Will a predatory person try to come between you and your new love?
This post will help you spare yourself from engaging too deeply with a predatory person who may try to interfere in a new relationship and learn how they can be manipulative, narcissistic sociopaths.
So many of us are unable to discern when it comes to recognizing predatory people. We could avoid a ton of heartache and pain if we had a better understanding of the traits to look out for in others when introducing a new love or date.
A predator has a strategy for interfering in other people’s relationships.
Some of their possible motivations include, but are not limited to, those who are wanting to;
- Create drama that draws attention to themselves to build their ego,
- Gain revenge against someone they think has hurt or slighted them,
- Get the happiness they see in others but cannot achieve for themselves,
- Build their credibility by criticizing or exposing another’s vulnerability.
Putting people down never leads to creating an image of being a better person. Predators usually don’t understand this. They believe they will be seen as smarter, more acceptable, and if they use joking insults, be seen to be a fun person to have around so will gain in popularity.
Most socially savvy people see right through the predator’s behavior. You can too.
The happier you are with your relationship the greater the chance a predator will try to cause you problems with your date.
They will use the following type of actions.
- Flirting and flattering possibly with repeated touching,
- Badmouthing you,
- React too enthusiastically with laughter and false praise,
- Seeking their exclusive attention.
Anyway, the predator can create a wedge between you and your special someone will be tempted. The more response they achieve the greater will be their efforts. Predators have no shame. They love to create chaos. Seeing you unhappy or concerned means they have won a mean game only they are playing.
Once a predator has achieved emotional reactions by increasing the stress between a couple they will act as if they have done nothing wrong.
If you confront a predator they will blame you for being too sensitive, ignoring your date, or charge your date with seeking them out and encouraging them.
They will say things like;
- I was just being friendly,
- I wanted him/her to feel comfortable, part of the group,
- I couldn’t get away, he/she likes being with me and could have left if they wanted to,
- You always see the bad in everyone.
All of their responses are a set up for you to feel a lack of trust with your date and start a conflict between you.
Predators come in all shapes, sizes, ages, and positions of power. It could be a parent, employer, sibling, supervisor, neighbor, or cousin. They may be insecure and timid, or confident and sophisticated. A former spouse or lover may be jealous of your new happiness.
- To feel a sense of personal power,
- Attract attention to themselves,
- Create drama to gossip about with others,
- Get whatever you have that makes you happy,
- Deny you pleasure.
You can prepare before the party to thwart predatory behavior so it doesn’t impact your fun at a party or injure the integrity of your relationship by;
- Consider who might be prone to this type of assault. Reflect on previous situations and identify a specific person or people. “My cousin flirts outrageously with all the new people who come to our family party. Try not to let him/her draw you away from the group.”
- Discuss this risk with your date by sharing your previous experiences. “My neighbor is a touchy-feely type and at the last party, there was a very tense situation between the new people. Keep your distance if you can.”
- Share some tactics that both of you could use. “If you are feeling uncomfortable call me over or ask someone to find me using our code word that alerts me to intervene.” Code words are words that are not usual to the conversation but can be easily slipped into a sentence. If the code word is cookies then asking; “Did you remembered to bring the cookies you baked?” or “Ask my date if there are any chocolate chip cookies?”
- Identify people who might be supportive as they know about the predator’s past behavior. Ask them to keep an eye out for help being needed. “Your date is being cornered in the kitchen. You should probably head that way.”
- Make a pact that you will not engage in any drama and since you came together you will leave together. Using a code word to indicate you are ready to leave a party works well too. Honor a request to leave even if you are not ready to go.
Some parties can be avoided if you know a predator is likely to attend. Other gatherings are more like command performances. These include family gatherings, neighborhood parties, and work-related events.
Sharing celebrations is a great way to enjoy a new person. It is also a revealing opportunity to build trust, get to know more about the individual’s characteristics, and have fun. Being well prepared for the party increases the chance that it will be a wonderful event.
Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed., is a speaker, writer, and consultant on personal and professional relationships. Her solution focused systems approach to relationship issues is applicable to the fast-paced life style of our times. Marilyn reveals ways to set new life goals and incorporate fresh life skills into clients lives. www.mbcinc.ca