I have written in the past about the fact that there is more than one aspect to a divorce. First is the legal divorce, where the judge ends the marriage and a document known as a Judgment of Divorce or similar paper is entered with the court legally ending your marriage. Just as important, and in some divorces of overriding importance, is the psychological divorce. The psychological divorce is the ability of one or both spouses to move on to the next chapter of their lives.
In particularly nasty divorces, one or the other is unable to move on due to anger, bitterness, and emotional or psychological problems, just to give some examples. The more toxic an ex-spouse is, the more problems there will be moving forward, especially if there are minor children.
Do’s and Don’ts When Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex-Spouse Who Is Unable to Move Forward
- The poorer the communication there is, the more important it is to spell out every aspect of parenting time/visitation with the children. In some cases, pick-ups and drop-offs should be specified to the minute. There should be a 15- or 30-minute grace period if someone is running late, but everything must be in a written order of the court. This puts teeth into the agreement or judgment if there are continuing problems.
- There must be language in the judgment spelling out that neither parent shall denigrate the other in front of the children and that neither parent shall put the children in the middle of the continuing disputes and toxicity of the warring parents.
- If you cannot pick up the phone and deal with issues civilly, then it is critical to put everything in writing. This can be done through e-mails, text messages, or even websites such as Our Family Wizard®.
- In some cases, parents will videotape every exchange regarding the children for visitation. This can result in dueling cell phones, and frankly the courts do not like these situations.
- Sometimes pick-ups and drop-offs should be in front of a witness to prevent false allegations or escalation of problems in front of the children.
- In some cases, parents pick up and drop off the children at the foot of the driveway.
- In others, there will be pick-ups and drop-offs in a public place such as a library or restaurant.
- In extreme cases, pick-ups and drop-offs will be at police stations. This is clearly not good for the children.
- Dealing with extracurricular activities and school events can be tricky with a toxic ex-spouse. Some suggestions include making sure that everyone is notified. Make sure that each parent has copies of all sporting events, school activities, and other extracurricular activities.
- If there are issues over expenses regarding extracurricular activities such as baseball, hockey, dance, or other events, these should be negotiated and clearly spelled out in the divorce or settlement agreement to avoid future problems.
- In extreme cases, the court may appoint a therapist or attorney to act as a parenting coordinator to deal with the ongoing disputes involving children and parenting time/visitation schedules.
- In other cases, the court might appoint an attorney to represent the children as the legal guardian known as Guardian ad Litem to protect the legal rights of the children.
- In some cases, the court might order the parents and children to work with a counselor or psychologist to help deal with these ongoing problems.
- Sometimes the parents can be put into mediation to try to resolve these continuing disputes without the need for a formal hearing.
- Last but not least, in some cases, which I call the never-ending divorce where one parent or the other will not move on with life and continues the battle, a court can hold a formal hearing. In these hearings, I have seen one parent lose many of his or her rights and time with the children and in extreme cases lose custody and be forced to see the children only on a supervised basis.
The most important point to remember is that your children are the innocent victims of your divorce. Do not put them in the middle of your ongoing battles. Do not show them the court papers. Do not alienate the children from the other parent. Remember that children understand more than you realize, and the more power they are given, the more that they are going to manipulate and play one parent against the other.
Try to step back and remember that your children should be free to love each of their parents unconditionally.
These are some of my thoughts. What are yours?
Yes, and children should be free to love whoever they choose, based on respect and love shown to them. If their father is a functioning alcoholic, is now living with a woman who cheated on her own husband with their father… while the father was still married to the mother and they are teens and have decided that they will spend time with their father as they choose… then what do you say to those teenagers? They have no interest in living with him and/or her and yet, 1 year after the divorce, he files for sole custody and drags the kids through a custody battle for the last year and a half.. .They are 17 and 14. What is a parent supposed to say about that?
Amen! Same here
Amen sister, we always make excuses in the courts for dads on substances. What is the problem and now we have legalized one of the biggest psychotic’s in the world, marajuana.
I agree. Marijuana and prescription Opioids.
I have the same story of currently divorcing a cheating, functioning alcoholic man. He’s not capable of providing the love, support, and encouragement that sole custody of our 14 yr old son (22yr old son too) deserves. He’s a lawyer and suggested we figure it out ourselves and not pay for lawyers! If that’s not an arrogant, manipulative suggestion. So difficult to begin a life of co-parenting.
All great in theory, but a court order is useless if the courts won’t enforce it. A family member has a crazy ex wife who blames him for everything & has cost him over $50,000.00 in legal fees, just so he can have access to his kids & to take her to court for the multitude of contempt of the court order charges against her. She gets a slap on the hand, he gets a mega legal bill, & she turns around & just does it over again. She s also made false allegations about him to Children’s Services & the police, which he’s also had to pay a lawyer to defend him & she just carries on with no repurcussions. She is a nutcase, but, no one seems to care & he has to constantly be on guard to the point that he has now suspended visitation until the current contempt case against her is dealt with. This is so detrimental to his children & he has fought for so long to try to have them in his life. The courts & family laws are totally gender biased. If a man had done everything she has, they would be in jail. She is so damaging their kids, but, doesn’t seem to care. What can be done?
I feel your pain, this is happening to use right now. It’s disgusting women want equality but where is the equality for good fathers. My fiancé is a fantastic dad his ex is competent insane and is playing the system.
I am in the same situation however I am the mom, its outrageous what my ex is trying to.pull. He knows the mom that I am and I know the father he is he is so angry about the divorcee all he is doing is dragging my kids through he’ll. He as well is in contempt of everything in our divorce decree and nothing. It’s awful. I believe both kids deserve both parents lets just get along for them . He just can’t its killing me and my poor kids are brainwashed. Hate it
same boat here. my ex is saying horrible things to my son about me. he has been awful to him and when he is “good” to my son, my son soaks it up and believes everything. do not know what to do.
I have custody but have a lot of the same issues with him and his gf saying horrible things to my 6 year old. I’ve tried fighting in court and he never shows up and still gets a slap on the wrist, yet I have been threatened with jail time because he refused to take her for visitation and then told the court I refused to let him see our daughter. He’s taken her against our court order and I’m lost, I was told I can’t file a complaint with foc until she comes home.
So, the women out screwing the ex’s don’t see any problem with what they were doing? Sometimes you women standing waiting like little scalpers need to give the first marriage a minute. You will be there eventually. He told his first wife the same loving things he’s telling you stupid.
