Parents make a lot of mistakes during a divorce – and when they mess up, their children suffer the consequences. It can be overwhelming for every person involved including family members and friends.
Divorces across the world tend to be filled with anger and frustrations because the parents are very likely to be controlled by emotions and make decisions based on them instead of using their logic.
Instead of feeling their emotions, they express it to the people closest to them. They lash out at them and the negative energy continues to build up day by day in their bodies until it erupts as a disease or severe depression.
When one is sick, he or she cannot do much. Some dads even end up losing their jobs because they cannot work effectively. With pending financial obligations such as fees for the attorney and child and spousal support, their finances become strained. And it’s not the dads alone who are severely stressed.
During such times, children get confused because they don’t understand what is going on. It can be a traumatizing to them. Especially if one spouse is making everything difficult for the other spouse. Countless kids have had anxiety related issues and severe depressions.
And some have committed suicide because of the environment at home. Children who are traumatized cannot excel in school. Without proper guidance and counseling, such children start using drugs, indulging in crime and other mind-numbing activities to avoid the pain for a while. And the results are disastrous.
In many cases, dads are the ones making most of the mistakes during a divorce – which makes everything more difficult for their co-parents and children. Most of them might not be aware of how their actions are affecting their children because their actions are based on negative emotions.
Here are 5 mistakes dads make during divorce – and how they can avoid them.
1. Making things harder for moms.
It could be your spouse’s decisions and actions that have led to the divorce. But you should never make the process harder than it is on your ex because you hate her. You know how arguing with her wastes a lot of time and energy. You will never understand each other or agree on something.
Refusing to cooperate on an issue with the aim of hurting your spouse will increase the cost of your divorce and you’ll probably pay for it sooner or later in court. If you haven’t heard, there are states like California that punish spouses who behave unreasonably during divorce.
2. Spending more than they can afford.
It’s always best to have a budget when going through a divorce to avoid spending more than you have. During a divorce, you will definitely need a divorce attorney and you might be required to pay child and spousal support. Again, you and your spouse will be sharing household related expenses after one of you moves out.
If you are not aware of how much you are spending, you might end up depressed and even lose your career. You should always understand your legal obligations and plan for them early enough to avoid disaster.
As the popular saying goes, failing to plan is planning to fail. A well-prepared budget will help you organize your finances and prevent frustrations in the future. Just as writers seek boom essays reviews for help, you should seek help from your attorney when things get tough.
3. Failing to prioritize their children.
In most cases, dads spend most of their time thinking about the divorce than their children. Because they love their children, they might find themselves agreeing to everything so as to avoid arguments and negative energy. While avoiding to argue can maintain peace, it might not be good for you or your children.
Children value peace at home but what they need most are attention and affection. Contacting your children regularly will strengthen your bond with them. Do not give up your right to spend an equal amount of time with your children if it’s not necessary.
4. Refusing to pay child support.
Child support is a specific amount of money a spouse pays to another spouse for physical custody. Some dads stop paying child support either to save money or because they simply can’t afford to keep sending money. This can happen if he loses his job and the budget becomes tighter. If he fails to submit a request for modification, he might be penalized and charged.
Dads should keep in mind that judges understand that circumstances change. The loss of a job will automatically affect your child support payments. The court will view your condition as a legitimate reason not to pay child support. If you find yourself in a condition where you can’t pay child support, always consult your attorney so that modifications can be made.
5. Moving out of the family home too soon.
In some cases, dads who want to maintain peace and order at home leave the family home. Most dads assume custody will be awarded to mums by the court. You should not assume anything because the court puts into consideration several important factors before awarding custody to any party. If you’ve done your research, you must have taken note of many fathers who have been awarded custody because the mothers were deemed unfit to care for their children properly.
If you move out of the family home before the right time, the court might perceive the move as abandoning your responsibilities or your children. And the custody is very likely to be awarded to your ex. To avoid missing such a huge opportunity, always have an agreement in place before you leave the family home. Always seek advice from your attorney regarding such issues before making a move.
Divorce is one of the worst things that can happen to any family. If possible, it would be best to seek other alternatives such as visiting a therapist or a marriage counselor. If divorce is the only solution left, parents should make the process as easy as they can for their children.
In fact, their children are the ones who are most affected. Children value a stable relationship at home. They need love and attention from both parents for them to grow and become successful and healthy human beings. A child’s future is greatly molded by the adults around him or her. If the adults are always arguing and quarreling, the child is likely to have such behaviors when he or she grows up. Children will always imitate their parents. It’s always important to think before acting.
During a divorce, emotions are likely to take control of you. You might find yourself doing everything you can to make things hard on your ex. You are likely to blame your ex for everything that is happening to you and your children. However, you should remember that arguing, blaming and revenging will not solve anything. In fact, they’ll make things worse for you. Your pain will not go away after arguing or spending a lot of resources to make things hard on your ex.
During a divorce, do your best to be calm. Visit a therapist. Start practicing yoga and other stress-relieving activities. Write down how you feel on a journal instead of lashing out at your loved ones. And most importantly, have a budget in place to avoid spending what you don’t have and getting frustrated. Dads can make things easier for their families if they stop making the five mistakes discussed above.
Jacob Dillon is a professional writer and distinctive journalist from Sydney. Being passionate about what he does, Jacob likes to discuss stirring events as well as express his opinion about technological advancements and evolution of society.