What Christmas and Holidays Mean to Divorce Lawyers

Every year we try to blog about how to handle the holiday times. There are usually lists of all types. This year, instead of making a list for clients to follow, we thought that we would start with a list of what we think about, as divorce lawyers, when the holidays approach. That list is below. Then, there is another list of what we would like to think about instead. We wish you all the best for the upcoming holidays and, whether you are unfortunate enough to be involved in a divorce or just know someone who is, hope that you get something from this.

7 Things Divorce Lawyers Consider When Thinking About the Upcoming Holidays

1. I am glad that I am not in a divorce and will have to remember that my clients who are, and the children of those clients, will need extra special treatment — not only because of the divorce, but also because of the time of the year.

2. My clients’ children will not be with their school counselors for a while here, and I feel sorry for the children if they have no one objective and independent with whom to talk.

3. People are thinking that if they can just “make it through the holidays,” they will file for a divorce then (but actually, in our practice, we don’t see a rise in filings until about March).

4. People will be calling in soon with arguments about when pick-ups and drop-offs are supposed to occur and when exactly their orders provide for exchanges for Christmas and New Year’s Eve and Day.

5. People will be criticizing the gifts from “the other parent” and stating that the gifts are “cheap” or “inappropriate.”

6. People will be complaining about the “quality” of the other parent’s parenting time spent for the holidays.

7. People will complain to their children that the other parent is behind on child support or doesn’t give them enough money on which to survive.

7 Things Christmas and Upcoming Holidays Should Make a Divorce Lawyer Consider

1. I am glad that I am not in a divorce and will have to remember that my clients and the children of those clients will need extra special treatment — not only because of the divorce but also because of the time of the year, but my clients are doing their best to make their children feel happy, save, and loved.

2. My clients’ children will not be with their school counselors for a while, but the counselors have given these children tools with which the children can effectively deal with stress, loneliness, feelings of abandonment, and feelings of guilt.  

3. People are thinking that they will “make it through the holidays” and assure that the children have proper support and feelings of stability before they will file for a divorce.

4. People will read and pre-discuss their holiday exchange schedules, long before the holiday time begins, and be in agreement as to exactly what will be happening when.

5. People will not be criticizing the gifts from “the other parent” or stating that the gifts are “cheap” or “inappropriate.”

6. People will not be complaining about the “quality” of the other parent’s parenting time spent for the holidays.

7. People will not complain to their children that the other parent is behind on child support or doesn’t give enough money on which to survive. When children hear these types of things they imagine the other parent with no money and no food and worry about the other parent.

We know that many of you are in divorces and worried about your future, your children, your assets, your retirement savings, and your income. We know that you are worried about running out of money from a case which goes on too long, and we know that you are worried that the courts will not pay attention to you or that everyone will misunderstand you. Be assured that the courts will listen to you, your attorney will do his or her best for you, and that this will all work out. PLEASE just take a two-week break here, during the holiday season, let the children enjoy the holidays and let the attorneys and judges enjoy the holidays, and then we can all proceed, hopefully in a peaceful manner after the beginning of the year.

Remember that your children are the armless, legless victims of this divorce and don’t really have attorneys with whom they can consult. They can’t yell, leave, threaten, sue, or do anything in “your” divorce, yet they may be the parties who are suffering the most. Please give them a break!

William L. Geary is an attorney in Columbus, Ohio who concentrates his practice on family law matters. He has been practicing since 1979.