When you said "I do," you didn't plan on a future without your spouse. Over time, though, people change, and circumstances affect marriages. Situations such as financial or medical hardships can significantly impact unions. It shifts personalities and develops rifts among close couples. Saying goodbye and starting again may become the better choice, allowing you to move on and find yourself again after a devastating divorce.
Without a doubt, the breakup is hard. You've spent years together making decisions. Despite the difficulties, though, you can feel good again. Try the following tips to feel better and find your independence.
How to Find Yourself After a Devastating Divorce
1. Get Your Own Place
Sharing the property may leave you feeling stifled, or it could drag up unpleasant (or pleasant) memories. It's a constant reminder of the past few years that didn't work. Consider selling it and investing in a place that feels more like you.
This home is based on a fresh beginning, allowing you to make new memories and have a good life.
Are you worried about the financial impact of such a significant choice? Do some research with an online down payment calculator
and learn how much you would need to put down to get a place you enjoy. Stick to a reasonable budget that suits your monthly income.
2. Talk with Someone
Divorce is a long-term emotional situation. This breakup isn't like your high school boyfriend dumping you right before prom. It's essential to express how you feel in a safe environment with others who understand your situation and can offer sympathy and support.
You may have some friends who stick by your side. While that's good, you may feel better speaking with professionals or a support group
. Therapists could help you discuss any anxiety or depression you may experience. The experts may also help you understand your role in the previous relationship and what you can do to start a solid emotional connection with someone in the future.
Of course, support groups are also out there to allow you to share stories and hear that others are in the same boat. Don't feel isolated. You're not. People get divorced.
3. Make Time for You
Did you lose sight of who you are and what you love? Marriage asks for people to work together. While that should mean doing what you both like, it often means giving up some things that brought you joy in the past. Did you enjoy book clubs or running? Do you miss taking dance classes or hitting the beach? Make a list of personal hobbies or places that you sacrificed.
Eat the meals you love, get out with your close friends, and pamper yourself. Discover yourself again and build enthusiasm for life.
4. Focus on a Growth Mindset
You may live in a very negative space right now. The mentality could keep you from moving forward and finding hope for something better. Instead, read more about growth mindset. This philosophy focuses on looking at the ills and problems you've experienced as learning points for the future.
Okay, you don't want to learn from something painful. However, you can acknowledge that you deserve better and can do better in life. Think about what went wrong and what you could do to have a healthier relationship later. Pick up a gratitude journal
. Write in it daily, finding little things to be happy about. Work on yourself as well.
Going through a devastating divorce is hard. As you find your new path, take time for yourself. Seek out people to support you, talk about the past with professionals or support groups, and find things that bring you happiness. Staying down on yourself and life is problematic.