Boy, reading this just made me feel better in the fact that I am not alone, I got dragged thought a court battle just to see my daughter, the ex tried to stab me, I defended myself by grabbing her wrists, the knife dropped she finally left, a hour later police tried to charge me for assault, she got no repercussions, the only chance I had at seeing my daughter was set by the judge that I visit with supervision at her parents place, the trio then waited like wolves and everytime I visited, I was mauled with abuse, and rage, every visit was so hard but I kept going, in the end they abused my mum who went with me to see her grandchild, when I seen the tears running down my mother face from the verbal attacks, I lost it, I went straight for the father, he ran back inside and called the cops, it wrecked me, a few weeks latter I tried suicide, failed, somehow I never got those moments I so desperately wanted with my beautiful girl, she’s older now, and poisioned with hate for me, not being there, I never told her the truth..never wanted to hurt her…
Reading this and knowing that I’m not alone makes me even more angry and depressed, actually. So many people suffer from their ex’s bullshit and so it is obvious they get away with it.
Amen. The ex wife is always deemed to be crazy by the husband….the new supply will find out in the end what kind of man they are supporting. Hindsight is 20/20. They are not the victims. The one discarded abused and the children abandoned they are the victims. By the way an excuse of the ex wife’s behavior or contempt order is all BS excuses. Grow up. Be a man take care of your family first not your own childlike desires. New wife, one day you’ll see the big picture. You’ll see the narcissistic personality disorder emerge after the love bombing ends you can’t see it now because you are up on the pedestal and you are worshipping him with adoration. You are blinded and think you’ve found your knight in shining armor. Tune into to Narc ology unscripted and you will have your eyes peeled open.
So true.
You’re stupid. This article is not about your specific personal experience. It’s about ex’s who are trash. You know how many scorned women accuse their ex’s of all sorts of bullshit AFTER the man moves on with another woman? You’re probably the jealous ex. Just get over your ex. If he’s someone else’s problem now, wtf do you care?
Indeed! This is my truth.
My ex husband tried to kill our children. Then blamed ME for keeping them away!!! (Aka safe!) he tried killing me. Tried killing his mistress turned wife who is a total idiot and stays w his abusive drunk cheat fat self! As long as my kids are safe I am good. He’s putting my oldest through mental torture daily messaging etc courts don’t CARE
I feel the same pain and my ex wife blames me for everything and now has convinced my 15 yo daughter, for the second time, not to have a relationship with me and my wife…it’s certainly a shame, but whatever I do is wrong….How can this be dealt with? Do you give up and not try communicate with the daughter or what? I’m at a total loss….
I have a similar ongoing experience that has been going on for over 5 years. Over $75,000 in legal fees, supervised visits, guardian ad litem, alienation attempts, withholding information about school, activities and healthcare, etc. Continues with any and all interactions with my ex. I do not believe that will never change. I have joint custody and the time I have with my children I encourage them to be everything they want to be and love them unconditionally while trying to shield them from the anger and crazy actions of their mother towards me. At the end of the day, my children’s happiness is the most important thing. She can act however she wants, you only have control over your own actions.
15yo is a rotten age. They say they usually get better at about 16-18. My nephew was rotten to my brother at 15 also. Ten years later the relationship is sadly strained despite my brother paying child support and driving 3+hours one way every weekend. It hurts my brother’s heart that had to numb up…. My 15yo daughter is rude, a knowitall, and antisocial. Sure hope it’s just a phase and she outgrows it
What do you do if you are going through a divorce with someone who has assaulted you and you have little kids involved..
The children had witnessed it and have gone through so much over the course of a few months…. I fear for them if I was the one that was assaulted what makes me think that he wouldn’t do that to them as well???
My ex assaulted my 11yr old over a year ago,he blames me for the breakdown of our marriage and is blaming me for poisoning the children against him,he’s a functioning alcoholic taking 2 types of pain killers ( codine and tramadol) he lives of a redundancy and pay out and I contacted the csa to help me with payment,because he’s not working he doesn’t have to pay anything, he messaged me recently saying he would have payed me if I hadn’t one to the csa! He says I’m crazy and won’t be paying anything to help and it’s my fault ,unless I cancel the csa?!I just can’t win with his bitterness….
Ummmm..
This sounds like a familiar story….my sister was assaulted and filed for divorce and has little kids involved…her soon to be ex is bitter and not even contributing to taking care of his kids. Why use the kids as a battlefield???? Just do it peacefully…divorce
..move on… the kids don’t need anymore trauma….they have seen enough watching their mother get abused.
This is so not true about gender bias, I have an ex threatened me and kids out of our home, moved new gf in next day. I was stay at home mom. Has threatened with weapons and broke every court order. Attorneys won’t even file contempt just say that’s how men are. I have even threats posted to me and extended family on social media. Because family has helped us (place to live, food,etc.) Have had police tell me can’t do anything till he kills you. When he found out he was paying child support, it’s been an ongoing custody battle. The legal system is not in place to help anyone. It fully supports abusers, psychopaths and narcissist to continue abuse on the victims, by not holding them accountable. Sadly the children become the victims of there chaos and **** show.
I’ve lived this and it’s expensive but more importantly, it’s awful for the children! My wife has a private police force that jumps when she calls. They will do anything for her regardless of the facts. It’s absolutely awful!
We are going through something similar. Do you have a resolution here? Lawyer costs are maxed out. We want to go back to court to reduce child support since the children are with us at all times but the oldest recently wandered off and CPS was involved and we are afraid she will use that.
Everything that you have written is the ordinary stuff that I see on all websites it seems all hunky-dory but in reality it’s useless because in reality every day life is not written in the form of a guide so hate to say it but this was very useless and I want to know if the person who even wrote this is even in a relationship with the toxics ex-wife because your information seems good on paper but doesn’t work in reality
I have been divorced now for 9 years, and my ex is as evil as they come. She has tried to turn the police against me (several times), the legal system against me, our common friends and family, and most of all my three children – all of whom are now adults. My ex still tries to poison my children’s young adult minds, and I believe it is a desperate attempt to sabotage my current relationship of 8 years. Other than my loving partner (who is my rock and psychological counterbalance)-there appears to be nobody on the planet I can to turn to. I just want to live in peace, and continue a nice loving relationship, with my kids also included in my life. Last December my ex told my two girls that I had molested them when they were infants. My son witnessed her rant, and expressed that her motive was to keep the kids away from me last Xmas. Im trying hard to ignore
her behaviour, but I can now see evidence of the psychological impact her fairytales are having on my eldest daughter. Can anyone offer advice on where to seek help?
