Be Your Own Author: Create Your Own Path after Divorce

Divorce stinks. But, like most bad things, we should try to find the silver lining in the trauma of your divorce. Take the opportunity to end one chapter and begin the next chapter of your life: a chapter you get to write and live as you want.

create your own path after divorce: man walks down a path

When you were young, you probably have said to yourself, “I hope I get married one day!” And when you grew up and got married, I doubt you thought, "I hope I get married more than once!" (And if you did think that, maybe you should have reconsidered your decision to marry who and when you did?) It’s right there in the vows: "till death us do part..." If you go through a divorce, I feel pretty safe assuming that you never want to go through that again in your life. Am I right? As a former divorce attorney, I don’t blame you one bit. Death only happens once, too – that I’m aware of, at least. What’s my point, you ask? It’s all in the title of this article, but let me elaborate. We all go through this ride called life one time. In the scheme of things, it’s a fleeting moment. A spec of dust in history. There are no repeats or rewinds. In movie parlance, you get one take. It’s up to you to make it a good one.

Create Your Own Path after Divorce

There are two types of people.

The first type is those who let life happen to them. These individuals react to action, as opposed to initiating it. When things go good for them in life, they feel they deserve it, or that they’re lucky. They go throughout their life doing what “they’re supposed to do” and when things don’t go well, they tend to blame others or society for their problems. They are the victim of life. The other type of people is those who take action and create their own path in life. They plan for their success and take steps to make it happen. They don’t hope. They don’t count on luck. They create their own luck. They prepare, study and put themselves in a position to succeed. In other words, they are the authors of their stories. I’m not here to tell you which type is better. I’m not a judge and I don’t think there is necessarily one correct answer. But, what I’m trying to emphasize in this article is that you should think about who you are and what type of person you want to be. You can’t go back in time. If your marriage failed and you are getting divorced, that’s something you have to deal with. And, I hope you surround yourself with the right divorce team to help you get through the process.

But, what do you want your post-divorce life to look like?

Are you going to write your own story, or let it happen to you? When I counseled clients going through a divorce, I would often tell them that getting divorced gives them a fresh canvas to paint on. What do they want to paint? Often, I would get a blank stare back at me. The client never thought about what they wanted to create. Divorce brings a lot of negativity, for obvious reasons. But, there is a silver lining to it. What you do with it is up to you. If you could be the author of your life, what would your story be? Think of your post-divorce life as a rebirth. You get to write a new story. Your best selling novel. Your Pulitzer prize. Get the idea? If you react to life all the time, then someone else is writing your story. It may be a good story. It may be a bad one. It won’t be YOURS.  Divorce affords you a second chance to be the author of your life. Remember, you only get one life, so why not make it the best one you can. When we are in our day-to-day dramas, errands, and responsibilities, it’s easy to forget about the big picture and our dreams. But, divorce is the perfect time to re-focus and get back on track. Take advantage of it. You can either be the victim of divorce and let it happen to you, or you can take action and write your post-divorce life and live it your way. Go for it! I can’t wait to read about your story.

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