I recently found out that my wife of 15 years has been cheating on me with her boss (he’s still married). We’re getting a divorce, and I’m keeping the house and our son. She doesn’t want me to tell anyone that she was cheating — what should I tell people who ask? Can I tell my family the truth (they are urging me to “work it out” with her)?
I think you should give your wife a second chance and try to save your marriage. You have a child together, and your family obviously likes your wife. If there’s any hope of reconciliation, you owe it to your child to try again. Consider a trial separation while both of you work on your issues — separately and together in marriage counseling. You need to rebuild the trust that’s been broken between you, and this will take time. In any event, don’t speak badly of your wife to your son or your family; after all, she is the mother of your child. If you need to vent, speak to your best friend or spiritual counselor about what happened.
I recently started dating a guy who’s absolutely terrific, but I have two issues with him: he’s balding and he’s about 50 pounds overweight. I know that I shouldn’t be worried about such shallow things, but I have a real problem admitting to my friends that I have a boyfriend. I have always dated very good looking men — including my ex-husband — but they have all turned out to be jerks. Should I take a chance on a great guy and forget about the exterior?
You point out that you were married to and have dated good-looking men in the past, but that these relationships didn’t work out. I’m not saying that all good-looking guys are bad or jerks, but many of them have been spoiled from the attention they’ve received from women. At best, very handsome men are self-confident; at worst, they’re self-obsessed. You’ve just started dating this gentleman, so take things slowly and see how the relationship develops. Please don’t worry about what your friends might think of his appearance — you are the one who has to be happy and fulfilled, not them. Also, women tend to be less hung-up on looks than men; your friends might react with relief to find you dating a nice guy for once and not give his looks a second thought!
I’m 31 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for 13 years now. She wants to get married, but I just don’t know if she’s the “right” one. Also, I think I need to sow some wild oats with other women before settling down. I love her, but the sex is boring after 13 years. What do you suggest?
Go to a shrink! You have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman who has loved you for 13 years and you still don’t know if you have a future with her? At the speed you’re going, you’ll be an old man before you make a decision! You also feel the need to have a few affairs before settling down — why do you think it’s better to cheat on your long-term committed girlfriend before you marry her rather than after? It’s still cheating! Hopefully, this wonderful woman will find out about your desire for sex outside the relationship, realize what a loser you are, and move on.
My ex-husband and I have joint custody of our two children, although I am the primary care-giver. I recently filed an amendment to increase his child support, and he has in turn filed to become primary care-giver. He has remarried, and says he can offer a more stable environment. Aside from my kids, I have no family, and I feel alone and beaten. I desperately want to keep my children; what should I do?
Your ex-husband’s move to take custody of your children is very predictable. Many men going through divorce try this tactic. Naturally, any woman would get scared if she were faced with losing the custody of her children — and your ex is counting on you being afraid. You say you have joint custody; your ex can’t just take your kids and become their primary caregiver just because you are a single mother. Who is he to say your home is less stable because you’re single and he’s married? This statement will not go down well with any judge who understands the importance of a mother’s role in her children’s lives. Don’t give up: get a lawyer and fight!