It may sound trite but it has taken me years to realize that you cannot change another person and, yes, it does include your spouse. I invite you to reflect on that, and once you embrace this realization, it will reduce your level of stress greatly. It will also make you feel happy and empowered to revisit all of the issues that were separating you in a different light.
So this coming weekend take a relaxing bath with lots of bubbles and a cup of your favorite tea or a glass of wine, close your eyes, and imagine what YOU need to do if your spouse does not change. It will not be easy but you will find it very rewarding to colour your new reality with the brushes of your imagination.
Sometimes the above exercise alone may be enough but if you still need to de-stress, focus on your breathing, yes, literally listen to how you breathe. Sit quietly in a peaceful place and observe your thoughts, and I mean observe them, do not attach to them, let them pass as if they were clouds in the sky. The sky is always blue and clouds come and go. Let them go. Do it for twenty minutes every day, best when you wake up to get ready for the day, and it will create a lot of space and peace for you. After all some researchers have concluded that such an exercise produces changes in your brain within two weeks. Welcome to mindfulness mediation, my favorite way to find calm in the world of perpetual noise.
Dr. Anita Dorczak, is a Lawyer , Mediator and Collaborative Practitioner. She practices alternative processes that let clients resolve divorce and family disputes outside of courtâ€”making the divorce process easier and less confusing. Dr. Dorczak uses her skills to provide reasonable solutions to clients’ problems with the least possible time, cost and stress.