RE: Notification of Termination
Attention: Dwindling Support System
cc: Bored of Relations
Dear Ms. Gabrielle,
I am writing to
let you know my intentions regarding our long and torturous
relationship: The time has come to inform you that this is no longer
working for me, and I want out. I have given this a great deal of
thought and have concluded that the whole arrangement was a poor idea to
begin with, one based upon physical need and rooted in co-dependence,
rather than one which could possibly be a solace and support within and
towards the world at large.
It is high time we
face facts, bite the bullet, and simply separate so that we might both
still have a chance to move on with our lives before it is too late.
I realize this
will be difficult for you to do, that you do not know who you are
without me, that you are completely dependent upon my every thought, and
that I am your only hope: your light in the darkness. Yet I simply
cannot support your selfish whims and continued neediness any longer.
I regret that I,
too, have become so identified with your physical and emotional needs
that I am uncertain how to even begin a life free of your endless,
imagined emergencies and overwhelming demands.
To be truthful, I
find you exhausting and I am incensed at your attitude of entitlement
that you have clung to in order to excuse your encroachment upon my
dwindling time in this world. Hence, I must ask that you do not attempt
any contact with me, as it will interfere with our making a clean break.
I simply refuse to be held hostage any longer to your incessant
I will admit,
however, that you were fun and stimulating when you weren’t a royal
pain, and even will condede to you that I will miss our moments of
intimacy. However, I believe that I will eventually find more satisfying
relations with one with whom I am not so entwined: I believe our
relationship has become incestuous and immoral and ask only that you
return to me the things with which I first entered this enmeshed
relationship: my body and my mind.
Wishing you better luck in future relationships,
Rightful Proprietor and Owner.
Tova Gabrielle is a published humorist and essayist in Oakland, CA. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.