Think in terms of gray, not black and white. Focusing on the other parent’s flaws gives you a distorted picture of who they are. Everyone has room for improvement, even you. A man or a woman who is not a good spouse can still be a good parent. When you stop seeing the other person as the enemy, you can actually begin to accept them as a positive co-parent.
Focus on your child’s needs, not your own. A parent’s fear of losing their relationship with their child or their fantasy of what parenting is supposed to look like can keep them from negotiating a custody agreement that’s actually in their children’s best interests. The more you learn to check your ego, the more you will be able to minimize conflict during custody negotiations with the other parent.
Detach from the outcome. This doesn’t mean that you toss your goals by the wayside, but there’s an important difference between setting an intention, say settling on a 50/50 timeshare split, and clinging to that outcome. Try your best to remain compromising and flexible.
Bari Zell Weinberger is the owner and managing partner of Weinberger Law Group in New Jersey. She is Certified by the Supreme Court of New Jersey as a Matrimonial Law Attorney.