Have you realized your marriage is ending?
If so, you may also find yourself in a perfect storm of stress, emotions, and frustration for you, your soon to be ex and your children. Everyone must adjust to new living arrangements, decisions about money and property, parenting schedules, and more.
The emotions related to these changes make it challenging for spouses to understand or even focus on the legal aspects of a divorce. These emotions may also make it impossible for them to make sound, smart decisions.
While this is true, you may find getting through a divorce is easier if you understand the process before it starts. Keep reading for some information you need to know before you file for divorce.
Things You Need to Know Before You File for Divorce
Don’t Have the Expectation of “Winning” a Divorce Case
Many people file for divorce with the intention of “beating” their spouse by going to court. When it comes to divorce, though, there is very rarely a real winner. Most divorce cases involve an array of complex topics, such as property division, alimony and child support, child custody, and money concerns. It is very rare that the divorcing spouses walk away with everything they hoped for or wanted.
Rather than trying to focus on “winner” and “loser,” it is a good idea to think about the potential consequences of a battle in court. While this will cost a lot of money, children often suffer the most. Also, by deciding on things outside of court, everything can remain more private. It’s also possible to work with an attorney for modifying alimony payments and child support down the road, if necessary.
Think About the Important Decisions First
There are several life-changing decisions that come up when going through a divorce. For example, you need to figure out if you should sell your house. Try to resist the impulse to make a quick decision just to get through the case. When you are making any type of important decision, you need to consider the consequences that you may face.
Remember – You Are Getting the Divorce, Not Your Kids
You may find that you get lost in the heat of the moment. While this is likely to happen, try to avoid saying mean or hurtful things to your spouse while your children are around. These can have far-reaching and long-lasting effects. Recent psychological studies have shown that the more a child’s parents argue during the divorce process, the more damaging the entire process is to their children.
If you have the urge to say something mean or hurtful about someone, be sure to think about it carefully before you say it. A good rule to follow is to count to ten before you say something or answer a question. This will give you time to carefully consider the response you are about to make.
Don’t Believe Everything Other Divorced People Tell You
It isn’t uncommon for individuals who have gone through a divorce before to be more than willing to give you advice about what should – or should not – happen during your situation. Unfortunately, the advice and information that you acquire from others may be wrong or misleading.
All divorces have their own set of issues. Some people may believe that what happened during their divorce is what will happen during yours. However, it’s never a good idea to base the decisions about your situation on someone else’s experiences. Instead, you should hire an attorney and rely on their advice and help. You can also use the services of financial consultants or mental health professionals. These are individuals who can provide you with insight and help for your particular situation.
Make Sure You Stay a “Big Picture” Person During the Divorce
It’s easy to find yourself becoming obsessed with all the bad things that you believe your spouse did to you during the course of your marriage. However, if you do this, it will keep you from being able to move on with your life and making a decision that is not in the best interest of your family. It’s best to let go of the past. Instead, keep an eye on the future. You should try to approach your divorce with an open mind and the willingness to work with your significant other to generate the right outcome for everyone in your family.
Filing for Divorce – You Aren’t Alone
Filing for divorce can be a difficult, frustrating, and emotional time for everyone involved. While this is true, if you use the tips and information here, you can help to reduce the “sting” of the situation. In the long run, this is going to help make this otherwise difficult transition easier on your kids and ensure they aren’t put in the middle. Being informed is the best way to approach any divorce, regardless of the situation.