I have read everyone’s questions and replies and I do feel for all of you, if in fact you are telling the truth. Words can’t always describe what one is going through. I have gone through it twice and my first son hates me because of the alienation that was imposed on him by my ex girlfriend. Now my ex wife is doing the same to our children and it is all that I can do to hold on to their love for me. I have to fight for it and it is for their best interest that I do so. I have no advise, because their is none to be given that would stop an ex that is tricky enough to circumvent and work the system. I have only this for everyone. Try to hang in there and be strong. It is so hard to do sometimes, but it must be done for our children. I feel like such a Hypocrite typing this, because I have not been as strong as I should have been around my children at times, but I am still here fighting.
I can relate to everything you just said. I’m right in the middle of modifying my child support and parental visitation rights which have been violated repeatedly and somehow she gets away with it. We had a couple of hearings and the last one I was prepared for. My ex got to speak first. She embellished everything that she said and even lied in front of the judge on top of making my wife (I got married in April and have been divorced for almost 5 years) sound like she’s interfering with my conversations with my daughter, my relationship with her and just flat out antagonizes the entire situation. None of which is true. So when I went to speak, the judge cut me off after about 15 seconds. I really felt like he was being a sexist jerk and completely biased. I didn’t get to defend myself or my wife. So neither party won but leveling with my ex is just impossible. I’m not just saying this to be mean but truthfully, she’s a narcissistic condescending bully and she’s very charming and convincing in her arguments. She’s AMAZING at it. But beyond that, she’s just hollow and empty and ugly inside and out. If I have any advice to give, DO NOT USE YOUR CHILDREN AS LEVERAGE TO HURT THE OTHER PARENT!! My ex does this and I’m trying to point that out in court but of course they refuse to listen despite I’ve called the police recently too. This battle really sucks but I’m not giving up despite how difficult it is and seems impossible to win.
I totally feel for you ,keep fighting and the children will see you never stopped loving them?
My ex moved 450 miles away from his children blaming me for him having to make a fresh start?!, he was never interested in a relationship with either of our children and although I never stopped him seeing them when he wanted he would make a visit for 2 hours once a week(He wasn’t working at the time)it all changed when he hurt our 11yr old, our 15 yr old want nothing to do with him now and yet this is still my fault as I have turned the children against him, he doesnt see what hes done ,he simply chooses not to make an effort or try with his children it’s been easier to pass the blame, both children have seen it for what it is and I just say we will be ok,they are protective over me because I’ve always been there for them and will always be grateful to have them in my life,it’s definitely his loss….
It’s unfortunate so many go through this. I am seeing that now with my wife, who has threatened many times to divorce me … she uses it as a power trip. I’m sick of hearing it. She has physically attacked me in front of the kids and this last time she was arrested. She says I’m toxic and never listens…..there is no talking. She is now telling my son I’m cheating on her. Never have done that and wouldn’t. Even if it’s true, you don’t tell small kids that. She is the toxic one. She’s bad news. She has an order of protection against her from the state and isn’t allowed to contact me. She surfs all over my social media though. It’s really old and tiring. good luck to you all.
There are some relatively Simple Solutions. I summarize all of them under the topic “micromanage.” Whether you are a parent with joint physical custody or with limited visitation, you have the right to full access to what your child does at school, and you have the right to attend sporting events and music concerts and other public events that your child enjoys. SHOW UP!! This means that the responsibility is on you to track the child’s life. Keep up with all of their academics. Read the books they are assigned. Meet regularly with their teachers. Volunteer in any reasonable way you can at their school. If you stay in touch in the most detailed ways you can even imagine, you will have substance to share with your children. Your ex may drive you crazy and thatvperaon may be an obstruction to almost every sense of civility that no longer exists when your child is in your ex-spouse’s residence, however, the ex-spouse cannot obstruct you from getting information and developing your own relationships in the world of school.
So throw out the lazy and act like you have sole custody, even if you do not. Be there. Show up. Keep up. So stuff together (like cooking). The children clearly will know which parent is checked in and which parent is checked out.
And then your ex-spouse will go really nuts when you demonstrate how together your life now is.
This.
Some people have no accountability for responsibilities they once very willingly entered into, and their shame prevents them from owning up to such enormous character deficits. Society doesn’t think much of selfish people who do things like abandon their kids, so people who do this kind of thing will do everything they can to deflect and project blame away from themselves. Usually, this is in the form of false accusations of ‘parental alienation’ and ‘withholding access’, and costs the responsible parent and their children dearly in terms of safety and health (mental, emotional, and sometimes physical).
Questionable morality, lack of accountability and responsibility, and selfishness speaks volumes about a person’s character. These should be key indicators when courts are trying to determine the source of issues in high-conflict situations. Today’s ‘No-Fault’ divorce systems do a huge disservice to left-behind families who are struggle to move beyond trauma and pain of horrible situations which are often made worse through covert ongoing abuse and coercive control.
In situations like these, one has to ask: Is it truly better to have both parents involved in a child’s life? When only one parent actively demonstrates that they care enough to be involved, what kind of model does a detached, irresponsible, unaccountable and immoral parent leave for their child?
Children aren’t objects that people have ‘rights’ to just because a person has the physical ability to procreate. Raising children is a privilege that comes with very real obligations and and responsibilities that you can’t just ‘walk out’ on, or continue to disparage, disrespect, and abuse with impunity.
Amen!
I have full custody of our daughter because my ex didn’t want to do shared custody. He sees her every second weekend. That’s fine by me.
What’s not fine by me is when he comes to see her and does nothing to engage with her. Being 10, she’s not one to start a conversation with him herself, so I have to facilitate the interaction between them,which is wearing thin. I encourage her to tell him about something that’s happened during the week and his interest is zero. He gets multiple opportunities to engage and doesn’t.
Then he will later post a rant on facebook criticising our daughter for “neglecting” him. I don’t let her see those posts because it would only make her hate him more. If she could have her way, she’d cut him out of her life completely. I don’t encourage that, but I totally understand why she feels that way. He is verbally abusive towards her and shows her no respect, but expects it from her.
He takes no interest in her schooling or activities, but then accuses me of cutting him out of her life. He has her phone number, but never calls her.
He had a stroke a couple of years ago and has only gotten worse in his behaviour.
Prior to that he’d dump his weekend with her to go travelling, but as soon as I have a legitimate reason to not fulfil the parenting agreement (such as illness – which rarely happens), I get abused and suddenly it’s all about “his rights”.
