“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.”
– Bob Marley
Going through a divorce and then managing separation on the other side of it can be overwhelming. The emotional upheaval, financial challenges, and the painful task of adjusting to the new reality can wreak havoc on you. Though marriage is supposed to be a sacred institution, the instances of marriages falling apart are only rising.
According to WebMD, divorced people are 20% more likely to have heart diseases, diabetes, cancer, or other chronic conditions. This explains how people can be vulnerable to wellness issues while dwelling in separation from their partners. Indeed separation can take a heavy toll on the physical and mental well-being of an individual.
Needless to say, it is not easy to divorce someone from your heart even if you divorce them on paper. Recurring memories, the happy moments once lived together and dilemmas associated with your decision constantly hover in your mind. At times, you also experience an emotional breakdown and wish that all that happened, never did. It becomes really hard for you to navigate through the divorce process and the consequent circumstances. But, now that you have taken the arduous step of separating, it is imperative to focus on centering yourself. Centering can help you sail through the turbulent waves of your emotions without submerging in them.
Moreover, it can give you the strength required to stabilize in your independent new identity and thrive for a happy future. No doubt, your emotions may withhold you from moving forward, but realizing that it is the only choice you have will help. Given below are some key recommendations for you to maintain your poise and sanity in the midst of divorce.
5 actionable tactics to center yourself after separation:
Homecoming to your hobbies and drifts:
In the words of Bill Malone, “Hobbies are great distractions from the worries and troubles that plague living.” When going through a divorce, hobbies can give your mind the space and flow that it needs to heal. Imagine, how can your mind recover from a heartbreak when it constantly gets bombarded with thoughts? Healing happens from a place of stillness and hobbies are the doorways to get there. Ask yourself, what things were you passionate about as a child or what helps you get into a state of psychological flow wherein you forget time, enjoy yourself and your ego dissolves? Whatever your answers, just make sure you make a homecoming to your hobbies and drifts. Flow with them whether you feel like it or not. Soon, massive inner transformations will follow.
Focusing on self-improvement:
“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” These words by Paulo Coelho highlight the core of truth. We are unfinished masterpieces of the creator, striving to be completed and the task of completing ourselves has been delegated to us only. Further, sadness, longing and grief are the channels through which the energy of self-improvement can flow with force.
During this time of your life, when you feel incomplete, it is best to devote yourself to self-improvement
. Think about the skills that you have always wanted to inculcate, what habits do you aspire to change and what transformations do you wish to see in yourself? Take the leap, plan and start working on them today. You’ll find inner peace and calm when you’ll see yourself evolving every single day of your life. No doubt, it’ll not compensate for the pain that you are experiencing, but it’ll definitely help you realign yourself and become centered.
Incorporating vigorous exercise in your daily routine:
When going through an emotional jolt, vigorous exercise can help you sustain. To explain, vigorous exercise shakes your mind
and makes you feel alive. The endorphin release that follows a workout session, uplifts your mood and channels your energy in a positive direction. You can use this energy to manage emotional outbursts and prevent yourself from succumbing to them. It doesn’t matter whether you have the energy to get into a vigorous workout session or not, just do it.
Once you incorporate vigorous exercise into your daily routine, you'll be extremely thankful to yourself. Furthermore, exercise works wonders for our overall well-being. With regular exercise, you can prevent yourself from becoming a victim to divorce-trauma induced diseases such as depression, anxiety, and cardiovascular issues.
Attaining financial security:
Divorce brings along various financial challenges and emotional turmoil, especially for women. If you are a woman going through a divorce, you might be experiencing many financial challenges. Needless to say, you have to shoulder all the household responsibilities and expenses on your own after a divorce. Although this may seem as a huge challenge, it is an opportunity in itself.
You can devote yourself to the purpose of attaining financial security. Take on this challenge, it will not only keep you occupied but also give you the opportunity to rebuild your self-esteem which might have gotten severe damages due to your divorce. When talking about financial security, we don’t only refer to your income. It contains everything.
For example, if you have a car, buy comprehensive coverage and roadside assistance to
safeguard yourself in times of need. You should also buy health insurance as healthcare costs are skyrocketing in today’s world. But, for all these things, you should first find yourself a high-paying and stable job. This search will give you a sense of purpose and keep you occupied so that you don’t revisit your hurts over and over again, which is imperative for healing. Don’t forget that today, there are many clever ways of making money from home
. If you don’t want to step outside yet, you can start your financial journey from your home.
Building a support group:
Divorce may trigger feelings of alienation. Although you may not want to engage with anyone for a while, it is imperative that you don’t stay isolated for long. Feelings of alienation and isolation can fuel up your emotional outbursts, sending you on a roller coaster of difficult feelings.
To center yourself after a divorce, it is advantageous to build a support group
. Connect with your family members, friends, and other supportive figures in your life. If not, you can connect with other people who have gone through a similar phase in their lives through forums and divorce support groups. Talk About Marriage, DivorceCare, and support groups dot com are some examples. Through such online support groups and forums, you can express yourself, share your feelings and build a supportive network to connect with. The conversations and exchange of emotions will help you get grounded and centered in your life ahead.
Getting a divorce is not easy. You are courageous my friend for you have chosen an arduous path. No one even wants to think about the pain of getting a divorce being inflicted on him, and you are already going through it. You are one of the strongest people in the world. But, these turbulent times in your life can bring you massive emotional distress. To overcome it, you have to center yourself and the above mentioned tactics will help you with the same. Now, wishing you All the very best and know that you are strong. These tough times will pass and you’ll emerge even stronger.