When you tell someone they need to heal from divorce, it can sometimes be taken the wrong way.
We often define healing as if something is wrong with us. That we are broken people who need to be fixed. But the truth is, we all are flawed individuals. When we experience life situations that we didn’t expect or sign up for, it can leave cracks of sadness, pain, failure, anger, and disappointment.
When we experience divorce, it is important to deal with the mental and emotional residue that is left behind. I myself was faced with divorce 10 years ago, and even though the choice was mutual, it still had a huge impact on me. I found myself “stuck” in a story that kept me going in cycles five years post-divorce. This wasn’t even about my ex, it was about me and how I allowed something that was a part of my past still be relevant to my present and future.
I saw that I never healed from divorce because I saw the same patterns show up. From my thoughts, to my emotions, as well as my actions. Because I didn’t deal with my stuff, my result wasn’t different. As hard as it was to admit, I had to take the mask off and admit that I wasn’t happy.
Tips on How to Heal From Divorce
A broken heart is similar to a physical wound on your body such as a broken ankle or a second degree burn. Physical wounds must be treated, otherwise they can cause long term infections and other health problems. We must treat a broken heart very similar to a physical wound. We must give it a daily prescription and take it to get results. Below are a 6 ways to heal from divorce.
- Admit where you are – To start the process of healing, you must be willing to admit that you’re hurting. Living in denial about how you feel prevents you from opening up and starting your journey. Be okay with the fact that you’re not okay so you can do what’s required to be better.
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings – Divorce is very similar to losing a loved one. “Getting over it” is not good advice that you often receive when dealing with a heartbreak. If you want to heal, you must go through it on your own, and that involves feeling your feelings. Feelings are real and if not handled properly, it causes you to cope in unhealthy ways that cause more harm than good.
- Take care of yourself – Breakups can cause you to stop taking care of the most important person in your life, and that is yourself. You can find yourself staying in the bed all day, eating all kinds of unhealthy foods, not exercising, drinking, lacking hygiene, isolating yourself from your loved ones, and not handling your day to day affairs. Develop a simple routine (nothing overwhelming) to get yourself back moving even if you don’t “feel” like it. This allows you to develop momentum and regain your energy.
- Do something you love – We often lose ourselves in relationships and stop doing things we love to do. What is it that you enjoy doing? What is something that you’ve always said you wanted to start doing but never did?
- Get a good support system – When healing, you are extremely vulnerable and sometimes that may not be easily noticed. Be careful who you confide in right now. The worst thing you can do is receive advice that won’t help you move forward. Surround yourself around some healthy friends that will support you during this time. It’s not about the quantity of friends but the quality of those individuals.
- Seek professional help – Accountability is vital to growth, and you may be unable to do it on your own. I recommend a coach and/or therapist to help you build resilience, accomplish your goals, and gain a deeper perspective on your life.
This is a process, so give yourself time and compassion. Every day it will get better.