The way to recover and thrive after divorce is simple: Until you can release the toxic emotions surrounding your divorce, it is impossible for you to move forward in life and be happy. It takes enormous commitment and effort, but it can be achieved. If you want to lead a new life that is both fulfilling and happy, you must let go of the negative emotions and thoughts that hold you back from creating a life you love. And guess what else? Who do you suppose pays the biggest price when it comes to toxic emotions? You.
During the divorce process, the negative emotions that you were already experiencing in your marriage go haywire. During times of crisis, our world appears to crumble, and with it, our concept of who we are. Our mind chatter turns up the volume to deafening levels. We question everything. We feel emotions so intense that we often wonder if we will survive them. Anger, sadness, depression, rage, grief, resentment, bitterness, and confusion are some of the feelings that hit us.
Once a divorce is finalized, we find ourselves attempting to adjust to a new way of life that is often lonely and frightening. The negative emotions are still there, and perhaps worse, as we face the harsh reality that we are indeed divorced and on our own. Even if we are the one who initiated the divorce, it is still a brave new world. If we spend our days tied up in thoughts and feelings that disempower us, there is no clear path to the future.
We may find ourselves ruminating about our situation throughout the day. That time spent on the mind chatter based in negative feelings eats up time that we could be spent working on a new life. Think about it. If I spend hours during the day consumed with thoughts of resentment and hatred toward my ex, I don’t have time for other more productive thoughts and actions to arise. There is only so much room up there in the head. If we use up all our space with negativity, we have no room for the much needed positive thoughts.
The destructive mind chatter will permeate every aspect of our being. When we are residing in a perspective or attitude that life is not fair, then everything that goes on during the day will support that perspective. If we are living in the perspective that our ex is a terrible person, then everything that he or she says and does will support that idea. It spreads throughout our lives like a cancer.
Trust me, you are the one who pays the biggest price. You suffer the most. It is you who is giving up on life, who is consumed with thoughts that cause stress, sadness, depression, and paralysis. It is you who becomes a person that few want to be around. It is you who is setting a poor example for the children. It is you who cannot move forward and is mired in the past, a past that is destined to repeat itself under the present conditions.
How then do we learn to let go of these toxic emotions and thoughts? Here is a way to begin the journey to a future filled with all that you want:
So what will it be? Are you willing to do the work that needs to be done in order to live a great life? Are you willing to learn to let go of the past so you can live in the present and create the future? The best way to predict the future is to invent it, you know!
Shelley Stile is a Divorce Recovery Life Coach who specializes in working with women looking to let go of the pain of their divorce and create new and vibrant lives. Shelley works with clients on the telephone, so you can be anywhere and get coaching. She also holds tele-seminars and publishes powerful e-books on life after divorce. She is a member of the International Coaches Federation, the governing body for Life Coaching. Shelley trained with the Coaches Training Institute and the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching’s Spiritual Divorce Recovery.