To some men, divorce is a sweet release they have been waiting for. For the vast majority, however, it’s a devastating blow that hurts in a profound way. Of course, a divorce is no laughing matter, and the consequences for separated or divorced men should be taken very seriously, even by those who think they are “finally free.”
Navigating the muddy waters of divorce is a daunting task that can lead to a serious long-lasting crisis. That’s why so many men often live an invisible life of suffering and pain after they separate from their spouses. A quick recovery and positive mindset are the focus of smart men who prefer to avoid living an invisible life. If you want to take a smart approach as well, the tips below are designed to help you achieve that.
Consider these Smart Tips for Separated or Divorced Men
1. Begin to Change Your Life Right Away
If you don’t want to fall into a black hole of post-divorce crisis, make a commitment to changing your life immediately. Start small by taking better care of yourself: body, mind, and soul. First, your body needs to be more active to keep you energized and positive. Second, your mind needs to be cured and cleared of negative and self-destructive thoughts. Third, your soul also requires some relief.
Here are some activities for separated or divorced men to consider:
- Eat regularly and make healthy food choices (think more vegetables and fruit, less salt and sugar). This will help to keep your body healthy.
- Get a haircut. Your new life absolutely needs a new haircut.
- Shower, shave, and if you haven’t updated your wardrobe since 1990, consider getting some new clothes (if you’re on a tight budget post-divorce, shop thrift stores for nearly-new pieces to update your look). You’re a new person and you need to look your best to get back into the game.
- Don’t quit your job. A divorce is a devastating thing but it’s not a reason to torpedo your career. Moreover, you need some money! If you hate your job, starting thinking about what you really want to do for a living, and what it would take to land that kind of job.
- Keep in touch with friends. You should not be alone at this critical period of your life. The support of your friends is highly valuable and needed right now, so call them and ask to come over.
2. Avoid Conflict with Your Soon-to-be-Ex
You and your soon-to-be ex-wife might have some different opinions and views, but engaging in more conflict is totally counter-productive. This emotional sparring will not contribute to your moving on but bring more pain or even anger. Michael, a recently divorced essay writer, advises: “Remember one thing: if the divorce is decided, you need to end the fight. Avoid conflict, even if it means ignoring everything that your ex-partner says about you.”
Be the bigger person. You’re moving on.
3. Don’t Self-Medicate with Alcohol and Drugs
This is a dumb mistake many separated or divorced men commit. They think that drinking and drugs will help to forget their past life and make it easy to cope with the crisis. Well, as tempting as it sounds, it’s one of the worst things men post-divorce could think of at this point.
To cope, you need steady emotions and a clear head. Just think about it: you will need to make a lot of critical decisions in the next months. Do you really want to make them after a hangover? Instead, try the following:
- Exercise such as jogging and bicycling.
- Spend time with your friends.
- Read a special book.
4. Think Twice before Airing Your Passive-Aggressive Moves
In the heat of the moment, it’s very easy to ignore the consequences and slip. For example, some men write threatening messages and emails, post explicit pictures of their ex-wives on the internet, and disclose their secrets. By airing this in the public sector, they are exposing themselves to a great risk. All that content can be used to sue them because taking revenge is not a good idea in any situation.
So, if you have something you can say about your ex to the world, just forget about it. You have good moments with her, right? Plus, you can create some big problems by doing that. Smart men would think twice here.
5. Cope with Depression in the Right Way
Many recently separated or divorced men out there don’t seek the help of a therapist because they don’t want to be labeled weak. Well, the reality is, you should not go through this time alone completely. Of course, you are confident and don’t want to show your emotions to anyone but you need to know your way out.
If depression hits you hard, think about it this way; it is not about crying. but your own insecurities that a new world can expose. So, you need to let go of these insecurities one last time and continue to live your life.
Let’s try this. Every time you feel depressed, think about a memory from your marriage. Yes, it can be hard, but do your best to imagine it. Then, imagine holding this memory in your hand. At that point, you are holding it for the last time. Finally, release it. Throw it away like you would throw a ball.
Even though you did not forget about it, this ritual helps to have a moment to grieve. It won’t come back to hurt you again.
6. Men During and After Divorce should Consider Seeing a Therapist
If the method described above does not work, you should seek attention from a therapist. Once again, don’t fear appearing weak! The grief and pain can haunt you for many years, so it’s better to end it now. You want your fulfilling and successful life back, right?
The reason to see a therapist is simple: a divorce is a highly emotional process and someone should be there to help you navigate the range of emotions you will feel. By using professional assistance, you will really analyze the emotional impact on yourself.
Concluding Thoughts for Men During and After Divorce
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events you will ever experience. Even though many recently separated or divorced men are doing their best to look strong and determined, they struggle. Let’s be honest here: men are not machines, they have emotions and feelings that need to be addressed.
Use the smart approach described above to avoid sinking into a pit of despair and destructive behavior. You’re about to start a new chapter of your life – do it properly.