Going through a divorce is difficult on many different levels. From the emotional roller coaster it can take you on, to the financial burden it places on families, a divorce carries hardships that are very different than most life experiences. That’s why getting divorce advice from people who have been through it is a great way to help you through a time when you otherwise may feel alone, confused, and unsure of the next steps to take.
We asked DivorceMag’s Facebook followers for the most important piece of advice they could offer someone who is going through a divorce, and we received some great feedback. The post reached 8,740 people, had 2,481 engagements, and received over 80 comments. We decided to share some of the most interesting/useful ones to help those of you going through a divorce.
Here is the shortlist of divorce advice from our very own readers to help those of you going through this difficult time.
Get Professional Help
1. Shelley: Seek legal advice.
2. Melissa: Get a consult from a lawyer first.
3. Angela: Finding the right attorney is everything.
4. Shawn: Let your attorney do his or her job, they take the emotions out of the equation.
5. Anna: Get a lawyer that will get all you deserve to take care of your children.
6. Laura: Be smart about your arguing and remember the lawyers benefit when they stoke the fire. Don’t pay $5,000 in legal fees arguing about who gets the $2,000 couch. Put your child’s interests first. If both do that, the divorce should be cheap and fast.
7. Tyler: If you’re going to retain a lawyer, don’t just look for someone who parrots what your points are – look for one who’s not afraid to challenge you.
8. John: In addition to a great attorney, have a CPA who is knowledgeable in the tax issues of a divorce settlement.
9. Diana: Spend the time and money to find the right lawyer for your unique circumstances. There are good lawyers and bad lawyers, so do your homework before making your choice. And remember: there’s no such thing as a stupid question when it comes to decisions that will affect the rest of your life!
10. Kymberly: Don’t look back! You will get through it and then onward!
11. Brahm: Be responsible.
12. Jeannine: Slow down.
13. Zehra: Buckle up and keep going.
14. Joseph: It ain’t as easy as you think. There are so many aspects of your life with that person that are going to have to be dealt with. And the longer you were together the harder everything is going to be.
15. Ed: Work half as hard on reconciling your marriage as you do on a divorce – you might be surprised and happy.
16. Pam: Take it real slow.
17. Dupe: Keep your focus on your own journey 100%, resist all urges to pick on or blame your partner.
18. Pat: Take a deep breath.
19. Peggy: Think again! You might think you’re getting rid of the low-life, but they will always be there, like your past.
20. Nisar: Be assertive and the first to forgive for the sake of God and [your] children.
21. Bridget: You might think it’s the end of the world, but you really won’t regret it in the long run!!
22. Tori: It will not go the way you think it will.
23. Eadie: Be smart. Not gullible.
24. Petroula: Get all the details figured out and be very specific the first time.
25. Hillary: Keep things amicable even if you bite your tongue so much it bleeds – especially when kids are involved. Put hatred and resentment aside and remember you were once very important to each other.
26. Karen: Put your children’s best interests ahead of yours.
27. Dawn: Don’t use the kids as leverage.
28. Carmina: Put your kids needs first, no matter your personal feelings for your spouse.
29. Cornelius: Are children involved? It may at times be intense, but focus on this question and you’ll make better decisions: “Is this me lashing out in pain, or is this in the best interests of the children?”
30. Lisa: Save money to pay for [your divorce].
31. Melissa: Get a separate checking account right away.
32. Margo: Start a private savings account prior to filing [for divorce].
33. Rosemary: Think about every dollar that flows into and out of your household and look for some documentation to prove it. Make copies of tax returns, payroll slips, bank and investment account statements, retirement plan and pension statements, mortgage statements, etc. It is easier to do this before you or your spouse asks for divorce, but if that ship has sailed, then keep checking the mail for financial statements.