Being aggressive and angry with your former spouse can have a long-term impact on the mental health of your children. Their world is already shifting, and they need stability and grace from their parents. As parents, a happy home begins with us.
When parents come to me for help in their divorce, I look for ways to make the divorce a collaborative process where both parties feel happy with the outcomes and can negotiate in a friendly, peaceful environment.
Working well together is advantageous to everyone involved and creates more mutually acceptable solutions. While you work through the divorce process, there are a few things you can do to stay calm for your health and your children.
Here are 5 ways to keep the peace with your spouse during divorce:
1. Communicate Openly and Honestly:
Divorce is a difficult and emotionally charged situation, so it’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse. Be willing to listen to their point of view and express your own feelings and concerns.
See things from their perspective and remember to be empathetic. You are individuals with the power to understand the needs and wants of the other.
Tips for communicating during divorce:
- Keep your conversations focused on the children.
- Don’t bring up old arguments or try to rehash past disagreements.
- Don’t make assumptions about your ex’s feelings or intentions.
- Listen to your ex and try to understand their point of view.
- Avoid using derogatory language or name-calling.
- Don’t make decisions or plans without consulting your ex first. Agree to disagree and end conversations on a respectful note.
2. Maintain Respect:
Even though you are no longer together, it’s important to maintain respect for each other. Treat each other with kindness and courtesy, and try to be understanding of each other’s feelings and perspectives.
Put aside hurt feelings and blame. This is about dismantling your marriage and doing it in a way that promotes personal growth and forward movement.
And nothing can benefit your children during this time of transition more than 2 parents who maintain respect for each other.
3. Set Boundaries:
During divorce, it’s important to set boundaries to ensure that both parties feel safe and respected. Make sure that both of you are comfortable with the level of contact you have with each other, and agree on how to handle disagreements or conflicts.
And, agree on a way that contact is to take place. Do you feel safe enough with your soon-to-be-ex that you can engage in face-to-face communication? Do you feel you need the protection of using only email communication?
How you communicate and the boundaries you set will depend greatly on the level of conflict you expect during the divorce process
4. Avoid Blame:
Divorce can be an emotional process, and it’s easy to feel like blaming your spouse for the situation. Instead, focus on what you can do to move forward and take responsibility for your own actions and emotions.
5. Seek Professional Help:
If you and your spouse are struggling to communicate and resolve conflicts, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist, mediator, or other professionals can help you navigate the divorce process and provide guidance and support
A messy contentious divorce only causes more pain and anguish and makes it more difficult for yourself and your children. Stay focused on taking care of yourself and doing what you can to have a peaceful closure to your marriage.