“I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to my expectations,” a seemingly regretful Eliot Spitzer said as he resigned the office of Governor of New York. As with any man caught with his pants down, there is always remorse, deep regret, and the inevitable begging for forgiveness.
Whether your spouse spent thousands on a high-priced call-girl (or call-boy) or had your simple run-of-the-mill affair, he broke his vow of marriage to you, so you’ll want a divorce, now. Right?
Not so fast.
Regardless of how horrible his actions were, if you overreact, he may lash out in kind. That sad puppy can change instantly into an attack dog. He’s hoping for forgiveness, so he’s likely to act out if he feels he’s being punished or chastised. Despite his feelings of guilt, demanding a divorce may force him to deceive you, withhold money and important financial information, make threats, or refuse to negotiate. He’s desperate and will do anything to regain control.
I’m not suggesting you embrace your man with hugs and kisses. Rather, I suggest you remain aloof: appear to need time to heal. Then, once you are sure that divorce is the right path to take, remember the Girl Scout credo: “Always be prepared.” In short, make a plan. Then keep it to yourself.
Here are six tips to get you started:
When you begin divorce proceedings, organization is crucial. The more prepared you are, the more likely the process will go more smoothly. Your preparation will also show your spouse (and his attorneys) that you mean business and can’t be pushed around.
Robert Mizrahi is the founder and president of Chaos Commandos Professional Organizers, of White Plains, New York. Mizrahi’s company services include home organization redesign and speaking. Chaos Commandos specializes in managing the delicate process of cataloging, coordinating, and relocating the possessions of divorcing couples.
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