16 Signs You’re Married to a Narcissist

Are you married to a narcissist? For those in a relationship with a narcissistic person, the pressure to live up to his or her “standards” and demands can be intense. Here’s what you need to know.

married to a narcissist: narcissist wearing crown stand on top of pyramid on kneeling people

As a psychologist and marriage & family therapist, I have worked with many people diagnosed and undiagnosed that exhibited significant narcissistic characteristics. Narcissism falls under the category of personality disorder. The clinical name for those with pronounced symptoms of grandiosity is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and other areas of their life. Finding out whether or not you're married to a narcissist can help you recognize what you may or may not need from your partner. People with NPD can present as arrogant, conceited, self-entitled, grandiose, boastful, etc. Those with narcissistic characteristics enjoy and indulge in being the center of attention, often dominating conversations, or steering the conversations back onto the topics perceived to be “more important” to the narcissist. Narcissists thrive in environments and relationships that appear to focus predominantly on them, fulfilling only their needs and interests.

A Narcissist Believes He/She is Truly Extraordinary

Narcissistic people have an inflated view of self, often erroneously believing no one can do things as well as they do, are as smart and clever as they are, or as engaging, etc. As mentioned previously, chronic narcissism is a personality disorder. Up to 30% of people who require mental health services have at least one personality disorder (PD) – characterized by abnormal and maladaptive inner experience and behavior. Personality disorders, also known as Axis II disorders, include obsessive-compulsive PD, avoidant PD, paranoid PD, narcissistic PD, and borderline PD, which can be very difficult and complicated to both identify and treat because its symptoms often overlap with other disorders. Personality disorders represent some of the most challenging and mysterious problems in the field of mental health. Marriages and relationships can be a delicate balancing act for many couples as they try to juggle relationships, careers, and families. However, when you add a personality disorder and other mental health issues, relationship and marital issues can become further exacerbated.

16 Key Signs You May Be Married to or in a Relationship with a Narcissist

  1. Maintains feelings of entitlement
  2. Violates the persona boundaries of others
  3. Inflated view of self
  4. Conversation hoarder
  5. Charming or otherwise engaging
  6. Uses manipulation to get what they want even at the expense of others
  7. Often makes promises they do not keep
  8. Lacks true empathy
  9. Feigns concern or affection
  10. Overly concerned with both personal appearance and impressing others
  11. Embellishes stories or achievements
  12. Always giving advice even when they are not thoroughly versed on the topic of discussion
  13. Impatient
  14. Holds grudges
  15. It is never their fault, it is always someone else’s fault
  16. Manipulative or self-serving behaviors

It's Hard to Feel Loved or Safe When You're Married to a Narcissist

Being in a relationship with someone who does not acknowledge or validate your needs can be very confusing. Narcissistic people often consistently ignore, dismiss, and explain away your feelings, wants, and needs, while complaining that you never do what he or she wants. It can also be very hard to feel safe, cared for, or even heard and considered in such a relationship. For partners married to or involved in a relationship with a narcissistic person, the pressure to live up to his or her “standards” and demands can be intense. Partners may feel under constant pressure to say and do just the right thing in just the right way to please her or him or just to keep the peace. The pressure for perfection or to do the “right” things in the eye of one’s narcissistic partner can lead to feelings of depression, confusion, low self-esteem, anxiety, fear of making a mistake, low energy, and/or frustration, etc. Partners who base their self-esteem on the opinions of someone else are placing themselves in a very vulnerable proposition, but when you are married to a narcissist, it is devastating. A narcissist feels most secure when his/her partner looks really good but feels really needy and dependent. The narcissistic partner strives to keep their partner under wraps via constant criticism, impossible demands, withholding affection and love, insults, etc. { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "FAQPage", "mainEntity": [{ "@type": "Question", "name": "What is the clinical name for symptoms of grandiosity in a person?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "The clinical name for those with pronounced symptoms of grandiosity is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "What does a personality disorder mean for a relationship?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and other areas of their life." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "Do narcissists like to dominate conversations?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Those with narcissistic characteristics enjoy and indulge in being the center of attention, often dominating conversations, or steering the conversations back onto the topics perceived to be “more important” to the narcissist." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "What sort of relationships do narcissists like?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Narcissists thrive in environments and relationships that appear to focus predominantly on them, fulfilling only their needs and interests." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "Are personality disorders hard to treat?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Personality disorders represent some of the most challenging and mysterious problems in the field of mental health." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "Why are marriages and relationships hard to maintain?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Marriages and relationships can be a delicate balancing act for many couples as they try to juggle relationships, careers, and families." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "Can mental health issues spoil marriages and relationships?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "When you add a personality disorder and other mental health issues, relationship and marital issues can become further exacerbated." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "What indicates you are married to a narcissist?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Following are some indications that you may be married to a narcissist: Maintains feelings of entitlement Violates the persona boundaries of others Inflated view of self Conversation hoarder Charming or otherwise engaging Uses manipulation to get what they want even at the expense of others Often makes promises they do not keep Lacks true empathy" } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "How do I know if my husband is a narcissist?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Here are a few signs that you may be married to a narcissist: Feigns concern or affection Overly concerned with both personal appearance and impressing others Embellishes stories or achievements Always giving advice even when they are not thoroughly versed on the topic of discussion Impatient Holds grudges It is never their fault, it is always someone else’s fault Manipulative or self-serving behaviors" } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "Why does my spouse ignore my feelings and needs?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Narcissistic people often consistently ignore, dismiss, and explain away your feelings, wants, and needs, while complaining that you never do what he or she wants." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "Why do I feel confused in my relationship?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Being in a relationship with someone who does not acknowledge or validate your needs can be very confusing." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "Why do I always feel under pressure to live up to my spouse’s expectations?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "For partners married to or involved in a relationship with a narcissistic person, the pressure to live up to his or her “standards” and demands can be intense." } },{ "@type": "Question", "name": "What does a narcissistic partner want?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "The narcissistic partner strives to keep their partner under wraps via constant criticism, impossible demands, withholding affection and love, insults, etc." } }] }

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