|Time and time again, divorced readers or workshop participants will ask me why the hurt they’ve felt when wronged by their former partners currently inhibits their ability to trust new partners. I explain that they are fearful to once again believe in someone only to get hurt again, and that this is a trap that most of us fall into.
Invariably, the next question is: “Will I ever be able to trust a partner again?”
My answer: A resounding YES, you can trust again. Not only that, but you will have to resolve your fear of trusting another if you truly want another chance at developing a committed relationship, and you want this new relationship to strengthen and grow.
After all, your next partner wants — and deserves — this trust. Trust is in fact the foundation of all relationships. Without it, your future partnership will never be able to stand up to the rigors of day-to-day life, let alone the stress during a trauma or times of crisis.
When you are stuck in your distrust, you make it easy to come up with reasons as to why the relationship is not working out. Rationalizations such as “She doesn’t really love me,” or “I’m not pretty enough to hold his attention,” become believable. Sadly, you then justify your fear by blaming your partner — although, of course, he or she has done nothing to deserve your distrust. This creates a stress between the two of you that will eventually crack apart the very core of the union — unless you act quickly to move beyond it.
No one says that this will be easy. It will take several very necessary steps, which I’ve listed below:
John Gray, author of the best selling book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus has recently launched the Ask Mars Venus Coaching program.
For more advice from John Gray, visit www.divorcemag.com/articles/Mars-and-Venus-John-Gray.