I agree with so much of this conversation regarding dealing with toxic ex in regards to the children but however I must speak up on one fact regarding using Family Wizard. In my son’s case this was ordered by the judge as the mother admitted she had anger issues towards my son. The only thing Family Wizard did for my son was that he paid $100.00 so that his ex could continue to beat him up verbally. No one and I mean absolutely no one monitors Family Wizard even though the attorneys and the judge were linked to see it. It was the biggest waste of money ever spent and divorce/child custody is expensive enough without adding something so useless to the costs. It was unbelievable what she was allowed to say to my son on this app. Needless to say, my son refused to sign up for Family Wizard anymore and now he does have control over listening to her harassment because he can just simply not answer her text messages or hang up on her if she calls him. A much better way to handle it versus being constantly berated by his ex. Oh but don’t worry she continues to harass my son and I when we pick the child up or drop the child off – we have had to involve the police many times to keep the peace. She has gone so far as to refusing to come get her child from you and then call the police to say we left with her child – this after waiting in her driveway over a half hour. The sad part is I had talked to the police and they advised that I leave as they felt she was being hostile towards me (during that half hour she had come out and taken a picture of me sitting in her driveway but refused to get her son). The police had to order her to come out and get her child – now isn’t that the saddest thing ever, I would have been ashamed if it had been me. Even the police are getting tired of her games. The funny part is the judge told my son that his ex would be the most cooperative of the two – well we see how that worked out and soon we will be heading back to court to show the judge just how wrong she was.
Sadly, my ex wife cheated on me in the home our children were born in, spent 2-3 years ignoring the kids, made some horrible decisions and then because of awesome divorce law, walked away with half of my retirement, and what could have been full college tuition for 3 children. Yet… she hates ME! I’m there every day for my kids and I never speak badly about their mother to them. I even painted their rooms at her house. Can’t tell you how painful that was, but if I didn’t do it, it would have never gotten done. There is no one more lazy. She know owns a 4 bedroom house outright and that was because of my hard work. I am still screamed at that there wasn’t enough money given. After a year alone I met a wonderful woman who loves me and the kids. My ex never considered that this would happen, and she is RAGING MAD that my kids have a relationship with this woman. My girlfriend cares for them purely and interferes in nothing. She even positively reinforces what my kids mention about their mom. Still, I am the devil for bringing a kind person into my kids lives. She thought she’d be the only one marching off into the sunset. Kids will always be my first priority. I cannot believe divorce law is what it is. Very sad. At least I have 50/50 custody. I constantly encourage them to have a good relationship with their mother. After all of that…
I agree that children should be left to decide to choose because if you chose to divorce then they should also get a chance to decide. Children future and happiness is in the hands of their parents whether they keep them happy and work for their better future. But unfortunately it always not going to be the same because we dont have patience, we dont have maturity, we never learnt how to treat a spouse and in the end just because of them their children suffer.
I am in the same situation as many here – toxic ex spouse who refuses to co-parent sensibly but has main residence of the children (only because she changed the locks first) but has damaged 3 children immensely alienating a 14 year old boy, leaving a 16 year old girl depressed and suicidal and working hard to destroy a 6 year old girl’s love of her Dad. Mired in the legal system for 18 months now I have realised a few things that may help others:-
1) Social workers will not take sides even if they recognise a spouse is toxic and damaging the children. They tend to write neutral reports for the courts ignoring blatant emotional and psychological abuse. There is systemic bias against men.
2) Lawyers and barristers are only of limited help in resolving child arrangements. Don’t waste your money in a legal system with built in biases. Just get the necessary orders as quickly and cheaply as you can. IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE SOME CONTACT ARRANGED THROUGH MEDIATION SESSIONS AND YOUR EX SPOUSE STICKS TO IT, TAKE IT AND BE GRATEFUL. It’s not worth fighting for more in the court system.
3) Parallel parent with a toxic spouse – don’t even try to co-parent to keep yourself sane.
4) Don’t aim for quantity of time with your children – aim for quality. If your time is limited, make it magical for them. Plan out all your contact time so you can do something memorable each time with your children – it can be as simple as colouring in with them, collecting sea shells on the beach, cooking with them or helping with homework.
5) Find a good course for separated parents and parenting skills. In Northern Ireland we are lucky enough to have a group called Parenting NI. Seek them out or the relevant help in your area proactively.
6) Invest in a good source of information to guide you through this – the best I have found is a book called “Coparenting with a toxic ex” – easily found on Amazon or Ebay. It will give you help the legal system cannot and give you something to focus on when every thing else seems out of control.
7) If you are a man, the only way you can beat a toxic abusive narcissist wife is to change the locks first and get a non molestation order up first. Barristers now recognise this as being a reality in a legal system which is now heavily gamed at every level. Do this if you are aware your spouse is damaging the children and do not leave the main home. IF YOU LEAVE THE MAIN HOME YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY THE NON-RESIDENT PARENT AND HAVE ALREADY LOST.
Good luck – I feel your pain, there is no pain like separation from children or having alienated children. Keep your cool and remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint, and that bitterness is like drinking a cup of poison every day and expecting the other person to die! Some day your children will thank you for it.
A lot of you here say that the children should be ‘free to choose’. Why?
Were there problems before the divorce with the other partner?
Is it possible that BOTH parents are at least somewhat responsible for the issues that have been created. Is it possible that the husband turned to alcohol because the wife expected him to work 80 hours a week while degrading him to the children for not being at home? Is it possible that the wife had an affair because the husband was incapable of providing emotional intimacy? We are ALL at least partly responsible for what happened.
I am currently going through a mad divorce. My ex has beaten me up, threatened me with a knife, regularly hit my children, had 6 affairs (yes, you heard that right), attempted to alienate my children and much more.
Guess what? Yes, I am the husband here.
Did my children deserve that? No. Was my ex right to do that? No. Did I likely contribute to the problem? Likely yes.
A child should NEVER be free to choose one parent from the other. Alienation is a real phenomenon when a child says that they do not want to be with a parent EVEN THOUGH that parent is a loving father/mother. They are not competent to choose. In cases like this, the decision should be with the courts to make AND NOT with the children themselves.
Asking the children to choose one parent over the other is often the worst form of abuse there is. Their minds are generally not equiped to make such a decision. IT WILL destroy them in years to come.
