Divorce Quiz: Should I Get a Divorce?
This “signs you need a divorce” quiz has 25 statements and an easy scoring method to help you answer the question “Should I get a divorce?”
The "signs you need a divorce quiz" below won’t make a decision for you. Yet, if you are regularly asking yourself “Should I get a divorce?”, the quiz can help you clarify reasons for your divorce or renewed commitment. Your questions and confusion about the decision to divorce are healthy. Marriages fulfill a complex mix of emotional, financial, and logistical needs, even when they are unsatisfying. A divorce will impact nearly every aspect of your life, in potentially positive and negative ways. Except for situations involving abuse, it is essential to make your divorce decision only after careful, non-reactionary soul-searching and consideration. However, “straddling the fence” for many months or years may be more damaging to your health and vitality than a tough decision. Your choices are simple on the surface: salvage and repair the marriage, or begin the separation process. Extended uncertainty will limit your inability to plan or take steps towards achieving your life goals and dreams. Remaining in limbo is a decision unto itself, often resulting in depression, addictions, and ultimately a divorce, many years down the line.
The Non-Negotiables: When No Divorce Quiz Is NeededIf there is any form of physical or emotional abuse, lying, cheating, or stealing (including lying about joint finances) that has not been directly addressed and corrected, then divorce is probably inevitable. Is the offending spouse responsible and accountable for their behavior? Even if the offending spouse was remorseful, if it happened again after promises were made, then divorce is very likely. If either of you have an addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or porn, or a mental illness that is being denied, defended, and untreated, then a divorce is highly likely. These “non-negotiable” factors were excluded from the quiz statements, because any one of them is a high predictor for divorce. Similarly, there are some sentiments and qualities that highly predict a divorce. If any of the following are true for you, then the question is less "if" and more "when" to get a divorce:
- I can’t recall (or upon being asked describe) a positive, joyful time we’ve shared together.
- One of us threatens and regularly talks about divorce, even during calm, non-fighting times.
- There is a tone of disgust or hatred in our daily interactions for many months at a time, even when we aren’t fighting.
- My skin crawls when they touch me and I have no physical affection for, or attraction to, them at all (or vice versa).
The Divorce QuizDuring 20 years of professional Divorce Mediation, I have helped hundreds of couples through divorce, reconciliation, and the agonizing decision to divorce. During this time, I have observed the factors that most indicate which direction the relationship will take. This “signs you need a divorce" quiz has 25 statements designed to provide guidance around the decision to end your marriage. On some scratch paper, make three columns labeled “yes," “no," or “sometimes." For each statement, make a slash mark in one of the three columns that best fits your answer. The statements are framed from your point of view. However, if you are 100% certain that your spouse would respond “yes” to the statement, then count it as a “yes". For best results, take this “Should I Get a Divorce Quiz” when you are calm and clear, not amidst marital fighting and drama.
25 Divorce Quiz StatementsTake a break to breathe and relax after you've responded to the first 13 statements, then refocus on the remaining 12.
- My spouse is so critical, demanding, or controlling that I can’t ever relax and be my authentic self.
- We have no shared projects, goals, or dreams we are working on towards the future.
- When I am being outwardly disrespected by family or friends, my spouse does not protect me, support me, defend me, or “have my back.”
- We tried to heal our relationship wounds and traumas with professional help. We were unsuccessful and have given up.
- Sex is off the table, or if we do have sex, I feel empty and sad during and afterwards.
- I share my life’s struggles and triumphs with others, but not my spouse.
- We are constantly, bitterly arguing and my nervous system never actually calms down.
- I only do things with, and for, my spouse when it directly benefits me.
- The other areas of my life (eg. work, friends, recreational, spiritual) are satisfying, it is only this marriage that is bringing me down.
- I increasingly don’t enjoy, or dread, spending time with my spouse.
- We no longer have curiosity about each other, or ask each other about their day, experiences, or goals.
- I believe our marital issues are their fault, and I don’t want to grow or make any changes myself that would support the changes I want to see in them.
- Neither of us knows how, or tries, to repair the relationship after a fight or hurtful incident has occurred.
- I am yearning for an affair and secretly flirting or exploring on-line dating.
- There is an overall power or work imbalance between us which benefits my spouse, which they refuse to address.
- Neither of us has any clue about the other’s attachment wounds, or a desire to help the other feel safe, secure, loved, and appreciated.
- My spouse is defensive and has never taken accountability or apologized for actions which have negatively impacted me.
- We do not know each other’s “love language,” or refuse to express love in a manner that is meaningful to each other.
- When talking to friends or family about my marriage, I rarely have anything kind or positive to say.
- I have fully considered the negative effects of divorce on the children. I believe divorce is best because I want my children to see their parents healthy and happy.
- While we are both miserable in the marriage, neither of us has made any efforts to get professional help or develop new relationship skills.
- We do not try to develop forgiveness for mistakes made by the other.
- There really is no fighting…because we don’t interact. We just avoid each other.
- I have been suffering with the decision for over two years, but I cannot re-commit myself to reconciling and restoring this marriage.
- We have tried at least three marriage classes, couples’ support groups, or couples’ counselors, with no improvement or hope.