No matter how you look at it, deciding to marry is a complicated enterprise. The change of life is substantial.
The process can become more complex when you’re in love with a divorcee, and thinking about marriage. While some relationships end for the better, others fail due to a lack of effort or more specifically, because one or both parts of the couple gave up. It is a tough proposition to marry a divorcee, but it doesn’t always have to end unhappily.
The question is can you trust each other? As we all know, trust is the building block of the institution of marriage.
In a marriage where one or both partners are divorced, the couple has to deal with blame games, suspicion and contempt, said Dr. Kamal Khurana, a Relationship Coach at Purple Alley Institute of Relationships in New Delhi, India. 75 percent of second marriages can end up with couples seeking another divorce in the first two years, according to research. Second marriages are more vulnerable and fall prey to a web of hostility and quick separation.
If infidelity is the cause behind the first divorce, then things can get worse. The fear of illicit relations born out of dissatisfaction in the second marriage puts the divorced under constant scrutiny of the other partner, Dr. Kamal Khurana added.
Dr. Bhavna Barmi, psychologist and marital therapist said the present partner in that case suffers from paranoia and an over-possessive behavior towards the divorcee he/she has chosen to settle down with.
The marital union stands at risk unless the past is totally wiped off. Comparisons with ex-partners are detrimental to a positive development of the second marriage. Loving and respecting the individuality of your current partner will help the marriage flourish, Dr. Khurana said.
Men are self-centered and more often than not try to find surrogate mothers for their child that does not promise a healthy husband-wife relationship, according to psychologist Bhavna Barmi and Sociologist Reeta Brara. But this is not a universal conclusion. Without love and affection, even if the second marriage begins on a contractual note of an immediate need, it cannot hold for long.
Dr. Bhavna said it has to grow into affection and respect for each other; strengthening the emotional bond between the spouses.
In the matrimonial market there is still a stigma attached with an individual’s divorced status. People see them as second hand merchandise. But second marriages need not be strenuous all the time, said Reeta Brara. There are remedies for this kind of situation.
Things would definitely change for better the day our mindset nurtures positive thoughts and learns to be receptive with a changed outlook.