Many stepparents blame themselves or the relationship itself once disillusionment sets in, rather than reevaluating their unrealistic expectations. When this occurs, partners can play the “blame game” and position themselves against each other, not beside each other.
Blogger's Bio
Terry Gaspard
I am a licensed therapist, college instructor, and non-fiction author specializing in divorce, remarriage, women’s issues, children, and relationships. In addition to this website, I am a regular contributor to the Gottman Institute Blog, DivorcedMoms.com, Huffington Post Divorce, and The GoodMenProject.com, among others.
As a therapist, I am interested in helping people adapt to the challenges they experience related to divorce and remarriage. I became a published writer while attending graduate school in the 1990s, where I began researching the long-term impact of parental divorce and remarriage.
My interest in the lives of women who grew up in divorced families began with my own experience. My passion for this topic grew as my clinical practice included many daughters of divorce and I experienced divorce.
My daughter Tracy and I co-authored Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents' Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship (Sourcebooks). When I wrote the book, I supplemented my clinical and personal experience by interviewing more than 300 hundred women raised in divorced families.
My initial research study in 1995 included 198 women, and I discovered that the loss of access to both parents was associated with low self-esteem in daughters of divorce. Following that, I studied a larger, diverse sample of over 300 adults and examined issues such as interpersonal relationships, family climate, and self-esteem. Both studies were published in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage. My other publications focus on parenting and remarriage.
My second book, The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around, was published by Sounds True in 2020. Based on my personal experience, over 30 years of clinical practice, knowledge from leading marriage and remarriage researchers, and 100 in-depth interviews of remarried people, this book is a must-read for anyone contemplating remarriage.
Blog posts created by this author
6 Ways to Cope With Being Triggered in Intimate Relationships
As humans, we develop coping mechanisms to avoid pain, but sometimes we sabotage our relationships when our immediate reactions to triggers don’t lead to the desired outcome of more loving interactions.
Breaking the Patterns That Keep You in a Rut (Part 1)
Reflect on your patterns of behavior and thought, including your history of these patterns, as a way to evaluate the root causes of any negative cycles that have formed.
When We Are Our Own Worst Enemy in Relationships
Communicating love and admiration to your partner is a hallmark of courtship, yet as couples settle in to dealing with the stresses of day-to-day life, these comments may start to fade in frequency.
5 Things a Single Parent Can Do with Their Kids During COVID
Many single parents are seeking new ways to entertain and stimulate their children during the pandemic.
Tips to Help Children Enjoy the Holidays After Divorce During COVID-19
You and your children can build new traditions and memories of the holidays that will endure the test of time and nourish everyone after divorce. The holiday season doesn’t have to be a time of stress overload.
How Remarried Couples Can Make Their Marriage a Priority
The challenges of remarriage and stepfamily life can chisel away at the closeness of you and your spouse if you forget to make your partner a top priority. This can only truly be communicated through consistency between your actions and words.
Should You Get a Divorce? 10 Key Questions to Ask Yourself
Is your marriage just so-so, or is it toxic? Are you unsure about whether you ever really loved your partner or are you just going through a difficult time?
How Remarried Couples (and All Couples) Can Stay Together Amidst the Coronavirus Pandemic
Even in the best of times, happiness in a second marriage can be difficult to sustain. However, fostering a safe space where you and your partner (and family members) can turn to each other for support, is key to helping you all weather the storm.
5 Ways to Cope With Emotional Triggers After Remarriage
Learning to identify and cope with your emotional triggers is vital to a healthy second marriage. Recognizing the triggers that provoke extreme responses will lessen the risk of sabotaging your marriage by withdrawing or issuing ultimatums, such as threatening divorce.
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