearly states that the children must not be the mediators between the parents or must not facilitate the dialogues between them.
Children should not be made aware or hear about the discord between you and your partner. An excellent rule of thumb for this is to always assume the fact that they can always observe the way both of you conduct yourself within the household and also during the outings with the children. Children assume to be the center of their lives so it makes sense that they would like to know what you talk about. Hence always be careful of your tongue whenever you are around them.
Respect is non-negotiable
While there are several traits of a healthy co-parenting relationship, the one that will always remain the first priority and can never be negotiated is the “respect”.
Respect between the co-parents is a must comes with an entire range of interactions and responsibilities. This involves a range of concepts such as respecting the other parent’s time that involves last-minute changes. This also involves keeping the message content and conversation polite and also relevant to the topic in discussion. The primary characteristic of respect that the parents must display in front of the children is an absolute ban on bad-mouthing about each other.
Respect between co-parents keeps both emotional and mental health under check. Also, this helps maintain an environment where children can thrive.
Avoid bringing the past into the present
Try to avoid discussing the past issues that you had with your ex. Try to focus only on the child now. If and so under any circumstances the past issues influence the communication that you have with the co-parent, raising a child will eventually turn into a struggle. This is because instead of coming up with ways to bring up your child, you will be busy thinking or discussing what you and your ex could have done or should have done to maintain the relationship.
Communication with kids at the center
Feelings can turn sour during a divorce. When feelings are hurt it is highly enticing to turn the attention inward and must focus to sooth own pain. However, healthy co-parenting dictates that parents must focus on keeping their happiness and health at optimal so that they can take care of their children in the best way possible. This thing can turn out to be a very frustrating affair but trying to keep yourself motivated thinking about the welfare of your children can keep you going.
Learn to compromise
In any parenting situation, there will be disagreements on various issues regarding their child. The best way to get around such situations is to make sure not any parent gets it completely according to his/her way and come to the middle to solve the problem.
“Discuss and then decide”
Do not do the vice versa with your partner about something that affects the child or children as a whole. There may be space for you to make decisions of your own but there are still several decisions that you will need to take after discussing with him/her. This generally includes the well-being and the future of the child. Always remember to consult before you proceed with any major decisions as you may not regret if your plan fails as he/she may disagree.
Avoid talking about personal affairs
Do not discuss personal affairs with your co-parent unless you are sure that the talk will not affect him/her emotionally. In some situations, co-parents tend to remain friends even after the divorce and not involved in a romantic relationship. Hence in situations where they would be romantically involved anymore so they can easily discuss who is dating whom for instance as mere “friends”.
“Still a Family” Mindset
The very last thing to maintain a healthy relationship doesn’t stand alone on itself but is a combination of everything discussed above.”Still a Family” exerts your role as your child’s parent rather than as a former spouse, which helps to set a strong foundation for the communication.
The future of co-parenting/parallel parenting
Research studies have suggested that both the parents actively parenting setting aside their differences are the key elements that can help the children adjust well with the concept of their parent’s divorce. Parallel parenting avoids the complexities that arise with the custody of the child as both of them will equally carry out the responsibility of raising them irrespective of their address. Parallel parenting honors the contribution of both parents equally in raising the child/children irrespective of factors such as high conflict, different parenting philosophies, etc.
Healthy co-parenting does not mean you or your spouse have to be 100% perfect for the task. This is like a lifetime appointment, disappointments and mistakes that can not be avoided but will definitely occur throughout the years whenever you may be together. Make sure that the foundation of your communication is strong enough so that you can withstand any rough cycles using various techniques explained above or those you may learn along the course of your life as a co-parent.
John Brooks is a professional blogger & content developer who loves to write on various niches- including family, parenting, marriage, divorce and many more. He currently writes for timtab.com and has been writing for the past several years and has made a good name for himself in the internet community. www.timtab.com