I truly understand how some of the coercive control and violent abuses typically attributed to men can also be attributed to women. I’ve known men who’ve gone through this. However, in the years I’ve walked this path, my fellow travelers have mostly been women or men whose wives are in my position with exes (in other words, men involved by association and not directly). Funnily enough, if you are loaded and/or connected enough as a toxic personality, your gender matters far less than your willingness to play the family court game. That’s why these people are allowed to torture their exes and their children while officials and administrators turn a blind eye, patting each other on the back for doing what’s in the “children’s best interest.”
The reason you see so many women complaining about this has far more to do with coercive control being more typical of male behavior, as well as dangerous personality disorders involving psychopathy (NPD, Antisocial PD, etc) being more prevalent in men. Those personality disorders typically associated with women more than men (Borderline PD, Histrionic PD, etc) can be damaging as well, but those seem to be more about self-destruction and chaos in a crazed bid to justify feeling sorry for themselves than self-righteous, egotistically-driven control, manipulation, and revenge (although, women can do this, too, just as men can be the latter… just not as often). Those moms tend to be the ones who disappear after dropping the kids off with a family member or ex; it’s still damaging, but unlike what we’ve gone through, at least the children can have a happy life without the disordered parent while the remaining parent/guardian can live his or her life without constant peril and financial disruption/limitation.
I say all this to let you know that it is great to seek what you could have done differently to make things better, but usually, if your ex is toxic, the only thing you could have done was leave much earlier. Ascribing blame to yourself merely sets your ex’s burdens on your shoulders once again. You need to see what red flags you missed and learn from them, but at the same time, you need to understand that you were dealing with a predatory personality in which getting what she wanted the way she wanted mattered more than anything else– and this started long before she was old enough to even date. Reading what these female victims posted and inserting your own horrible experience can be great, but the way you did it is almost as if you need to disprove them or point out blame in them so that you yourself can handle what happened.
You’ve been gaslit for a long time, so I know you were really trying to grasp at whatever bit of reality you could here to validate the truth. Guess what? You do not need to do that. That’s old programming your ex built into you that you can let go of once you are ready. I hope since you posted this that you are ready– it is so freeing. The “Just World” fallacy goes strong nowadays, so make sure to look into that so that you do not continue to shoulder the blame for others as part of trying to stay positive as it actually endangers you.
I also hope that you stop blaming other victims as that can really set folks back. When I was younger, your post would have really made me rethink every single thing I did to try and find blame in myself so that I could rectify it or not expect better from others by letting go of the few boundaries I had. Those of us here have gone through and are going through a lot, so please be mindful of others going through what you do. Know that although this happens to both sexes, by nature and society’s grooming, you’ll see more of this in men in this context. It sucks for all of us and makes government become the third arm of an abuser as that makes everyone, other than us, gain money, power, or both.
May love and truth forever work in your favor.
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Wish some parents would take the child’s best interest to heart and act in a way you would want your own parents to act if in that same scenario.
I’ve been in an extremely abusive, and toxic marriage for 2 years now. Everybody tells me I need to leave him. He has hit me, womanize, pushed me, spit on me, called me the worst names ever, lies, manipulates and ignores me and my needs on a constant basis. Why do I stay? He has broken up with me so many times, and I beg for him to forgive me for the things I never do. I hate who I’ve become. I don’t even recognize myself at all anymore. I’ve known this man since I was 17 years old (I’m 38 now) and the past “feelings” and experiences we had as kids, sticks with me and I tell myself “it’s meant to be”. We both always believed we were meant to be together and he has told me this many times, but the way he treats me blows my mind. I was confused. I knew I need to cut ties with him before he really hurts me or possibly kills me, but the love I have for him is stupidly intense and I stayed to fight for my marriage, when I read how marvelspelltemple@ gmail. com reunite broken marriages. I seek help, and a spell was done on me and my husband. The next day my husband came home, treated my head and heart and treats me gently, respectfully, and lovingly. God knows i needed a miracle and directs Dr. Muna to heal my abusive marriage. I am so grateful and proud to recommend anyone facing broken marriages, should seek this reliable spiritualist and spellcaster marvelspelltemple@ gmail. com
What do you call an ex husband who is intent upon ruining his ex wife? Is there any laws that protect her?
I have lived hell for 5 years … my husbands ex will not move on and can’t accept she has lost control. She lied to school, teachers and worst of all the children. We maintain our respect of get but it’s getting harder. Children are now 11 and 8 and are petrified of their mother as they are never even allowed to tell her that they had a good time while here. It’s been 5 years of ongoing drama …. children are asking when they can talk to a judge. We want them to live their mother but they are getting older and see what she is doing. The 11 year old tells me he has anxiety attacks and can’t breathe. How do we get the children away from this poison. When we try to address it she denied it and says the children are lying. Her latest trick is telling the children that my husband still loves her and that I’m the problem so they must ignore me and lie to me do they can have their family back. So so far from the truth. My husband and I are respectable people and have a loving relationship providing a secure environment to the children. We are exasperated and at a total loss on what we can do.
I’m tired of these horror stories and have yet to read of a happy ending! Even in the extremely rare cases where the toxic alienator was recognised in court and had full weight of the law intervene to correct the psychological abuse already inflicted. It didn’t help. Likely made it even worse for the kids. The same outcome seems predictable in all alienation situations:
Fortunes are paid to lawyer up and build a hostile environment of war and hate of the most vicious type. Kids are manipulated and forced to choose between parents against their will. Survival instinct requires they adopt the opinions and desires of the alienating parent and become soldiers, fighting with all they have to destroy and remove one of their families. In doing so, they are attacking and denying that half of themselves as well. A forced psychological suicidal assault on themselves that guarantees severe mental deformities that will cause a lifetime of pain and very likely be passed down to their own children. Alienation is abuse in the most extreme, highest order, physically destructive type! It MUST BE STOPPED! But it is getting worse in America because family law is ineffective against it and even encourages it. Alienation exists primarily as a result of the family law system. It’s the most effective way to bypass the legal system and abusive, self-centered parents will exploit and destroy as many innocent lives as they need to get what they want (money).
Solution??
In my desperate search for a way to save my children from this fate. To rescue them from being soldiers in this war to destroy half of themselves. I’ve only found one single possibility for that to happen… It’s the most unimaginable, horrifying, intolerable and self destructive thing that can be done. But done to me, not my kids. It may be that I could rescue them, by killing myself. But they will certainly blame themselves. So, barring that, I could give up and move away. It’s the only way I can think to end this war so they MIGHT could enjoy their childhood. Even if it is with a selfish, uncaring, abusive, exploitative and dangerous mother… At least there is SOME chance she wont destroy them if I am out of the picture. Right?
