The holidays are around the corner and you’ve been contemplating divorce.
You’ve put a lot of thought and planning into this decision.
You’ve made up your mind but are wondering if you should end things now or wait until the new year.
Should You Divorce Now, or Wait Until the Holidays Are Over?
When is the right time to end your marriage?
I went through this divorce dilemma myself, not once, but twice before I pulled the plug.
Asking your spouse for a divorce is no small matter and should be done insightfully to set forth a respectful process, balancing your needs and feelings with those of your loved ones, including your soon-to-be-ex.
Keep in mind that you don’t want to take this step when you feel vulnerable and risk going back to an unhappy relationship because your timing is not right.
So, go to a quiet place where you can feel centered and won’t be interrupted. Grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and turn off your phone.
You may want to bring your journal and write down the thoughts and feelings that bubble up.
Do mindful breathing or meditate for a few minutes to center yourself.
Let your intuition guide you, and answer the following questions:
1) Are you safe?
If your partner is abusive, the time to get help is NOW. Reach out to a domestic violence organization and get help to end your marriage safely.
2) Is your marriage insufferable?
If your relationship has become so toxic that it is making you ill or miserably unhappy, cut your losses early. There is no point in suffering through the holiday season.
The key is to be sensitive to the people who may be affected by your decision, like your spouse, children and family members. Share your feelings honestly and let them know that, while you value their well-being, you have carefully considered taking this step as necessary for your health and welfare.
A trusted therapist can counsel you on how to make this process more bearable for all involved, including YOU.
3) Will you feel miserable alone for the holidays?
You may think you’re ready to go forward now. But…are you sure?
Do you have delicious possibilities for holidays without your spouse? Do you enjoy your own company? Or will you feel sorry for yourself if you are all alone?
If you are feeling depressed, have no support systems nor company with whom to enjoy the holidays, ending your marriage may not be a good idea while everyone around you seems happy and you are not!
If you have no palatable holiday plans or do not feel comfortable on your own, waiting it out maybe a better strategy.
4) Will you regret your decision if you call it quits at an inopportune time?
Even worse, would the loneliness prompt you get back into the safety of a relationship you know is not good for you?
Sticking it out for another holiday season beats getting back with someone who is not right for you. So patience may pay off in the long run.
5) Will your divorce ruin everyone’s holidays?
The holidays are a time to enjoy with your loved ones. Is announcing your divorce going to ruin everyone’s holidays, especially your children’s?
Will you feel guilty down the line if you do?
There are no right or wrong answers nor a one-size-fits-all solution to this dilemma. Think carefully and proceed with the option that leads to the highest good.
Making difficult decisions from a place of integrity will give you the peace of mind you need to rebuild your life post-divorce.
And a solo holiday may be empowering, give you time to reflect and reconnect with yourself, and set the stage for a wonderful life ahead.
Whether married or alone, make it your best holiday season up to now!