But what if the ex sends the children home and children acts up with the new mom. For example, my ex tells my kids not to call my wife mom and not to communicate with her. When children co.e home each time it causes problems between my wife because children will not talk to her. My wife is very understanding and tries to make my children happy anyway possible. But no matter what she does my children will just not accept her just be6.y ex have given instructions.
I agree with this person completely. The system does not exist to help people. They haven’t helped us. I’ve been threatened on a constant basis by my husband’s ex wife. The ex wife uses me as a work around for parental alienation, as I’m just a step parent. Judges and lawyers laugh at us saying, “If she isn’t feeding the baby crack, it’s fine. Of course she’s a bitch. That’s why they are divorced. We aren’t changing custody, just because she programs the child to hate you and stiffs you on visitation.” They don’t fucking care and they never will. Don’t give hope when there isn’t any.
If there are issues over expenses regarding extracurricular activities such as baseball, hockey, dance, or other events, these should be negotiated and clearly spelled out in the divorce or settlement agreement to avoid future problems. – THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH FAMILY COURTS, LAWYERS, JUDGES ETC. THIS CREATES AND CAUSES THE TOXIC ENVIRONMENT I’M CURRENTLY IN BECAUSE MY EXWIFE WILL NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING AND IT’S CAUSED FRUSTRATION, ANGER, RESENTMENT, HATRED TOWARD HER THAT MANIFESTS WHEN MY KIDS ASK ME FOR ANYTHING. IT INFURIATES ME. A WOMAN CAN’T WORK A JOB THAT PAYS ENOUGH, AND SHE CAN’T AFFORD THE KIDS, SHE DOESN’T DESERVE THEM OR ANY FINANCIAL SUPPORT WHATSOEVER.
I am the second wife,myself and my husband moved away,we bought a house,now the ex and his children are trying to take the house off of me.
The courts have done absolutely nothing when my daughter’s dad has violated the court order multitudes of times; he continually withholds my daughter from seeing me, and when I file contempt of court, he files reams of paperwork and retains a lawyer, pays a private mediator, and VOILA – we get a new custody order because he “didn’t really understand” the last one. Children are not protected, rights are not protected, parental alienation is rampant – get a good therapist!!!!! Protect your sanity
I am having so many issues with my fiance ex basically since we have been together and its been 5 years. When we reconnected he was going through a separation and was divorced 1 year later they have a now 10 yr old and a 7 year old together he pays well over 2500.00 a month for 2 kids and has visitation every wednesday and every other sunday, and he doesn’t even get to see his kids on his days. I am not there when he visits his kids, I just get frustrated because he loves his kids, he also has older ones that i get along with and love with all my heart, she calls him and he jumps when she is in need for something, when he wants to take his kids to the beach she needs to be there , and i guess im ok with it because thats the only way to see his younger children, we are engaged and he is in the process of modifying his child support and visitation, she has worked for 3 years and she made him feel guilty about going to court earlier and modifying it. We are going to move to the same town she is living in mind you it is just 30 min away from where we live now, but its so frustrating when she thinks she has the upper hand in all this and she claims to be mother of the year when he does provide for his children and loves them dearly, how do i deal with this selfish mother?
We have a very similar situation too.. but my husband’s ex girlfriend is the nutcase and my ex boyfriend is the meth user and alcoholic. We have issues on both ends. The courts cannot help in these cases. Turn to the Lord, pray and seek His guidance, in Jesus name. Acts 2:38 KJV. So far, no matter how bad our ex’s get, God still helps us through each issue. Our children love us and love being with us. That’s all that matters. No one can turn your children against you unless you get down on that other parent’s level on insanity. Don’t get down there in the pits with them. Pray, keep your peace and do what’s right in the sight of God, and He will take care of the rest.
Amen!! In our situation, the ex (mother) has the child scared and has manipulated the emotions so the child will say what the ex wants said. Thankfully, we’re finally with a counselor that sees the child is being coached and recognizes that the complaints the child has about our time are actually the exes thoughts being drilled into the child. The counselor said that when she asks the child for examples… there are none. The counselor said when a child truly doesn’t like something or has their own opinion about something, they will elaborate on it.
If the courts would give the child the choice at this time, the child would choose the ex based on fear and the desire for acceptance. The father has been the consistent in the child’s life but he feels defeated setting the child tell lies and “team up” with the ex while she puts him right in the middle every chance she gets.
It’s very frustrating and sad to watch! Kids don’t always understand enough about the situation and their own emotions to always make the decision that’s actually best for them.
I feel it. My ex husband threatened me into signing a no contest divorce papers which stated he got sole custody. Now if I want to see my kids I have to jump through hoops and do what he says. If I dint I dint get to see my kids and he tells them I dont love them as does his girlfriend. I love my kids more than anything in this world I am the one who cared for them our whole marriage. When he does let me see them they tell me what he says about me. I am fed up with him still bullying me 2 years after our divorce and 4 years after our separation. Hus girlfriend has abused my kids to the point he kicked her out and promised them she would no longer be in their lives and 2 weeks later had her living with him again. When his girlfriend did not live there he treated me Completly different and at the time my kids lived with me full time even though our divorce said he had sole custody. The moment she moved back in he took my kids and is now letting her dictate when I can see them and what I need to do as a parent. I can not afford an attorney and I have tried legal aid and pro bono attorneys and no on will represent me so it makes me lose hope. He harasses me on a daily basis and puts negative thoughts about me in my kids heads. Which he has done since 2017 so I am use to it. I try to stay positive but it is hard
Hi Henry,
Thank you for the great, pertinent & unfortunately, relevant material to my current situation.
I may be of the minority here – but i am the soon-to-be (but not yet) step-mother of 2 amazing kids – & frankly, i fear i won’t make it to the alter for reason surrounding the ex & her bitter, unbearable & just downright wrong behavior.
Every bullet point you listed is each a bullet point in her requested custody order. I kid you not – word for word down to the punctuation. I was flabbergasted & lost for words upon finding this reading as it put source to her fuel. I say this with no negative connotation towards your writing – only in that she has decided to use this should-be advice piece as a means of how to get back at her ex.
She has taken what should have been learning situations – including those she’s guilty of herself but won’t admit – & reported them to the court & blown the entire drop of water into a flood. she plays the poor abused damsel ex wife who was left out to rot along with the 2 kids. SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH! as a result – my fiancé had lost all rights 3 years ago. the kids aren’t even allowed at our house. for no justly supported reasoning. just for a quick example – on a day of court – she dropped the kids after having withheld visitation for months – she said she decided to cancel court & that she realized the kids needs their father around. court was never canceled & my fiancé was – as a result – in contempt of court for failure to appear & thus, added to her claims & ultimately resulted in the loss of all rights.
she tells the kids that he doesn’t want to see them after she drops them here without notice & we were away celebrating a birthday… she drops them when we work without notice – tells them we don’t want to see them. & that if he took her to court it would be to have the kids taken away & put in the system. she will not talk or co parent. she tells him to go f himself when he attempts to bring up matters surrounding the kids. says he has no right to ask medical questions & in the same breath – that he’s a POS father & not around. this being when she doesn’t let the kids come over.
i don’t know what to do. my fiancé has just about lost all hope & steam. i retained a lawyer & he fears it will result in her disappearing with the kids for a year again. i don’t know what to do. she breaks the order every single day. she coerces the kids to hate us. tells his daughter she can’t like me.
she is remarried with 2 infant children. i don’t know why she puts so much energy into creating such a toxic relationship, situation, & environment for everyone – most importantly, the kids. she uses them as pawns & it’s starting to take a horrible affect in their 12 year old daughter.
i don’t know what to do. maybe i just needed to vent. i’ve never met someone like this & it’s exhausting. i’m not this negative person. i’m carrying the weight of fighting the legal battle when he’s seemingly lost sight of himself – & in my heart of hearts – i know i shouldn’t be doing this alone but i fear for those kids. i went thru this in my childhood & i took the wrong paths & i am so blessed to be alive today … i learned some truthfully painful lessons along the way… suffered loss like you’d never believe. i don’t want them to go through what i did. to have to learn the hard way like i did because i had parents that didn’t love me. i am responsible for my actions but i will say my life was hard & i will do whatever i can to ensure theirs is even a fraction easier than mine. in hopes they don’t walk the same path. i feel like i’m their only hope.
what do i do? this is so much i’ve just spilled on your page that you likely don’t check anymore. but hopefully someone will see this & offer a hand. i know the ex has seen it has these bullet points are in her verbiage word for word. maybe she will wake up. one can only dream, i suppose.
My ex wife has become progressively more mentally ill and refuses any and all treatment…in her mind, she is the sane one and everyone else is “crazy, mean, narcissistic, etc…” …the emotional, verbal, and sometimes physcial abuse towards me was intolerable and there was no other recourse but to seek divorce. She now constantly tries to poison our young children against me. She sees herself as a perpetual victim and casts herself in the role of innocent Pollyanna to other peoples and the worlds machinations. She manipulates others and traffics in emotional blackmail and hostage taking. Constant anger and hostility are her companions.
I take comfort and strength in that my children are very bright and can only be manipulated and lied to for so long. They have eyes, ears, and a brain and will eventually see that they are safe with me and that I love them unconditionally. I do not speak ill of their mother. It is a slow, painful, and difficult process but one that will carry the day. The last thing the tree does is bear fruit.
To all the others on here and especially the innocent children dealing with a toxic parent, best wishes for calm, clarity, and patience.
I can’t believe that with just a contact to priest manuka, I got my ex husband back again within 5 days interval. I had read some stuff about manuka temple before i contacted him but i didn’t know that all those stuff were so accurate until i got my husband back, After getting my ex husband back i taught it wise to share my testimony with every one on this website that how priest manuka was able to get my husband back with his powerful reunion love spell. that rebuild my broken marriage. All my hope has been fully restored and am happy to share my experience to everyone. Do feel free to Contact manuka via email if having any challenge with marriage or relationship at: ( lovesolutiontemple1@ gmail. com ) I so much believe he can also help out with his powers.
A parent wanting to leave their marriage while remaining the main caregiver to their children is not the same thing as any parent wanting to get vengeance by denying the other parent their parenting rights. Too often lawyers confuse the 2. The first time I went through divorce I was shamed by my lawyer for wanting to co-operate with the father of my children during separation from him. She said, “Don’t bring up in court about his inappropriate behavior towards your children since you have no scientific proof right now and because that kind of problem among families is so common right now. Then later while I was continuing to hear my children say how much they missed their father when I was talking about that to my lawyer while I discussed a plan for scheduled visits with their father she said, “If you do go ahead with your plan to allow him to visit with the children at the age most children are naturally going to be most loyal to their fathers then you will lose custody of your children altogether [given what she already witnessed in other similar situations].” The year was 1989. I didn’t believe her. She was right. I changed lawyers thinking that would help. The next lawyer told me to find someone to remarry if I wanted any chance at all in getting my children back. Then after marrying someone who said he was a semi-retired policeman [who as it turned out was only a dog catcher for awhile until getting sick and recovering after a successful surgery] and then having 2 more children later with him then instead during my second divorce proceedings to get away from another domestic abuse turning into a more violent situation that quickly turned into another custody dispute again after my husband started threatening me and hurting me after he got a head injury again already in the women’s shelter I found it impossible to find my way through the family court arena which I was starting to think was the favorite place for the feminist backlash people to be persecuting anyone who ever called themselves feminist or who was only being perceived as feminist. Again while I was trying to find a lawyer to do a legal separation document for me right after my son fell out of the crib in the women’s shelter my children were legally kidnapped from me again. I tried offering him half time with the children. That wasn’t good enough for him and his one after another lawyer. He kept on dragging me back into court after the first time when both false accusing me of child abuse and of kidnapping our children away from him bringing one false accusation to court after another in vengeance for leaving him. Finally, 15 years later I had to give up when he moved to another province with the children without my consent while again no lawyer was there for me. Until my youngest child while the children were left alone altogether for over a week ended up getting hit by a truck there while riding his bike without a helmet on. I don’t know how my children survived all that and how they are still managing to thrive now. G_d is the only explanation for it. No credit for their well being can be granted to any lawyers and judges.
Be prepared for that cycle to continue which will become less dramatic and less problematic all the time — If you refuse to allow yourself any time to nurse resentment towards him. The best way to do that is to stay busy, pray for them and to go for counselling. Wish I could say I did a perfect job of that. I haven’t. During this pandemic I let it slip once on how much of a struggle it is for me not to do that. Of course now a lot of people must have heard about it. So now only 1 of my children and only 1 of my grandchild so far contacted me on mother’s day. Much is expected to whom much is given is sure true about my life so far.
That kind of scene sounds all to familiar to me twice too. For example just before I left my second a husband I got false accused once of willfully hitting my husband on the shoulder with the opened a bit louvered window on the other side of the door on his trailer when the door got unstuck and had flung open while I didn’t see him happening to be coming up to it while he was about to start coming back in his trailer out at his lake lot which we often went to on weekends after getting engaged and married. While he was threatening to call police on me because he got a little scratch on his bare shoulder as evidence if it hadn’t been for my girl friend who was a psychologist who just so happened to be arriving in the driveway too at the same time for a visit who later wrote to the 1st court appointed psychologist what she had witnessed and if it hadn’t been for someone informing me that I could as a last resort represent myself in family court if need be perhaps he would have succeeded in doing the exact same thing my first husband did by keeping the children away from me altogether with no recourse of action in the courts available to me. It was if I had become the mother he could take his anger out on instead of his real alcoholic mother whom he was too afraid to admit being angry towards.
I will be divorcing my husband and moving forward with child custody, he has been proven he’s not ready to be a father, emotional unhealthy and has cheated as well.
I don’t know if any other mother has these issues but I don’t trust my husbands mental/emotional state, and I keep having thoughts of him killing me, taking the default child custody of my only daughter and raising him with his new fling of the week girlfriend.
I’m always wondering if he will poison my food if he brings food to the house, even worse accidentally it kills the baby.
We’ve been separated for almost 10 months, I live alone with my toddler. No family here… just friends, and I work remotely. I feel like I’m going crazy, and I don’t know if this is nothing to feel like this about your soon to be exact husband regarding your children.
What about an ex husband that has your 15 year old daughter there at the bar with then until 1 am in the morning and her not even want to be there. In a Michigan bar?
The trouble is when one parent works hard to co-parent and the other is toxic beyond remedy, prepare for a life full of lose-win situations. You’re in it for the long haul. if your children are older then you win in the end because they learn to recognize the toxic behavior. If your children are young, every good thing you do for them is quickly undone by the toxic one.
I agree with what you are saying and I would like to add something. When co-parenting does not work, try parallel-parenting. It’s a wonderful concept that keeps the toxic partner at bay.
I can tell you from experience, if a co-parent has instability, which mine does, it is impossible to co-parent. While all of these are good suggestions and believe me I can tell you that each one that you’ve mentioned has been implemented at one time or another. The core of the problem isn’t with the child it is about the other parent feeling rejected and wanting to hurt the other parent. If you can solve that problem.. then you are a miracle worker. Relationships fail, it’s going to happen. Don’t make it a three-time losing situation. In this scenario, no one wins… and your child/children grow up in dysfunction. Don’t expect the courts to bail you out… it doesn’t happen in most cases, since the problems aren’t with the agreement but with emotions.
I am divorced with five children. Up until recently I had three living with me. Last week she came and took them telling me I will see them in a fortnight as kids want to live with her. This game has gone on for 8 years of her breaking court orders and legally binding documents. I’ve been told to get legal advice. I’ve lost enough. I think for me as cruel as it is I’m walking away knowing I did everything I could. I can deal with this toxic person anymore. Btw I’m a truck driver zero bac daily and no drugs. The ex is a manipulative con woman who is a disgrace to humanity
Well. It seems I’m in a situation where all these things are going on. My children believe all her lies and seem to be alienated from me. I have no idea about what to do. My current attorney doesn’t want to go after parental alienation. She has filed trespassing charges for dropping off things she had asked for and fraudulently presented evidence I had abused my child. It’s overwhelming and I don’t know what to do.
My x husband is moving in with his new partner. They are both high earners. I am not. I recieve £320 per month maintenance as my daughter stay at his 3 night a week. When the are co habating I believe her wage come into consideration as well? Thanks
My ex just stole her to get out of support and save $$$ which I raised them alone for 9 years and Oklahoma has stupid DHS laws, and we didn’t need his money, I was trying though to hold my job and enforce the $150 it costed for Daycare when she was 7. That was his part. He got mad when I cussed him for not paying it. It was a bad day. I was afraid I would lose my job without daycare. My pay rate in Oklahoma was very low compared to his. That’s why I had to move. Then he recorded me yelling at him for not paying it. Used it against me in court, acting like I yelled about him in front of the kids, the judge believed him. They let him off and ended up giving him Sole Custody!?! She sees me and her sister now 4 weeks out of the year. We’re supposed to have all summer. She’s failing grades and now they require summer school to Alienate and take more time away from us to cover up getting out of paying support and lying. It’s been really draining and hard. I’m moving on, but I still feel the need to protect my own self because they will twist just about anything to cover up and make themselves look good.
After the divorce we decided to live under the same roof thinking that could be a good idea to raising our son together and because I was looking to have another chance with her on our marriage. After 2monthslivingwith us I caught my ex wife almost having a sex inside the pool with my young brother (35) in front of our 6 years old son and my mother knew it since day of of their relationship but nobody came to me anything about. Seeing the scene make me feel like a piece of trash because everybody knew it I was trying to rebuild my marriage. She said she loved they way my brother treated her, she said she loved to become a piece of meat on his hand, she said she was never happy with me since 2005 and my brother made she feeling alive again Both packaged my belongs and asked me to live the house. Now im living in the office and my son does not want to be with me. He says he prefer to stay with mama and uncle because they are funny and let him do whatever he wants. I still love her, but I really cant coupe the fact they didn’t have such a courage to assume their affair, she shared some private secrets about our marriage to my brother and now all the families think im the wrong and bad person and moreover, I cant accept my bother interfering on my parent hood by always saying lies to my son, put him against me and my ex wife really dont care about it. And my brother caused all these problems because he wants to merry her because he wants a greencard. What should I do people?
Absolutely I agree, but my circumstances are different, narcissistic ex husband wants to ruin me financially, he has been on the way there. He can’t move on, this is the 8th year of him and his abusive litigation. My Christmas present was the sheriff serving papers on yet another motion to show cause for contempt. I can’t fight him, I don’t have the money, i have 9 more years of abuse until my second child is 18 and I don’t have to deal with him anymore or I can only dream. Normal people move on. The man child ex narc will never move on.
Problem is the ex made innocent victims of me and the kids, and continuously victimizes all of us. There is never a good suggestion and courts cost too much and proof is never enough to do anything. From forced homelessness, lies and verbal abuse to trying to survive Bidens world and extreme living costs, we are constantly the victims of the divorce he created. And there is no way out of daily abuse.
My daughter have shared custody of my grandson. The dad is very toxic.. My grandson is being brainwashed to go against my daughter. Now he is angry, confused and want listen to her. She feels defeated and don’t know what to do. As mom watching my daughter go through this hurts me and my family . Feeling lost.